My day

Today has been an incredibely busy but also an incredibly good day :) I got up nice and early like usual and made myself a yummy breakfast of two slices of toast topped with a mashed banana as well as a bowl of cheerios with milk. Then I took Tess for a walk along the beach which was nice. After I got back and organised I started the trip to Hobart. I actually dont mind driving so much, especially when I have some good music to listen too.

On my way to Hobart, I stopped to watch some of my best friend Jemmas inter school athletics carnival. I was very proud of her as she came first in both of the events I saw and did extremely well. I then continued on my way to eastlands shopping centre where I planned to do my shopping. I have never been brave enough to travel all the way to eastlands before by myself as driving in places I am not very familiar with scares the hell out of me but today I was feeling ok about doing it. I got there with no worries at all and as I was really hungry the first thing I did was go to find some lunch. 

This is something that would have been impossible for me once, or would have atleast required hours of thought and preparation but today I didnt know wat I was going to have until I was being asked what I would like. I ordered exactly what I felt like, a bowel of hot chips with Sauce and I am so glad to say that I really enjoyed them. Even though I had no idea how many calories it contained and it cerinly wasn't a 'healthy' lunch option, I honestly didn't care which just goes to show how far I really have come in my recovery!  

I bought a few things that I really needed as well as some things that I didnt really need haha, like the sports clothes you can see below. After I finished clothes shopping, my stomach was starting to grumble a little so I went and got a chocoolate thick shake from wendy's which was also delicious! Today I feel as though I had an extremely successfuul dhopping day as I not only bought lots of nice things, but I also just enjoyed myself and felt like a normal girl. I didnt spend the day worrying about food or my weight or anything like that and it really was the most amazing feeling! :)

When I got home at about 6 o'clock, Tess was waiting eagerly for me. So after putting away my groceriees I made myself tea (which was beef lasagna and salad) and then took Tess for a run. I haven't gone for a run for a while but because it was late and I still had so much to do, I didnt wantto spend too much time walking Tess so I thought it would be a bit quicker to run with her. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed running and think I will do it again for sure! When I finally did get home, the tiredness of my huge day finally hit me so I just sat on the couch and ate some more food before going for a shower. 

It is currently 10:10 pm so I really should get to bed as I have a full day of work again tomorrow.. Goodnight everyone!   

Eating intuitively to gain weight

Today I got asked aboout whether I followed a meal plan whilst I was eating proper recovery amounts and gaining weight or if I just ate intuitively. I thought that this was a great question so I thought I would write a post on the topic :)

While eating intuitively is something I am now working toward, I honestly dont know if it eating intuitively whilst you are trying to gain weight is a good idea or not. Perosonally, I know that I woud not have eaten enough in recovery to gain weight if I had not folowed a meal plan. I guess this is becausse when you are gaining weight, you actually need to eat an excess amount of food than what your body is necessarily telling you that you need at the time.

Perhaps the only time that eating intuitively would work in order for you to gain weight is if you were experiencing extreme hunger and were strong enough to give into your hunger cures 100%, but I honestly dont think that many anorexics would be strong enough to ddo that early on in their recoveries anyway. I honestly think that following a mel plan is the best way to recover and gain weight, but of course that is just my opinion. I would be realle interested to hear whether other people have been able to make full recoveries without meal plans or counting calories. :)

As far as counting calories goes, I would avoid it if you could as it really is an awful and destructive anorexic behaviour. Counting calories seriously nearly drove me crazy and I am so happy that calorie counting is no longer such a big part of my life. While I still do keep track of the approximate amount of calories I eat, eventually my goal is to not worry about calories at all and to just eat completely intuitively.

While it is better not to count calories in recovery if you can avoid it, to a certain thing it may be necessary. For example when I put my meal plan together, I designed it so that it contained a certain amount of calories, so that I knew I was reaching an acceptable intake each day. I think that the best thing to do if it was possible would be to get a dietician or a similar specialist to design a meal plan for you. This would mean that they can do the calories counting for you to ensure that your meal plan is suitable without you having to worry about numbers of calories yourself.

So while eating intuitively may be a fantastic goal for you to have one day, it may not be suitable for you to try and do that whilst you are gaining weight. Just as following a meal plan is not a healthy thing for you to do for the rest of your life. I guess you just have to do what is best for you in your particular stage of recovery and do what allows you to reach your goals and be healthy and strong!

realising what truly matters

As I was walking Tess yesterday morning I was looking at my phone (I know, stupid idea) and almost tripped on a piece of cement. Luckily I stopped myself from falling but unfortunately I dropped my phone. My phone was laying face down so I was almost too frightened to pick it up as I was frightened it may be broken. When I did pick it up my fears were realised and I could see that the whole screen had shattered.

My first thought was 'Oh crap' but then I realised that it was only a phone and it stil worked so it really wasn't a big deal. In my opinion, one of the only good things that have come through me having anorexia as well as overcoming it is that it has made me realise what is truly important in life. I mean at the end of the day, who cares if your phone screen is cracked. Being happy and healthy really is all that matters!

I now think the same way about things like going to uni and getting a degree. I mean sure, if that is what you ttruky want to do, well go for it! But if you are like me and can't healthily study, then DONT. Getting a degree really isnt worth being unhappy or unhealthy for. Now that I have left university I have been able to recover from my eating disorder and I am the happuiest I have ever been in my life and that s what truly matters.

I mean as I sit hear, thinking about the things that truly matter in life, I can see that I am incredibely lucky and blessed.

• I have two jobs that may not be impressive or high paying, but I enjoy them and am able to be financially independent due to them. 
• I have a beautiful dog who I love taking for walks and who I would be absolutely lost without. 
• I have a wonderful family, who are all so proud of me for fighting my anorexia and beating it and who I know are always here for me, if ever I need them. 
• I may not have heaps of good friends, but the ones I have are truly amazing! 

after being so sick, i have come to realise that every day really is a gift and that i shouldnt spend time worrying about silly little things. I should just be happy for everything and everyone I have in my life, because my life really is wonderful <3 

Eating true recovery amounts

An important thing to remember whilst in recovery is that just eating 'normal amount' in not enough. When you need to gain weight and are trying to recover, you really do need to eat more then everyone else around you. While I know that recovery amounts of food are different for everyone, I thought I would remind you all what my intake looked like when I was in recovery and eating as much as 3200 calories per day. Looking back, I am so glad that I was strong enough to eat that amount as it has meant that my metabolism has repaired well and I have been able to reach a healthier weight and mindset relatively quickly.

Example one

Peanut butter on toast with creamy vanilla oats (prepared with milk) and topped with 1 sliced banana

1 banana Up and Go, 1 mandarin and 1 thick slice of jam sponge roll

2 crumpets with butter and vegemite, 1 banana and 1 chocolate snak Pack

1 bowl of grapes with vanilla yoghurt and 1 cookies and cream Kit Kat

Roasted duck breast and mashed potato and pumpkin with gravy and vegetables (carrot, peas and broccolli)

Hot Butterscotch Pudding with vanilla icecream

1 milky 'frothy classic' hot chocolate

Example 2

Morning Tea: 1 mandarin + 1 caramel Up and Go + 1 jam filled lamington

Lunch: 1 sandwhich made with two slices of wholemeal bread, butter, Belgium and tomato relish + 1 large apple + 1 full fat raspberry and white chocolate greek yoghurt

Afternoon Tea: fruit salad made with diced pineapple, cantelope and watermelon + 1 packet of rice crackers + 1 mint Aero chocolate bar

Tea: Chicken carbonara pasta + vegetables (corn on the cob, broccoli, brussel sprouts and baby peas

Dessert: 1 Nannas hot mini apple pie with a large scoop of vanilla icecream

Supper: 1 Hot chocolate made with 1 sachet of Jarrah frothy hot chocolate, boiling water and cold milk

Example 3

Apricot, almond and vanilla oats prepared with 3/4 cup of milk and topped with 1 small sliced banana and 2 slices of wholemeal toast with Maple nut spread

1 small serve of grapes, 1 caramel Up and Go and 3 macadamia and white chocolate chip cookies

1 cheese an delish sandwich, 1 large apple and 1 vanilla snak Pack custard tub 

1 tub of apple puree with creamy vanilla yoghurt and 1 violet crumble chocolate bar 

Chicken flavoured rice with extra boccoli, carrot and peas

1 large bowl of vanilla icecream topped with 1 crushed flake chocolate bar

1 frothy hot chocolate made with cold milk and boiling water

How guys can affect our eating disorders

I feel as though a very important point to make is that we should not ever let guys affect how we feel about ourselves. The year that I first started to try to lose weight was the year that I really liked a boy but things didn't work out between us. Looking back now, I know that the reason things didn't work out between us had nothing at all to do with my weight or how I looked but at the time, I thought that losing weight may somehow solve the problem and make the boy like me.

I haven't really mentioned anything on my blog about this yet but I am currently chatting a lot to a guy ALOT who I really like and I know he really likes me too. We are both really open about how we feel about one another but even still, because he currently is seeing someone else we cant be together. This time around however I have not made he mistake of blaming the way I look or my body for things not working out between us.

I know that this has nothing at all to do with the reason why things have not worked out between me and this particular guy and I know that losing weight will not solve any problem. I adamently believe that we should never try to change our bodies or the way we look for any guy. In my opinion if a guy doesn't like us exactly the way we are, then they dont deserve to have us in their lives at all. Never again will I try to change how I look for any guy and as long as I am happy with how I look, that is all that matters! 

I felt as though looing weight would make me more popular and liked by boys but this was definetely not the case at all. I really hope that what i m about to say does not make me soound arrogant because I ddot mean to ssound that way at all, but I can honestly say that boys have shown a lot more interest in me again since I have become healthy. I can now see that there is nothing attractive about being underweight at all and that boys will like you a lot more if you are a healthy weight :) 

I know that this post is a bit random but it is just something I felt was worth mentioning. :)

Forgive youself, everybody makes mistakes

My weekend

After watching my little sister at her dancing lesson yesterday, I headed to my best friends place. I had never been to her place before or met any of her family so she showed me around their farm and itroduced me to her family which was great. We helped Jozzy's brother move some irrigation pipes and I also got covered in dust whilst riding on the back of the four wheeler motor bike so I needed to have a quick shower before I could get ready for the party.

I felt a bit nervous going to the party as I hadn't actually officially been invited. Only Jozzy and her brother had been invited but theyy were sure that the guy whose party it was wouldnt mind at all. I was really happy when I got there as the Guy could remember meeting me at another party and didn't mind that I was there at all.

After just drinking and chatting for a little while, we all had some tea. There was barbeque meat as well as lots of different salads which I enjoyed. We headed out by the fire when it got dark which was nice and warm and we just had fun for the rest of the night. We listened to music, danced and continued drinking until the early hours of the morning. I met lots of really nice people who I hope I get to see again one day and overall had a great time.

After getting almost no sleep, I woke up with a head ache and feeling really tired. I said goodbye to Jozzy and everybody else and began the long drive back home. I got subwway on the way home which was nice however I regretted ating it as it made me feel really sick. I struggled to keep my eyes open all the way home and was so happy when I finally did arrive. Aftergreeting Tess I went straight to bed and slept for almost 3 hourd. When I woke up I felt much better so got ready and took Tess for a nice long walk.

Since getting back from my walk I have just rested and made myself some tea. I had chicken nuggets with BBq sauce with mashed potato and pumpkin and boiled vegetables. I read a few chapters of 'The Rousabout' which is the book I am currently reading and just plan to relax and watch tv for the rest of the night. Luckily I left my house in a clean state on Saturday morning so there isn't too much for me to do tonight. I really only need to have a shower and anything else that needs to be done can wait until tomorrow.

I hope that everyone has had a great weekend :)