Perhaps I should just keep eating the same amount but stop restricting my exercise too so that I can build up some muscle. I lost a lot of muscle because of my anorexia and need to regain it. I know that this will make me gain some more weight also will which possibly get me to my natural set point. Afterall I know that to have a completely healthy body I need to have muscle AND fat on my body.
It is so hard to know what my ideal body weight is for me. My GP thinks that naturally my body weight is not that high, as both my parents are thin and I have always been relatively thin throughout my life too. In fact I have already reached the goal weight that she set for me.
Also, my bones no longer sick out terribely like they once did. Parts of my body like my arms still look quite thin however I think that this is mainly just due to losing all of the muscle in them. Once I rebuild the muscle I think they will look much healthier and be much closer to what they looked like at my pre anorexia weight. Otherwise, if I continue just gaining fat until I reach my ideal weight, I will overshoot my ideal weight once I start gaining muscle.
Most of the weight I have gained has gone to my thighs, chest and bum which were always the areas of my body that I was most self conscious about before I got sick which tells me that this is the figure I am naturally supposed to have. Obviously I am naturally supposed to have an hour glass figure so need to just keep working on accepting my body this way.
Please, if you have any advice for me at the moment I would really appreciate it. :)
These are some photos of me at a healthy weight before I got anorexia.
<3 aww hun! you look so beautiful and happy in those pictures!! You are stunning! <3
ReplyDeleteIt s a hard question to answer hun, I get that. I struggle with the exat same thing. I would love to give you some more practical advice hun but I really think the best thing you can do is listen to your doctor - could you not ask him to be more specific and give you a general soense of what your healthy set point is? I also can't stress enough hun the importance of not getting "stuck" on a number...i knpw people who, as soon as they reached the 19, are now saying that they are healthy and wont gain any more weight if it kills them! Thats still a very dodgy sort of zone to be in, I believe. You just have to trust your body hun and the advice of those around you - wat do they think, do they think you look healthy, honestly? Take care hun al my love and best wishes. xxx
Aww Emmy, that means so much, thankyou. I can see now that I looked fine and I really just wish I had never become unhappy with my body in the first place as I can see now that I really had no reason to feel this way. I was happy and healthy back then when these photos were taken and that is what is truly important.
DeleteI know Emmy, it is so frustrating that there is no real way you can determine your healthy natural set point. How easy woyuld it be if you could determine this through a blood test or something. We would no longer have to worry about whether or not we have reached our optimal weights or not, we would just know. But I honestly think I will know when I reach my optimal healthy weight in my heart, and I dont think I am quite there yet.
And you are also so right in saying that the number reallty doesnt matter and we shouldn't get 'stuck' on a number. I would hate to feel that way after reaching a certain bmi and to me that is not being trulyy recovered. Iwant more then that in my recovery. Thank you so much for your wonderful ladvice Emmy, you really have helped me a lot. It is a fantastic idea to ask the people who I trust whether they think I should continue gaining weight or not. Afterall, Iknow Icant always trust the way Isee myself.
Thanks again for all your help Emmy, you are a lifesaver <3 xx
<3 No prolem at all hun, I am glad what I wrote was of some use <3 yes, I agree hun...what we see in the mirror is often a distorted view ecause if the ED. I think it is so important to ask for the advice of your loved ones and friends..listen to them over that Voice in your Head hun, they love and care for you, whereas ED only wants to hurt you. <3 All my love hun have a great day. xxx
DeleteI wish I could say something good that would be helpful to you about this because it sounds like you're in a bit of a conundrum about it. I would say, stick to your current meal plan until you stop gaining, and once you're there, and I have a feeling you're incredibly close, you can start to tweak your meal plan according to how you feel, just as long as you don't restrict again. You're at a healthy weight now, so you don't actually have to gain weight now for life or death, but it might be healthy for your brain/mind to continue to gain weight just so that you become comfortable with any fluctuations. Your mind will take longer to heal than your body, and the risk of cutting down food now, so soon, might trigger a relapse, that's what you need to be careful about. I feel like I'm rambling on and not being very helpful at all so I will stop writing now!!!! All I will say is trust your body and go with how you feel Xxxx
ReplyDeleteHi Annie. Thanks for your thoughtful response. It was helpful :) i stopped gaining weight a week or two ago so starteating more but pergaps this was my bodys way of telling me I didnt need to gain alot more weight. Thanks again for your help :) x
DeleteHello Karly! These thoughts and feelings are very difficult at this point in recovery, keep being strong! When I was in hospital they put the patients goal weight range at bmi 20-25 for those over 18 yrs. But it really depends on other indicators such as blood tests are all normal, your not cold, hair not falling out, skin is no longer dry, natural periods ( which can sometimes not return for 6 months + after reaching healthy weight), what your body weight/ soze was prior to ed etc etc. If your body is able to maintain your weight stably for a longer period of time when following your own intuitive eating that is also a good sign. But it is you who will know eg: Think about whether your body is the same as it was pre ed. Some good news is that as you gain weight you not only gain fat but you do gain alot of muscle too, so you would have already gained some muscle already :). I thought the same during my recovery! Keep strong..... it is hard work mentally and physically because you feel like you are healthy now, so why should i have to gain weight anymore? You've done fantastic and you still are! We all believe in you xx Your body knows what it wants to do :)
ReplyDeleteThanks you so much. This was so helpful and interesting for me to read. Everything you have said makes perfect sense And you have made me feel a lot more comfortable with everything. I am finally learning to trust my body so I am sure everything will work out as long as I stay happy and healthy. Thanks for believing in me, it means so much! <3 XX
DeleteAlso I really hope that you are strong and healthy too <3 xx
DeleteGlad to be helpful! Your blog and posts have been helping me too as i feel like you understand what its like, you understand! I think this illness is quite lonely and isolating as not many people understand unless they've had it :) So thankyou!
DeleteYou are so right. I do not think that anyone who has not been through Anorexia truly understands. Please let me know if you ever want to email me as I would be more then happy for you to do so. I know how important it is to talk to people who 'understand' whilst you are recovering. :) xx
DeleteThankyou! I was wondering if your email was the hotmail email address that is attached to your blogger account? I'm not sure what address to email :)
DeleteThe best one is karlygraham94@gmail.com :) xx
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