Taking my life back

My anorexia took practically everything away from me. Firstly, after going through 12 years of schooling, my anorexia stopped me from completing my final term of college. Whilst I was luckily still able to gain my high school certificate and recieve ATAR points so that I could enter uni, I still missed out on my graduation. I missed out on all of the celebratory dinners that I was supposed to go to with my family and friends, I missed out on my final school leavers assembly and all of the antics of valadictoory week that I had watched previous year 12's experienced every year since I was a little girl.

My anorexia also took my friends and my social life away from me. I no longer wanted to socialise and my friends didn't know how to act around me anymore. They knew tthat I was sick and that there was nothing they could do to help me. I didn't have the energy to be friendly or nice anymore so I pushed everyone away. My anorexia also made me resent my family and push them away too. My anorexia was such a huge part of me back then and my anorexia hated anyone who wanted to help me.

I spent years barely surviving. I was alive but I was not truly living the way I should have been. Every single day revolved around my anorexic rituals and behaviours and I didn't think that things would ever get better. I went to specialists but no one knew how to help me. Everyone just told me to stop my behaviours and start eating more but I couldn't do it. They all made it sound so easy, but it wasn't that easy. My anorexia was so strong I would have sooner died then not listen to it. That is how frightened I was of going against my anorexia.

Eventually I realised that I had no reason to be so frightened of fighting my anorexia. I did not owe my anorexia anything. My anorexia had taken so much from me and it had not given me anything good in return, only sadness and regrets. Even though my anorexia took my life away from me, I have now taken it back. I suppose that is  the message that I am trying to share through this post. Our eating disorders do take a lot away from us but fortunately we can fight to get it all back. Don't just accept it your anorexia takes things away ffrom you. Do something about it and get your life back!

I remember how terrified I was to start going against my anorexia but I soon realised that by going against my anorexia, it couldn't actually hurt me.  Even though fighting my anorexia was painful, It got easier the more I fought. My anorexia got weaker and weaker until eventually it was just a little voice whispering in my ear, instead a spiteful voice constantly screaming. Think of it this way, if you go against what your anorexa tells you, what is the absolute worst thing that could happen?

Yes your anorexia can get angry and make you feel upset or break down but fighting your anorexia cannot physically hurt you. It is only listening to your anorexia that can truly hurt you that way. I am living proof that figting your anorexia and gettting your life back IS possible and I want to spread this message to as many people suffering from this awful illness as I possibly can. Please don't let your anorexia continue to take anything else away from you. Instead you need to fight it and get your life back. I know you can do it, you just have to believe in yourself and believe in recovery.