Waking early

As I started to get tired last night, I started to get more anxious about what I had eaten for my tea. In the end I decided the best thing I could do was go to bed and try and get some sleep, which luckily I was able to do. I woke up very early this morning feeling extremely hungry. I put on Greys Anatomy and waited for a while, hoping that the feeling would pass but when It still hadnt by 3:40 am, I decided to have some of my breakfast. I had a bowl of Caramel oats, with a sliced banana on top but still wasnt completely satisfied.

It was not until I had my toast at 5:00am that my stomach seemed happy. I had cashew butter spread on my toast however the cashew butter was rock hard and unspreadable because my kitchen was so cold. So I had to cook my toast and put a big lump of cashew butter on each slice of toast, that I then had to heat in the microwave in order to make the cashew butter spreadable. The reason I dont like having breakfast too early is because it seems too muck up all of my other meals for the day, as I always start to get hungry approximately 2.5/3 hours after my last meal.

Since waking up I no longer feel anxious about my Tea last night. Instead I am happy that I was brave enough to take the opportunity to face my fears and fight my anorexic thoughts. Yes I felt anxious afterwoods but I still didnt let this effect my actions which is all that you need to do in order to successfully fight your anorexia.

I am feeling quite positive at this stage but am not expecting to have an excellent day as I will be tired and my anorexic thoughts always seem so much stronger and harder to fight when I am tired. I dont know why this is the case but other people who suffer from anorexia that I have spoken to have found the exact same thing applies to them. I think the reason I find it harder is because when I am tired I lose the ability to think clearly and rationally.


I dont have many plans for my day off today so atleast I can have a nap if I get really tired due to the lack of sleep I had last night. I will vacuum my house as well since I am busy all weekend and wont get a chance to do it then. I also plan to make some more puddings of some description. Last time I made lemon but it was so delicious I am tempted to make it again.

I hope that everyone has had or is having a wonderful day today. :) To all of those fighting their illnesses, make sure you keep fighting and remember that recovery is possible, you just need to believe in yourself. <3

Insomnia

For the past two or three months I have suffered from insomnia which hasn't been fun at all. This insomnia began as soon as I went onto a new medication so I thought it may have been a side effect and when I researched the medication, it was in fact a posssible side effect. The problem for me is not actually getting to sleep as I can fall asleep quite easily, the problem is staying asleep. For weeks I was waking at 2:30 am every morning and was unable to get back to sleep. eventually I got sick of laying in bed and staring at a dark ceiling so I would get up and watch a series. As soon as I get up I don't feel tired at all but wide awake, it is the following afternoon I start to feel the effects of tiredness which is obviously not optimal when I am at work.

Since starting my recovery (over 12 months ago) I have been a very early riser and have always woken up early. I think this began when I started eating 6 meals a day as I felt I needed to eat breakfast early so I could space out all my meals throughout the day so my stomach had time to settle between meals. I am always up and eating my breakfast by 5:30 am and enjoy having lots of time in the mornings to get organised before work but obviously 2:30 am is simply to early. I know that getting four hours sleep a night is definetely not enough if I want to be healthy and happy. I considered going off the new medication but I am finding it so helpful in many other ways that I was reluctant to do this. The last few nights I have found that although I am still waking at 2:30 I am able to get back to sleep and sleep for a few more hours which is great. I hope that my sleep patterns continue to improve and that I am able to stay on my new medication without it effecting me.

I think that my insomnia has gotten a bit better for quite a few reasons. Firstly, I think that my body has become used to my new medication so I am no longer getting the side effects. Also I started a new job at the time my insomnia started so perhaps it was anxiety from this which was also causing my inability to sleep. Now I am becoming more confident and comfortable with my new job perhaps my anxiety levels are lower? Thirdly, this may just be coinsidence but my insomnia seems to have improved since I have increased my calories and started having a hot chocolate just before I go to bed of a night. When I was waking at 2:30 I was getting a strange hungry feeling and now I am wondering if it was my body telling me I needed more food. I mean, throughout the day I eat every three hours but then overnight I go 10 hours without food which is quite a long time. 

Has anyone else experienced insomnia or strange sleep patterns throughout their anorexia journey/recovery? Did you have any tips for how to overcome it? 

I hope everyone has a fantastic day! :)