Feeling exhausted

After feeling energetic and enthusiatic about everything for the last week or so, I feel as though a weeks worth of tiredness has suddenly hit me like a tonne of bricks. After having so many late nights and so many early morning over the last week or so, I guess I shouldnt really be surprised that this has happpened. In fact, it is probably a wonder that I didn't start feeling like this sooner. Now I have hit  this wall of tiredness, I know that I just have to look after myself properly, so that I can quickly overcome it!

It has become clear to me that I cant continue to stay up as late as I have been, if I am going to keep getting up so early every morning. I mean, I didn't get that tired when I used to get up between 5 or 6 each morning when I went to sleep really early each night. However now I find that I stay up really late each night, sometimes as late as midnight talking to people and I therefore just am not geting enough sleep each night.

It is a really good thing that I am socialising so much now, as I really do enjoy it! And I feel as though I am truly living my life, the way that a 21 year old should but I also liike having lots of time in the mornings to get things done too. I love having enough time to have a nice breakfast, walk Tess and write a blog post before I have to be at work! So I don't know exactly where Iam ging to fit more sleep in but I know Icant keep burning the candle at both ends like I currently am.

Luckily, I managed to completely fight off the virus that I could feel myself developing before it really hit which is definetely a huge bonus but now I am just feeling tired and drained. I guess that drinking heaps of water, Eating lots of kiwi fruit (which are incredibly high in vitamin c) and also just keeping my energy up with lots of food, my immune system has just managed to fight off my cold, before it really set in :)

I didnt even have enough energy to walk Tess when I got home late from work today so I just cooked tea and relaxed instead. I felt bad, as I could hear Tess crying outside, wanting me to walk her but I already took her for a long walk this morning and sometimes I just need to put my health first. Afterall, I know that to keep moving forward in my recovery, I need to keep listening to my body. Which doesnt only mean eating according to how I feel, but also resting sometimes too.

Besides Taking Tess for a couple of nice walks tomorrow, I plan on just relaxing for the rest of the day. It has been so long since I have just watched series for a day and I feel as though that is exactly what I need! I hope that everyone is having a great week. :D

Continuing to improve, every single day

Something that amazes is me is that everyday I contiue to improve and get a little bit stronger, then how I was the day before. Just in te last week I feel as though I have progressed yet to another stage of my recovery, without even really trying. Over the last week or so, I have started grazing throughout the day on nthings like fruit, icy poles and lollies. I know that this may seem like something so simple to somee people, but to me, it means doing something Ithought I would never do in my life. That is spontaneously eating extra calories throughout the day and really not caring that I am doing it!

These days I always seem to have a bag of lollies open and sitting in my kitchen which I can grab whenerver I feel like something sweet. I also grab fruit such as berries, applees of kiwi fruits in the same manner. I suppose I just dont care so much about the exact numbers of caloories I eat, because I know that eating more sometimes cant and wont hurt me. Also, even though my main meals and snacks are usually based around an approximate number of calories, I dont care if I eat more at those anymore either.

For example my dessert each night is usually about 1200 kJ however last night what I felt like didn't fit into that amount, so I just ate what I wanted and idn't put another thought into the matter. The extra food did not hurt me or make me gain weight, my body wold have just used it some other way or perhaps it was stored to be used when my body needs a little extra energy. I wasn't particlarly hungry for extra food but i just felt like eatig a combination of foods that would not fit into my usual calorie target, but I ate them anyway. To me, being able to do this is what it means to have a healthy reationship with food and I really couldn't be happier!

In a way, I feel as though I am cheating in reovery as I am not even really trying to get bettter anymore, however it is just continuing to happen as I live my life. As long as I continue to nurture my body and mind, I really do believe I am on track to making a full recovery which excites me so muh. Sometimes, to think of never having anorexic thoughts at all seems very impossible but I know that its not... Afterall, look at all of the 'impossible' things I have overcome so far in my recovery.

A very important thing to remember, for all of my readers who are currently fighting is that if I can do it, then so can you. I am not a particularly brave or strong person, nor am I any more capable of recovery then you are. You can do this, I know you can! Please believe me when I say that all you have to do in order to recover is believe you can do it and never give up. Remember that  no matter how hard it may seem to fight your anorexia sometimes, it is never too hard. You can always do it if that is what you truly want to do. It may be painful, but I promise you with all my heart that it is definetely worth it <3

Please Remember...

No longer sensitive to the cold

Although it may not seem like a  big deal compared to some of the ther symptoms of anorexia, feeling freezing cold all the time was one of things I hated most of all about anorexia. When I went into hospital I was experiencing hypothermia which was truly aweful. I remember just having to lay there, my my bed with my electric blanket going all the time so that I wouldn't feel quite so freezing. This winter I didn't even have an electric blanket on my bed however!

After I got out of hospital, I didn't have serious hypothermia so much but I was still always freezing cold all the time. My fingernails always seemed to be blue and I couldnt do some things that I wanted to do, because Iwas so sensitive to the cold. Even in the middle of summer I couldn't go swimming at the beach or river with my sister as this would just cause me to become far to cold and once my temperature dropped, it wass a very difficult thing to get it to increase again.

One of the biggest everyday things that I have noticed since getting so much healthier is that I no longer feel the cold any worse then other people. In fact, I am probably more 'warm blooded' then the average person. For example yesterday it was quite cold so I had my fire going but as I was doing my housework, I felt as though I was oerheating so I ended up just doing it in my sports bra and a little pair of shorts. I felt completely comfortable wearing this temperature wise and I couldn't help but think about how cold I would have once felt wearing this.

I then went and took Tess for a quick walk, still only wearing the small shorts but also a jumper and even though the aair was cool, it certainly wasn't too cold. Once I got movng I felt completely comfortable and not once did I wish I had warn some longer pants. Even now, although it is only 7 degreess outdoors, I am sitting up in only a sports bra and a pair of little pyjama shorts, as that is what I wore to bed last night, and I feel fine! I know that the reason I no longer feel the cold is because my thermoregulatory system has been able to repair itself and has started working efficiently, now that I am providing myself with the energy my body needs.

Also, I guess I feel so warm all the time because I eat so much and so often, as heat is a product in the food metabolism process, (when the food you eat is digested and when the energy is used throuughout the body). With summer appraching, I am so happy to be feeling so healthy and I am excited that for the first time in a long while, my sensitivity to the cold will not stand in the way of me doing things that I want to do. I am so glad that I no longer suffer from sensitvity to the cold or hypothermia and I hope that I will never do so again!

To anyone out there trying to stay warm whilst battliing an eating disorder, there are various different thhings you can do to warm up. Especially in winter, I always wore many layers and also had a warm heat pack, permantly attatched to me which I would cuddle or have resting on my stomach. Of course the best advice I can give to you is to nourish your body and allow it to recover. Only then will you no longer feel the cold so much!

People don't only run to lose weight

Something that people often fail to understand is that weight loss is only one possible goal for someone who runs or exercises. Just because some people may start running to help them lose weight, this does not mean that everyody does. Isuppose the raeson that I have decided to write this post is beacuse I have received comments from different people suggesting that it would be stupid for me to run. They have said that I have no need to run as i am already thin and that running would make me lose all of the weight that I have managed to gain in my recovery. 

Personally, I do not agree with any of these satements. I can honestly say that I do not want to lose weight anymore and therefore weight loss is definetely the reason why I exercise. I actually like my body the way it curently is and therefore if I did decide to start running or to do any other forms of exercise, it would not be because I have the goal of losing weight. I would only do it for enjoyment and also for my fitness and health. Afterall, there is nothing wrong with wanting to exercise so that you can be fit and healthy, as long as you are not taking it to any unhealthy extremes.

So I do not think anyone should judge me or critisize me if I want to start doing a bit of running. As long as I fuel my body with the energy that it needs, there isnt anything unhealthy about me going for a run sometimes. If I ever started to feel as though I was only running to try and lose weight then I agree that it is not healthy for me to run, but whilst that is not the case, I know that running is not bad for me. Also, I agree that it would no be a good idea for me to run whilst I was underweight but since I am not underweight, I dont really have to worry about that either. 

I was actually reading an article in the newspaper yesterday about how to eat and fuel your body whilst exercising, depending upon what your goals of exercising are. For example if you do want to lose weight, which may be necessary for some people who are overweight, then restricting your intake both before and after exercise was suggested. However if the exercise was purely for fitness purposes, then they reccommendded that you fuel up both before and after exercising, which is exactly what I do. 

What are your opinions on what I have said? Do you also find it frustrating when people fail to see that you don't exercise because you want to lose weight?? Do you have any ideas aboout how you can try to explain to those types of people that there is nothing wrong with exercising, as long as it is for the right reasons?

A very productive morning

This morning I have ad a very productive morning which is fantastic. After sleeping in until 6:45, I got up and made myself some breakfast before starting to clean my house.

My house was a huge mess as I really haven't had a chance to do any housework for over two weeks, but I feel so much better now that it is practically done. First I just tidied up and gathered aall of the clothes and other things that were aprawled across the floor over my whole house. I gathered up all of my washing, vacuumed the floor, washed and dried up, cleaned my kitchen, changed my bed linen and made up the beds. Now I just have to try my hardest to keep my house in the state that it currently is, as I realy hate mess.

It in't a very nice day outside so I decided to light my fire and haven't yet taken Tess for her morning walk. Mum is going to call in durin her lunch break which will be nice and am hoping to have a chat to her and get some advice on some of the drama going on at the moment in my life haha. Even though mum and I have certanly had some problems over the years, she has made it very clear to me over the last ew months that f I ever need to taalk to her about anything I can, which I reallly appreciate. She often talks about the fact that she never had anyon to talk to about boys or anything like that and that she doesn't want me to go through the same thing.

Sometimes I just wish that life didn't have to bbe so complicated. Its so unfair that some people seem to have no trouble at all finding a boyfriend but I obviously just have a real talent for falling for the wrong guys. Even though we we both always seem to like one another a lot, there always seems to be something standing in the way of us being togther. Buut I am not going to let this get me down I am so happy and enjoying life so much right now that I am ot going to let anything, especially boys get in the way. I know that eventally things will work out ok if I am patient.

 Sorry, I didn't mean for this post about my day to turn into a post about my love life haha... Now back to my day. I just had a delicious morning tea of a banana and a chocolate pop tart. I have also been snacking on black jelly beans throughout the morning too, which I am slightly addicted to at the moment haha.

morning tea: banana and choxolate pop  tart

I am going to take my sister Amy to Swimming training after school which I am really looking forward to watchinng. I loved swimming so much when I was younger and according to mum, Amy sims just like I used to. I just hope that Amy's Collar bones don't dislocate as mine eventually did and force her to stop swimming, like mine forced me to. And after swiming I am going to bring Amy back to my place where she has to get read for netball. Then once she leaves Iwill proably just take Tess for her evening walk and cook myself something nice for tea. Since I hve beenso late getting home each night I haven't had the chance to reallly cook much ove the last few weeks. Everynight I ust seem to have microwave rice or patsa meals with vegetables or salad.

I hope that everyone has a great day. Remember that in order to make your dreams come true, you need to work hard and fight for them. And that every day that you dont fight, you are onnly stopping yourself getting closer from recovery and from being truly happy :)

Some photos from my morning