Day 6: What are you afraid of?

I suppose the things that have always scared me most are things that can either hurt or kill me. So one of the things I am most afraid of is my anorexia. It is strange to talk about my anorexia as one of the things I am most afraid of but it really is. After expeiencing how much of a hold it had on me and also after almost dying from it, to say that I am afraid of my anorexia is an understatement. In fact I am teriffied of it.

While I am currently managing to be stronger then my anorexia however I cant help but worry that it could take control again sometime in the future. I know how deceitful and powerful my anorexia can be and I am terrifed that I may relapse and it may take a hold on me again. I also worry about whether I would be able to see a relapse coming or if it would just creep up on me, without any warning at all.

I know how serious anorexia is and I know that it is capable of killing people who suffer from it and that is why I am so scared of it. To me it is no different to a shark, a serial killer or cancer. All of these things have the ability to kill me and I am therefore afraid of them. I suppose I am just more afraid of anorexia as it is something I have already had and I therefore know I am at a greater risk of suffering in the future from it as well.

Besides my anorexia, the other thing I am most afraid of is losing someone close to me or someone dying who I love very much. I cant even begin to coprehend what it would be like to loose one of my immediate family members or even one of myy other relatives that Iam close too. I am also incredibely afraid of losing my friends and the people I have met through my blog and that I regularly talk to.

I may sound bossy or too 'matter of fact' at times when I am trying to give advice to my raeders and I apologise for that, the fact is I am just so terribely worried about loosing one of you. I can see just how wonderful and gorgeous each and every one of you are and would hate anything to happen to any of you. It would break my heart if something happened to one of my good friends or beautiful readers.  

Luckily, I have never lost a family member that I am close to and I simply cant even imagine getting over something like that. I know that I will have to eventually go through something Like this but it is certainly something I am incredibely afraid of. Some of my family members I really could not imagine my life without and I know that I would not want to go on living without them, but that if something like this happened I would need too.

It sounds silly but I am also really afraid of my dog Tess dying. she is only two years old and I already love her so much and worry about the day that something may happen to her. I know how heart broken I will be am afraid of the pain I know I will feel if something was to happen to her. So these are the two things I am most afraid of, loosing someone that I care a great deal about as well as my anorexia.