Then vs Now
vs
Eating nearly every food without weighing it first (there are a few exceptions)
Needing to know the EXACT calorie count of everything I ate
vs
keeping a rough idea about how many calories I eat (so I know I am eating enough)
Seeing exercise as something I had to do every day no matter what
vs
walking my dog twise a day when I can, otherwise I dont exercise at all
compulsively counting macronutrients as well as calories
vs
having absalutely no idea what macronutrients I eat each day and not caring
Being absaluteltly terrified of gaining any weight
vs
Feeling dissapointed if I fail to gain weight
Feeling as though recovery is impossible
vs
believing that I can recover
Eating less calories then what is reccommended for the average women
Vs
Eating far more calories then what is reccommended for the average man
Refusing to eat food prepared by anyone else
Vs
being able to push myself to eat food prepared by others
Compensating for eating more at one meal or being unable to exercise by restricting
vs
Realising it is perfectly ok to eat more or exercise less without compensating
Refusing to drink anything but water and coke zero
vs
drinking Up and Go meal supplement drinks, juice and hot chocolate as well as water
Looking for foods to eat with a really low calorie density
Vs
Looking for foods to eat with a high calorie density
Still thinking that being thin was the answer to my problems
vs
Realising that being thin would only make my problems worse
Being completely socially withdrawn and miserable at university in the city
Vs
Being back in my home town and happily socialising everyday at work
Spending atleast an hour on my calorie counting app each day planning meals
Vs
Not even opening my calorie app most days (and if I do, I look up only a single food)
Letting my anorexia call the shots
vs
doing the complete opposite of whatever my anorexia tells me to do
These are just some of the differences between the way I was living one year ago and how I am now living today. I could go on writing but the list really does seem endless. I am almost a completely different person now. I have a whole new attitude about life and recovery and am now ready to start living the life I know I deserve to have. Seeing just how far I have come in the last year, reminds me of what I am capable of achieving over the next year of my life and this excites me very much. BRING ON RECOVERY!
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