Showing posts with label respect yourself. Show all posts
Showing posts with label respect yourself. Show all posts

Wednesday, 27 January 2016

An overdue update

For so long I kept telling myself that I had to keep fighting my anorexia if I ever wanted to be happy and healthy. I hoped with all my heart that one day all the pain and hard work would pay off but I didnt really know for sure that it actually would be. I can now say, completely honestly and whole heartedly that recovery definetely is worth it!

At this time, for the first time in as long as I can remember, my life is simply amazing. Every day I wake up and cant help but think about just how lucky I am to be where I now am. I have the most amazing boyfriend I could have ever dreamt of having. Not only does he make me feel special and loved every single day, but he is also helping me to respect and appreciate myself, for who I truly am.

I know that if I had not recovered from my eating disorder, I never would have found Nathan and been able to make our relationship work. Although Nathan would be the most wonderful thing that has come out of my recovery, there are many other things that are great about being recovered too.

This year was the best christmas I have had for a very long time and I know that this was only the case because I have recovered. I didnt spend the day worrying about what I could or couldnt eat. I just enjoyed myself and made the most of spending time with my boyfriend and with my family. And I enjoyed eating yummy christmas foods too. For the first time in years I ate as much chocolate, ham, pavlova and sweets as I wanted and my anxiety was basically non existent.

Dont get me wrong. Occasionally I still get an old anorexic like thought or concern about my weight or something I have eaten. However I suppose the difference now is that I am strong enough and healthy enough to ignore these thoughts and to continie to truly love my life. I know I now have way too much to lose by moving back to where I used to be. Simply nothing good can come out of me listening to anorexic thoughts  however I know that  so much good can come out of me ignoring them.

I am sorry it has been so long since I last posted. I have been meaning to post for a while now, to let you all know that I am happy and healthy but life has just been so busy and it really has been hard to find the time. I hope that you too are continuing to gight on your recovery journeys and i promise you all that no matter how hard it may seem at times, it really is worth it!

My boyfriend and I at the Christmas parade

Amys primary school graduation dinner


Still love walking with Tess

I like this photo as I just look so happy 

I finally feel comfortable with my body

My cruise was a blast




Thursday, 1 October 2015

Self acceptance is the key to recovery

This time three years ago, I was laying in a hospital bed after being diagnosed with anorexia. Although my weight had not dropped extremely low, I was hypothermic and my heart was weak. I had stopped eating all together before being admitted to hospital and I absolutely hated everything about myself. Over the past three years, a lot had happened. I wish I could say that since I was admitted, I continued making positive recovery progress but sadly that is not the case at all. Unfortunately, my anorexia got a lot worse before it got any better and it wasn't until this year that I have actually made any recovery progress at all.

As I read back over my journal entries from when I was in hospital, the thing that stands out to me most is tthe hate I had for myself. I think that out of all the things I have achieved over the last 3 years, learning that I was worth recovery and that there was nothing wrong with me, as I am naturally supposed to be were the most important. I am so glad that I finally realised that I did not deserve to live life with anorexia and that whilst I was anorexic, I would never be happy. I honestly believed that not being skinny enough was the reason for my unhapiness and that the only way I could ever be truly happy was if I lost weight.

Although I know I need to keep working on it, I think that the most wonderful thing I have achieved in the last 3 years is self acceptance. I can honestly say that I dont want to be someone else anymore, I just want to be the real me. Who cares if I am not the skinniest or the prettiest, I am ME and that is all that matters. While I have wasted a lot of time over the last three years being unhappy and miserable, not living at all and barely surviving, I am so grateful for where I am today and I am so proud of everything I have achieved. Although it has not been an enjoyable journey, I think that everything I have been through has helped get me to where I am today. Afterall, if I had never hit 'rock bottom,' perhaps I never would have felt the need to make a full recovery.

Once I would have said that the key to making a recovery from anorexia was being able to eat lke a normal person again but I now realise that it is so much more then that. Now I have realised that the real key to recovery is being able to accept who you are, not just the way you look but also who yo are on the inside. You may not love every single little thing about yourself and that is completely ok. You just  need to be able to accept yourself, despite what you may see as imperfections. I dont think recovery is possible if you dont accept yourself so perhaps if you are trying to recover, you should work on accepting yourself for a while before you work on everything else.

I honestly thought I would hate myself forever but this has not been the case and it doesn't need to be the case for you either. You can do it, I believe in you!



Monday, 14 September 2015

Bad body image day

Today, I have had a bad body image day. I know that I am probably no bigger today then I was yesterday or the day before however I have just felt huge all day. I think a few different things have made me feel like this. Firstly, I tried on a pair of long black shorts a couple of days ago and I couldn't even get them to come up over my calves. They have always been really tight on me anyway but now I cant get them on at all. Even though lots of my clothes have got a lot tighter, this was the first item of clothing that I have tried on that does not fit at all.

I have always been incredibely self conscious about my bum and legs as naturally I have a 'pear figure' with a tiny waist but a more curvier bottom half. Even though I am not yet feeling as self conscious as I did before I developed anorexia, it is starting to bother me more and more again. The non anorexic and rational part of me knows that there is nothing wrong with the way I look but instead there is just something wrong with the way I feel about the way I look. It is therefore my thoughts and body confidence that I need to change and not my body.

My boss said something today that bothered me as well. I got back from the supermarket at the end of my lunch break with some biscuits that I had bought to tak ehome with me. My bodd said "Look, she does buy unhealthy food" and the customer with her then said "oh, well she is thin so she can eat that kind of thing." What actually bohered me was what my boss said next. She said, "Oh, Karly has got fat since she started working here with us."

It is true that I have gained 12 kilograms since I started working at the bank 6 months ago but I think that it was really insensitive for my boss to say this, especially considering she knows about my battle with anorexia. I know that she was not trying to be nasty or anything but it still hurt when I heard her say this, especially since I was allready feeling self conscious about my body. I know I need to learn to ignore comments like these and not let them bother me however it is hard not to let these types of things bother you, especially when you are already feeling sensitive and vulunerable.

I just need to keep reminding myself that this is the way my body is supposed to be and that as long as I am healthy and happy, that is all that matters. Just beacause I have some fat on my bum and thighs does not mean I should hate myself or try to change how I look. It is just a part of what makes me me and I just need to learn to accept that.








Tuesday, 8 September 2015

Love your body week

Love Your Body Week

In 2015, with the support of Sportsgirl, Butterfly is launching Love Your Body Week, September 7-11, because BODY CONFIDENCE is worth CELEBRATING! This campaign coincides with Body Image and Eating Disorder Awareness Week (BIEDAW) and aims to promote body confidence in all Australians by celebrating body diversity. Love Your Body Week brings the whole community together to acknowledge that there is not one ideal body shape and to embrace the fact that body shape does not define a person’s worth. With that in mind, here are three simple ways that you can get involved and make a positive difference:
  1. TAKE THE PLEDGE – make a commitment to learning how to love your body every day!
  2. TAKE THE SURVEY – tell us what you think about body image
  3. TAKE A PICTURE & POST – share how you celebrate body confidence with the community viaFacebook, Twitter and Instagram throughout the week! #loveyourbodyweek. Remember to link to @thebutterflyfoundation and @sportsgirl so that we can create a groundswell of support across social media!

So join us and let’s celebrate our bodies – because BODY CONFIDENCE is worth celebrating!

  • For more information about awareness and fundraising activities that you can take part in throughout the week, please contact elizabeth.herd@thebutterflyfoundation.org.au
  • You can also download a Love Your Body Week campaign poster HERE
  • All donations can be made through our website HERE
The serious issue: Eating disorders and body image concerns present a huge problem for both males and females across Australia, however there continues to be an enormous lack of knowledge in Australia surrounding these issues. The reality is that they are extremely common, affecting an increasing number of people each year. Research indicates that poor body image can play a significant role in the development of eating disorders, as it can often lead to risky dieting and exercise behaviours. As one of the most modifiable socio-cultural risk factors for eating disorders it is important that every Australian works toward developing their body confidence. Building positive body image is a good way of promoting protective factors, making a person more resilient. For information on dealing with poor self-esteem, negative body image and self-harm, click HERE to download Butterfly’s fact sheet which also lists where you can seek help.

Monday, 7 September 2015

How To Love Your Body And Stop Worrying About What You Weigh, For Real This Time

A few of my readers have said that they cant seem to stop thinking about food and weight all the time and I completely understand how they feel as this is definetely something I have experienced. I thought the following article written by Joanna Novak was a great read and fill of some really interesting advice.

In the introduction of her new book Body of Truth: How Science, History, and Culture Drive Our Obsession with Weight and What We Can Do About it, journalist Harriet Brown recounts a time when she sat in her therapist's office crying about her body: its unruliness, its messiness, its sheer size. How to love your body is a question that so many of us (97 percent of us, according to a survey by Glamour in 2011) struggle with as we hate on our physiques every day.

Combining solid factual research (Brown has combed hundreds of scholarly journals, decoded the methodology of dozens of studies, and interviewed dozens of doctors, sociologists, and other weight-related "experts") with personal anecdotes (from her own life and women interviewed for this book),Body of Truth is a must-read for anyone ready to start shaking this fat = bad, thin = good obsession that Brown says "is bigger than all of us."

Brown wants the culture at large to challenge conventional ways of thinking and talking about and treating the idea of body weight, but she also wants better for us, her readers, as individuals. No, you don't have to stand in front of the mirror and tell your reflection you love yourself (Brown doesn't even like that route). You just have to consider the facts. Here are nine ways Brown's book can help you love your body now. Because, yes, you are more than a number.



Listen to the Words You Use


"The words we use to talk about our bodies have changed," writes Brown. "We're no longer plump or chubby, stocky or stout or husky; now we're overweight or obese, words that connote facts and figure, illness rather than aesthetics." Categorizing different weights by BMI is advantageous for doctors and the healthcare industry at large: more to treat, to prescribe, to schedule a follow-up with. Brown favors the word "fat, which is based in description rather than judgement." For some of us, this may require an attitude adjustment. Still, strive to describe rather than deride yourself!

Separate Fat From Fiction


"What we think we know either isn't true or doesn't mean what we think it means," Brown writes, especially when it comes to weight and health. Shifting standards, biased studies, compromised ethics: the deck is stacked against an objectective assessment of the relationship between how much you weigh and how healthy you are. Americans are getting fatter every year? No, Brown contends. Or, at least, not entirely. First, BMI, a ratio of height to weight, categories were altered. "Before 1998," Brown reports, "the BMI chart had only three categories: 'underweight,' ... 'normal,' ... and 'overweight.' Those cutoffs were revised downward in 1998 to where they are now, and a category for 'obesity' was added." We shouldn't be comparing stats from before the change to after.



Although Brown acknowledges that we Americans (and animals, for that matter) are heavier than we were in the 1960s, we're also taller — and our environments are filled with all kinds of contaminants (BPA, anyone?) that could be responsible for expanding waistlines — not, as the health community at large would have you believe, simply because "we eat too much. We eat the wrong kinds of foods. We exercise too little." In fact, Brown notes, we eat more fruits and vegetables now than we did in the past!
Dissing Your Body Is Bad for Your Health


Most Americans — or at least the 50 million that every January go on a diet, according to Brown — probably believe dieting ups health. Really, though, the only sure thing dieting improves is your likelihood to binge eat and experience body dissatisfaction down the road. A solid reason to stop slamming your appearance? It's just plain bad for you. Brown reports that, "in one 2014 study of nearly ten thousand people, those who were unhappy about their weight – whether they were thin, overweight, or obese – WERE MORE LIKELY TO GO ON TO DEVELOP TYPE 2 DIABETES, especially if their dissatisfaction went on for years." (Emphasis mine.) Um, what?!
Repeat After Me: Weight-Loss Is (Usually) Temporary



Weight Cycling Alters Your Metabolism


Brown has found study after study that show dieting changes metabolism. One reported that "people who have intentionally lost weight use 15% fewer calories than non-dieters." According to Ashley Skinner, a research professor of pediatrics at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill, "'if someone loses weight, they will never be like a thin person ... They will always need fewer calories ... and exercise to stay at that lower weight.'"
Step Away From the Skim Milk


...for now. Lipiphobia, or fear of fat, is what some experts chalk up our national weight gain to. Back in the '80s, when carbohydrates were touted as the ideal food and fat was demonized, sugar-free and fat-free products ruled the supermarket. These days, though, eggs and butter and (gulp) whole milk are having their moments. But no foods, Brown argues, are really "bad" foods. Though she's not a fast-food fan herself, Brown wants readers to know that even medical professionals only kind of understand how different bodies process different calories.

And while we’re on the topic of calories, let's debunk that age-old notion that weight loss is as simple as "calories in, calories out." "Back in 1989," Brown writes, "two of the best-respected weight researchers in the world, sociologist Jeffrey Sobal and psychiatrist A.J. Stunkard concluded, 'Even when food intake and energy expenditure are carefully monitored in field studies, the relationship between energy intake and body weight is weak.'"


Enjoy Your Food!


Can I say it again? Enjoy your food! According to Brown, one of the integral parts of metabolization is pleasure. "The more we enjoy our food, the more efficiently our bodies make use of its nutrients." Slow down and savor the foods you love. Accept them and acknowledge them! Experience their appearance (cute macaroons, anyone?), their smell, their taste. As Brown writes, "you can't feel satisfied after a meal if you're barely aware that you're eating it."
Give Your Eyes a Break




...from what advertisers tout as beautiful. We all know that the models and celebrities we see on magazine covers and billboards are more often than not Photoshopped or retouched, but that doesn't change their impact on us viewers. According to Brown, "one minute of exposure to an image of a thinner-than-average woman is enough to shift our perceptions of attractiveness to a thinner ideal." Look at the people — the real people — around you. Cultivate an appreciation for actual bodies and faces. Stop thinking of blemishes as blemishes. Remember what we learned about dissatisfaction?
Be Part of the Change


"There's evidence that fewer American women are dieting now than in previous years," Brown writes. "We're starting to talk about health rather thanweight — at least occasionally." No matter how you commit to loving your body, know you're in good company.

Images: Giphy; Leandro Müller, Leo Reynolds, Solveig Osk, erin, Paola Kizette Cimenti, James Jordan, mhobl, Oxfordian, Gareth Williams/flickr

Sunday, 6 September 2015

You deserve to live a life you love

Over the last year I really have achieved a lot. if someone had told me on my last birthday that I would be doing as well as I currently am by my next birthday, there is no way I would have believed them. While I may not be fully recovered yet, I am so happy with the progress I have made so far and the way I am currently living. Whilst I was sick I think I really did forget how wonderful life could actually be. I had accepted an anorexic life as the way things had to be but I was so wrong. No one needs to live life whilst being tortured by an eating disorder!


Saturday, 8 August 2015

Accepting your body



Accepting your body at a healthy weight can be incredibely hard, especially while you are still having anorexic thoughts. Although it may seem like losing weight is the answer to be unhappy with your curret weight, we need to remember that is definetely IS NOT! Our body is not the thing that has to change in order to make us truly happy, our thoughts are the thing that needs to change. I am determined to keep working on accepting my body at a healthy weight as I know that I will never be happy otherwise. I thought that the following article was quite helpful, I hope that some of you find it helpful too.

From: http://www.webmd.com/beauty/style/accepting-your-body-at-any-size

No matter what your scale says, being comfortable in your own skin is up to you. It can be tough, in a society that prizes unrealistic images. But it's possible, and it starts with what you say when you look in the mirror.
One of the first rules of achieving a healthy and happy body image is to stop allowing "put-downs" in front of the mirror, says Lori Osachy, body image expert and lead therapist at The Body Image Counseling Center in Jacksonville, Fla.
"Even if in the beginning that means you have to jump in front of the mirror and shout, ‘You're awesome,' and then immediately jump back out, that's OK," she says. "The goal is to retrain your brain how to think positively about your reflection and your body."
Over time, telling yourself that you're beautiful, even if you don't believe it at first, will improve your confidence, she says. The psychology behind this technique is called "cognitive behavioral therapy," a method that psychologists and therapists use to stop negative thoughts and replace them with positive ones instead.
Robyn Silverman, PhD, body image expert and author, agrees that "faking" confidence will eventually turn bad body thoughts into good ones, though it takes time.
To speed up the process, Silverman suggests posting notes with positive messages on your mirror to remind yourself of your good qualities. Those notes don't always have to be about your looks. Jotting down things about your character will help you develop a more positive attitude toward your reflection.

Be Your Own Body Image Advocate

You would never tell your friend she looks fat in a bathing suit, or tell your coworker his arms are scrawny, so why would you tell yourself that?
"Treat yourself as you would treat others, and you'll find negative thoughts will lessen over time," says Leslie Goldman, MPH, body image expert and author of Locker Room Diaries.
Ditch the things in your life that make you feel inferior, whether that is body-bashing friends, fashion magazines with supermodels, or TV shows that portray men and women in an unrealistic, sexist way, Silverman says. If a family member or roommate makes you feel bad about the way you look, talk to them directly and establish a "fat-talk-free policy," she says.
If an advertisement or TV commercial makes you feel bad about yourself, examine it closer and look for the ways it's trying to sell you something. "Remember, if we didn't feel inferior to the models in the ads, we wouldn't want to buy the product," Silverman says.

Look Beyond the Scale

All too often, people get hung up on the number on the scale, rather than paying attention to how they feel, Silverman says. People of all sizes do that, and it doesn't help.
Instead of focusing on one number -- your weight -- pay attention to how you feel when you wake up or after you hurry to catch the bus. Also check on all your other numbers, such as blood sugarcholesterol, and blood pressure. Those may paint a better picture of your health than just your weight alone.
If you're trying to lose weight, Silverman suggests swapping weight-loss oriented goals with fitness goals like keeping your cholesterol level down or training for your first 5K.
"Instead of running away from your old body on the treadmill or the StairMaster, work toward a goal that makes you feel accomplished," she says.
Choose an exercise you love, and you'll be more likely to stick with it, Osachy says. When you exercise for stress relief and fun, your weight and health may naturally start to fall into place, she says.
As an added bonus, doing something you love will make you see your body in a different light, Silverman says. For instance, instead of loathing your thighs, you'll appreciate them because they enable you to do the things that you love, whether that is yoga or cycling.

Cut Yourself Some Slack

Forget perfection or rigid rules. It's OK to splurge once in a while even if you're trying to lose weight, Goldman says. Not letting yourself have a little cake at a party may make you more likely to overindulge later.
Focus on the bigger picture and praise yourself for the healthy choices you make, rather than the times you think you've "failed," Silverman says.
Don't label any food as "bad" or "good." You'll only feel worse about yourself and your body if you eat something that isn't your definition of perfect, Goldman says.

Don't Compare Yourself to Others

"Healthy comes in all shapes and sizes," Goldman says.
Never resort to unhealthy measures, such as not eating or taking potentially dangerous supplements, to fit society's idea of what looks healthy, Silverman says.
If you're physically fit, and everything checks out with your doctor, you may want to redefine your weight-loss goals altogether. If negative thoughts about your body become overwhelming, or if you are finding it hard to give up perfectionistic habits about food, weight, or exercise, talk to your doctor or a counselor or therapist.

Sunday, 2 August 2015

Disliking my body

Today I am not having a very good day in terms of my body image. I am feeling self conscious of my size and am having stronger then usual anorexic thoughts. I know that even normal people don't always feel comfortable with their bodies eitther so I shouldn't beat myself up too much. I just need to accept the fact that I am not feeling great about my body today and hope that Ifeel better tomorrow.

It is so strange how you can feel relatively ok with how you look one day and the next day you can feel huge and hate the way you look. I have been trying to think about what may have triggered these thoughts but nothing obvious comes to mind. I have not been reallly worried about anything that is going on in my family, in fact  things are better now then they have been in a really long time and my anxiety has been ok.

I didnt sleep very well last night. I probably only got 3 or 4 hours sleep all up so perhaps that is why my anorexia is controlling my thoughts today and I am not feeling great about my new body. My anorexia always seems so much stronger when I am tired. I also tried on a new pair of pants (kind of like sports tights) this morning which fit me fine but I instantly thought that my bum looked big in them, which may also be what has set me off.

My bum was always the part of me that I was most self conscious about and the part of my body that I hated the most. If I gained any weight at all it always seemed to go to my legs and bum and my brothers constantly teased me about my bum as they new that it bothered me. I know that I need to get over this though as I need to accept my body exactly the way it is supposed to be naturally. Even though Iwanted to, I refused to take the pants off as I think that wearing them for the day will help me to accept myself.

I know that it is to be expected that I am struggling to accept my new body sometimes, especially whilst my anorexia is still in my head. But I know that I just need to keep ignoring these thoughts as much as I can and make sure that I do not let these thoughts influence my decisions or actions. I really have gained a lot of weight in the last few months and I just need to be patient and take some time to adjust to it.

If I keep fighting, I know that my anorexic thoughts will eventually dissapear all together and then I will hopefully be able to accept myself and my body completely.




Friday, 24 July 2015

Accepting your body at a normal weight

I have never been able to accept my body at a normal healthy weight and when I lost weight and got sick, I only became more convinced that I would never be able to be happy and accept my body the way it is naturally supposed to be. Now however, I can honestly say that I am starting to accept my body for the first time in my life. Of course I still have self conscious feeling and thoughts about my body sometimes, but most of the time, I am relatively happy with my body the way it now is.

I wanted to share this with you all so that you dont give up on ever being able to accept your body as I am living proof that it is possible. I hated my body when I was the weight I now am before I ever even got anorexia but now I just apreciate my body for what it is. I dont know if it is because I worked so hard to gain the weight or if it is due to all the positive self talk I have been using but somehow my self esteem in regards to my body has really been transformed. 

I know that I am not naturally supposed to look extremely lean. I will always have curves and a little thin waist. My legs are naturally muscular and I may not always be able to fit into size 6 jeans. Now however, for the first time in my  life I am ok with all of these things. After battling through everything I have been through over the last few years, I have now realised what is truly important in life and being super skinny is definetely not one of those things.

What matters is my happines and I can honestly say that I am happier at the moment then I have been for as long as I can remember. So I suppose being a slightly biggger size then I was once comfortable with really does seem like a tiny sacrifice if it enables me to be truly happy. After being so skinny and bony, I actually like the fact that my hips no longer stick right out. I also dont mind the fact that my figure is becoming more womenly again. 

I used to look at really skinny girls and envy them and feel so jealous of them but now I just feel bad for them as I know hat they may be suffering with. I hate to think of anyone going through the pain and misery that an eating disorder brings to a person. Please keep working on accepting your body at a healthy weight. I promise you it is possible and it feels truly amazing to be able to be happy with yourself, the way you are naturally supposed to be. 


Sunday, 19 July 2015

Realising what really matters

Growing up, I worried way too much about what other people thought of me and used the way I looked to determine my self worth. I felt so terrible about myself before I got anorexia and hated myself, only because I was not super skinny. I can now see that the way I felt was completely wrong as there are so many other things that are so much more important in determining your self worth.

I remember when I was about 10 years old, I actually asked my dad if he would still love me if I was fat. My dad of course told me that he would still love me and that it was silly of me to ask such a thing but I still didn't believe him. I honesty felt like I would be unlovable if I was not skinny. I think it is so sad that I had these beliefs and to this day I will never truly understand why I placed so much importance in the way that I looked.

I spent so many years of my life hating who I was a trying to change myself all because I wasn't as skinny as I would have liked. It did not matter that I was smart, kind, caring and understanding, I still hated myself as I wasn't skinny enough. Isuppose that this is because I was a perfectionist and felt as though I needed to be perfect. It is really strange that I felt this way and most of my childhood memories are actually about comments different people made about my weight.

I do not remember any of the nice things people ever said too me, I just remember when people commented on my appearance in ways that I didn't like. For example, I remember a boy telling me my bum was big in year 6 and I also remember my uncle telling me my legs were getting 'fatter'. I suppose that the reasons these types of comments stuck in my head more clearly than any others is because I did care way too much about how others saw me and my body.

Now I have learnt that the way I look or how much I weigh is not what should determine how I feel about myself, I am starting to accept myself for who I am and I no longer hate myself like I once did. I am also starting to realise that if people judge me on my appearance, then I dont really want to associate with them anyway. I know that the typesof people who I want to have in my life will not judgr me in this way and that I therefore should not care what others think.

I still get the same thoughts sometimes, however whenever I do I just quickly remind myself that the way I look is not what truly matters and neither is what others think. It is hard to tell myself this sometimes and I do find myself still worrying about what other people think of me but I will continue working on this so that I can accet myself for who I really am and so that I can stay happy and healthy.


Thursday, 16 July 2015

My Day in hobart

Ok so I know that I said I wasnt going to spend much money today as I wanted to start saving money but that really didn't go so well. I bought myself season 1, 2 and 3 of Pretty Little Liars as I have watched all of my tv series at home. I have never actually seen pretty Litte Liars but I have heard lots of good reviews on it. So I caved and bought it as there was a buy two and get 1 free offer going at Jb hi-Fi.

I also got myself some really nice tops (1 long sleeved top, 1 cardigan, and 2 short sleeve tops). They are all really nice and I am so happy that I bought them. I had doubts about whether I should get them as they were quite expensive but I have hardly any nice clothes at home that I can actually wear out so I decided it was ok to spoil myself, especially now that I actually fit into real sizes. :)

In fact, I do not only fit into proper sizes really well, but I also had to buy a few items of clothes in sizes that were not actually the smallest size available. This felt really strange as I have always just gone straight to the smallest size and had it either fit or still be too big or baggy. I know that I need to accept that I am not naturally a size 6 and that this is nothing I should be ashaimed of.

The fact is, I have curves and there is nothing wrong with that. Since gaining weight, all of the visible weight gain has gone to my chest, bums and thighs so that my figure now is very similar to what it was before I got anorexia. Which makes me think that I am in fact close to my natural set point weight. We are all predetermined to have a certain figure and this is obvously just my natural figure. I will always have larger breasts and bum and a tiny slim waist so I just need to accept it.

I also bought some groceries. Not snacky things as I allready had lots of those at home but just more savoury things that are actually for my main meals (i.e. frozen lasagnas, pasta, soups) As well as some fruit! I really enjoyed spending the day with my family and would like to do it again sometime soon. It is mums birthday tomorrow so it also gave me chance to find her a present. I got her a necklace with my name as well as my brothers and sisters names engraved on the back.

Oh and I also had KFC with my family which I really enjoyed for lunch. I had a original recipe chicken burger, potato and gravy and a pepsi Max. We are almost home now and it has been a really long day. So I will just get home, walk Tess and cook myself some tea and unpack verything I bought. I hope everyone else has had a good day too. :)

Wednesday, 8 July 2015

No more Wednesday weigh-ins

This is the first Wenesday morning in a long time that I havent bothered to weigh myself and it feels fantastic. I know that I am not going to spend the day worrying about how much weight I have gained or wondering why I have failed to gain weight for this week. Instead, I can just spend the day feling happy and healthy. I think I have reached the stage in my recovery where I no longer need to worry so much about gaining a set amount of weight each week.

I know that I have not yet reached my set natural set point weight yet but if I continue to eat my recovery amounts, I know that this will eventually happen. I know that my bmi is no longer dangerously low and this relieves some of the pressure to gain weight at a specific rate. Now I feel as tthough it is just ok to let my body sort everything out itself. Afterall, bodies are extremely complex things and I really am starting to trust my body to look after me. I know that my body is much smarter then I am and can look after itsef without me taking charge, as long as I provide it with the energy it needs.

Look at babies and small children. They do not need to consciously look after their bodies, their bodies just do everything for them. I know that in order to recover I need to let go of the control I have taken over my body and I believe that this is the first sttep in doing that. So I do not plan to closely track my weight anymore. I will let my gp weigh me if I go and see her and I may weigh myself spontaneously occasionally, to make sure that I haven't lost weight but other then that I just want to let my body sort its self out.

I am feeling really positive about this change and want to thank Laura for reminding me that it is not always necessary to focus so much on numbers and to have strict recovery plans while fighting your eating disorder. I know that I am eating enough in order to recover and since I am feeling so strong and healthy, I dont really care if it takes two weeks or two months for me to reach my natural set point weight. I trust that my body will get me there in its own time.

Tuesday, 7 July 2015

Accepting yourself for who you are


I am forgetful.
I talk too much sometimes.
I am a perfectionist.
I find it hard to make friends.
I have an hour glass figure.
I am not naturally super skinny.
I get pimples sometimes.
I dont always like the way my hair looks.
I have bad body image days.
I make mistakes.
I need to learn to listen more.
I will always have a bigger bum then I would like.
I have ligamentous laxity.
I have scars all over my body.
I have anxiety.
I find it hard to trust people.

I am not perfect.
I know nobody is.
I don't need to be perfect.
I just need to be me.





When people say triggering things

One of my good friends who I met through blogging has asked for some advice about what to do when a friend continuously talks about something that triggers you. In her case the friend is someone that she actually met in hospital when she was a inpatient and they are both now day patients. Her friend talks about exercise all the time which my friend finds exremely triggering. My friend also gets upset because many of the thing her friend talks about doing, my friend knows she will not be able to do because she suffers from osteoperosis.

Firstly, sometimes people may say things to you that make you feel anxious and make you want to use anorexic behaviours. These people may be people that you see everyday or they could even be strangers. The most important thing is that you never listen to these anorexic thoughts, no matter what. Unfortunately we can not always control what others say however we can control our own actions. So if someone says something triggering as a one off, you should probably just try and let it go. Even if it caused you some anxiety I pobably wouldn't bother about saying anything, unless it happens again.


The thing is, lots off things can be triggering to a recovering anorexic and I think that a part of recovering is learning how to fight your anorrexia when you feel triggered, instead of always giving into it. If someone often talks about a particular thing that really triggers you however, I would definetely talk to them. If they are a true friend or if they really care about you they won't mind you being honest with them and they will be happy for you to approach them about it.

I know that it may be hard to approach someone and tell them that what they are saying or doing is really triggering you however it is something you really need to do if it is causing you a great deal of discomfort and if it is preventing you from recovering. I would suggest talking to them in the nicest way posible, afterall it isn't really there fult they are triggering you either as they would not be trying to intentionally hurt you. In my friends case, I would suggest saying something like this;

"I think it is so fantastic that you are feeling healthy and strong enough to exercise so much but would you mind not talking to me about it so often. I love talking to you as you are such a good friend however it is hard for me to hear about exercise all the time, while I am stilll recovering. So do you think it would be ok if we talk about something else intead?"

If the person knows a fair it about your eating disorder you could tell them why what they are saying triggers you however if they dont I wouldn't go into too much detail, I would let them know that it makes you feel really uncomfortable. I know that if someone approached me and asked me not to talk about a particular topic with them I would not be offended at all. I would be glad that they had talked to me so that I could prevent making them feel uncomfortable in the future.


Finally if someone does not take it very well or gets angry that you have asked them nicely not to talk about a particular topipc, I would question whether or not they are the type of personyou should be around whilst you are recovering. While you are recovering you need to surriubd yourseld with people you love and trust and should distance yourself room anyone who does not treat you right. In order to recover you need to learn to treat yourself with respect and it is really hard to do this if people around you fail to treat you with respect and kindness.

Also, to the friend who asked me for the advice I would really question whether or not your friend is actually healthy. I do not think it would be a good idea to do as much exercise as she is doing, so soon after reaching an acceptable bmi. Also, constantly talking about exercise is a behaviour that suggests she could be or is becoming obsessed with it. Please dont follow her example. Keep doing what you know is right for YOUR recovery. You always need to remember that YOU are the most important thing in your recovery. <3 xx