The only time you should look back is to see how far you have come

An amazing girl remided me of something incredibely important recently, which was that the only time you should look back on your past, is to see how far you have come. I think that this is the most wonderful saying and believe that it is so true.

Firstly, it is true that there is no point in looking back on the past and dwelling on things that may have gone wrong. For a long time I had a hard time getting past all of the things I had lost because of my anorexia and I also spent too much time worrying about why my anorexia started in the first place.

What I eventually realised however was that what happened in the past could not be changed, no matter how much I worried or thought about it. I also realised that thinking about the tough times I have been through was only making me feel bad and stopping me from enjoying my life now.

So I know that I should not spend time worrying about the past and that I just need to accept everything that has happened in the past. Afterall, everything that has happened in the past (the good and bad) has shaped me to become the person I am today and I wouldn't want to change the person that I am, even if I could.

My friend was so right when she said that you should only look back to see how far you have come, so that is exactly what I am going to do in this post. I am going to take a moment to look at all the progress I have made in my recovery so far and concentrate on that, rather than spending time getting frustrated about how long recovery is taking.

The timeline of me at my most anorexic point, to where I am today.

DEADLY SICK (July 2013)

-Started to increase my intake very gradually

-Started to eat foods other then vegeatbles, non fat yoghurt, salad and oats

-my resting heart rate began to increase above 30bmp

-Started eating 6 meals per day

- Started eating pasta/rice/potato

- gained a couple of kilograms despite the fact that I was still undereating

HALF RECOVERED (July 2014)

-Could eat anything as long as I can count its calories and it fit into my daily intake

-Could eat things like chocolate, cake, icecream, custard etc in small amounts

-Able to eat a 'normal' amount of food, but not eough to gain weight

-Became a little less obsessed with food (I no longer tried to make my meal times last ages or spent my days waiting for my next meal)

  

GETTING CLOSER TO MAKING A FULL RECOVERY (July 2015)

-can eat full fat products

-Managed to eat large recovery amounts

-Reached a healthy bmi

-Exceeded the goal weight my doctor set for me

-No longer weigh everything I eat

-No longer care about 'exact' numbers of calories

-Can easily eat things like chocolate bars

-Able to enjoy a meal out with family that is prepared by somebody else

-No longer feel the cold

-No longer care about my exact weight

-Able to accept myself for who I am supposed to be

-Able to fight my anorexic thoughts, whenever they arise

-Can go days without exercising

-No longer compensating for eating more or for exercising less by restricting

-no longer count macro nutrients

-full of energy and life

-actually want to socialising again

And the list seriously keeps going on... this list only touches on the progress I have made and these are just the things that sprung to mind right now.

Looking at this list, it really does go to show that I have come an incredibely long way and that I should be proud of myself for everything I have achieved. In fact I am proud of myself for everything I have achieved. If you look at the timeline above, you will probably notice that most of my pogress has been made over the past year, in particularly since I started my blog.

I know that a huge part of this is because of all of my wonderful readers believeing in me and motivaing me to keep fighting every single day. So thank you so much. I know that I wouldn't be where I am today if it wasn't for you all and I really cant thank you all enough.

Because of all of you, I do not only want to recover so that I can be happy. I also want to recover so that I can show each and everyone of you that recovery IS POSSIBLE! Once I felt as though recovery was too hard and that I would be sick forever too but look at me now. You all need to realise that if I can do it, so can you.

So remember, only look back at your life so that you can see how far you have come. Hopefully, like me you will realise that you have come way to far to give up now and that everyday you fight you are getting one day closer to being fully recovered. No matter how sick of recovery you get, never give up and you will make it eventually.