Feeling happy

The last few days I have been feeling quite strong and happy which has been really nice. Times like these, when everything seems easier can be quite rare in recovery, so I like to make the most of them while I can. My anxiety seems to be relatively good at the moment in all aspects of my life. I have been coping with my continued weight gain ok and I am also finally starting to feel more confident at work and am not doubting myself so much.

The only thing I can think of that could explain this is that my mind is really starting to recover. It can be hard in recovery for a while, as your body always seems to be ahead of your mind in recovery, which means that your unhealthy mind has to deal with your body getting healthier (which is extremely difficult). I think it would be so much easier if it happened the other way around!

I have a long day working at the bank today but then I have the weekend off. I am going to Hobart on Saturday with my mum as I have LOTS of things I need. I am starting to grow out of most of my clothes so need to get some more, for when they are completely too small. I also want to buy some groceries that are way too expensive or unavailable in the town I live in, new sport shoes and a vacuum cleaner, as I currently have to borrow my nans, everytime I want to vacuum my floor.

This will be the first time in a long time that I can go shopping and not have to put everything back because it doesnt fit at all, or worse still have to go shopping in the childrens section. I still have very mixed feelings about it though. It has been hard, seeing my clothes get tighter and tighter but I know that this just means I am getting healthier. I try not to see this as me getting too big for my clothes, but instead that my clothes are getting too small for me. My clothes are the problem, not my body. This is a great excuse to spoil myself and buy some nice new clothes anyway.

Amy has asked to come and spend the day with me Sunday too. I will have to try and think of something interesting for us to do as we always just seem to stay home and do nothing when she comes. But she obviously enjoys it as she always wants to come, whenever she can. I think she just enjoys spending time with me though, as we get along so well. I am very grateful to be so close to my sister as I know I havent always been there for her to give her the time and patience she deserved when I was really sick. I am so lucky that she has stood by me regardless if this and is still so proud to call me her sister.