100 posts into recovery

I am very glad to say that today I wrote my 100th blog post. To me, this is something worth celebrating and is quite symbolic for me. It is only since I have started my blog that I have become truly dedicated to my recovery and have started fighting my anorexia with everything i've got. Therefore reaching my 100th post is special as it means that I am 100 posts into my recovery. There are various reasons why my blogging has allowed me to fight my anorexia when I was never able to do this before.

As soon as I began writing out all of the thoughts I had been bottling up for years, I started to really understand what my anorexia was about. It made me realise where my anorexia came from in the first place, why I had maintained it for so long and why I was scared of changing. Collecting my thoughts and answering all of these questions for myself has allowed me to accept my anorexia for what it is and has made me feel truly ready to recover.

While writing my blog I found myself offering others valuable advice that I had not been following myself. I soon realised that I knew exactely what I had to do in order to recover, I just had to be brave enough to put it into action. Whenever I tried to help others with their anorexic thoughts, it seemed so simple and straight forward to me what they needed to do in order to fight these thoughts. I tried my hardest to convince others that they needed to fight their Anorexia as they deserved to recover and eventually I realised that I deserved to recover just as much as they did.

I realised that if my advice was good enough for others, there was no reason why I couldnt start listening to it myself.  I started telling myself the things I would tell others each time I had anorexic thoughts and it made the world of difference. Every anorexic thought I got after that time, I was able to fight with a a more rational and healthy thought. For example if my anorexia told me I was getting too fat and that I shouldnt eat my afternoon tea, my non anorexic voice would tell me that it was not true, that my anorexia was lying and that not eating would only make my anorexia stronger. Before I found my rational voice of reason, my anorexia always got its way but now, I had something to fight it with.

Having my blog has given me so much more motivation to recover as I want to set a good example and show others trying to recover how I am able to fight and overcome problems I face. I honestly believe that recovery only becomes possible, once someone starts to believe it is possible and I feel as though people will not just believe what I tell them unless I show it to them as well. Therefore I feel as though I need to recover, if I want to help others do the same.





My blog has given me a very positive and optimistic outlook on recovery. To begin with I think I was just telling my self and others the things that I didn't necessarily believe, but instead what I knew I should think when fighting my anorexia. Now however I can honestly say that I do believe what I tell myself and others.

I actually believe that my weight does not define me and that I can be beautiful no matter what size my jeans are. I believe that I am not fat and that I never have been. I believe that I can be stronger than my anorexia and that recovery is possible. This doesnt mean that my anorexic thoughts arent there anymore, because I still have anorexic thoughts almost every minute of every day and feel completely awful at times because of them but I now know better than to believe them and act upon them. Instead I believe in myself.

To all the people who have read my blog, thank you so much for sharing this journey with me. Because of you I no longer feel as though I am trying to recover alone. While I dont know if recovery would have been possible for me on my own, I know that together we are strong enough to recover.