Going out for tea

I just got home after having a delicious meal out with my family at the local tavern. While ordering my meal I tried to fight my anorexic thoughts and get what I felt like, rather then what my anorexia wanted me to get. I decided I would have the grilled travalla as Ialways really enjoy that however I didn't know If I should have it with chips and salad or with vegetables. 

My anorexia wanted me to have it with the steamed vegetables however I wanted to have chips and salad with the fish, so that is exactely what I had. I knew that the salad would come dressed and that here would be a very generous serving of chips cooked in oil but I wanted to challenge my anorexiaa and do what I knew was best for my recovery.

It tasted delicious however I was feeling anxious and guilty while I was eating. I finished the salad and fish first and was unsure about whether I should finish all the chips or not. I decided I needed to determine why I didn't want to finish the meal. Was it because I was full (as it was a huge meal) or was it because my anxiety was beginning to overwhelm me? 

I decided that I could in fact eat more and that it was only my anorexia wanting me to leave some of my chips, so I made myself eat every last one. I was proud of myself for eating my entire meal but I new that my battle had only just begun. For the next hour or so I sat at the table feeling guilty for what I had eaten and also anxious about whether I would eat dessert when I got home or not.

When I got home, the last thing I felt like doing was eating dessert. I was still full from tea and knew that my dinner probably contained the same amount of calories as my usual tea and dessert put together. So eating my usual dessert as well would mean eating heaps more then I usually do. Despite all of this I knew in my heart what I needed to do in order to truly fight my anorexia. 

I made myself a large bowl of vanilla icecream and sprinkled a crushed Flake chocolate bar on top. So even though fighting my anorexia tonight has been difficult and caused me some pain, I know that it has all been worth it. Because tomorrow morning I will wake up a little bit stronger and a little bit closer to being fully recovered then I did this morning.

Before going out to dinner with my family