My Day

After getting away nice and early I had a relatively smooth trip through to Launceston. I only saw a few Wallaby's but luckily none of them ran out in front of my car. I arrived in Launceston with just eough time for me to eat my morning tea before heading inside the venue where the training was going to be held. The training went ok however it was a long day and we had a lot of information to try and take in. However I still think that I learnt some things that will be very helpful to me in my everyday job so I am glad I went.

When the training finished I headed straight home so only had to drive for about 45 minutes in the dark. Once again I saw a wallaby and also an echidna but luckily I managed to miss all of the wildlife once again. When I got home I made myself an extremely quick tea and then had a shower and quickly tidied up my house a little as it was in a really big mess after leaving in such a rush this morning. I am feeling a little anxious tonight as I havent done any exercise at all as nan was nice enough to walk Tess for me whilst I was away. Even though I have this anxiety, I am also proud as I have still eaten the exact same amount as I usually do even though I haven't exercised.

It feels so good to now be sitting down in front of the fire watching television and blogging. I also feel much better now that I have tidied up the house a little as I really don't like mess very much. I just had a delicious dessert of vanilla rice cream, strawberries and also 5 sweet wafer biscuits. I am feeling totally exhausted so I think it will be another early night tonight, straight after I have my usual hot chocolate. Only one more day of work to get through and it is finally the weekendso I can have a rest. I seriously can't wait!

Where I had to drive today

I made it to Launceston in one piece :)

My extremely full lunch box

a picture of an echidna

A pademelon wallaby

Tea: Chunky Outback Steak and bacon soup with mashed potato

One of those days

While some days I feel really good about gaining weight and recovering, other days I dont and today just happens to be one of those days. Ever since I got up this morning I have been feeling extremely guilty about how much I eat each day and how quickly I am starting to gain weight. My anorexia is screaming at me to cut my meal plan down or cheat on my meal plan but I know I cant do this. Doing this would be giving into my anorexia which is something I simply cant afford to do. So on days like today, unfortunately all I think you can do is try and ignore the anorexic thoughts as best you can and just put up with them.

One of the worst times for me to get anorexic thoughts about eating too much or gaining too much weight is when I pack my lunch box of a morning before work. When I pack my lunchbox and all of the food is put together, suddenly I realise just how much I eat and my anorexia realises it as well. I even had to buy a 'super lunch box' so that  I can fit all of my food in that I eat throughout the day. 

Hopefully once I get to work my mind will be on other things and my anorexic thoughts may not be quite as loud as they currently are. we all need to remember that while we cant stop our anorexic thoughts, we can choose not to act upon them just because they are there. Yes, they may promise to make you feel better if you listen to them but you need to remember that these are lies. Try to be strong enough to do what you know in your heart is right for you and your recovery. 

No matter how terrible my anorexia makes me feel today I will keep the promise I have made to myself to not eat any less or exercise anymore then I would on any other day. I know I am strong enough to do this.

food is my medicine

As I was trying to pack all of the food I eat throughout the day into my lunch box this morning, I soon realised that it just wasn't possible. This made me think about how much more food I seem to eat then everybody else. The thing is, I do eat alot more then everybody else but I know better then to let that bother me.

The thing I always try to remember is that food is my medicine. It is the thing that will make me healthy and strong. Someone suffering from diabetes wouldn't deny themselves of insulin just because normal people dont have to have insulin shots. Just as a cancer patient wouldn't not have chemotherapy because others around them weren't. Who cares what other people eat. They may not need to eat large quantities of food but people recovering from anorexia do.

Please, try to stay strong when you feel as though you are eating a lot. Dont feel guilty, but proud of yourself for giving your body what it needs.

And if you have the same problem as me and cant fit all your food in your lunch box, dont chose to eat any less, just buy yourself a bigger lunch box ;)