Friday, 30 November 2018

Another year almost over

I cant believe 2018 is coming to an end. It has been a huge year for me and although I have been faced with many challenges, I think I have managed to stay in top of things ok. I'm not going to lie to you all, there have been times when my eating disorder stuff has resurfaced and that has been hard but I have managed to maintain my weight and have tried to live my life to the fullest, in despite of this.

I started seeing a new guy in June and my life has been super busy since then. He is 10 years older then me although it doesn't really feel like it as he is pretty immature. Not in a bad way he just still likes to have fun and enjoy himself. He has 3 daughters and has been married before so it has been a lot to adjust to but I love spending time with his girls and helping look after them. He plays football and cricket so most weekends are spent driving around tasmania and watching him play but I dont really mind. I enjoy watching him play and also enjoy the socializing.

I have only got my semester results a couple of days ago but I was really happy with them. It was a full on semester as I was doing 4 units and attending uni in launceston atleast once a week, working in Swansea, living between Swansea where my sister is and Runnymede (an hour away) where my boyfriend lives. I wasnt expecting to do as well as I usually do as I have been so busy with life and have been looking after others like my sister and have also been struggling myself with eating disorder stuff but somehow I managed to overcome all that and still do well.

At the moment I am not feeling as though I am 100% good and recovered but I am definitely on top of things and feeling much better than I have at various stages throughout the year. I weigh more than I have in many years but actually really like my body. I am curvier then I have been for a long time but I dont see this as bad. It just makes feel womanly. But I have developed a fear of gaining weight again through weighing more I guess which plays on my mind a fair bit. For instance I have gone back to worrying about what I should eat and worrying that I have eaten too much and am going to gain weight, but I hope it is just a phase that will pass once I get used to being slightly bigger.

Since being so busy and spending more time down at my boyfriends place I have started exercising a lot less which has also been hard on me. However I think it has been good at the same time as it is not healthy to have a huge reliance on exercise in order to not feel guilty about eating food. I still go for walks sometimes though and hope to get back into a more consistent exercise routine as I do enjoy it and my sausage dog really needs to lose the extra weight she has gained over the winter since I have stopped walking her as much :p

I am looking forward to Christmas and summer this year and hope that it is onward and upward from this point as far as my eating dis ok rider goes. Yes I have come accross a bit of a hiccup in my recovery but I am determined to make it no more than that, a hiccup. I will not let it affect my physical health even if I am struggling mentally at times and I am not going to relapse as I know what I would be giving up and what I would be going back to and I dont want that at all. Finally, I would like to Send my love to everyone out there fighting an eating disorder or supporting a loved one with one <3 I know how hard it is but please dont give up on recovery, it really will be worth it!

My boyfriends nephew and myself

A selfie of myself in my work uniform

My boyfriend and I

Walking Maggie

That look :p

Me in my Swansea swans football jumper 

My semester 2 university results :D