Wednesday weigh in

When I got up this morning, I weighed myself to find that my weight has not changed at all since last Wednesday. How this is even possible while eating more than 3000 calories, I have no idea. All I can say is that I think my metabolism has well and truly come out of starvation mode. I know that I need to increase my inake again but doing this is one of the hardest and scariest things I have had to do since I started my recovery. I do not want to eat anymore then I already am and I actually like the way my body looks and the meal plan I am on.

The fear I have of increasing my intake further and gaining more weight tells me that I am not recovered though, so I know that I need to keep fighting and keep gaining more weight. And if this means eating even more food then I am already eating, then that is exactely what I am going to do. I know that  I should see this as a really positive thing, as if my body has maintained on 3000 calories it means that ALOT of energy has gone to repairing my body which means that I am getting healthier every single day. Also, this means that my metabolism is working properly and all of my body functions are working efficiently.

It is quite funny that my weight gain has stopped at my current weight, as my current bmi is exactely the bmi I was originally aiming to reach in my recovery. Since I made this goal however I have realised that it is important for me to go beyond this bmi. I have realised how important it is for me to reach my bodies natural set point and not just a minimally acceptable bmi. It is almost as if my anorexia is testing me out and trying to convince me to stop gaining weight now. But I am going to show my anorexia that I am strong enough to keep gaining weight. Just because I like my body the way it looks now does not mean I won't be able to like my body when it is a bit heavier as well.

Also, I am starting to get a cold so eating some extra food this week will help me to fight the virus off. I dont really know how I am going to increase my intake further then I already have. My snacks are already huge and so are my main meals. I considered just trying to add in calories whenever I can throughout the day, for example putting extra butter/spread on my toast or bread, puttting extra filling in my sandwhich, adding more milk to my hot chocolates, putting some more icecream on my pudding, adding more sauce to my dinners, having bigger pieces of fruit etc. 

I do not know if these changes will be significant enough or not. I also think it would be good for me to do this as I would not know exactely how many calories I was eating, which would be good as it means I am being forced to let go of some of my control over food. What do you think? Do you think that making these changes are enough, provided that I really do commit to increasing these extras I have with my meals each dayor do you think I should add a whole other food item into my plan?