Day 2: What have you done to help yourself with your eating disorder?

Something I have realised throughout my battle with anorexia is that recovery will not happen unless you actively make it happen. I spent years sitting around hoping that I would one day wake up free of my anorexia but it obviously doesnt happen like that. In order to recover you need to make changes and see them through no matter how painful they may be. Here is a list of 5 changes I have made since starting to recover. These changes would seem very easy to normal people but for me they were incredibly hard.

1. I have stopped weighing everything I eat
For me this was a huge change that I thought I would never be able to overcome. My anorexia hated me not weighing my food because it meant that I couldnt be sure exactely how many calories I was eatimg. I would weigh absolutely everything including things like muesli bars, slices of bread, icecream bars, spreads like peanut butter or jam, fruit and vegetables, biscuits, slices of ham and cereal. I even weighed out amounts of things like stevia sweetner that had practically no calories in them anyway. I would not trust the weights written on packets of food portions either so would re -weigh everything once I had unpacked it and then calculated the exact amount of calories based upon its true weight.

While there are a few foods I still weigh like rice and pasta, I can honestly say that I no longer feel the need to weigh most of the food I eat. I still do keep a basic track of how many calories I eat to make sure I am eating enough, but I no longer feel as though I need to know the exact weight and calories contained in what I am eating. This change didnt happen over night and it is something I have had to work really hard at but I am so glad I did because I feel as though a huge weight had be taken off my shoulders.

2. I Started my recovery blog
I have allready talked about how starting a blog has helped me in my recovery and you can read it here.

3. I have increased my calorie intake, ALOT
At the moment I am eating so much more
then I ever have before. Increasing my intake is not just something I have done once to help myself to recover, but something I have done many times. Every time I weigh myself and see I have not gained enough weight I increase my intake no matter how many reasons my anorexia comes up with of why I shouldnt increase. Over the last few years I have increased my calories from starvation amounts however I still refused to eat even a 'normal' amount and wondered why I couldn't gain weight. Now I eat a lot more than the average person, something I never would have dreamed of doing before. I have not only managed to increase my intake to the recommended minimum recovery intake of 2500, I have exceeded this amount by quite a lot and I feel great for it.

4. I started taking medication for my anxiety
Ever since being diagnosed with anorexia, my gp has tried really hard to get me to agree to taking medication for my anxiety. She told me that my underlying anxiety was making trying to recover too difficult as making changes caused me unbarable anxiety. And when I say unbearable, I mean it. I never did anything that I knew I was not 'allowed' to do as how I felt for going against my anorexia was so awful. When I was at my sickest if someone had told me I had to either risk my life and jump off a bridge or eat a block of chocolate, I definetely would have jumped off the bridge. Dont get the wrong idea, I have never been suicidal or suffered from clinical depression but not listening to my anorexic thoughts was a scarier thing for me then dying.

So eventually I started taking some medication for my anxiety and it was around that time (about a month before starting my blog) that I started to want recovery more. The reason I started taking my medication was actually because I was starting a new job and I knew that I needed to be more confident and stop doubting myself to do well. I reccommend trying medications like these for anyone trying to recover. While I still do feel anxious, now I feel as though my anxiety is much more barable. It even surprises me how strong I can now be when I stand up to my anorexia and I know that my medication is partly responsible for this. There is nothing wrong with getting help when you need it and this does not make you weak in any way. Does it make a cancer patient weak for having chemotherapy treatment if that is what they require for them to survive? Of course it doesn't. I dont care if I have to be on this medication for the rest of my life if It allows me to stay happy and healthy.

5. I stopped giving in to my anorexia
While I still hear my anorexic thoughts loud and clear, I dont let myself listen to them anymore. As I continue to fight my thoughts, I can feel my anorexia getting weaker and the real me getting stronger. Every day my anorexic thoughts get a little bit quieter and easier to ignore and therefore everyday I am getting closer to recovery. While it feels impossible at first, know that it does get easier but only if you stop listening. If you continue to give into your anorexia, you are only feeding it and making it stronger.