Eating food with an unknown number of calories

It would be an understatement to say that I am terrified of eating foods that I have not prepared myself or that I can not calculate the approximate number of calories within. This is my biggest fear and will no doubt be the hardest thing for me to overcome whilst recovering.


When I know how many calories are in what I am eating, I feel as though I am in complete control of what I am eating. Surprisingly I do not only feel anxious that I may eat too many calories, I feel almost just as anxious that I may not eat enough. This is why I scrape food containers really well to make sure I get the entire contents out and why I always completely finish everything I have cooked and dished up on my plate.

This is also why I start panicking if I ever spill some of what I am eating as then I feel as though I have not eaten enough. For example if I was cooking oats in the microwave and they started to over flow a little, I would freak out that there would no longer be the right amount left in the bowl. Sometimes I would even start again with a completely new sachet of oats so that I know I am getting the right amount.

While needing to know the amount of calories in what I am eating is still a really big problem for me, I have made some progress with this in my recovery so far.  I no longer feel as though it is necessary for me to know the exact number of calories a meal or snack contains therefore do not feel the need to weigh everything I eat. Although it was painful to make this progress, I hope that with some more hard work I can continue to improve until eventually I dont feel the need to count calories at all.

I know it is not logical for me to be so scared of eating 'too much' whilst I am trying to gain weight but I still am, just as I am scared of eating too little. Its like not knowing what I am eating is what scares me as not knowing feels like losing control. I guess it makes sense that I am so scared of losing control of my food as it was the thing I chose to control when I felt as though I had no other control in my life.

I found the following article from this site sums up the relationship I developed with food due to my calorie counting really well so decided to share it with you. If you want to read more about reasons to stop calorie counting from this writer, follow the link I have provided above.

I used to count calories. It was part of my training as a dietitian – one of our homework assignments. It seemed everyone in my class was really good at it, like they had memorized the calorie content of a bunch of foods. I treated the project as more of an experiment. I mean, if this is what we’re supposed to have our patients do, I should be able to do it.

The funny thing is, the more I counted calories, the less I was paying attention to the food in front of me. It was like looking at a spreadsheet on a plate. All you see is numbers.

I’d choose the less tasty entree because it was lower in calories, even if it didn’t sound appealing. If I got hungry after the meal, I’d second guess myself. “But I ate 700 calories!? That should be enough!”

It was like a battle between the calculator and my stomach. The calculations said I needed a certain amount of calories per day. If I went over, it was a “bad” day. If I went under, it was an excuse to eat junk food. I’d think to myself, “Well, these chocolates are only 90 calories…”

I’ll admit, I failed miserably at counting calories and gave up within a few weeks. I never really enjoyed it and I felt restricted, like I was going to develop disordered eating. I questioned the accuracy of all the calculations. There are a number of formulas to choose from and they all give you different answers. I couldn’t memorize the nutrition facts like my classmates, and frankly, I got tired of feeling like I belonged in the remedial nutrition class