A great Summer

This week I have commenced my final year of university study. Although I am exciting to be nearing the end of my university degree, I really am not feeling motivated to be back studying again as I was really enjoying my summer break. Overall, this summer has been a really enjoyable one. Here in Tasmania really hot days are usually quite rare, even in summer however this year we have had continuous weeks of hot weather which I have really enjoyed.

Christmas and New years was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed getting to spend heaps of time with my partner as he had a couple of weeks off work. We had his kids quite a bit which I really enjoyed as they are great kids and treat me really well. We spent multiple days at the dam or river just swimming and sunbaking, eating yummy foods, relaxing and drinking sometimes too. I attended my first Rodeo which was a lot of fun, went to melbourne to see Shanis Twain in concert and also participated in a 5 kilometer fun run called 'run the bridge'.

My mindset has been pretty good over the past few months and I am becoming more and more comfortable with my body which is great. My weight has stabilised at what I think is probably a healthy and natural weight for me and I feel relatively happy and healthy in myself. The eating disorder qualms I was having throughout the year last year have got a lot better and although I weigh around 5 kilograms more than I did this time last year, I don't dislike my body any less.

I suppose what happened to me last year was an important reminder to me that as much as I would like to, I cant just forget about my eating disorder past and live like everybody else. I honestly believed that I was fully recovered and that I didn't have to worry about food or weight or anything else ever again and then my eating disorder creeped back in. This wasn't reflected in my weight as I didn't lose weight but I could tell by my thoughts that I was relapsing.

I have managed to pull it all together however and even though I am feeling much better now, I don't want to make the same mistake again and risk falling into that disordered mind set. Don't get me wrong, I still have days now when I get anxious and worry about what to eat, how I look and what I weigh however I am on top of it enough to not let it affect my actions or stop me from being healthy or living my life.

It has been a bit hard since my partner has gone back to work as we are still living an hour a part and he has no drivers licence however any days/nights we aren't together we spend a lot of time chatting on the phone or messaging. His family are also incredibly welcoming of me so I stay with them all quite a lot and feel like a part of the family when I am there which is really nice. We have an amazing relationship and I feel incredibly grateful for how well he treats me and how special he makes me feel.

I don't really have much else to report, I just wanted to let everyone know how I am getting on and remind people that there is life at the end of an eating disorder. No matter how hopeless or impossible recovery may seem, you can do it! It is hard, excruciating in fact however I promise it is well worth it in the end. I still read back through my old journals from when I was sick sometimes and every time I amaze myself, thinking about how sick I was and how far I have come. So I truly do believe that recovery is possible for anyone, you just have to believe in yourself and work hard!

What recovery means to me

In my opinion, this is only the very start of what recovey means to me. Overall, recovery simply means getting your life back. But after recovery I believe life is even more beautiful and incredible as you appreciate evey moment, instead of taking it for granted like most people do. You will see in the following photos that I am incredibly happy in evey single one. And I promise you that this smile was not just put on for the photos, this is how happy I am all of the time. People ask me how I can be so happy, bubbly and friendly all the time and I just tell them that it is completely effortless for me. I act this way because I am just so truly thankful and blessed for my health and all of the incredible things I have in my life.

My weekend

I hope that like myself, you all had a fantastic weekend and that you are all pumped and energised for the week ahead! :) 

On Sunday I had my Herbalife shake party/wellness day which was a truly great day. Now that I have become a senior consult with Herbalife, not only do I get to live the incredible Herba-life-style myself but I can also help others around me to reach their health and wellness goals too. So my wellness day was a bit of an introduction to some people who have shown interest in my Herbalife and an opportunity for them to become my clients. I am so so excited to be coaching and supporting others to become healthier versions of themselves as this is something I am very passionate about. I have already got two new clients and I cant wat to continue to change the lives of more and more people in the future, just as my own life has been changed for the better!

Everyone who came to my shake party

Some of the snacks at my party

HERBALIFE chocolate which I made with cookies and cream shake mix and coconut oil. I even added sultanas and almonds to make a fruit and nut chocolate which was delicious!

My lunch from today; wholegrain toast topped with baby spinach, cherry tomatoes, scrambled eggs and tomato sauce plus vanilla yoghurt with strawberries

My instagram facebook picture post from this morning :) 

Feeling Fantastic and loving 'Herbalife'

Since starting Herbalifes wellness program, I have been overwhelmed by just how fantastic and positive I am feeling. Even though I am about 5 times busier now then I was before, I feel less tired and more full of energy then I used to. Since starting Herbalife, each day I find myself bounding out of bed at 6am ready to start my day. I am not missing my old eating routine one little bit as the foods I eat now are just as yummy, the only difference is that they are less processed and more nutritious.

The most wonderful thing about Herbalife for me by far is the fact that it is helping me to change my mindset in regards to food. For so long I have wanted nothing more then to change my realtionship with food so that I no longer feel the need to count calories and so that I start seeing food for all that it really is, which  is fuel for my body. Although I know that changing my old unhealthy mindset will take time as it is so well engrained into me, however I can feel it slowly changing and that gives me so much hope for the future.

I just feel so bubbly and happy right now and I think it is because I have such a wonderfully balanced life at the moment, which is something I have always really struggled to achieve in the past. I am studying at uni and meeting new friends as well as socialising with old ones, I am regularly going to the gym, I am spending heaps of time with my wonderful boyfriend, I am working a few shifts a week at mcdonalds (I'm glad im not working too much though as I dont think I would have enough time) and I am taking the time to cook and enjoy lovely nutricious foods to keep me fueled so that I can achieve all of this.

Would I reccommend something like Herbalife for everyone in recovery from an eating disorder?... Definetely not! I think it is the kind of thing that definetely has the potential to help in the very last stages of recovery however going on a program like this could do much more damage then harm if someone was to go onto it too early or before they were ready for it. So my advice would be to work away at recovery yourself (or with your treatment team) until you are weight restored and relatively healthy and then if you wanted to try something like Herbalife to help you make that final step to having a totally healthy relationship with food, then go for it. Maybe you will find it as helpful as I am! :)

Getting home from the gym today

Yesterdays lunch: wholemeal noodles with vegetables and 1 tin of tuna on crispbread

Todays lunch: Chicken and sweet potato curry with rice and mixed vegetables and a mug of herbalife peach tea

An incredible weekend

It's currently Monday morning and my gorgeous boyfriend has just headed of to work after us having a wonderful weekend away together. We drove down to Swansea late Friday after Nathan finished work and I finished university. We stopped on the way to get some Subway for tea which was yummy as always. Nathan wasn't feeling so hungry so only got a small 6 inch sub however I couldn't resist indulging in a large footlong sub.

We arrived at my parents place at about 8 pm and it was really nice to catch up with everyone. Both of my brothers and my sister were home as well as my parents which was nice. We were planning on having a sleep in on Saturday morning however we both woke up early so just got up and started our day. We just hung out with family until lunch time and then we headed into Swansea to watch the football. Both of my brothers play for our local football club as well as many of my cousins and friends so Nathan and I always enjoy watching it together.

After the football we headed into the club rooms to have a few drinks with everyone before we went to the pub for some tea. I had a delicious lasagna with salad and I ate it all and enjoyed every bite! We could only stay for a short while at the pub as we were heading to the annual football club ball. We walked to my nans house to get changed into our good clothes and get ready. It only took me about 15 minutes to get ready as I really am not the sort of person who spends hours and hours getting ready to go out but I was still happy with how I looked and was looking forward to the night.

We had a truly amazing time at the ball with some incredible people and it was definetely a night to remember. Admittedly I probably drank too much but I really enjoyed myself which is the most important thing. My favourite part of the night was definetely dancing with Nathan as well as my brothers and friends. I have always been the type of person who was far too self conscious to dance however I have no trouble getting up on the dance floor after a couple of drinks and really enjoy it! We went home at about 12:30 when the ball ended and just went to bed.

The next day I was feeling fine as fortunately I dont really get hangovers however poor Nathan wasn't so lucky. Unfortunately Nathan gets very sick after drinking alcohol so we just had a very quiet morning. It was my mums birthday so it was lovely to be there too see her in person and give her a present which she loved. We all went out for lunch to celebrate mums birthday before Nathan and I headed home. Luckily Nathan felt well enough to eat a little lunch and he continued to feel better through out the afternoon which I was glad about as I hate seeing him feeling so unwell.

Surprisingly, I wasnt sad at all about leaving my family in Swansea again, even though I dont know when I will see them again. I am so happy living in Launceston with Nathan and wouldn't change anything about my life. No one has ever made me as happy as Nathan does and the love I feel towards him is something I have never experienced before, even with family. I am loving my university units so far and am enjoying studing again and having more routine in my day.

I love feeling so full of energy and well now that I am doing Herbalife and eating more nutritious foods (although admittedly I did neglect this over the weekend). I have full intentions of resuming my new eating this week though as well as going to the gym when I can. ( I might evenpost a food diary atthe end oftheday today so you get an idea of what types of foods I am fuelling my body with.

I hope everyone else had a great weekend and you are all pumped and ready for the week ahead! :) x

Loving life

Finally, it feels as though everything has fallen into place in my life. I am getting along better with all of my family then I have for as long as I can remember and I have heaps of great friends too, for the first time in years. When I got sick, I pushed so many important people away and it really only has been through my recovery that I have managed to mend those relationships. I have also formed many brand new friendships, that have helped to make my life seem more complete too.

Of course, I cant deny the fact that most of my current happiness is due to my incredible boyfriend. Words really can't explain just how important my boyfriend is to me. Even though we have only been seeing each other for 6 months, I really do feel as though he is my everything and I can't imagine ever not having him by my side. He is so supportive, loving and kind and I still cant believe just how lucky I am to have him in my life. Every moment we aren't together I miss him and every moment we are together I truly treasure.

I start uni in a months time which I am really looking forward to. I will be studying a bachelor of Health Science and cant wait to start studying the biology based subjects that I am so passionate about again. I have finally found a part time job too, which is a huge relief. I am getting along really well with the people I live with and I am adjusting to living in the city again well. Last time I lived in the city to attend uni I was completely miserable, but now that I am so much better I really like it and have no desire to head back home.

After being in such a bad place for so many years, I feel so thankful for how good things are now and try to remember not to ever take my happiness for granted. In saying this, I know that I have worked incredibely hard for my current hapiness, I didn't just get this happy by chance or luck. I Had to fight my illness and make myself miserable, in order to eventually find true happiness. I am proud of myself for fighting so hard for recovery and see my happiness now as a reward for all the hard work I have put into my recovery over the last 12 months.

I believe that if you want to be happy and enjoy life, then you can do it, but you will have to work for it too. Also, remember that in order to make yourself happy in the long run, you will have to make your self unhappy in the short term by confronting your eating disorder and fighting your fears. Recovery is very painful, but always try to remember just how great life will be if you keep pushing through the pain and keep fighting. So please, as long as you dont give up hope and keep fighting,  you too could be loving your life sometime soon!

Personal update

My boyfriend and I both went back to my home town this past weekend for the first time since I moved to Launceston, about a month ago. It was so wonderful to see all my family again as well as catch up with some of my old friends. While I enjoyed heading back to Swansea for the weekend, leaving again on Sunday night and coming back to Launceston made me realise that I have bo regrets at all about my decision to leave my life in Swansea behind.

Even though it is a bit hard for me as I am still searching for work and am also yet to start university, I am still the happiest I have been in years. This is purely because I now get to see my wonderful boyfriend every single day instead of just on the weekends. I get a bit lonely and bored during the day when my boyfriend is at work but I just keep busy as best as I can and make the most of the time we do spend together.

I start university in 2 months so am very excited about that and this helps me to get through the boredom of my days now, as I know that it wont last forever and I will be busy again before long. I am hoping to find a part time or casual job that I can continue doing once I am at university. I have applied for various customer service jobs but am still awaiting responses for those.

As far as my anorexic thoughts and weight is concerned, I am feeling really good. After making a conscious effort to fight my anorexic thoughts and eat more for only a week or so, I have already noticed a huge improvement which is great. Although I am yet to check my weight, my anorexic thoughts have stopped coming as regularly and I am worrying much less.

I am confident that I would no longer be losing weight and also that I have managed to tackle the potential relapse I may have almost experienced, before it actually occurred. I am determined to continue eating more and fighting my thoughts, to prevent what has previously happened, from happening again. I am just glad that I was able to recognise the fact that I was possibly falling back into some of my old ways and do something about it, before doing any serious damage to myself.

Making big changes

In the last few months, I have been thinking a lot about my life at the moment and the future. While doing this I came to the realisation that if I want to stay with my boyfriend, then one of us were going to have to make a move as we live 3 hours apart. So since I definetely want to stay with my boyfriend and miss him A LOT when we are apart, I have decided to move to Launceston with him, which is a city an hour and a half away.

My plan is to work for the year and save some money before possibly going back to university next year. My boyfriends parents own a house in Launceston that we will be living in and my boyfriend plans to continue working in his current job but travel about an hour to get there each day and then another hour to get back. I feel bad that he will have to do so much travelling but also quite honoured that he loves and cares about me enough so that he is willing to travel.

It has been a big decision, to leave my life, job and family behind in Swansea but I am excited for what the future holds. I have decided to make the move up to Launceston over the easter period and honestly cant wait. Although I am not looking forward to actually packing up all my house and cleaning it from top to bottom at all.

Some people have expressed their concern about me giving up my job and moving away to live with someone who I have been with for less then 6 months, but I honestly feel in my heart that it is the best thing to do. Ever since getting sick I have realised that all that truly matters in life is being happy and my boyfriend makes me incredibely happy. So I'm not going to pass up on the opportunity to be with the one person who makes me truly happy out of fear that something could go wrong.

Just a little update

Yesterday was another positive and happy day for me which I am thankful for. The day started off very busy and hectic as I had to get all the kids I was babysitting off to school before I headed to work myself.

I was up at 5am with one of then as she had to travel back to boarding school in the city on the bus, so I ate breakfast with her and then headed for my walk with Tess as soon as she left. When I got back, I had to get all the other kids ready for school.

Once all the kids were picked up I had to head straight to work so that I wouldn't be late. I had a busy day at work which made the day pass quickly which was good. I was pretty tired by the time I got home from work so I just had some tea, walked Tess and then relaxed for the rest of the night.

Even though I have been quite tired lately, I am still feeling really happy, healthy and positive which is all I could ever ask for. I have realised that sometimes things happen in life that arent great, but we shouldnt let these things ruin our happiness. We just need to keep moving forward and enjoy life while we are here.

Today I am working at the bank again. I feel as though there is so much to do at work at the moment but I know I cant let myself get stressed out. I just need to keep a clear head and get it all done. I am just about to take Tess for a walk which I cant really be bothered doing to be honest. Having a snooze on the couch seems much more tempting.

I hope everyones week is going great. Enjoy your day :) x

Make the most of every situation

If I said I wasnt a little dissappointed about not being able to go out or socialise this weekend due to babysitting, im afraid I would be lying. The truth is, there are other things I would rather do on my rare days off then babysit kids however I am determoned to make the most of it and still have a good weekend.

As I mentioned a couple of days ago, I have been feeling very run down and tired lately which as far as I know is only due to a lack of sleep. Therefore a weekend of relaxing and doing very little is probably exactly what I need! Besides walking Tess I literally plan to just relax and hang out with the kids both today and tomorrow. The two girls are at pony club and dancing so it is only the little boy who I need to currently look after.

I am just waiting for the girl to get home from dancing and I am going to take the kids up to my families place for a visit. I am looking forward to seeing my family and i think the kids also want to see the farm animals and feed the lambs. My best friend jemma is going to come and keep me company tonight which I am looking forward to and tomorrow we are hoping that it will be warm enough to take the kids up the river for a swim :)

Me with my youngest cousin 

I hope that everyone is having a good weekend.

A very productive morning

This morning I have ad a very productive morning which is fantastic. After sleeping in until 6:45, I got up and made myself some breakfast before starting to clean my house.

My house was a huge mess as I really haven't had a chance to do any housework for over two weeks, but I feel so much better now that it is practically done. First I just tidied up and gathered aall of the clothes and other things that were aprawled across the floor over my whole house. I gathered up all of my washing, vacuumed the floor, washed and dried up, cleaned my kitchen, changed my bed linen and made up the beds. Now I just have to try my hardest to keep my house in the state that it currently is, as I realy hate mess.

It in't a very nice day outside so I decided to light my fire and haven't yet taken Tess for her morning walk. Mum is going to call in durin her lunch break which will be nice and am hoping to have a chat to her and get some advice on some of the drama going on at the moment in my life haha. Even though mum and I have certanly had some problems over the years, she has made it very clear to me over the last ew months that f I ever need to taalk to her about anything I can, which I reallly appreciate. She often talks about the fact that she never had anyon to talk to about boys or anything like that and that she doesn't want me to go through the same thing.

Sometimes I just wish that life didn't have to bbe so complicated. Its so unfair that some people seem to have no trouble at all finding a boyfriend but I obviously just have a real talent for falling for the wrong guys. Even though we we both always seem to like one another a lot, there always seems to be something standing in the way of us being togther. Buut I am not going to let this get me down I am so happy and enjoying life so much right now that I am ot going to let anything, especially boys get in the way. I know that eventally things will work out ok if I am patient.

 Sorry, I didn't mean for this post about my day to turn into a post about my love life haha... Now back to my day. I just had a delicious morning tea of a banana and a chocolate pop tart. I have also been snacking on black jelly beans throughout the morning too, which I am slightly addicted to at the moment haha.

morning tea: banana and choxolate pop  tart

I am going to take my sister Amy to Swimming training after school which I am really looking forward to watchinng. I loved swimming so much when I was younger and according to mum, Amy sims just like I used to. I just hope that Amy's Collar bones don't dislocate as mine eventually did and force her to stop swimming, like mine forced me to. And after swiming I am going to bring Amy back to my place where she has to get read for netball. Then once she leaves Iwill proably just take Tess for her evening walk and cook myself something nice for tea. Since I hve beenso late getting home each night I haven't had the chance to reallly cook much ove the last few weeks. Everynight I ust seem to have microwave rice or patsa meals with vegetables or salad.

I hope that everyone has a great day. Remember that in order to make your dreams come true, you need to work hard and fight for them. And that every day that you dont fight, you are onnly stopping yourself getting closer from recovery and from being truly happy :)

Another eventful weekend

My little sister came and stayed with me last night which was fun and this morning I have to take her to her dance lesson in Orford, before I head to my friends house. We are going to a party together tonight which should be fun so I am headig to her ouse before hand. I have never met My friends family before or been to her house so I am quite looking forward to meeting them all. If they are anything like Jocelyn, they will all be lovely people!

Jocelyns house is in the middle of no where so Ireally hope I am able to find it ok. She has given me pretty detailed directions on her place although I am a little worried as there will be no phone reception so if I get lost, I will not be able to call her and get anymore help. Luckily I got my sence of direction from my dad though (as my mum is hopeless at following directions of finding new places) so I am sure Iwill get there eventually!

It is currently 5:20am and I feel as though I have so muuch to do before I take Amy to her dance lesson at 9:30. I was really hungry so ate breakfast as soon as I woke up. I had a bowl of cheerios as well as 2 slices of toast topped with a mashed banana. If you haven't ever tried mashed banana on toast, I highly reccommnd you try it as it is deicious. Make sure the banana iss quite ripe though as otherwise it wont mash up very well and it wont be as sweet.

I still have to get dressed and ready, pack my bag, walk Tess, get my sister Amy ready, hopefully schedule some posts and also just try and clean my house up a little so that it isn't in too much of a mess when I get home on Sunday night.

What I need to take with me:

• Swag
• Hair straightener
• clothes
• makeup
• deoderant
• medication
• purse/money
• My drivers licence for ID (to buy alcohol as no one ever believes I am 18)
• phone and charger

This is the third weekend in a row that I am going out drinking wih friends but I guess that is just normal when you are young and enjoying life (in Australia it is the norm anyway!) Although I would never drink alcohol on my own, I do enjoy going out and having a few drinks with friends but I am obviously still a bit weary of alcohol because my mum has been an alcoholic for as long as I can remember.

I hope that everyone has a fanntastic weekend... Enjoy! :)

Home is where the heart is

Even though I couldnt live at home for various reasons, my family home is still without a doubt my favourite place in the world. I love going and visiting home when I have the day off work and I love seeing my family. I caught up with my dad, little brother and little sister today which was great. It made me realise that I should go.and visit gome more often, especially since it is only a 10 minute drive away.

After going out for lunch with jemma we went for a drive up the coast and then went to her place for tea. Overall it was another amazing day Which makes me think about how grateful I am to be living this life and how happy I am to be so far into my recovery!