An overdue update

For so long I kept telling myself that I had to keep fighting my anorexia if I ever wanted to be happy and healthy. I hoped with all my heart that one day all the pain and hard work would pay off but I didnt really know for sure that it actually would be. I can now say, completely honestly and whole heartedly that recovery definetely is worth it!

At this time, for the first time in as long as I can remember, my life is simply amazing. Every day I wake up and cant help but think about just how lucky I am to be where I now am. I have the most amazing boyfriend I could have ever dreamt of having. Not only does he make me feel special and loved every single day, but he is also helping me to respect and appreciate myself, for who I truly am.

I know that if I had not recovered from my eating disorder, I never would have found Nathan and been able to make our relationship work. Although Nathan would be the most wonderful thing that has come out of my recovery, there are many other things that are great about being recovered too.

This year was the best christmas I have had for a very long time and I know that this was only the case because I have recovered. I didnt spend the day worrying about what I could or couldnt eat. I just enjoyed myself and made the most of spending time with my boyfriend and with my family. And I enjoyed eating yummy christmas foods too. For the first time in years I ate as much chocolate, ham, pavlova and sweets as I wanted and my anxiety was basically non existent.

Dont get me wrong. Occasionally I still get an old anorexic like thought or concern about my weight or something I have eaten. However I suppose the difference now is that I am strong enough and healthy enough to ignore these thoughts and to continie to truly love my life. I know I now have way too much to lose by moving back to where I used to be. Simply nothing good can come out of me listening to anorexic thoughts  however I know that  so much good can come out of me ignoring them.

I am sorry it has been so long since I last posted. I have been meaning to post for a while now, to let you all know that I am happy and healthy but life has just been so busy and it really has been hard to find the time. I hope that you too are continuing to gight on your recovery journeys and i promise you all that no matter how hard it may seem at times, it really is worth it!

My boyfriend and I at the Christmas parade

Amys primary school graduation dinner

Still love walking with Tess

I like this photo as I just look so happy 

I finally feel comfortable with my body

My cruise was a blast

Feeling amazing after 10 hours sleep

I couldn't believe it when my alarm woke me this morning. I went to bed extremely early so was expecting to wake up in the early hours of the morning as well however luckily I didn't. I suppose I shouldnt be surprised as I have had a massive sleep deprived weekend and my body really did need and deserve a big rest before starting another work week.

So I am feeling motivated about starting another week of work and also excited about my birthday plans this weekend. Its really strange as about a week ago I thought that this was going to be just another uneventful birthday but now I have gone out and made some good friends it looks as though it is going to be a great birthday Weekend. I am so glad now that I have been brave on a few occassions and gone out even if I didn't feel totally comfortable doing so as it has given me confidence and allowed me to fit in with some really great people.

My house is still a bit of a mess from when I had everyone over on Saturday night and I have HEAPS of washing to do but most of that is probably going to have to wait until Thursday when I have a day off. I am so used to having very little to do on the weekends and being able to get all my house work done then but I still prefer going out and having a life any day! Everything else will get done eventually!

I owe my poor dog a really long walk this morning as she has only been on one walk each day over the weekend. Between bad weather and being really busy I just haven't been able to take her as often which I am feeling pretty guilty about (for her sake, not mine). So I better finish this uphere so that I have enough time to take her for a nice long walk before going to work.

No matter what, Tess is still my #1 girl <3

Tess and myself

Something that I find truly amazing is just how similar my dog Tess and I are. It may sound silly but we actually have so much in common and this is why I often say we are a perfect match for one another.

Firstly, we both have terrible anxiety. The reason why Tess did not work out as a sheep dog for my dad is because she was simply just far too anxious. As soon as we got her when she was a tiny puppy, she ran into a large bush in our garden and didn't come out for days she was so terrified. Even though her anxiety has improveed a lot since I have had her living with me, she still is very frightened of various things. Her greatest fear is of balls. Even if Tess can only hear a ball bouncing in the far distance she will start running in the opposite direction, completely terrified.

We are both active and generally full of energy. We love going for walks and getting out in the fresh air. In saying this, we also like lazing around sometimes and resting. We also both absolutely love food and love eating as well. Just as I am when I meet new people, Tess can be quite shy and even nervous about meeting new dogs. Once she gets to know another dog however and starts to trust them she loves playing and spending time with them. Finally, the last similarity I would like to mention is the fact that we are both incredibly loyal, especially to one another. We fully trust one another and think the absolute world of each other.

I know that this is a really random post but I do find it amazing, just how similar we are. Perhaps this is why we have such a wonderful and ubreakable bond.

Thankfully it's Friday

I am so glad that it is Friday! It is quite strange as even though I am working all weekend, I still feel relieved that it is the weekend for some reason. I don't know what it is about the weekends but for some reason, they just have the ability to make me really happy. :) I am working at the supermarket all weekend but I dont really mind. Although I am feeling tired tonight after a busy week, I know that I will be fine in the morning as long as I get a good nights sleep tonight. I am sorry that I haven't published any posts today yet. I just haven't seemed to have had the chance. I will try and get some together to post before I go to bed though, provided I can keep my eyes open for long enough. ;)

I ad a really productive day at work today. I oened up tw onew customer accounts and also handles a lot of cash. I am still really enoying my job at the bank which is great. There is still so much to learn but Iam atully enjoying the challenge of it. Ilike the fact that you can always do more and that I will be able to continue to push myself a little further in terms of my career. It isn't like some jobs where you just get 'stuck' in the one position where there is no opportunities to further your career. In saying this however there is not too much pressure for you to advance either. You really can just progress at a pace you are comfortable with which really suits me well.

I am really struggling even to just wite this post as Tess won't leave me alone. She is being extremely clingy tonight and really wants my attention. So she keeps trying to lay on my arms while I am trying to type, getting between me and my tablet and also trying to lick my face. So this post is taking me three times as long to write as it should be. I should really just growl at her or tie her up but it is so hard to be grumpy with her when she is being so affectionate. So even though she is being annoying I am going to put up with it because she is just so gorgeous. It sounds silly but it makes me feel so special when Tess shows so much affection towards me.

I hope that everyone has a fantastic weekend. And make sure you keep fighting as it is oly through truly fighting you will make recovery progress. <3 xx

Day 20: What makes you happy

I have decided to choose 3 things that make me happy as I couldn't chose just one.

The first thing that makes me inredibly happy is my beautiful dog Tess. Tess is so special to me and I really don't know what I would do with out her. One of the things Ifear most is something happening to Tess resulting in me losing her.  She is my best friend and I can always rely on her to  make me smile. Tess has the amazing ability of knowing how I am feeling. Whenever I am down or upset she always stays extra close and shows me lots of affection which makes me feel so much better.



Another thing that makes me really happy if food and eating. This would probably sound strange to some people as they do not realise just how much anorexics generally love food. As long as I feel as though I am in control of my food I love it and love eating. I look forward to my meal times when I know I can eat and eating yummy things (which is like everything to me) really cheers me up.While I am no longer obsessed with food as I was when I was severely restricting my intake, I think I still do like eating more then normal people do.

Something else that makes me happy is talking to and helping people all around the world who are also suffering from eating disorders. Ever since I developed anorexia myself and felt the desperation that comes with suffering from an eaating disorder, I have known that I wanted to recover and then help others to do the same. Knowing that I am making some kind of positive difference to a few people trying to recover from anorexia means the wabsolute world to me and makes me feel incredibely happy. 

Spending time with my sister

As always Amy and I have had a really nice afternoon together. We went for a walk on the beach with Tess, visited my nan, played Nancy Drew, Watched Glee, lisened to Kieth Urban and made Pizzas! At the moment we are just waiting for Night in The Museum 2 to come on TV. We watched the first one last Saturday night and really enjoyed it so were happy when we realised the second one was on tonight. I hope that everyone is having a fantasic weekend!<3 xx

We had pizza for Tea which was super yummy! We had a whole pizza each and Amy was very proud when she finished before me as I always finish first ;)

I only just got out of the shower before we ate tea which is why my hair is so crazy 

After Tea Amy taught Tess a new trick. Tess now knows how to shake hands :)

I love both of my girls (Amy and Tess) so much <3

A cold but beautiful morning for a walk (picture post)

Someone who always makes me smile

No matter how I am feeling, Tess always manages to bring a smile to my face. Tess is the most affectionate and loving dog I have ever known which I am so grateful for. I know that no matter what happens, Tess will always love me unconditionally and make me feel needed and loved. She always seems to know when I am feeling down as she always stays extra close to me. I suppose this is her way of letting me know that she is there. This probably sounds so silly but Tess really is my best friend and I love her so much. I love her for all of her crazy ways and wouldn't change a thing about her. I honestly don't know what I would do without her.

Tess helping me blog ;)

By the fire with Tess this morning

Tess knows she isn't supposed to leave her spot by the door but how do you growl at this gorgeous face? She knows that if she looks cute she will mostly always get her way.

Day 25: what/who in your life makes you smile ear to ear? Why?

I decided to list my top  things that make me smile from ear to ear (in no particular order).

- Tess
No matter what sort of mood I am in, Tess can always make me smile. She is the most affectionate dog you could ever ask for and is always trying her hardest to please me. She is also very funny in the way she acts or responds to different things. Even if she does something naughty I cant keep a straight face and act cross towards her because she rolls onto her back and plays dead which is way too cute.

- Dad

my dad is the one person who can always make me feel good and happy. Whenever he looks and smiles at me I honestly cant help but smile back. He is possibely the only person who has always been able to make me feel special and loved.

I love this photo of us as we both look so happy. We arent just smiling for the camera like people usually do in photos. We are just naturally smiley and happy because we are talking to one another.

-Getting a lovely comment from a reader

Getting lovely comments from people who read my blog makes me feel so happy. The comments from readers that make me the happisest are the ones that say I am helping them in their recoveries. Ever since getting sick myself and seeing how hard anorexia is to overcome, helping others recover from anorexia has been something I have become very passionate about. Therefore having people say that my blog is inspiring them to recover means the world to me and makes me extremely happy.