A little update on my recovery

I decided to take some more progress pictures last night, now that I have reached my goal weight. It is hard for me to see myself so much bigger then I was, but at the same time I am incredibely proud of myself for making it to where I now am. I know that the weigh I am now at is the weight I am supposed to be and I therefore need to keep working on accepting myself at this weight. As I look at these photos, I have a mixture of thoughts going through my head but I know I just need to ignore my anorexic thoughts and keep tellng myself that I am healthy and there is notthing wrong with the way I look.

I just realised that I never actually let you all know what I eventually decided to do about weighing myself and my 'month without the scale' challlenge. With the help of some of my readers, I realised that I was in fact doing the challenge for all the wrong reasons. I was not doing the challlenge because I was scale addicted or anything like that. I was doing it because I was scared of seeing how much I weighed and didn't want to have to admit it to myself as by doing this my anorexia gets angry.

So when I started to get worried that I may have been losing weight, as I had reduced my intake, started exercising more and stopped weighing myself all at the same time, I decided to end my challenge after only two weeks. Firstly, I am happy to report that I had not lost any weight which gives me confidence that I am still eating enough and that the extra exercise is not too much for my body.

Secondly, I think for now weighing myself and seeing my truue weight is actually helping me to recover more then what not weighing myself would be. Every time I weigh myself and see my weight, I do feel panicked and a little uncomfortable. My anorexia does get angry and starts trying to make me want to lose weight again. The thing is however, when this happens I never listen. Instead I fight with everything I have to ensure my anorexia doesn't get it's way.

I know that through fighting my anorexia this way and winning I am getting closer and closer to recovering and I am also getting closer to being able to accept myself for who I truly am. There is no point in being in denial about how much I weigh. That is not helping me to accept myself at a healthy weight, it is just like ignoring the problem. I know that the only way I will make a full recovery is by facing my fears and for me this means weighing myself, even if it is only once a week.

I weighed myself again this morning and my weight has still not changed which I think is a good thing. After all, maintaining me weight is my goal now and it is more just my mental recovery I need to keep working on. No matter how much my anorexia hates my weight and tries to get me to restrict and burn calories, I refuse to listen. Because I know in my heart that I am healthy and I know that I am the size I am supposed to be. I am not super skinny but if I was, then I would not be healthy and I would not be me.

Please, to all of those out there trying to get to a healthy weight, Keep fighting. I never thought that I would be able to get to a healthy weight but I have and it really isn't that bad. In fact, I like and appreciate my body more now then I ever have in my life. And to all of those who have reached a healthy weight but still have trouble accepting themselves at that weight, you need to keep fighting too. Acceptig and appreciating yourself and your body is possible and if we keep working on it, I know that we can get there together!