While I had hoped I would be in a more positive mood today, sadly this was not the case, not to begin with anyway. Its as if all of a sudden the combination of eating so much, the types of foods i'm eating, the lack of exercise i'm doing and the amount of weight I am gaining has just all hit me at once. Before the last few days I actually looked forward to eating all of my meals but now I hate it when meal time comes around. Its like I have an uncomfortabely full feeling in my stomach from the moment I get up of a morning until the moment I go to bed of a night which is managing to constantly bring me down.
After lunch I took Tess for a walk on the beach and as I was walking along, I found my self feeling negative about everything. About how I currently look, how I will look in the future and how I am currently feeling at the moment. I sat down on a large piece of drift wood and as I looked out over the ocean I realised something very important and also very true. I am so lucky just to be here and to be alive and that I shouldnt waste my life worrying about the bad things. Afterall, worrying about them and feeling sorry for myself doesnt make the bad things go away, it just stops me from enjoying the good things.
It was as if Tess knew I needed some time to think as she usually just keeps going whenever I stop on a walk but today she stopped and waited with me patiently. I thought about the fact that while not everything about my life may be wonderful, a lot about my life is wonderful and those are the things I need to focus on when things get hard. It wasnt until I pushed the negative thoughts aside that I finally realised just how lucky I was to be there on an extremely beautiful beach with the cool ocean breeze in my face and my dog and best friend faithfully by my side.
I know that I can get through these difficulties I am currently facing and that I will become happier and more motivated about my recovery again. Until that happens however, I just need to try my hardest to focus on what is good in my life and what truly matters.
It's so hard to read that you're struggling at the moment. :( But listen! You are so pretty and brave! You're my biggest inspiration not to give up my recovery journey. I gain strength from your posts each and every day :)
ReplyDeletePlease, don't be sad! You've already reached so many wonderful changes, don't crash them down now :)
Keep fighting, you are a beautiful warrior! You are STRONGER than your anorexia ;)
It's so hard to read that you're struggling at the moment. :( But listen! You are so pretty and brave! You're my biggest inspiration not to give up my recovery journey. I gain strength from your posts each and every day :)
ReplyDeletePlease, don't be sad! You've already reached so many wonderful changes, don't crash them down now :)
Keep fighting, you are a beautiful warrior! You are STRONGER than your anorexia ;)
You have no idea how much this means to me. Thank you so much for being so kind and supportive. <3 thanks for making me believe in myself xx i hope that your own recovery is going ok. If you ever feel like chatting to someone, feel free to email me.x
DeleteYou and Tess are both so beautiful. I really hope that this negative time in your life passes soon. We all have negative moments, and they are there to make us appreciate the more positive moments when they come, and they will come for you. You are one heck of a fighter, so determined to overcome your anorexia, and this makes me believe that you will get there, that the negativity will pass and you'll soon be basking once again in the sunshine of positivity! Never give up, recovery just takes time and hard work, and you can do it because you're super-strong! Take care love. Thinking of you xxx
ReplyDeleteThank you so much for your kind and thoughtful wordd, they mean a lot. <3 i am already starting to feel better and am confident that I will be back to my positive and happy self soon.
DeleteYour so right, the bad times do help us to appreciate the good which is extremely important. I hope you are doing ok in your own recovery at the moment. :) xx
<3 oh hun :'( i hope you're ok, i know exactly how u feel :'( please dont give up now hun <3 i would give anything to make you see just how beautiful you are; make you recognise yourself for the kind, strong, amazing young lady that you really are. You are an inspiration hun truly!! And I know it is very hard to stay positive when things get tough in recovery. I have been there too; I've lost count of those times. But they WILL pass hun as long as you don't hold onto them and dwell on them!!
ReplyDeleteits strange hun but just today, i was trying to get hold of my granny on her house phone but there was no answer, which was unusual for her. I began to get really anxious and worried, and began to think something might have happened to her; something bad. untill finally she rang me back a few hours later, she had only been out shoping. I love my granny so, so much...she means more than the world to me. and this got me thinking, why am i so obsessed about my weight, shape and apparance, when i have such an amazing granny like her , and such loving, caring family and friends. Weight, shape, appearance and size...why do we focus so much on these, place so much significance on them; when there are so many other things and people present in our lives, which we should be thankful for every day?
sorry this is so long hun but this post realy moved me and I could really relate to everything you say. snding you all my love hun and thank you so much for your email as always hun, I will reply soon. xxx
Thanks so much Emmy but there is no need to worry, im feeling 100% better now! :) I am back to my positive and motivated self. X I know that it was just another little bend in my recovery journey, like the many I have had before and the many I am sure are still yet to come.
DeleteYes Emmy, those are exactly the types of things that remind us of what is truly important. <3 i look forward to your next email gorgeous. Xx