Day 23: how would you deal if you future child has your disorder, what would you say to them?

I have actually already thought about this question a lot. At one stage I had actually decided I didnt want to have children because I was so terrified that they would have my personality and develop anorexia too. But then I realised, even if my child did have my perfectionist personality and suffer from anxiety, this does not mean they would necessarily get anorexia.

While anorexia is biological, it is also environmentally caused. Therefore the fear of passing my genes onto a child is not a very good reason not to have children, especially considering it is something I really want to do. After going through anorexia myself and seeing how truly painful it is, I honestly dont know if I could bare to see someone else I love, like my own child go through it too.

I would hope that through closely monitoring my child as they grew up I would be able to tackle any body image issues or insecurities they may have before an eating disorder was to develop. If my child did develop an eating disorder however, I would try my best to help them by saying or doing the following things;

-I would remind them of how beautiful they already were and that and that changing their appearance would not solve any of their problems.

-I would tell my child how much I believe in them and try to get them to believe in themselves as this is the key to recovering.

-I would not hide the fact I had also suffered from an eating disorder myself. I would tell them what I had been through so that they can see that recovery is possible.

-I would let them know that I understood what they were going through and that I didn't blame them at all for developing their illness.

-I would tell them that recovery is incredibely painful but the end result is worth it. I would tell them that they would not truly be able to live life unless they recover.

-I would constantly tell them how much I love them to make sure they understand it is only their illness I dislike, not the rest of them too.

-I would tell them that they needed to use all the strength they had to fight their anorexia and that they should never give up.

As I know alot about how anorexia makes you feel and act, I think I would be able to support my child better then most parents could who had not been through it themselves. I know what to say and what not to say to a person who is suffering from anorexia and could use my own experiences to develop a helpful recovery plan for them.

The following advice sourced here, is a great overview of what to say to someone about their eating disorder.

How to talk to someone about their eating disorder

Be careful to avoid critical or accusatory statements, as this will only make your friend or family member defensive. Instead, focus on the specific behaviors that worry you.

• Focus on feelings and relationships, not on weight and food. Share your memories of specific times when you felt concerned about the person’s eating behavior. Explain that you think these things may indicate that there could be a problem that needs professional help.
• Tell them you are concerned about their health, but respect their privacy. Eating disorders are often a cry for help, and the individual will appreciate knowing that you are concerned.
• Do not comment on how they look. The person is already too aware of their body. Even if you are trying to compliment them, comments about weight or appearance only reinforce their obsession with body image and weight.
• Make sure you do not convey any fat prejudice, or reinforce their desire to be thin. If they say they feel fat or want to lose weight, don't say "You're not fat." Instead, suggest they explore their fears about being fat, and what they think they can achieve by being thin.
• Avoid power struggles about eating. Do not demand that they change. Do not criticize their eating habits. People with eating disorders are trying to be in control. They don't feel in control of their life. Trying to trick or force them to eat can make things worse.
  Avoid placing shame, blame, or guilt on the person regarding their actions or attitudes. Do not use accusatory “you” statements like, “You just need to eat.” Or, “You are acting irresponsibly.” Instead, use “I” statements. For example: “I’m concerned about you because you refuse to eat breakfast or lunch.” Or, “It makes me afraid to hear you vomiting.”
• Avoid giving simple solutions. For example, "If you'd just stop, then everything would be fine!"

Adapted from: National Eating Disorder Information Center and National Eating Disorders Association