Unable to sleep

Right now, I am laying awake and unable to sleep. Strangely, I don't feel tired at all however I know that in the morning, when I have to get up and go to work I will be feeling exhausted. After falling asleep at about 9:30, I only slept for about 3 hours before waking up, wide awake. After reading for over an hour, unfortunatly I am still not feeling as though I would be able to sleep so I have resorted to writting a post. Then, if I still cant sleep, I will probably put a series on.

Although I know that staying busy like this is probably the worst possible thing when you are trying to sleep, I just find laying there and trying to sleep far to frustrating. Atleast this way I dont get frustrated or angry about ot being able to sleep. Do you have any tips or tricks that you use whe you are unable to sleep? I honestly don't know why I am suddenly having trouble sleeping as my sleeping patterns have been a lot better lately. I guess that it is just one of those things that happens to everyone sometimes.

I don't know if this happens in the rest of the world but today is the day that we put our clocks forward one hour in Australia. In fact I just watched the clock on my tablet go from 1:59 to 3:00. So I have literally just lost an hour or sleep time too (Not a good thing to happen on a night when you are already struggling to sleep). This means that when I go to work at 8:30 in the morning, it will actually be like going to work at 7:30. Crazy right?

This also means that it will stay darker later of a morning which isn't a good thing as I was really enjoying going on my early morning walks with Tess in the sunshine. But atleast now it will allso stay daylight for an extra hour each night so I will have more time to walk Tess after work each night. I honestly don't know which one I wwould prefer more, having more time in the morning or in the evenings of daylight. Probably the mornings as I am more of a morning person and usually just like to stay home and relax in the evenings anyway.

Well I hope that you are having a great day, wherever you may be in the world :)

Feeling amazing after 10 hours sleep

I couldn't believe it when my alarm woke me this morning. I went to bed extremely early so was expecting to wake up in the early hours of the morning as well however luckily I didn't. I suppose I shouldnt be surprised as I have had a massive sleep deprived weekend and my body really did need and deserve a big rest before starting another work week.

So I am feeling motivated about starting another week of work and also excited about my birthday plans this weekend. Its really strange as about a week ago I thought that this was going to be just another uneventful birthday but now I have gone out and made some good friends it looks as though it is going to be a great birthday Weekend. I am so glad now that I have been brave on a few occassions and gone out even if I didn't feel totally comfortable doing so as it has given me confidence and allowed me to fit in with some really great people.

My house is still a bit of a mess from when I had everyone over on Saturday night and I have HEAPS of washing to do but most of that is probably going to have to wait until Thursday when I have a day off. I am so used to having very little to do on the weekends and being able to get all my house work done then but I still prefer going out and having a life any day! Everything else will get done eventually!

I owe my poor dog a really long walk this morning as she has only been on one walk each day over the weekend. Between bad weather and being really busy I just haven't been able to take her as often which I am feeling pretty guilty about (for her sake, not mine). So I better finish this uphere so that I have enough time to take her for a nice long walk before going to work.

No matter what, Tess is still my #1 girl <3

Tiredness in recovery

Whilst in recovery, I think that it is incrediby important that you keep yourself well rested and that you get plenty of sleep each night for a number of reasons.

Firstly, I am not sure if anyone else has experienced this as well but my anorexic thoughts are always MUCH stronger when I am tired. I don't know if my anorexia can somehow sense that I am tired and more vulunerable so it gets louder or if the thoughts just get to me more easily whilst I am tired but they definetely do get worse.

Whenever I get run down or exhausted I start getting really bad body image and find it much harder to fight my anorexic thoughts whenever they arise as I simply dont feel like I have the energy to do it. I also find it much harder to think rationly whilst I am tired and my anorexia can therefore 'get away' with more then it would otherwise.

Recovery really does take it out of you, both mentally and physically so you may find that you actually need more sleep whilst you are in recovery then what you would otherwise. As I am sure many of you know, having a constant argument going on inside of your head really is exhausting so your poor brain needs time to rest so that you have the energy to continue fighting each day.

Whenever my anorexia is incredibly strong, I usually just try my hardest to get through the day as best as I possibly can and go to bed as early as possibe. When I wake up in the morning, as long as I have had a reasonable nights sleep I usually find that my anxiety is much better and my anorexic thoughts have quietened down once again too.

I know that sleeping is not always the easiest thing to do whilst you are in recovery. I have struggled with insomnia off and on the whole time I have been sick and it really can take its toll on you. I have learnt a few different tips that help me to get as much sleep as possible, which I will share with you all. I hope that they help! :)

1. Try to go to bed  bed and wake up at about the same time each day. Hopefully your body will eventually get into a good routine and you will be able to fall asleep and wake up more easily at these times. This also helps you to make sure you get enough sleep each night.

2. Dont drink any drinks witth caffeine in them in the evening. This includes many fizzy drinks like coke or pepsi, coffee, Tea and energy drinks. Caffeine generally wakes people up and gives them a little 'kick' and this obviously is not want you want when you are going to bed.

3. If you wake up in the night, try not to check your phone or any other electroniic device, even if you are just checking the time. It has been proven that the just seeing the backlight on electronc devices wakes you up and prevents you from falling back to sleep as quickly. This is also why you aren't really supposed to use electronc devices, straight before going to bed.

4. If you have trouble shutting off from a busy day, try to do something to distract yourself from these busy thoughts. Some people find that reading right before bed is the best way to shut off from a busy day however I just find lying on the couch and watching a series is what relaxes me most (sometimes too much as I often fall asleep whilst doing this).

5. If you wake up in the night and you are hungry, EAT. I think that this was the main cause of my insomnia when I was in the earlier stages of my recovery as I would wake up in the night with hunger pains but not let myself eat anything until breakfast time. If you think about it, after eating recovery amounts all day, 9 or so hours is a long time to go without any more food which is why i suppose your body starts asking for more. Now I have a piece of fruit or something like that whenever I wake up in the night hungry and I am able to fall straight back to sleep once I eat.

6. Try to avoid long naps durin the day. If you sleep-in really late or have a lonnng nap durin the day, you will mosyt likely find it harder to get to sleep at a normal time that night. If you are feeling really tired during the middle of the day nd you are at home, you can have a little sleep but I always set an alarm so tht I sleep for no longer than half an hour or so.

Finally I just want to say how important it is for you to rest when you are feeling especially tired. Feeling tired or exhausted is a sign that you need to slow down and do less. Of course anyonne should do this however I believe it is particularly important for people in recovery from anorexa, as they always need to be ready and energized so that they can fight their anorexia, whenever they need to.

Back to work

It feels strange to be getting up this morning to go to work after working all weekend. I would love a rest day right about now but not really because I feel as though I am exhausted and need it because I feel fantastic, more because there are things I need/want to do but cant as I am working all day everyday.

I had a huge nights sleep last night as I fell asleep at about 8:15 while watching masterchef (which I am not happy about as i really enjoy that show and it is the final week of the show) and slept until 6:00 this morning, which is almost 10 hours! So I guess this is why I am feeling so energized and refreshed this morning.

I need to clean my house so badly but just havent had the time. If I have time I will try and vacuum my whole house before work today and put away all my washing that I managed to get done over the weekend. I also really want to continue watching my Pretty Little Liars dvds as I am completely hooked on them but just havent been able to actually sit down and watch them. I also wish that I could take Tess for some nice long walks but I guess that will just have to wait until my next days off.

I know that everyone probably finds these types of posts super boring but I do feel as though I need to share what I do in My everyday life, even though all that seems to be at the moment is work. Hopefully my life gets more interesting soon so that then I will be able to share some more interesting news with you all.

I have some better posts planned for today (now I just have to find the time to put the together). I am going to do a post about where I am currently at in my recovery as well as a food diary picture post as I haven't done one of those for a while.

I hope everyone has a fantastic day. Does anyone have anything interesting planned? X

Power Outage

I had planned on relaxing and watching tv for the rest of the night but it doesnt look like that is going to happen as the power has gone out. I looked online and it said that a power pole has caught on fire somewhere nearby and that there would be no electricity until about 11:30 tonight. 

I am not sure what would have caused the power pole to catch fire as there hasnt been any lightening tonight but I do hope that it hasnt been caused by a car accident or something like that. If it has been caused my some kind o accident, I really hope that everyone who was involved in it are ok.

I have been so tired the last few nights that I have fallen asleep while watching television at this time anyway but of course, the power had to go out on the one night I am not actually feeling that tired. I cant complain too much about being bored though as ateast I still have my tablet and phone, which both have plenty of charge.

Not long after the power went out my nan turned up at my house with some candles for me and to check that I was alright. My nan is one of the most caring and considerate people I know and I feel very lucky to have her living in the very same street that I live in. She pops into my house to check on Tess for me a couple of times each day whle I am at work and also sets my fire for me which I really appreciate.

I will probably just get ready for bed now and see if can get some sleep. I am working at the IGA suoermarket over the next two days which I am looking forward to. I love my job at the bank but I also like working at the supermarket as it is a relatively easy job to do. Although I enjoy the challenge involved with working at the bank, it can be quite stressful at times as there always seems like so much I need to know and learn.

Fingers crossed the power is back on tomorrow morning so I can cook myself a nice and hot breakast. Goodnight everyone! X

Need to normalise my body clock

You know your body clock is way out of sync when you are waking at 11:50 pm and feeling as though you are ready to start another day And the last one has not even ended yet. I have suffered from insomnia from time to time throughout my illness but my sleeping patterns just seem to be getting worse and worse.

I just feel so exhausted each night that I cant keeep my eyes open after 8:00-8:30, but then I am waking up incredibely early after getting between 6 and 8 hours sleep, wide awake. I know that if Istayed up later of a night, I would find it a lot easier to sleep later each morning but I just feel so exhausted each night, that I could literally fall asleep while standing up. No matter what I watch on TV, I fall asleep and I even fall asleep while blogging.

I suppose it is to be expected that I am so tired each night. Afterall my body is working very hard to repair and recover. Also the psychological stress od recovery is very tiring as well however I do feel as though putting my body clock back in sync would help with this tiredness a lot. If I got up at 6 each morning instead of 4, I would probably be able to stay awake until 10:000-10:30 instead of falling asleep at 8:00-8:30.

Since I have the day off today, I think I will try and have a decent nap half way through the day so that I feel energized enough to stay up a little later tonight. Hopefully If I stay up to 10:00pm or something like that, I will be able to sleep later the following morning. If I do wake up early still, I will make myself stay in bed and NOT turn on my tablet or phone, which is something I am often guilty of doing (hence why it is 12:52am, I have been asleep for 3 hours already tonight but now I am writing a blog post).    

Does anybody have any tips for me about getting a normal sleeping routine in place. I find that my life is so busy with work, my recovery and everything else that I just cant afford to be so tired and exhhausted all the time. Ok, I am off to bed to try and get some more sleep. Goodnight! xx

4am thoughts

Considering I didnt go to bed until midnight last night, I know that I am up far too early but I simply couldnt sleep. I honestly think I have spent more time awake then asleep over the last 4 hours since going to bed as it is so noisy and windy but surprisingly I dont feel that tired. If I had to work today I would be more frustrated about not being able to sleep but since I dont, it doesn't really bother me.  I am the type of person who doesnt usually get angry ir upset about things like this that you simply cannot help or control, afterall getting angry or upset wont let me get to sleep either. Since I am home all day, I also know that I can have a sleep if I get too tired.

I almost felt hyporactive when I got home from the football at about 8:15 last night which is why I didnt go to bed until so late. I honestly think that the reason I felt so happy and bubbly last night was because I had spent the whole afternoon and evening with my wonderful dad. My dad is my rock and is the only person in the world that I never run out of things to talk about with. I dont know if it is because we are so similar but we just get one another so well. We spent 4 hours driving to the football and then home but I dont think we stopped talking the whole way. We chatted about everything you can possible think of; our jobs, our farm, whats been going on in our lives and also any of our current worries.

As I said, my dad is my rock but I think that I may be his as well. If either of us ever need to talk about anything at all, we know we can always rely on one another for support. This is the way it has been for as long as I can remember and I hope that it will always be like this. Unfortunately we dont get the chance to talk as often as we did before I moved out of home, as my mum doesnt like my dad and I spending time together. While I get angry that mum stops dad and I from seeing more of one another, it does make me cherish and appreciate any time we do get to spend together more.

Today Amy is coming to my house for the day which should be really nice. I always try to be there for Amy as she really has a lot to deal with as a 12 year old girl living in a very complicated household. I have made it very clear to Amy that she can talk to me if she feels she needs to talk to someone to talk to someone and luckily she is starting to do this a little more now. Up until recently she never wanted to talk about anything that went on at home, which really worried me as I knew that a little girl bottling up so much wasnt healthy. I think she now realises that she can trust me with anything at all and that she wont get in trouble for saying how she truly feels. I never push the subject with her either, as I can understand that she may just not want to think about our problems from home when she isnt there. I want her visits and sleepovers to be an escape for her, from any problems at home but I also want her to feel like she can talk to me if she needs to.

I hope the wind dies down today, otherwise it will be hard to even take Tess for a walk. Amy and I will probably just spend the day snuggled by the fire watching movies and tv series. Hopefully the power doesnt go off as this quite often happens in severe windy weather like this when trees fall on top of power lines.
I hope that everyone else has had/is having/has a fantastic day (this time difference thing can complicate things a little ;)).

Insomnia and Anorexia

I suffered from insomnia back when I was completely starving myself and trying to lose weight as well as in the more recent past when I was eating quite a bit, but obviously still not enough. The information explains why I am finally starting to sleep better now that I have significantly increased my intake and now that I am providing my body and mind with enough energy to truly repair and recover. 

I used to wake up early of a morning (like 2am) with a strange feeling which was a bit like hunger. After waking I could never fall back to sleep until after I had breakfast at at about 5am. I know now that it was my body trying to tell me that it was trying to repair and although I was eating quite a lot at that time, it still needed more energy. Now, I am eating a lot more food so my body can repair properly and I eat something just before going to bed so I no longer wake in the night unable to get back to sleep hungry.

I  found the following information from this site really interesting as it kind of explains why I have suffered from insomnia throughout my eating disorder;

How Insomnia and Anorexia Come Together

Insomnia involves difficulty falling or staying asleep. It is one of the most common complaints heard by medical professionals. It can come with some serious side effects or it can be a serious side effect of another potential life-threatening condition. Anorexia is an eating disorder in which the patient either severely restricts the intake of food or goes on a binge and then purges himself or herself after the binge. With either method presenting itself, there are dangers involved. Besides noticing extreme weight loss, there are other physical symptoms present and insomnia is at the top of the list. Anorexia and insomnia can take over your life.

How They are Linked

The brain is a complex machine, but it is also very primitive in some of its functions. Some of these mechanisms are activated when the body and brain reach "starvation mode." Finding food becomes the number one priority, everything else falls by the wayside. It even takes priority over sleep; therefore, the body gets less of a chance to do so. Trying to sleep can also be uncomfortable. The body of the anorexic has changed and it might not feel comfortable doing what it did before.

Lion on the Savannah

If you are always hungry, then your body may not be able to think about anything else. Think of it this way: you are a lion on the savannah. You might be asleep, but looking for your next kill, constantly thinking about your next meal. When you are underweight because of the anorexia, your body cannot get proper rest. It is concentrated on finding the next meal. Your body is full of adrenaline, looking for its next fresh kill.

The following information was sourced from here and explains why You need lots of energy throughout the night as well as why I am now able to sleep through the night since starting to eat more and now that I am eating closer to bed time.

Eat right before bed
A lot of our healing, repair and regeneration takes place while we sleep. It’s like rush hour for building muscle and lean tissue, so eating a healthy snack right before bed ensures a fresh supply of nutrients that are available to “go to work” inside the body. A great option that won't leave you feeling stuffed might be a small bowl of pasta saladmade with 100 percent whole-grain pasta (wheat or a gluten-free alternative), vinaigrette made with extra-virgin olive oil, chopped or shredded veggies, and a lean protein such as beans, chopped chicken breast or an organic crumbled cheese. 

So to make sure I have a good nights sleep tonight, I have eaten lots of yummy foods to ensure that I my body has enough energy to get me through the night. I try to eat nice balanced meals so that I am providing my body with all of the nutrients it needs. These photos are of my Tea and dessert tonight :)

Cheesy beef lasagna with corn, carrot and peas

Hot lemon pudding with vanilla icecream

Insomnia

For the past two or three months I have suffered from insomnia which hasn't been fun at all. This insomnia began as soon as I went onto a new medication so I thought it may have been a side effect and when I researched the medication, it was in fact a posssible side effect. The problem for me is not actually getting to sleep as I can fall asleep quite easily, the problem is staying asleep. For weeks I was waking at 2:30 am every morning and was unable to get back to sleep. eventually I got sick of laying in bed and staring at a dark ceiling so I would get up and watch a series. As soon as I get up I don't feel tired at all but wide awake, it is the following afternoon I start to feel the effects of tiredness which is obviously not optimal when I am at work.

Since starting my recovery (over 12 months ago) I have been a very early riser and have always woken up early. I think this began when I started eating 6 meals a day as I felt I needed to eat breakfast early so I could space out all my meals throughout the day so my stomach had time to settle between meals. I am always up and eating my breakfast by 5:30 am and enjoy having lots of time in the mornings to get organised before work but obviously 2:30 am is simply to early. I know that getting four hours sleep a night is definetely not enough if I want to be healthy and happy. I considered going off the new medication but I am finding it so helpful in many other ways that I was reluctant to do this. The last few nights I have found that although I am still waking at 2:30 I am able to get back to sleep and sleep for a few more hours which is great. I hope that my sleep patterns continue to improve and that I am able to stay on my new medication without it effecting me.

I think that my insomnia has gotten a bit better for quite a few reasons. Firstly, I think that my body has become used to my new medication so I am no longer getting the side effects. Also I started a new job at the time my insomnia started so perhaps it was anxiety from this which was also causing my inability to sleep. Now I am becoming more confident and comfortable with my new job perhaps my anxiety levels are lower? Thirdly, this may just be coinsidence but my insomnia seems to have improved since I have increased my calories and started having a hot chocolate just before I go to bed of a night. When I was waking at 2:30 I was getting a strange hungry feeling and now I am wondering if it was my body telling me I needed more food. I mean, throughout the day I eat every three hours but then overnight I go 10 hours without food which is quite a long time. 

Has anyone else experienced insomnia or strange sleep patterns throughout their anorexia journey/recovery? Did you have any tips for how to overcome it? 

I hope everyone has a fantastic day! :)