Staying away from your triggers

A 'triggrs' is a term used to describe things that have actually caused a persons eating disorder to develop or anything that makes a persons eating disorder worse, once they are already sick. Triggers can be people, places or things that make someone feel as though they want or need to listen to their eating disorder (if it has already developed) in order to feel better and therefore encourages you to practice unhealthy eating disorder behaviors. For me studying was a huge trigger for my eating disorder, as was living at home with my mum.

Sometimes it can be very hard to separate or emotionally disconnect yourself from people who stop you from recovery or make your eating disorder worse. These triggering people could be one of your parents (like in my case), your partner, a friend, a sibling or even another family member. It may not even necessarily be the other persons fault, that you find them triggering but it is still better to separate yourself from them if you can. And if that person truly loves you and cares about you, they should be able to understand.

I have actually explained to my mum that while its not necessarily her fault, everything that has happened between us has turned her into a trigger for my anorexia. Everytime she hurts me, I feel an extreme urgency to restrict and she also triggers me because she doesnt eat very much and is very thin herself. Everytime I see her drinking I get extremely upset and angry and it is therefore becomes much harder not to listen to my anorexia, when it tells me that if I do what it says, I will feel a lot better. I think that mum also triggers me because I feel as though I cant fix our relationship no matter how hard I try. Mum makes me feel more anxious then anything else which therefore makes me want to gain back control by using my anorexic behaviours.

While I still try to be friendly to my mum, I have learnt to disconnect myself from her emotionally so that if she lies to me or does something hurtful, I am not completely heart broken, as I have been in the past and therefore am not as triggered. I have only been able to start making true progress in my recovery since I have left home and I honestly think that this is because I dont spend very much time with my mum anymore. I still love my mum but I know that while I am recovering it is just better if I am not close to her. Hopefully one day we will be able to have a better relationship but for now, I have enough other people in my life that care for me unconditionally and make me feel loved.