I have a 6 month old

I feel bad that I haven't even done a post announcing the safe arrival of my gorgeous little boy yet, but he is now 6 months old. I feel absolutely blessed to have this perfect little human in my life and I honestly feel as though becoming a mum has completed me and allowed me to be truly happy.

I have the best relationship with food I have ever had and feel fantastic! I no longer worry about what I eat or feel as though I need to restrict or binge in an attempt to deal with my emotions. A cuddle from my little boy is all I need to make me feel better if I'm ever feeling overwhelmed, down or anxious.

I have just completed the final unit of my nutrition degree so I am now a qualified nutritionist however I can't see myself using my degree for some time. At the moment looking after my family is my priority and I am planning on having more kids before I start a career for myself.

Motherhood has by no means been easy. My baby is very hard to put down and has pretty much slept on me since we came home from hospital. And although he is 6 months old he is still waking several times a night. I am kind of used to being sleep deprived now though and still have lots of energy to live a healthy active life. 

My mental health is good lately which was a.pleasant surprise as I had a very rough first trimester of pregnancy and was worried I may develop post natal depression. Since having George however I would say I have been the complete opposite of depressed. 

I feel very grateful to have been able to breast feed him exclusively thus far and he is now eating solids too. He is a very healthy and chubby baby and I am so proud to be his mum. Staying healthy and happy so that I can be the best mum possible to my little man is my priority now.

Take the plunge

I know exactly what it feels like to try and gain weight when you are underweight and have an unhealthy anorexic mind. Even if you know you need to gain weight in order to get better, that doesn't mean you actually want to go through the process of weight restoration. These are the sorts of thoughts that I was having for the majority of my recovery (just for the record, they were all untrue)......
'If I get any bigger I will hate myself even more'
'I will never be able to accept my body at a healthy weight'
'If I go back to the size I used to be before I got sick, I will be unhappy again'
'I want to get better, but I wish I didn't have to gain weight to do that'

Despite all of these thoughts, I managed to do what was necessary for me to gain the weight I needed to gain. I honestly don't think would have been able to do it if it wasn't for my blog and my readers, as I wanted to lead by example and show everyone that it was possible to recover from anorexia (even if I didn't entirely believe it was possible myself). Even though I had my doubts about how I would feel when my weight started to increase, I listened to the advice of other bloggers and took the plunge anyway... and I am so glad I did! I could have so easily stayed underweight and anorexic for the rest of my life, due to the immense fear of weight restoration. After all, at the time that seemed like a much easier option then fighting my anorexic thoughts and doing the one thing that I feared the most, which was to gain weight.

So please trust me when I tell you that if you allow yourself to gain weight, your mind will eventually repair and you can be recovered one day. Better still, you can actually like your body and accept it completely. I know that you think it is impossible for you to do this but it really isn't. It is totally possible and with some hard work, you can get to where I am today. It was about 2 years ago I started my blog and my true recovery and since then, my life has been totally transformed. I have gone from a miserable, sick, underweight, lonely and anxious girl to a confident, happy, energetic, strong and empowered young woman. I can honestly say that I now love my life and I also love my body. I am now healthy and energetic enough to live the positive and fulfilled life I truly love and deserve!

And I only have all of this today because I took that plunge, despite the fact that I thought recovery was impossible, despite the fact that gaining weight scared me more than anything else in the world and despite the fact I thought I would hate myself if I gained weight. So please, do what I did and you can have what I now have. And the strength you will gain through facing your fears will make you into an unstoppable person in all aspects of your life. I believe that recovering from anorexia is the hardest thing I will ever have to do and it wasn't until I went through that process of recovery and came out the other side, that I realised my true strength and potential. Now, anytime I am faced with a challenge I remind myself of what I have overcome and I really do believe now, after recovering from my eating disorder, that I can do anything I set my mind to!

The Long-Term Effect Of Eating Disorders That Nobody Talks About

I found the following article really interesting and thought it may interest some of my readers as well. All of my organs became very weak when I was unwell (particularly my hear) and I often wonder about whether or not those organs have repaired fully yet or not.

This is why I think it so important to continuing nourishing your body, even after you become weight restored as a lot of the damage that you do to your body during starvation may not be reversed even when you are weight restored.

The Long-Term Effect Of Eating Disorders That Nobody Talks About                  

by Dr. Ashley SolomonMarch 2, 2017 5:22 AM         

With Healthy Heart Month in full swing, you might be hearing advice everywhere from your family doctor to your favorite newsletter about what to cut out of your diet to keep your heart strong. Ditch the soda! Cut the carbs! Skip the butter! Oh, wait, butter's back in! But maybe olive oil is better?!
While most of us can take this influx of diet advice in stride, those at risk for eating disorders are vulnerable to this deluge of information. In many cases, the eating patterns that eventually precipitated a full-blown eating disorder started with the intention to be healthier and feel better—both physically and emotionally. In a sadly ironic twist, those behaviors have likely contributed to the serious decline in health often associated with eating disorders.

Eating disorders are more than just a psychiatric illness.

In fact, eating disorders have the highest mortality rate of any psychiatric illness (or behavioral health disorder). So not only do they lead to a host of social, mental, and physical problems, but they actually put someone at increased risk for other health problems. Cardiovascular complications are one of the biggest risks for those struggling with eating disorders. The heart is made of muscle and basically functions as a pump that moves blood first to the lungs to pick up oxygen and then out to the extremities to bring oxygen and nutrients throughout the whole body. Our hearts are clearly key to our ability to live and function normally, and eating disorders put strain on the heart in a number of ways.

1. Weaker heart muscles

First, when one does not take in enough food to support our level of activity, the heart rate slows down as the body tries to conserve energy. Also, blood pressure will drop due to dehydration or because the muscles of the heart weaken. When blood pressure is low, it's harder for other organs—like the kidneys, the brain, or the liver—to receive the nutrients and oxygen that the heart usually pumps in their direction.
People with low-weight eating disorders actually lose cardiac muscle mass. All muscles of the body are subject to wasting away if we aren't nourishing them. Heart muscle is no exception. Underweight patients may develop mitral valve prolapse due to shrunken heart muscle cells, or they can develop heart failure due to a weakened heart that can't pump well.

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2. Shifts in the heart's chemical environment

A second concern is the development of abnormal heart rhythms, which happens frequently when someone is suffering from bulimia nervosa. The behaviors of binge eating and purging (which can involve not just vomiting but also laxative and diuretic use), can lead to dehydration and dangerous shifts in electrolytes in the body. When the chemical environment of the heart is abnormal, the heart is at risk for arrhythmias, which can cause heart palpitations, fainting, and even death.

3. Cardiac disturbances

And thirdly, there are a host of cardiac rhythm disturbances that are directly caused by weight loss and malnutrition. These are undoubtedly causal in the heightened risk for sudden death seen in people with anorexia nervosa.
Despite these very serious cardiac concerns, many people with eating disorders are reluctant to get help. The disorders themselves are marked by a brain-based type of denial that can make even seeing that there's a problem very difficult. As a clinician, I find that sometimes the presence of these heart issues can help someone see just how high the risk to their health really is.

Healing your body from an eating disorder

But even those who begin the process of recovery have to be very cautious about their heart health. For someone who has been eating very little, starting to eat more can cause its own dangerous shifts in electrolytes called refeeding syndrome, which again puts the person at risk for cardiac complications. Thus, some patients will need to be very closely monitored by a medical team during this process.
The heartening news is that most of physical complications of eating disorders are reversible with good nutrition. Once the body and mind are recovered and a knowledgeable support team is in place, the person has a great chance of living a long, healthy life.

If you've suffered from an eating disorder, keep the following in mind:

1. Take any cardiac event very seriously. If you experience any chest pain, are getting dizzy when you stand, have a fainting episode, or notice your heart rhythm seems off, get to a medical provider as soon as you can.
2. Enlist the support of others. We know that eating disorders thrive in isolation, and recovery thrives in community with others you care about. Let someone close to you know that you're worried about your health.
3. Know that recovery is always possible. Even people who lived with an eating disorder for a very long time can expect a full and lasting recovery. It's not easy and can't be accomplished alone, but EVERYONE suffering from an eating disorder can be helped.

The recently deceased George Michael once said, "You'll never find peace of mind until you listen to your heart." Listen carefully to the messages your heart is sending you. And with the right treatment, you can find peace from the burden of eating disorders.
For additional information about the Eating Recovery Center, call 877-789-5758, email info@eatingrecoverycenter.com, or visit www.eatingrecoverycenter.com to speak with a master's-level clinician.

Weight gain is not negotiable if you want to recover

In order to recover from a restrictive eating disorder, you WILL NEED to gain weight (especially if you are currently underweight). As much as we would like this to be untrue, if you are not willing to gain weight, you will not recover as this just shows how unhealthy your mindset is. It is only when you challenge and overcome this type of unhealthy mindset, that you will be able to continue making recovery progress and actually make a full recovery. As well as needing to reach and possibly exceed a healthy weight in order to recover mentally, you need to do this is order to recover physically too. Whilst starving yourself, your body weakens and stops functioning as it should in order to conserve energy. Your energy reserves run dangerously low and all of your internal organs and bones are at risk of severe damage also. The following article explains the toll that anorexia or other restrictive eating disorders have on your body due to starvation. 

(http://www.webmd.com/mental-health/eating-disorders/anorexia-nervosa/features/anorexia-body-neglected#3)


What happens exactly? Here's a look at what anorexia does to the human body.

The first victim of anorexia is often the bones. The disease usually develops in adolescence -- right at the time when young people are supposed to be putting down the critical bone mass that will sustain them through adulthood.

"There's a narrow window of time to accrue bone mass to last a lifetime," says Diane Mickley, MD, co-president of the National Eating Disorders Association and the founder and director of the Wilkins Center for Eating Disorders in Greenwich, Conn. "You're supposed to be pouring in bone, and you're losing it instead." Such bone loss can set in as soon as six months after anorexic behavior begins, and is one of the most irreversible complications of the disease.

But the most life-threatening damage is usually the havoc wreaked on the heart. As the body loses muscle mass, it loses heart muscle at a preferential rate -- so the heart gets smaller and weaker. "It gets worse at increasing your circulation in response to exercise, and your pulse and your blood pressure get lower," says Mickley. "The cardiac tolls are acute and significant, and set in quickly." Heart damage, which ultimately killed singer Karen Carpenter, is the most common reason for hospitalization in most people with anorexia.

Although the heart and the bones often take the brunt of the damage, anorexia is a multisystem disease. Virtually no part of the body escapes its effects. About half of all anorexics have low white-blood-cell counts, and about a third are anemic. Both conditions can lower the immune system's resistance to disease, leaving a person vulnerable to infections.
Anorexia Damage Starts Early

Even before a person with anorexia starts to look "too thin," these medical consequences have begun Many young women who begin eating a severely restricted diet stop menstruating well before serious weight loss sets in. Since so many people with anorexia are teenage girls and young women, this can have long-term consequences on their ability to bear children.

Gaining weight will allow your body to function more optimally again and to reverse most of, if not all of the damage you inflicted on it whilst your were starving yourself. Even if you manage to partially recover mentally so that you can live like a relatively normal person, if you are still underweight your body will not be able to function properly. The chances of you conceiving a baby are reduced if ever you want to become a mum and you are more likely suffer from illnesses or infections as your immune system will not be as strong as somebody who is a healthy weight. Also if you are underweight, this indicates that you are still not eating enough  (as otherwise your body would return to a healthy weight) which suggests you are probably missing out on particular nutrients and minerals that your body requires. This puts you at risk of things like Anemia (due to lack of iron) and osteoporosis (due to lack of calcium).

In my experience, I was not able to make any real recovery progress until I gained a significant amount of weight. The hard thing about gaining this weight is that you need to do it when your anorexic thoughts are still incredibly strong and overpowering. It isn't until you get closer and closer to a healthy weight that these thoughts begin to fade and are replaced with healthier'and more normal thoughts. There is no real secrets or techniques to making these thoughts go away. As hard as it is, you just have to push through them and remember that by fighting these thoughts you ARE getting closer to having the life you want and deserve. I suggest trying to stay busy so that you have other things to focus on and just have faith that if you continue fighting your anorexic thoughts, in time they will fade. And how do you gain weight? You basically just do the complete opposite of everything your anorexia tells you to do. You limit or stop your physical activity, you eat more then you ever have in your life and you stop doing all of those destructive things that you have done in the past.

I remember some nights my thoughts would be so strong (in regards to the fear of and actually gaining weight) that I just had to go to bed and cry myself to sleep. But I never gave into my anorexia and always just woke up the following day and ate everything on my meal plan, limited my exercise and went against everything my anorexia told me to do. I knew that I couldn't give into my anorexia by listening to its demands as this would be like giving it ammunition it needed to beat me. Once I gave into my anorexia once, I knew it would be so easy to continue giving into it and this would not allow my thought processes to change. So I stuck to my guns and consistently beat my anorexia and that is how I got to where I am today. So no matter how hard it may seem, just remember that it is possible and you can do it. No matter how loudly your anorexia screams at you and how bad it makes you feel, it cant actually hurt you. That pain is just temporary. And by enduring that pain now, you will be able to have a lifetime of happiness in the future.

I know that gaining weight as slowly as possible seems like the best way to gain weight to someone with anorexia but from my own experience I do not think this is the best thing to do. To be honest, gaining weight incredibly slowly just draws out the painful process of weight restoration and means that you are just inflicting extra suffrage on yourself. I was gaining about 500-700g per week when I was actively recovering and I found that this was a good rate to do it at. I feel it was a good rate of weight gain as I could adjust to my physical changes without relapsing while still keeping a good momentum. Gaining weight at this rate also made it obvious to me whenever I needed to increase my calories (due to my weight gain stopping). If I was gaining less then this per week, I think I would have been more likely to just brush off failure to gain weight in any particular week which would have stopped me from moving towards my goal of complete weight restoration and recovery. 

I believe that gaining weight is not the only thing you need to do in order to recover, in fact it is only the beginning. But it is one of the first essential things for you to do before you can make any other type of real recovery progress. So I highly encourage you to start doing it as soon as possible. As you do manage to gain weight, your body will start functioning properly again and you will also start thinking more clearly too. And I know it probably feels like accepting your body at a higher weight is impossible but I promise you its not. I am currently about 15 kg heavier than my lowest weight (which I couldn't bare to leave at the time) and I love my body more now then I ever have before!  The truth is you will never feel ready to start gaining weight so you just need to make the decision and start. I promise you it will be worth it!

Home to Swansea

After not being home to see my family since christmas, I really enjoyed travelling home to Swansea for the weekend with my boyfriend. Things have not been great for my family over the last few months and even though the issues are still ongoing, it was still nice to go home and see everyone. Now that I have my own life in Launceston, it would be so easy to just completely distance myself from my family and all their problems back in Swansea but that wouldnt be fair on my little sister and dad. I love them so much and want to be there for them to help them through any difficulties they may face. So my boyfriend and I started the 1.5 hour drive to Swansea when he finished work on Friday afternoon and we arrived at my family home at about 6:30pm. Unfortunately my dad was away for the weekend but it was still great to see my sister. My sister Amy has been my best friend for as long as I can remember and despite the 6 year age gap between us, we get along incredibely well. 

On Saturday morning my mum and I went for a walk on our farm and had a very close encounter with a 6 foot long tiger snake. By the time we saw the snake, we were only a single step away from it and it obviously felt threatened by us as it reared its head and striked at us. Luckily we both jumped back at that exact moment so the snakes head (and fangs) just missed us. If the snake had tried to bite us a second time it would have bitten one of us for sure as we were simply too close and couldnt get away. Thank goodness it decided to slither off instead leaving us full if adrenalin but unharmed. We then drove into Swansea to visit my nan before meeting my herbalife coach Phoebe for lunch. I had my all time favourite meal (which I hadnt had for ages) caeser salad and it was so yummy! We then visited my other nan and went out for tea with my mum. For tea I had Spaghetti bolognaise with a side of vegetables which was ok but not as nice as lunch. I loooove pasta but prefer tomato or chicken based pastas, rather then mince. I still ate it all though, to everyone elses surprise as it was huuuuge! 

I took my mum home after tea but then went back into town with my boyfriend Nathan. I wasnt drinking alcohol like I usually do when we go out in Swansea as I had to drive home but my boyfriend was and we had heaps of fun playing 8 ball (pool). We also chatted with my uncle, aunt and cousin for an hour or two which was really nice. When we got home that night my brother Luke was there so it was really nice to see him. The following morning nathan, Amy and I headed into Swansea with two of our puppies to go for a nice walk on the beach. We had running races on the beach and just enjoyed the sunshine and scenery. We started the drive back to Launceston at about 2pm and were back home by about 4. Overall it was a really nice weekend and I am looking forward to heading back to Swansea one weekend soon, but when my dad is home so we can spend some time with him too.

This is the type of snake we ran into 

My gorgeous sister and myself

My boyfriend nathan and me

Nathan, cassie the puppy and me

What recovery means to me

In my opinion, this is only the very start of what recovey means to me. Overall, recovery simply means getting your life back. But after recovery I believe life is even more beautiful and incredible as you appreciate evey moment, instead of taking it for granted like most people do. You will see in the following photos that I am incredibly happy in evey single one. And I promise you that this smile was not just put on for the photos, this is how happy I am all of the time. People ask me how I can be so happy, bubbly and friendly all the time and I just tell them that it is completely effortless for me. I act this way because I am just so truly thankful and blessed for my health and all of the incredible things I have in my life.

Just a little update

I know that this post is well over due and for that I apologise. I was hoping that when I completed university last semester I would have more time for blogging but sadly that has not been the case at all. Life has been super busy and I am a little worried about how hectic things will be when I return to uni for my next semester. Part of me is excited to get back into studying again as I truly do love learning, especially about health science however another part of me is feeling a little lazy about going back to studying. I am confident however that I will be able to keep a happy and balanced lifestyle again this year, as I was able to do last year. I was so proud of my results for my last semester of study and even prouder that I was able to stay so healthy and happy while achieving those results, unlike at times in the past when I was unable to do this.

Outside of study and work, things are still great for me. Things are as wonderful as ever between my gorgeous boyfriend Nathan and myself and I am still feeling fantastic on my Herbalife Nutrition program. I feel as though my relationship with food is still wonderful and I am able to just enjoy everyday the way all people should be able to, with no added anxiety, fear or stress. Life is simply good! I exercise most days, either at the gym or by going for a walk with a friend and I love feeling so fit and healthy. Something I have found since being on my Herbalife nutrition program is that my immune system is incredible. I cant remember the last time I was sick and even when those around me get colds or illnesses, I never seem to get them. I guess this just goes to show how healthy my body really is now, as it manages to fight off any viruses before I actually start experiencing any symptoms.

My weight is stable and I do not feel as though I have to try really hard to keep it that way. I just listen to my body and it tells me if I need to eat more to make up for any extra physical activity I may do. I know approximately how many calories I eat each day (lets be honest, its difficult not to know how much we eat in terms of calories as post anorexics) but eating more or less doesn't scare me. Of course I try not to eat less then my usual amount most days but occasionally due to lack of appetite or hectic work hours I will eat slightly less. Just as I sometimes eat more if I have a weekend away or am extra Hungary. Neither of which scare me anymore which feels great. I know that this wont affect my weight and that this is just how normal people live!

Nathan and me (far left) with our gang at the Adelaide Herbalife Spectacular Party

Nathan and I (taken out with friends in Hobart) 

Since starting Herbalife and making a full recovery from anorexia, I feel the healthiest and happiest I ever have in my life!

What it means to be recovered article

Article  from: https://www.recoverywarriors.com/what-does-it-mean-to-recover-from-an-eating-disorder/?utm_content=buffer00bb4&utm_medium=social&utm_source=facebook.com&utm_campaign=buffer

When I first entered into treatment, I believed that once I put on the weight that I had lost and learned how to eat normally, I would be recovered. I didn’t think about the processing that had to happen in order to fully leave the eating disorder in my past. I thought that recovery was simply about food– that once I was able to complete my meal plan 100% and avoid using behaviors such as diet pills, laxatives, and exercise, I would be discharged from treatment and be able to return to my life. But in reality, recovery is about so much more than food.

Weight restoration and normalized eating is a part of it, but recovery goes so much deeper than that.

Recovery is about discovering everything that is within you. It is about knowing and reassuring yourself that this is something you did not choose, but you are choosing to be brave and move past it, despite your mind telling you otherwise. It is coming out stronger on the other side because you know that recovery is one of the hardest things you will ever have to do in your life. It is sharing your story and helping others. It is no longer competing with the people around you to be the skinniest, but instead choosing to strive for health and happiness.

Recovery is about enjoying all types of food and not just sticking to a meal plan of quinoa, green smoothies, and Clif bars. It is going to get ice cream with your friends at 10 o’clock on a Tuesday night because you’re hungry and it’s 95 degrees outside. Recovery is being able to enjoy your birthday cake and not pack a separate dinner that you bring to the hibachi restaurant. It is being able to eat a doughnut for your afternoon snack, and still eat a normal dinner. It is being able to eat a salad and do so in a healthy way, without thoughts racing of how salad should be the only thing you eat for the next week. It is bringing scones into work and eating some in addition to your breakfast because you want to celebrate that it’s Friday with your coworkers.

Recovery is going on a walk with your best friend to talk about old memories without counting every step you take.

It is going to the gym to do yoga or a spin class without spending the whole day on the treadmill. It is sleeping in on a Sunday morning because you were up late the night before, and it is okay to take a break. Recovery is going out with friends and having a drink because the extra calories will not break you. It is taking the day off from work when you are sick because your body needs rest to heal.

Recovery is knowing that not everything has to be perfect. It is being able to ask for help on a math problem because you are learning and are not expected to know everything. It is getting a C on a test and taking the time to learn what went wrong without punishing yourself by not eating for the next week. Recovery is making mistakes and knowing that you wouldn’t be human if you didn’t. It is getting into a fight with your boyfriend and knowing that with time things will heal.

Recovery is taking risks. It is showing emotions rather than covering everything up with a fake smile and telling everybody that you are fine. It is going up to the girl reading your favorite book and sparking a conversation that leads to an excellent friendship because you’re not worried that she is going to judge you for your body. Recovery is applying to the internship even if you’re just a freshman because even applying is good experience and will only help you in the long run. It is trying a sport that you’ve never done before because you want to have fun with your friends, and it is not important if you are the best one or not. It is signing up for a Spanish class when you have never taken a foreign language because you want to try something new.

Recovery is about creating a life outside of the eating disorder. It is being able to feel safe outside of a treatment center. It is being able to eat in front of people you have never met before without fear that they are constantly judging everything morsel you eat. Recovery is graduating from residential and PHP and wanting to start a new life rather than go back to treatment because that is where you feel the most accepted.

It is growing and healing and beginning to turn into a new and improved version of yourself.

Recovery is knowing that there will be times when things get incredibly difficult. It is knowing that slips and relapses will happen, but you can get back up. It is going back to treatment with more motivation than ever and coming out stronger. It is knowing that recovery is not linear. Recovery is feeling all emotions and accepting them. It is being angry and sad and crying in front of other people because you are human and you have feelings just like everyone else in this world. Recovery is being okay with things being out of control. It is picking yourself back up again when you fall.

Recovering from an eating disorder is about so many things, but most importantly, it is about finding yourself. It is about going after your dreams and fighting for your passions. It is living life feeling free. It is showing the remarkable amount of strength and courage you have inside of you. Recovery is about finding your light and spreading it around the world. Recovery is falling in love with being alive. Recovery is more than existing, it is living. Recovery is wonderful.

Today, I am beyond grateful that I have gotten the chance to recover. This journey has been anything but easy, but today I am stronger than ever. Rock bottom has become the foundation upon which I have rebuilt my life. I am growing and flourishing, and none of this would have been possible if I stayed in my eating disorder. Recovery is hard and scary, and sometimes seems like it will ruin your life, but when you fight long and hard enough, you realize how much more there is in life than anorexia. Life is beautiful, so go out there and chase it. Go after your dreams. Fight for what you believe in. Accept love and radiate love. You belong in this world. You are beautiful.

Why do I do Hebalife?

I get lots of people criticizing me for doing Herbalife. People have even accused me of being a part of a colt and have questioned whether it is healthy for me to follow a nutrition program at all, especially post anorexia. I don't blame these people one little bit as I know its just because they don't understand what Herbalife actually is and they have not had the privilege of experiencing our incredible and uplifting community. This is a post I wrote and posted to our Local Nutrition Hub this morning and I thought I would share it with you all too. I am not quite brave enough to share it with all of my family and friends yet on my facebook wall, as I still worry that they wont fully understand, but one day I would like to share my true Herbalife results with everyone and hopefully inspire everyone to do something that allows them to accept themselves as I am now able to do!

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For a while now I have been wanting to share my 'true' Herbalife results with others, but I haven't been quite brave enough to do that. Today however I am going to take the first step and share my results with all of you wonderful people.

Before Herbalife (bottom left picture) I had managed to restore a healthy weight after my eating disorder (top left picture) however I wasn't mentally recovered. I was still having to fight my anorexic thoughts daily and I didn't accept my body the way it was at all.

Now however I feel like a different person! It is only now that I have finally developed a healthy relationship with food, as well as with myself and that is only thanks to Herbalife and my wonderful coach Phoebe Outtram who not only introduced me to Herbalife, but also personal development, self love and self belief!

For the first time ever I now consider myself to be fully recovered from my eating disorder and that is something I never thought would happen . I am so much fitter, healthier and stronger now and my mental state is the best it has ever been!

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Fully recovered

"I have fully recovered from Anorexia"

If I am completely honest, I never really knew if I would ever be able to honestly say these 6 words but today, that is exactly what I am doing! I have recovered from my eating disorder and I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR DOING  IT! Even though it was the most terrifying and difficult thing I have ever had to do, I stuck at it anyway and refused to give up. It is just over 4 years since I was first diagnosed and even though those 4 years were painful, they were so worth it! As now I get to live the rest of my life the way I deserve to live it; happily, healthily and to the fullest

There isnt a single thing that I ever miss about my life when I was anorexic. Not how I looked and definetely not how I felt. I remember feeling as though I would never be able to accept my body at a healthy weight but I love my body now! It is healthy and strong and I love how happy and healthy I feel with my body the way it is! So please, if you are too frightened to start gaining weight as you dont think you will like your body when you recover, just do it anyway! I promise your mind will recover as your body does and you WILL be able to love yourself and your body at a bigger weight.

When I was sick, I liked how I looked and didnt want to change. Now however I can see how terrible I looked back then wouldnt go back to that for anything! Like me, you can recover too. You just have to believe it is possible and believe you can do it! Stop allowing your ED to consume your life, take control of it and live the life you deserve to live!

My Herbalife Program

I thought I would do a post about my Herbalife program for anyone who may be interested :) all of the products are herbal and therfore safe to use by children, adults, pregnant and breastfeeding mums. Although daily dosages are recommended, you cant over dose on the products. They are literally just like food but in another form.

Firstly, the two core products are the f1 nutritional shake mix and the f2 multivitamin. I have either 1 or 2 shakes per day as well as a multivitamin with each main meal. The shakes come in lots of flavours but my favourite is vanilla. As well as providing all of the nutrients and minerals your body needs each day in perfect balance, these products also work to cleanse the villi in your intestines so that you can properly absorb all of the nutrients you consume throughout the day.

I also use a supplement called cell-u-loss which helps your body and cells to maintain perfect water balance. This therefore reduces unhelthy water retention and keeps your kigneys functioning optimally. Another product I take twise daily is, NRG or Natures Raw Gurana. This supplement helps enormously with energy levels as well as alertness and concentration so I have found it very helpful whilst studying at university. I also take a probiotic complex which helps to restore and maintain the perfect balance of healthy bacteria in the gut.

I use both Mango and mandarin Aloe concentrates which literally cleanse your insides and assist in digestion as well as drink up to 5 cups of peach herbal tea most days which is full of antioxidants, gives me energy and keeps my metabolism running FAST! There is also a apple flavoured active fibre complex which I have occasionally to keep me regular and to keep my digestive system functioning optimally. Lift off is another great product I use which is like a caffeinated powder that you add to water to make an energy boosting delicious fizzy drink.

Two other supplements which arent includes in my ultimate program but that I opt to take anyway are joint support and tang kuei plus. I find the joint support really minimises my joint pain sue to my ligamentous laxity and the Tang Kuei Plus is a wonderful relaxant which helps me to destress and also sleep.

Finally I also use products from the sports range. The f1 sports nutritional mix can be used to make shakes prior to exercise instead of the regular f1, which substitutes a couple of ingredients with others that better prepare your body for exercise and activity. CR7 drive is a delicious tangy guava powder that I add to water for better performance and endurance whilst working out and rebuild strength is another chocolate favoured shake mix which I have after I have a strength training class as it helps my muscles to recover and repair.

I have found my recovery has come so far since I started these products and after abusing my body for so many years, it feels so good to know that I am now providing my body with all the nutrition and energy it needs to function optimally! I have so much energy now and am so thankful that I am now able to experience dynamic health, every single day!

To The Person With An Eating Disorder Who Feels Like Giving Up On Recovery

I thought this article was great as it spoke of all the reasons why you should not give up on making a full recovery from your eating disorder. I hope you find it just as motivating as I did, and that like me it inspres you to continue fighting for full recovery. 

You deserve a full life

Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LGSW 

Psychotherapist, Self-Compassion Enthusiast, Body-Image Activist

Maybe you just relapsed and the thought of starting over in the recovery process feels painful. Or perhaps you had changes in your weight, which is causing you to want to “throw in the towel.” 

It is so normal to be in a place where you feel caught between wanting to maintain your eating disorder and a desire to continue to seek recovery. Ambivalence and denial of the severity of the illness are common aspects of having an eating disorder. 

You likely have used eating disorder behaviors in an attempt to “feel better.” Behaviors like binging, purging, and/or restricting, may temporarily cause you to “feel better” and calmer. However, in the long run they only bury your underlying issues and cause you to feel even worse.

Your eating disorder may help you to feel “in control,” or “special,” however these are false illusions. The reality is, the deeper that you are into your eating disorder, the less “in control” you actually are. Rather, the eating disorder begins to completely consume your life and often becomes your primary relationship.

An eating disorder hijacks your true sense of self and identity and replaces it with an illness.

Some may argue that their eating disorder is the only thing that makes them “special” and are afraid to give up that identity. The truth is that the deeper one is in their eating disorder, the more one becomes a carbon copy of everyone else who is struggling with an eating disorder. An eating disorder hijacks your true sense of self and identity and replaces it with an illness. I guarantee that there are other traits or qualities about yourself that make you special and unique, which the eating disorder is currently masking.

If you are struggling with wanting to give up on recovery, I would urge you to recall what caused you to seek recovery in the first place. Living with an eating disorder is like having an abusive partner. Often your life becomes completely taken over by 24/7 thoughts about food, your body, and exercise. Many will find that they become increasingly isolated, depressed, and that their relationships suffer.

When you look back on your life at age 80, do you think that you will be fondly reminiscing about the amount of time you spent counting calories, avoiding social events, running obsessively on the treadmill, or hiding empty cartons of food in shame? Living trapped in an eating disorder is ultimately not a fulfilling life.

So what does recovery feel like? Just as no two people’s experiences of an eating disorder are the same, recovery may look different for everyone. However, ultimately recovery is when food and your body take a more normal place in your life. Recovery is when you can explore new passions (outside of food/exercise/your body) and build strong relationships with people who matter. Recovery is being able to explore the world and travel, savoring the food and taking in the culture of a new place.

Recovery is truly living again. You deserve a full life, one that you cannot have if you are still trapped in your eating disorder.

Recovery is laughing and losing track of time with friends and family because you are having such a great time. Recovery is also feeling sad or angry sometimes and dealing with disappointment and heartbreak. Recovery is feeling all of your feelings both pleasant and unpleasant. Recovery is truly living again. You deserve a full life, one that you cannot have if you are still trapped in your eating disorder.

It’s important to note that recovery is not a linear process. No matter where you are in your journey, it’s important to practice being kind to yourself. You are doing the best you can given the coping skills that you have, and you can also work to change and improve. It’s normal to have setbacks and to make mistakes, but what matters is that you learn from them and continue to work towards recovery.

I’d also recommend making a list of what your life could look like five years from now if you choose recovery and five years from now if you are still trapped in your eating disorder. If you are not working with a treatment team, it is also important that you identify specialists in your area that can help you. No one should go through the recovery process alone.

You didn’t choose to have an eating disorder, but you can make the choice to continue on the path towards recovery. No matter what lies your eating disorder may be telling you, your life is worth so much more than obsessing about food and your body. Imagine all of the amazing things you could accomplish if you devoted this time and energy to something positive. It may take some time, but I believe you will find a fulfilling and passion-driven life, one where you can finally say, “I am recovered.”

Marya Hornbacher, an author who recovered from an eating disorder, says,

I don’t remember when I stopped counting, or when I stopped caring what size my pants were, or when I started ordering what I wanted to eat and not what seemed ‘safe,’ or when I started just eating when I got hungry, instead of questioning it, obsessing about it, dithering and freaking out, as I’d done for nearly my whole life. I don’t remember exactly when recovery took hold, and went from being something I both fought and wanted, to being simply a way of life. A way of life that is, let me tell you, infinitely more peaceful, infinitely happier, and infinitely more free than life with an eating disorder. And I wouldn’t give up this life of freedom for the world.

Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LGSW is a mental health therapist, intuitive eating counselor, and blogger on The Huffington Post and Psychology Today. She is a junior board member for The National Eating Disorder Association. She specializes in treating adolescents, survivors of trauma, and individuals with eating disorders and mood disorders. “Like” Jennifer on Facebook at Jennifer Rollin, MSW, LGSW. Or check out her website atwww.jenniferrollin.com

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If you’re struggling with an eating disorder, call the National Eating Disorders Association hotline at 1-800-931-2237.

'She believed she could so she did'

Since I only briefly talked about my new tattoo in my last post, I thought I would dedicate a whole post to my tattoo and the meaning behind it. I have wanted a tattoo for about 12 months now, so took advantage of the opportunity to get one when my boyfriend and I went to Melbourne for the weekend. Although I never intended to get one quite so big, I absolutely love my new tattoo and wouldn't change a single thing about it.

I wanted a tattoo that represented my recovery from anorexia and couldn't think of a more special or relevant quote to me than 'She believed she could so she did.' To me, this means that all you need to do in order to make your dreams come true is to believe in yourself. I honestly believe that anyone can recover if they believe it is possible and that they can do it. Now I have done something as seemingly impossible as recovering from anorexia, I really do believe I am capable of doing anything I set my mind to.

Ever since my mum bought me a dream catcher as a child and hung it above my bed, I have loved the idea of how dream catchers 'filter' your dreams. I have also always loved dream catcher tattoos as I yhink they look really effective. The following website explains the actual meaning of a dream catcher tattoo really well;
The tattoo signifies that harmful dreams are chased away and positive dreams will stay, bring protection to the one who wears the ink. 

Today's intake

Morning shake (6:00am)
2 scoops of french vanilla nutritional shake mix, 1 scoop of personalied protein powder, 250mL of almond milk, 1 banana, 3 strawberries

 

Morning snack: (9:00am)
Cup of herbalife peach tea and
1 portion of uncle toby's oats prepared with 150mL almond milk and mixed with 1 apple and cinnomon

Lunch (12:00)
Salt and pepper calamari with brown rice and quinoa and mixed vegetables

Afternoon tea (3:00pm)
1 tub of diced peaches, 1 protein bar and 1 boiled egg

Tea (6:00pm)
Beef and vegetable soup and 3 slices of buttered toast

Supper (8:00pm)
1 yoghurt and 2 kiwi fruits