Self acceptance is the key to recovery

This time three years ago, I was laying in a hospital bed after being diagnosed with anorexia. Although my weight had not dropped extremely low, I was hypothermic and my heart was weak. I had stopped eating all together before being admitted to hospital and I absolutely hated everything about myself. Over the past three years, a lot had happened. I wish I could say that since I was admitted, I continued making positive recovery progress but sadly that is not the case at all. Unfortunately, my anorexia got a lot worse before it got any better and it wasn't until this year that I have actually made any recovery progress at all.

As I read back over my journal entries from when I was in hospital, the thing that stands out to me most is tthe hate I had for myself. I think that out of all the things I have achieved over the last 3 years, learning that I was worth recovery and that there was nothing wrong with me, as I am naturally supposed to be were the most important. I am so glad that I finally realised that I did not deserve to live life with anorexia and that whilst I was anorexic, I would never be happy. I honestly believed that not being skinny enough was the reason for my unhapiness and that the only way I could ever be truly happy was if I lost weight.

Although I know I need to keep working on it, I think that the most wonderful thing I have achieved in the last 3 years is self acceptance. I can honestly say that I dont want to be someone else anymore, I just want to be the real me. Who cares if I am not the skinniest or the prettiest, I am ME and that is all that matters. While I have wasted a lot of time over the last three years being unhappy and miserable, not living at all and barely surviving, I am so grateful for where I am today and I am so proud of everything I have achieved. Although it has not been an enjoyable journey, I think that everything I have been through has helped get me to where I am today. Afterall, if I had never hit 'rock bottom,' perhaps I never would have felt the need to make a full recovery.

Once I would have said that the key to making a recovery from anorexia was being able to eat lke a normal person again but I now realise that it is so much more then that. Now I have realised that the real key to recovery is being able to accept who you are, not just the way you look but also who yo are on the inside. You may not love every single little thing about yourself and that is completely ok. You just  need to be able to accept yourself, despite what you may see as imperfections. I dont think recovery is possible if you dont accept yourself so perhaps if you are trying to recover, you should work on accepting yourself for a while before you work on everything else.

I honestly thought I would hate myself forever but this has not been the case and it doesn't need to be the case for you either. You can do it, I believe in you!