Day 19: What is the hardest thing you had to give up because of your disorder?

For me, this would definetely have to be studying. For my whole life studying has been the thing that my life revolved around. I have always done really well academically which I honestly think is mainly due to nothing other then how hard I have always worked. In saying this, I now relise that the way I have always studied was very unhealthy as I put far to much pressure on myself to perform excellently all the time. I honestly think that I was just as obsessive about my school work as I have now become about my weight, calories and food. My obsessive thoughts just moved from one thing to another.

After working hard all through high school and college, I was unable to attend my final term if year 12 as I was in hospital because of my anorexia. I did not sit my final examinations but luckily I was still able to get my college certificate since it I was only unable to sit my exams bedcause of medical reasons. Studying and doing well at school was always what I put first but my anorexia changed that. Suddenly there was something that meant even more to me than getting good grades, and that was losing weight.

I feel as though I have had to give up on so many academic opportunities because of my anorexia and also my anxiety. I turned down an offer from university to study veterinary science (one of the hardest university courses to get into in Australia) because I had only just got out If hospital and id not feel well enough to move off to a new state of Australia by myself. I have also turned down a wonderful scholarship that were worth a lot of money that I recieved whilst I was studying a bachelour of biitechnology and medical research as I was so unhappy due to my anxiety and anorexia.

You can read an old post here about why I felt as though I couldnt keep studying. I still think I made the right choice to stop studying. It was really hard for me to do but I know I couldnt keep living the way I was.