Over the last few days, I have decided that it is now time for me to cut back my intake back a little. The reason I have decided to cut my intake back is not because Iam giving into my anorexia, but instead because I can see that I do not necessarily need to gain a lot more weight. I am still eating recovery amounts of food as I feel as though cutting back too fast would not be a sensible idea for me, so instead I think I will slowly cut my intake down until I stop gaining weight.
Firstly, I want to say that just because I have reached the stage in my recovery where it is ok for me to cut my intake back a little does not mean that it is ok for you to do the same if you are still underweight. I actually had second thoughts about letting you, as my readers know that I am starting to eat a little less as I can understand how triggering this may be. However I really felt as though I needed to tell you everything as I would not want to feel as though I wasn't being completely truthful on my blog.
There are various reasons why I decided to start eating less. Firstly, I am now a healthy weight and have actually exceeded the goal weight my doctor set for me by almost a kilogram. My bones also no longer stick out unnaturally and my figure is very similar to what it was like before I got anorexia. Another reason why I decided to cut down on my intake is because I really was starting to feel as though the amount I was eating was excessive, as it was atleast 3200 calories each day.
To be perfectly honest, I actually dont hate my body the way it currently is which is another reason why I dont want to gain too much more weight if I am already healthy. I really was worried that if I gained too much weight then I would become really unhappy with my appearance again and start wanting and trying to lose weight. So instead, I hope now to be able to maintain my weight at around the weight I currently am as I am able to accept my body at this weight.
In saying this, I still firmly believe that reaching my natural set point weight is incredibely important but I really do think that if I have not yet reached my natural set point weight then I am really close. And if I still do have a kilogram or two more to gain, then I will gain it eventually anyway when I start eating intuitively in the future if not before. So my recovery plan for the next few months is to stabilise my weight and maintain it ofr a few months. Once I am feeling strong enough, I then want to start making the transition to intuitive eating from following my meal plan.
I have really enjoyed not having to limit my exercise but still ensure that I am always exercising for the right reasons and stop myself from exercising whenever it is not necessary or I dont feel like it. For example if Nan ever walks Tess for me, I always make sure I rest instead of taking Tess for a walk so that I can face any fears I have about not exercing as much.
I know that just because I am weight restored does not mean that I am recovered from anorexia, in fact I KNOW that I am still suffering from my eating disorder and still need to continue working on my mental recovery. Every day I manage to fight my anorexic thoughts and feelings I feel my mind getting stronger and feel myself geting closer to being recovered. So to make sure I make a full recovery, I know that I just need to keep fighting the way that I currently am and to continue challenging myself.
I really do feel as though I am doing what is right for me and my recovery and suggest that everyone else coninues to do the same as well. Afterall, your recovery is an incredibely individual thing that you need to base around your own needs. So if you are still underweight or still have more weight to gain before you reach your goal weight, keep fighting and you WILL get there. Please, If anyone has any questions about what I have decided to do, feel free to leave a comment below. :)
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