I'm back

I was very excited this morning when I woke up feeling like my old positive and happy self again! It is sunday, which means the day to weigh myself but I felt fine about stepping on the scales. I have gained anouther 600g over the past 4 days, even whilst I have been struggling which I think makes my weight gain an even bigger achievement. It shows me that even though my anorexia was strong, I was stronger. And if I can manage to fight my anorexia like this and win once, there is no reason why I cant do it every single time things are extra difficult.

It is exactly 1 month since I started gaining weight and I am excited to tell you all that I am now 3 kg heavier (Which is about 6lb 10oz for anyone who does not use metric units). This now gives me a bmi of 17.2 which I know is a massive improvement from my lowest bmi which was about 14.5. I am getting closer and closer to being weight restored and therefore getting closer and closer to recovering too. Luckily my excitement about living a life completely free of anorexia in the future has now returned which is motivating me once again in my recovery. 

Over the last few days I have been feeling guilty for posting such depressing and unmotivating posts. I considered not sharing my true thoughts with you all but I am really glad I did. I can see now, as I read through all of your beautiful and supportive comments, that you dont expect me to be perfectly happy and positive all the time and I shouldn't expect this of myself either. Most of you all know just how hard recovery is and I know you wouldnt expect me to be really good all the time. If it was me reading someone elses blog, I know I would want them them to feel as though they could be truly honest about how they were feeling, so I think I owe it to myself to be able to do the same. 

I honestly cant thank you enough for all of your support though. I honestly dont feel as though I would have made it through this hard patch quite as well if it wasnt for each and everyone of you who read my blog and remind me every day of how strong I can be. It is times like these, when you are feeling weak and vulunerable that you need people by your side to remind you of all the things you are unable to remind yourself of when your anorexia is strong. If it wasnt for you all, I would have been completely alone. I also find being able to talk to people who truly understand what I am going through makes everything so much easier too, as I dont feel as though I will be judged for what I say, so thanks again.

Please let me know if you would like to see some progress shots of how my body has changed. I wouldnt want to do it if individuals will find iy titggering, but otherwise I would like to try and get some pictures together.

I hope that everyone wakes up feeling just as positive this morning as I have. :)