While some days I feel really good about gaining weight and recovering, other days I dont and today just happens to be one of those days. Ever since I got up this morning I have been feeling extremely guilty about how much I eat each day and how quickly I am starting to gain weight. My anorexia is screaming at me to cut my meal plan down or cheat on my meal plan but I know I cant do this. Doing this would be giving into my anorexia which is something I simply cant afford to do. So on days like today, unfortunately all I think you can do is try and ignore the anorexic thoughts as best you can and just put up with them.
One of the worst times for me to get anorexic thoughts about eating too much or gaining too much weight is when I pack my lunch box of a morning before work. When I pack my lunchbox and all of the food is put together, suddenly I realise just how much I eat and my anorexia realises it as well. I even had to buy a 'super lunch box' so that I can fit all of my food in that I eat throughout the day.
Hopefully once I get to work my mind will be on other things and my anorexic thoughts may not be quite as loud as they currently are. we all need to remember that while we cant stop our anorexic thoughts, we can choose not to act upon them just because they are there. Yes, they may promise to make you feel better if you listen to them but you need to remember that these are lies. Try to be strong enough to do what you know in your heart is right for you and your recovery.
No matter how terrible my anorexia makes me feel today I will keep the promise I have made to myself to not eat any less or exercise anymore then I would on any other day. I know I am strong enough to do this.
You are doing wonderfully Karly :) The thoughts suck but you have such a strong mindset and you will beat them again like you have done before. Stay strong, keep smiling and listen to that part of your heart that knows what to do. Remember too that you are NEVER alone in this. <3 <3
ReplyDeleteThank you so much. Xx That is such a lovely thing for you to say and exactly what I needed to hear as it has made me feel so much stronger. <3
Delete<3
DeleteHey karly
ReplyDeleteI hope the day was okay for you? It's totally okay that it is so hard sometimes. That remembers us to be proud if a day is good! Otherwises ww want progress to quick and that's not good. So ... hard day - thats okay. Breathe. Believe in you.
I wish you a lovely rest of the day ♡
Your right Anna. Recovery was never meant to be easy. X It was really hard but I got through the day anyway which is the most important thing. <3 talk to you soon. X
DeleteHey hunny, I know it's super hard, but that just shows how hard you're working to overcome this monster. Every day is not going to be a breeze. Anorexia will rear its ugly head to try and sabotage your efforts in recovery, but you just have to prove how much stronger you are than it, and you're doing it because you're super strong and super incredible! One step at a time, one little step at a time, and you'll get there! Stay strong love Xx
ReplyDeleteThank you so much annie. You seem like such a strong person And have so much advice and understanding. Do you mind me asking how long you have had your illness? <3
DeleteYou're welcome! Anytime you want any advice, I'm here for you! I think I have a lot of insight into the illness because I've had it for over a decade now. <3
Delete