Breakout

As I am sitting here writing this post, I feel extremely silly as I currently have a yoghurt face mask on. My skin has broken out a fair bit in the last few days which is a bit dissappointing as my skin had really improved and was looking much clearer there for a while. Even though I get dissaooointed when my skin gets bad, I am not going to let myself worry about it too much either. Afterall, getting pimples sometimes is just a part of life and something we cant control.

I found a few home remedies on the interne for acne but since I didn't have many of the ingredients, I just had to try the yoghurt and a strawberry one. It probably will make no difference what so ever but it desnt really matter, it feels really nice on my ski anyway and  I am sure it wont do any harm. I have just started usuing the nude by nature make up which I really love, so hopefully it is not the cause of my bad skin at the moment as I dont want to have to stop using it.

I honestly think that my bad skin is mainly due to the cold I seem to be developing as my skin usually gets much worse when I am sick and my immune system gets down. I know I just need to keep focusing on what really matters and not let myself worry about a few pimples. I am feeling far to fantastic at the moment to let anything get in the way, especially a few measly pimples. The biggest challenge for me is not picking at or squezing them as I know that this only make them look much worse.

Do you have any home remedies you like to use to treat acne?

Day in the city

I got up this morning and walked Tess early so that I could be ready when my mum picked me up at 8:30am as we were going to Hobart for the day. My little sister had a Netball day and I also had my dermatoloist appointment so it worked out well for us all to head down together.

The trip to Hobart went surprisingly fast and we were in Hobart before we knew it. My Dermatologist appointment went really well and I am happy that I decided to go. I had second thoughts about whether I should go or not as my skin actually isn't too bad at the moment and also because the appointment was going to be really expensive.  However in the end I decided to go as iknew that if I didn't go, my skin would most llikely get bad again.

After asking me some questions and inspecting my skin, he told me that I actually have quite good skin and it is not really acne prone skin. He told me that the acne itself is not the problem for me, but instead the problem is that I pick at any spots I do get. I expected the dermatologist to just tell me to stop but he was actually extremely understanding about it. He told me that he realised that the picking was related to my anxiety and that it was a compulsion.

He said that the best course of action would be too stop myself from getting any spots in the first place so that I am not even tempted to pick. He has given me some strong ointment and also a tablet that will hopefully do the trick and prevet me from getting any pimples at all. And if I ever do get  pimple, I just have to try my absolute hardest to leave it alone and not to squeeze/pick it. As if I do not break the skin, bacteria will not be able to enter the sores and cause an infection.

While in Hobart I also bought myself a new pair of black flats for me to wear to work, the fourth season of Pretty Little Liars and also did some grocery shopping as well. Right now I am travelling back home in the car with mum and Amy. I am in the back as Amy gets car sickness so needs to sit in the front seat. On that note, looking down is starting to make me feel car sick too so I am going to have to leave this post here. I hope that everyone has had a good day! :)

 

Dont let one bad thing spoil a wonderful day

I didn't even want to go outside and walk Tess this morning because I was feeling so self conscious about the skin infection around my left eye. However eventually I realised that I was being silly to focus so much on this one little negative thing, when so there are so many positive things about the day. So what if someone saw me? What other people think of me really doesn't matter anyway, all that matters is what Ithink of myself.

Once I got out on my walk, I soon forgot about my skin infection as my walk was truly gorgeous. The whole time I was walking I just kept thinking, 'I am living in paradise.' The ocean was beautiful, there was no wind and the sun was shining down on me. I alo had my beautifful dog (and best friend) by my side. What else could I have asked for. No my skin may not be perfect now, but there are so many other things in my life that are incredible. I dont need perfect skin to be happy, I just need to be myself and appreciate all of the good in my life. 

I don't usually post pictures of myself on my blog when my skin is really bad but today I have decided to post some pictures of me. I think that it is important for me to be able to do this as it is almost like accepting the fact that I will not always look my best and that is completely ok. This does not mean I should hide away or feel ashaimed. No one is perfect and I know that the people who really matter will always love and care about me, no matter what I look like.

Another reason why I wanted to post some pictures like this is because I wanted to show you all that it is ok to be yourself and that you should never be ashaimed of how you look. Only posting really nice pictures on my blog, in a way, completely goes against everything I stand for and am trying to make myself believe. I believe that in order to recover I need to fully accept myself all the time, no matter how clear my skin is or no matter how much I weigh. 

Never forget tht everybody in this world is beautiful as long as they are themselves. <3 xx 

Me and my best friend <3

'A smile is the prettiest thing you can wear'

I really like how you can see mine and Tess's shadow in the water, standing side by side

Just a minute or so from where I live

I took this while sitting on a seat with Tess in the sun

The mountain range you can see in the background are called the hazards and they enclose the bay where I live

Feeling frustrated

Unfortunately I woke up this morning with a skin infection on my forehard just between my eyes. This seems to happen to me all the time which is so frustrating. As soon as my skin seems to start clearing up and looking good, I get another skin infection which makes me incredibely self conscious. It is very red and extremely painful too.

Usually these skin infections only flare up when my immune system gets low but as far as I know I am currently healthy. However my throat has been a little sore today so perhaps I am getting a cold. I have some antibiotics so hopefully it starts to get better soon. Last time I had a skin infection in this same spot, the infection actually moved into my eye. I have started taking antibiotics so hopefully that wont happen this time.

Not only is it red and sore whilst I have the infection, but since my skin doesn't heal very well, the sore seems to stay there on my face for ages and it usually scars too. It is just so frustrating. I am finally starting to look healthier but am still too embarrassed to go anywhere as I think it looks so awful. I just hope it is a little better before work on Monday.

I am sorry for making a big deal out of this, I know everyone struggles with their appearance sometimes but this is just something that I really hate about myself. But I know that getting upset and down wont fix anything. In fact if anything, stressing about it could make my skin even worse.

I just need to remember what truly matters. Not always looking perfect on the outside but feeling happy and heathy. My skin will eventually get better but until then I just need to focus on my recovery and not let anything stand in my way.

Day 2 in Launceston

I woke up early this morning and had breakfast. I had some berry light'n'tasty cereal with milk which I really enjoyed for a change off of oats and I also had toast with honey nut spread. I went for a quick walk up to the supermarket to get a few more things I need at home and it was only 2 degrees celcius outside, although I didnt think it felt that cold. 

It probably sounds silly to you all for me to be going to the supermarket so much while im here in the city but I am trying to stock up on foods I regularly eat as they are practically half the price of what they are back home. For example at home Up and Go meal supplement drinks are $5.50 for a 3 pack but here they are the same price for a 6 pack. When I got back I had some Morning Tea before heading down to the training room where we are doing our training course.

My skin is pretty bad at the moment which im guessing is due to being so stressed over the last few days. Stress had always been the biggest cause of bad skin for me as it does not only cause me to get pimples, but I also have a habit of picking at my skin whenever I feel anxious. This has lead to me having awful scars on my face from where I kept picking at old sores. I obviously wish I hadnt picked at my face all these years but when I am anxious it is as if I really cant control it. Has anyone else ever experiences this with anxiety?

We have just finished training for the day so I have decided to go into town and have a look around some more shops. I might even see if there are any movies on at the cinema. I will either stay in the city until tea time and find somewhere to eat or I will just come back and order a decent meal from room service. I definetely want to eat a proper meal prepared by someone other than myself for tea tonight as I want to take this opportunity to really challenge myself while I am away from home.

A typical Monday in recovery

I haven't really done anything all that exciting today but I though it would be nice to give you all a quick update about of how I am going anyway.

I have been awake since 3:30 this morning so it gas been quite a long day for me but surprisingly im not too tired. Something I have noticed since starting to eat so much more is all the energy I now have. I wake up every morning feeling completely energized and ready to start my day. I almost feel like a child who is 'hyped up' after drinking too much red cordial. It feels amazing to be full of so much energy and it is simply because for the first time In a long time I am providing my body with exactely what it needs.

I worked at the bank all day today and got home in just enough time to walk Tess before tea which was great. Since tea I have eaten an extra yummy dessert of hot apple pie with vanilla custard as well as a vanilla milkshake (as I didnt want a hot chocolate as I am already feeling super hot).

There are a few negative effects of refeeding that I am currently experiencing but I am trying not to let them get me down. Firstly I have been overheating at various times throughout the day, particularly in the mornings, after my meals and of a night. As I mentioned yesterday I think that this is due to something  called hypermetabolism.

The reason anorexics commonly suffer from hot flushes is because their bodies start to use energy quite inefficiently whe they are reintroduced to large amounts of food. THIS site explains that while a normal person will only use up 15% of the total energy consumed to produce heat, 30% of an the energy consumed by a person being refed is used to make heat. This is why so many calories are required for a recovering anorexic to gain weight as a smaller proportion of the energy they consume is actually available for muscle rebuilding and fat storage.

Feeling so hot all the time is very different for me as I have always felt extremely cold at all times throughout my illness so far. While I used to wear jumpers in summer whenever I left the house, I had to take my jumper off this morning while I was walking Tess, even though it was only 8 degrees celcius. Its not a terrible side effect of recovery but these hot flushes can still feel really uncomfortable and they make me sweat a lot which can be quite embarrassing.

Another effect is that my skin is not very good at the moment. I have had pimples at various stages throughout my illness but It had gotten a bit better before I started eating so much. My acne has always been much worse whenever I have been feeling particularly stressed or anxious which explains why my skin is not great now. I obviously do feel worried and anxious at various times while fighting my anorexia but so far it hasnt been anything I cant handle. I also know that my hormones would be going crazy as I refeed my body which could also quite easily contribute to my pimples.

While I wish I was not experiencing these negative effects of refeeding, they dont make me want to stop what I am doing for even a moment. Who cares if I get a few pimples or if I need to take a cold shower to cool myself down when I start to overheat. At the end of the day those tiny little things are nothing compared to what recovery would mean for me. We must also always remember that these types of effects are only temporary. I hope that everyone has had a great weekend and that you are feeling ready and energised for the week ahead!