Since developing anorexia, I do not feel as though I have matured at all and I suppose I really havent as you mature through having life experiences and due to my anorexia, I have missed out on having these. I still feel exactly the same as I did when I was 15 or 16 and dont expect this will change until I recover and start living life the way I should be living it. In saying this however, I think I am just as strong or stronger than most people my age, because of the battle I have had to fight over the last few years.
Growing up I was always too frightened to do things like dancing at discos or having boyfriends as I was so frightened I would do something wrong and embarrass myself. If only I had of had the confidence growing up that most other people had, I would have been able to do these types of things and enjoy myself, instead of being too frightened to do anything.
Even now, the thought of having a boyfriend frightens me as I would be scared of doing something wrong and because I am so self conscious, which is exactly why I am going to wait for a wonderful and understanding guy who wont judge me or make me feel self conscious. I dont want to have a relationship with anyone who won't accept me for who I am or who will expect me to change who I am for them.
I also think that I have also been reluctant to grow up as I am holding on to the parts of my childhood, that make me feel safe. Growing up in this world can be scary at times, even more so for someone who suffers from anxiety and clinging to the things that make us feel comfortable and safe in really quite understandable if you think about it.
Does anyone else ever feel as though they have always been slightly 'immature' for their age due to their lack of confidence and also due to suffering from an eating disorder? I do not think that this is a terrible thing as lots of the things that more confident people do I would not want to do anyway, however this is just something I quite often find myself thinking about.
Hi Karly, I know what you mean. I feel the same. My childhood and my youth were full of troubles and now try to get to know my real me and live the life I always wanted. I think it helps me a lot and if I always think of the many years I lost because of my ed I only get sad, so it's better to live a " younger" life. Greetings, Mary
ReplyDeleteThanks for sharing your thoughts on this Mary. I think you are right. We should not feel as though we must act a certain age, but instead just act the age we feel comfortable at and there really is nothing wrong with living a 'younger life'
DeleteThank you for your email, I will reply the first chance I get :)
<3 Karly
I can completely relate to this. I feel immature, but like you say, not silly, just behind everyone else. I read somewhere that we stop growing at the age we develop anorexia. It's quite interesting xx
ReplyDeleteI am glad that I am not the only one who feels this way and that is really interesting about what you read Annie :) xx Imight have a look on the net and see what I can find <3
DeleteI feel like if I stopped getting older at the age I developed anorexia. I had troubles with eating all my life and sometimes I feel like a small girl. I think it's positive because i have a second chance to get to know me and create the person I always wanted to be, but never had the chance to because of anorexia and other difficulties in my life.
ReplyDeleteOh Mary that is so sad. :( But you need to remember tht you can keep fighting and beat your anorexia. And then you WILL be able to live the life you want to truly live and be the person you truly want to be. Iam sorry to hear that you have other difficulties in yor life too besides your anorexia. If you ever want to talk ablout these difficulties too feel free to email me <3
DeleteKarly :) x