Goodbye to Blogging

This is an extremely hard post for me to write, but I knew that oneday the time would come for me to say this. I just didn't think it would come just so soon. For the last 8 months my blog has helped me more then anything else ever has. I have grown so much stronger both physically and mentally since starting to blog and 99% of the time, I forget that I ever even had anorexia. Now, I just feel like a normal girl who is now starting to live the life she truly deserves, completely free of her eating disorder.

I love helping people who are suffering from eating disorders and always want to be here to help anyone I can however I no longer feel as though regular blogging has a place in my life anymore. In a way, I feel as though it is dragging me down and stopping me from making a full recovery as it is just a constant reminder of where I have been. At the moment, my future is looking incredibely exciting and bright. I have met an amazing boy who I think the world of and I have my wonderful family close by too.

Not only do I simply feel too busy to blog anymore, I also don't want to do it if it is going to prevent me from making a full recovery. The friendships I have made through my blog are so valuable to me and I hope to keep talking to these wonderful people into the future, even if I don't blog anymore. Also, I plan to leave my blog active on-line so that people who are battling with anorexia can still use it as a recovery tool and even contact me, if they want to ask any particular questions or even if they just want to chat.

I know that some of my readers are going to be dissappointed in my decision to stop blogging, but I really hope that you understand this decision and I promise I will still update you all occassionaly on whats going on in my life and how I am doing. I am so thankful for all of your support over the last year and I can honestly say that without you all, I would not be where I am today. Please, never forget that just like me, you are also capable of doing anything you set your mind to. No matter how hard it may seem, you can beat your eating disorder and go on to live a truly wonderful and happy life.

  

Another amazing weekend

The past weekend has been another amazing weekend spent with Nathan. I drove to Launceston on Friday night after work and met Nathan just out of the city before I followed him into where his parents house in Launceston is. Over the weekend I met his parents, 2 of his sisters and one of his brothers and they were all lovely. I think nathans mum was a little concerned when she first saw me that I wasnt old enough to be with Nathan as he is almost 23 but she was ok once she realised that although I look younger, I am actually 21.

Over the weekend, we didn't really do anything overly exciting, but it was just nice to spend time together. We watched some prison break which is the series we are watching together and went out for 3 meals all up. We went for a drive to a place called greens beach on saturday morning and stopped at the tamar valley resort for lunch on the way home. I had a huge chicken caesar salad which was delicious but I made muself terribly sick eating it as I ate too much. By the time I finished I could barely walk my stomach was so full. After that we headed to nathans sisters house where I got to meet nathans baby neice and nephew who were adorable.

We then went out for tea at the casino with nathans parents and some of their friends. Neither of us were still very hungry so we kust got chicken nuggets and chips for tea which was nice and simple. Then nathans parents went home and nathan and I stayed at the casino a little later. We went to a bar where we had some drinks and chatted for a few hours before heading back home. By the time we got up and showered the next morning it was 11 o'clock so we pretty much headed straight out to get some lunch. We went to Levi which is a really nice restaurant at the seaport where we both had steak and chips.with a side of vegetables. It Was seriously the best steak I have ever eaten and I really enjoyed it.

Even though I barely did any exercise and ate out a lot, I felt really good all weekend as I was with someone who makes me incredibely happy. Even though I have felt my life getting more and more normal over the last 7 or 8 months, I believe that seeing this boy really is helping me to keep moving forward and is allowing me to completely move on from my eating disorder. This past weekend I just felt like a completely normal girl all weekend and I didnt let my anorexia control me once, even for a moment. I think it has been really food for my self confidence too as the boy is always complimenting me on how I look and my figure. Whixh really  does help me to accept myself.

I havent mentioned to the boy about my anorexia yet as it just hasnt come up and although I am sure i will tell him one day, I dont have any intentions of telling him anytime soon. I like the fact that he doesnt know about my past and that he doesnt know me as the anirexic girl, which is what so many others know me as. I know he would be understanding but I dont want him to feel as though he cant keep treating me exactly the same way as he currently does. Occasionally he jokes about what I eat or something like that and I just laugh as I honestly do find it funny. I wouldnt want him to feelas though he couldnt do that anymore and he probably would as he is a very thoughtful and considerate guy.

So true

Some recent dinners

Battered fish, mashed pumpkin and potato, carrots, peas, broccoli and cauliflower

Tomato pasta served on a bed of baby butterleaf lettuce 

Chicken nuggets with BBQ sauce, mashed veggies and boiled carrot, peas, cauliflower and broccoli 

Beef caneolli in tomato sauce, 1 Slice of fresh buttered bread, lettuce, red beet, cherry tomatoes and cheese

Beef bolognaise with carrot, cauliflower and broccoli 

Best weekend Ever

After being a little nervous late last week about meeting up with guy I had been chatting too via social media and also by texting, any nerves and anxiousness was overcome in the first 5 minutes or so and I ended up having one of the best weekends of my life. I honestly didn't know that boys like this even existed. He was honestly one of the most thoughtful, considerate and kind guys I have ever met and I feel so lucky to have ended up with him in my life.

I was so dissappoinnted when the weekend came to an end but am so excited as we are going to do it all over again next weeekend, but at his place this time. I am honestly just so thankful that we started talking and that I was brave enough to invite him down to my house. Its crazy to think that we had only been talking for about a week when he arrived at my place to spend the weekend with me, but it really did feel as though we had known each other really well for years.

I was so nervous when he arrived on Friday night as I didn't know if it was going to be awkward at all, but it wasn't awkward in the slightest. He didn't arrive until about 9:15 pm but we spent hours and hours chatting into the early hours of the morning and we never ran out of things to talk about. We both commented on the fact that everything moved so fast with us, one minute we were meeting online and the next he was at my place for the weekend and we were getting along as if we had known one another for years.

Even though I barely even knew him, I felt as though I had known him for years and I felt as though I could trust him completely. I felt completely comfortable around him and I also felt as though I could just be myself. He didn't expect me to act a particular way and I did not feel as though I was being judged by him for even a single moment. I honestly felt as though he acceppts me 100% and that is exactly the type of guy I feel as though I need in my life. Anyway, I could honestly go on for paragraphs talking about how wonderful this guy is so I will stop now,  but I think you get the picture anyway, he is a pretty amazing guy.

This past weekend has made me realise a few very important things that I thought I could share with you all. For starters, lifes way to short not to just go for an amazing thing when it comes along. Yes it all happened extremely fast with this boy, but looking back I wouldn't do anything differently. Through being brave and a little spontaneous, I ended up having one of the most amazing weekeds of my life with one of the most incredible guys I have ever me.

Amazing guys do exist; I had basically just accepted the fact that guys like Nathan didn't exist. But this past weekend has proven to me that their are incredible guys out there and that you just have to be patient and wait for them to come along.  Afterall, an amazing guy is what you DESERVE. I have never met anyone so kind, funny, charming and considerate in all my life and I honestly wouldn't change a single thing about him, even if I could. I really do feel the hppiest I have felt in years and it is all because of this amazing person and I hope that he is a part of my life for a really long time.

Also, I feel as though my anorexia didn't interfere with my weekend at all, even for a moment. I drank lots, ate out, missed breakfast, stayed up late and slept in until 10am, but in despite of all these things, I smiled more. Not once did I have an anorexic voice in my head making me feel anxious or uncomfortable. I felt so happy around this guy that nothing could ruin it, not even the monster that has caused me so many issues over the last few years.

Not even eating pizza or sharing an icecream after a huge meal from the bakery could get my anorexic thoughts going, I was simply just enjoying myself to much for anything to get in the way. I have a feeling that this is going to be a eally long week at work, waiting for next weekend to come along but I just neeed to keep telling myself that eventually it will be here and when the weekend does finally arrive, I know it is going to be fantastic!

I love having a clean house

Athough I cant say I really enjoy cleaning up my house that much, I think that having a clean house at he end of it gives you the best feeling! I hate clutter and I hate mess but ufortunately I just dont have the time or energy whilst I am working everyday to get in and clean up. I know that the best solution to this problem would be to not let the place get in a mess in the first place, however no matter how hard I seem to try, the place always gets really messy.

Clothes end up on the floor in my bedroom, loungeroom and bathroom, dirty washing gets thrown in the laundry and the floor gets dirty too (mainly due to feathers and bird seed being scattered around tthe house from my bird cage. So Thrsdays have basically become my weekly clean up day. So today I have cleaned my sinks and toilet, done a load of clothes washing, Vacuumed and mopped all the floors, made my bed, unpacked my bags afer babysitting last saturday which were still sitting on my kitchen table, sorted all the clothes scattered around my house and I have completely cleaned my kitchen too.

So now it feels good to be sitting back and looking around at a clean and orgaized house. Also, another great thing about having Thursday to do all my housework is that it means I don't have to do it on the weekends. Instead, on the weekends I can just enjoy myself and relax. It is still rainly so I really dont think I will be able to get my washing dry. I think I will just put it in my mums dryer when I take Amy home today after she finishes school. Poor Tess isn't hapy that I haven't taken her for a walk yet today, but if the  rain stope I may take her for a little walk this afternoon.

Once I finished my housework, Ilaid n the couch to watch some Grays anatomy and actually fell asleep for almost an hour. By the time I woke up I was hungry so had a delicious lunch and now I am just waiting for my mum to come and visit me in her lunch break. Then it will basically be time for me to take Amy home. I hope that everyone is having a great day! :)

Egg, Mayo and Lettuce Sandwich with a creamy Blueberry yoghurt and an Apple

Having healthy relationship with exercise

If I had woken up on any morning over the last few years and had heard the rain, I would have most likely have instantly felt sick and anxious. The thought of being unable to go for my daily walk would have once terrified me, however this moning I did not have any of these feelings at all when I woke up to the sound of rain on my roof. In fact, I was incredibely excited to hear the rain as we are in desperate need of rain where I live at the moment and it is just what our farm needs.

I admit, that I do exercise a lot as my dog needs lots of exercise and I enjoy it too. Somtimes I find myself wondering if my relationship with exercise is uhealthy. Sometimes I do not know if I actually enjoy walking, or if it is actually my anorexia that just enjoys t so much. Feeling this way this morning was great though as it showed me that I don't have an unhealthy relationship with exercise. Feeling fine about having rest days because I am tired, too busy or because it is raining shows that my eating disorder does not control my exercise!

 To me, feeling completely fine about exercising proves that I do not use exercise as a form of compensation for eating. I just exercise because it makes me happy and makes me feel good. For example even though I knew I wouldn't get for my moring walk today, I still ate the same sized breakfast and morning tea as I usually do. It is uhealthy to feel as though you can only eat if you exercise. Sure eating gives you the energy you need to exercise, but you need food whether you exercise or not.