My day

Today has been an incredibely busy but also an incredibly good day :) I got up nice and early like usual and made myself a yummy breakfast of two slices of toast topped with a mashed banana as well as a bowl of cheerios with milk. Then I took Tess for a walk along the beach which was nice. After I got back and organised I started the trip to Hobart. I actually dont mind driving so much, especially when I have some good music to listen too.

On my way to Hobart, I stopped to watch some of my best friend Jemmas inter school athletics carnival. I was very proud of her as she came first in both of the events I saw and did extremely well. I then continued on my way to eastlands shopping centre where I planned to do my shopping. I have never been brave enough to travel all the way to eastlands before by myself as driving in places I am not very familiar with scares the hell out of me but today I was feeling ok about doing it. I got there with no worries at all and as I was really hungry the first thing I did was go to find some lunch. 

This is something that would have been impossible for me once, or would have atleast required hours of thought and preparation but today I didnt know wat I was going to have until I was being asked what I would like. I ordered exactly what I felt like, a bowel of hot chips with Sauce and I am so glad to say that I really enjoyed them. Even though I had no idea how many calories it contained and it cerinly wasn't a 'healthy' lunch option, I honestly didn't care which just goes to show how far I really have come in my recovery!  

I bought a few things that I really needed as well as some things that I didnt really need haha, like the sports clothes you can see below. After I finished clothes shopping, my stomach was starting to grumble a little so I went and got a chocoolate thick shake from wendy's which was also delicious! Today I feel as though I had an extremely successfuul dhopping day as I not only bought lots of nice things, but I also just enjoyed myself and felt like a normal girl. I didnt spend the day worrying about food or my weight or anything like that and it really was the most amazing feeling! :)

When I got home at about 6 o'clock, Tess was waiting eagerly for me. So after putting away my groceriees I made myself tea (which was beef lasagna and salad) and then took Tess for a run. I haven't gone for a run for a while but because it was late and I still had so much to do, I didnt wantto spend too much time walking Tess so I thought it would be a bit quicker to run with her. I was surprised by how much I enjoyed running and think I will do it again for sure! When I finally did get home, the tiredness of my huge day finally hit me so I just sat on the couch and ate some more food before going for a shower. 

It is currently 10:10 pm so I really should get to bed as I have a full day of work again tomorrow.. Goodnight everyone!   

A perfect morning

This morning really has been perfect. I woke up quite early but in a truly wonderful mood. I bounced out of bed and watched an episode of grays anatomy before getting myself some breakfast. I had 2 slices of cashew spread on toast as well as a bowl of creamy vanilla oats and they were delicious. I honestly think I could eat this every single day and still.would never get sick of it. After relaxing for a while longer, I got ready to take Tess for a walk.

We set out on the beach and I was so happy that the sun was shining and that it wasnt too cold. We ended up walking for an hour or so because it was so nice and i was enjoying it so much. I was also listening to music the whole time too which makes walking even more enjoyable for me.

I an so glad that I have been doing a gair but of cleaning over the last few days as it means I dong have to spend the whole day doing housework. Instead I am going to visit my brother as it was his birthday yesterday, see my sister and then hang out eith my cousin Jemma. We are thinking about going out for lunch at the bakery as well as taking our dogs for a walk together.

I hope everyone has a good day! :)

sunbaking with my sister

Today I took my sister to the river. We intended to swim but just sat by the water listening to music and chatting instead which was still nice. Even though it was sunny, there was a cool breeze which meant that it wasnt really warm enough for swimming. By the time we got home though, the cold breeze dropped out so it was really warm. I decided to make the most of the sun and laid outside on the sun lounge in my bikinis.

It felt strange putting my bikinis on as the last time I wore those same bikinis, I was about 12 kilos lighter so I obviously looked very different. I didnt hate the way I looked though and even though it was just Amy and I, I felt comfortable enough to take some pictures and just be myself. I know that I dont look super skinny in my bikini anymore but I do look healthy and I honestly think that is even better! :)

Sisterly love

Soaking up the sun

Enjoying an icecream for afternoon tea while reading my book

Looking slightly burnt

Another gorgeous Spring day

As it is Thursday today I have the day off which I am really happy about. I plan to make the most of today and get everything done I need to do as well as to spend some time relaxing as well. I have to work for the next 6 days after today, including this weekend so I won't get another chance to relax or get things done for a while.

While I would rather not work every third weekend so I could just have every weekend to myself, I know that I really have no choice but to continue to work every third weekend as ottherwise I would struggle too much financially. I get paid weekend rates when I work at the supermarket on the weekends so it really is good money, which comes in very handy when you are living on your own and have to pay all of your bills by yourself.

I am about to take Tess for a walk outside which I am really looking forward to as it is really warm and sunny. It feels so good to be able to get outdoors in shorts and a tank top after having such a freezing cold winter. I hope that we have a hot summer this year so that I can make the most of being well enough to swim and get outdoors. The ast few summers I havent really been able to or have wanted to do a lot as my life still revolved around my anorexia.

I hope that everyone is feeling positive and happy today like me. Always remember that no matter how bad things may seem, they can always get better but only if you believe in yourself and continue to fight with everything you've got!

A really good day

Today has been a wonderful and productive day. After tidying up for an hour or so this morning, I decided to take Tess for a nice walk as it seemed quite warm outside but I didn't know how long it would last. It was hot enough for me to be able to comfortably wear shorts and a tank top which was great. I felt strange walking around in my shorts as my legs are back to the old shape they used to be before I got sick but they dont worry me as much as they used to. I know that being thinner didn't make me happy ad that the way I am now is the way I am naturally supposed to be.

We walked for an hour or so, first along the beach and then through a bush track and then back through the town. By the time I got home it was about 10:30 so I just had a snack and then continued tidying my house. I put my washing out on the line and put everything away as nothing seemed to be in the right place. Everything was just scattered all over the house which was starting to get on my nerves however I hadnt had the time to put everything away before today. By lunch time I had done everything that I needed to do besides vacuum which I did after Lunch.

Straight after I ate lunch I actually had a quick nap on the couch which was really nice as I woke up feeling energized and ready to continue my day. I had afternoon tea and then took Tess for another shorter walk, just along the beach to the supermarket where I collected my pay and bought a few things. By the time I got bback it was about 4:30 and then Amy came for a visit which was really nice. It feels like forever since I have spent some quality time with her so it was great to have a catch up.

My cousin had invited me to her place for her birthday dinner so I dropped Amy off at my mums work on the way there. The birthday diner was really fun even though I was a lot older then most of the other people there. I was just glad to spend time with someone who is so special to me on her birthday and to help her celebrate. We had a cake after tea which I happily ate a piece of and really enjoyed. I forgot to say that the people I work with at the supermarket also brought me a birthday cake to work yesterday which was really sweet. I will have to write a post about the whole experience of it tomorrow.

I stayed and chatted to my cousin and one of her other friends until 9:00 before hugging her goodbye. I am going to Hobart to her netball grand final on Saturday which will be good and I will also be able to watch my brothers football game as our brothers play together. I also may be meeting up with another one of my friends for lunch in orford on Sunday so it has turned into another busy weekend. Luckily I got everything done that I needed to do at home today so it doesn't really matter if my weekend is qite busy and I dont really have enough time to do much else.

Now it is time for me to try and get some sleep as I really am quite tired and I want to have lots of energy for work in the morning. If I wake up eaarly enough and have enough time I will probably take Tess for another nice long walk. I hope that everyones week is going great :) Keep believeing and fighting everyone <3

Finally, a day off

I am so happy that it is finally my day off as I feel as though I have been really busy every single day for the past couple of months. I slept until 6:30 am this morning before getting up and making myself some breakfast. I wasn't really that hungry but still wanted to eat so I had a bowl of cheerios with milk as well as two slices of toast with cashew spread.

It isn't really going to be a very 'relaxing' day offf because I have a lot to do. My whole house is a big mess as I simply have not had any time to clean or tidy it so it will probably take me a few hours just to do all of my housework. My bag I took to Hobart last weekeend is still sitting in the middle of my loungeroom floor as I haven't had a ny time to unpack it and I have lots of loads of washing to do. Other then that I need to vacuum my whole house, clean my kitchen and bathroom and just tidy everything up. I always think it feels amazing one your house is clean as mess stresses me out sometimes so Ilook forward to a nice and clean house.

Today it is my cousins 16th birthday so  am going to go to her place for a birthday Barbeque tea. I am incredibely close to this girl and I would definetely consider her to be one of my closest friends. Even though I am 5 years older then her, we get a long extremely well. She is like another little sister to me really. For her birthday I got her a really pretty journal that sports girl were selling in partnership with the butterfly foundation which is the biggest eating disorder association in Australia. I ordered the jourrnal online but now wish I had ordered myself one too as it is so beautiful.

I know that I should just start my house work however there is so much to do I dont even know where to start. Perhaps I will procrastinate a little longer before I start cleaning. ;) I hope that everyone has a fantastic day!

Day in the city

I got up this morning and walked Tess early so that I could be ready when my mum picked me up at 8:30am as we were going to Hobart for the day. My little sister had a Netball day and I also had my dermatoloist appointment so it worked out well for us all to head down together.

The trip to Hobart went surprisingly fast and we were in Hobart before we knew it. My Dermatologist appointment went really well and I am happy that I decided to go. I had second thoughts about whether I should go or not as my skin actually isn't too bad at the moment and also because the appointment was going to be really expensive.  However in the end I decided to go as iknew that if I didn't go, my skin would most llikely get bad again.

After asking me some questions and inspecting my skin, he told me that I actually have quite good skin and it is not really acne prone skin. He told me that the acne itself is not the problem for me, but instead the problem is that I pick at any spots I do get. I expected the dermatologist to just tell me to stop but he was actually extremely understanding about it. He told me that he realised that the picking was related to my anxiety and that it was a compulsion.

He said that the best course of action would be too stop myself from getting any spots in the first place so that I am not even tempted to pick. He has given me some strong ointment and also a tablet that will hopefully do the trick and prevet me from getting any pimples at all. And if I ever do get  pimple, I just have to try my absolute hardest to leave it alone and not to squeeze/pick it. As if I do not break the skin, bacteria will not be able to enter the sores and cause an infection.

While in Hobart I also bought myself a new pair of black flats for me to wear to work, the fourth season of Pretty Little Liars and also did some grocery shopping as well. Right now I am travelling back home in the car with mum and Amy. I am in the back as Amy gets car sickness so needs to sit in the front seat. On that note, looking down is starting to make me feel car sick too so I am going to have to leave this post here. I hope that everyone has had a good day! :)

 

Another day off

Ok, so after all my complaining about all the work I have been doing over the last few weeks, now I seem to have lots of days off. But I suppose that is just how it goes. Some weeks are really busy when I have to work every single day and other weeks I have more days off then regular people. I suppose that is just what happens when you have two part time jobs

Well today isn't really a full day off. I have to go into the bank for just an hour or so for a meeting this morning but then I have the afternoon free to do whatever I would like to do. I think I will probably just take Tess for a nice walk and maybe get some of my study for my traineeship done. It was strange doing some study last weekend for the first weekend in 12 months or so  but I actually quite enjoyed it.

Amy is coming to spend a few hours with me after she finishes school and cheerleading which I am looking forward to. Tonight I have yoga as well which should be good.  Usually I work at the supermarket on Wedesdays and have to go straight from work to yoga so it has turned out quite well. I will probably even be able to have a quick tea before I go so I dont have to eat quite as late as I usually have to.

I am feeling so tired this morning for some reason. I slept on the couch last night which I know I shouldn't do as I never sleep as deeply and soundly as I would in my bed. But I usually fall asleep while watching tv and then it is just so tempting to stay on the couch in the loungeroom where the fire is all night, insead of going and hopping into a freezing cold bed.

So I feel like I just need a day to recharge and get back to my energetic self. I will probably try and catch up on some sleep sometime today as well and watch some more of pretty little liars. I have already finished season 2 even though I only started them 13 days ago as it is so good and I just want to keep watching it.

Luckily I bought the first three seasons when I was in Hobart so I still have one season to go. My mum is taking me to Hobart next week for my dermatologist appointment so I will have to get some more seasons then. I hope that everyone is having a good day. Keep smiling, fighting and believing! xx

Sleeping in and feeling positive

I couldn't believe it when I got up this morning, turned on the light ad saw that it was 6:30am. Ok, I know that this isn't a real sleep in for a normal person, in fact many people would consider this as getting up early, but for me it is a sleep in. I cant remember the last time I slept past 5am and quite often it is much earlier then this (like 3:30am). I probably would have slept even later still if it wasn't for Tess coming and waking me up. She was probably wondering what was going on I am usually up hours before then. I would really love too be able to start sleeping later everyday so fingers crossed that this is just the first of many 'sleep ins'.

I am feeling really fantastic and positive today. My boss text me last night to tell me our training that was supposed to be on today was cancelled which means that I get the day off which I am really happy about! It means that I can have a relaxing morning and then I will be able to spend the afternoon with Amy as my mum is working and Amy is on school holidays. I am feeling full of energy so I will probably rug up (As it is icy out again today) and take Tess for a nice walk or perhaps even a short run, I will see how I am feeling when the time comes.

I did yoga last night for the first time and I loved it! I have paid for 4 more weeks in advance and really hope that I can get to all of those sessions. I am so glad I decided to give it a go as I really felt fantastic while I was doing the yoga and even now, afterwards. I think that I will be able to build up some more strength throughout all of my body and I also think the mindfullness side of yoga will really help me too. I can now see why some eating disorder ttreatment cenntres have yoga programs for their patients to participate in. After doing a proper yoga session I really can see how yoga can help to heal both the body and mind.

When I got home from yoga, I saw that my mum had left a little gift for me. It was a beautiful fridge magnet that her and my sister had boughtt me that day when they went and visited Bicheno, a nearby town to where we live.

I hope that everyone has a fantastic day today <3 Does anyone have anything interesting planned?

Todays To do list

~Take Tess for 2 walks

~Go grocery shopping

~Visit my nan at the hospital who is recovering from an operation

~Cook some butterscotch puddings

~Buy fuel and mow my lawns

~Do some more washing

~Take Amy home

~Cook myself a nice tea

~Make banana muffins

~Clean my house

My doctors appointment

My doctors appointment went really well! My doctor was delighted when she weighed me and saw that I have gained so much weight. My GP hasnt been able to help me a lot in my actual anorexia recovery but she has always tried to keep a close check on me to make sure I was medically stable by weighing me, doing blood tests and helping me to treat my skin. She has given me an acne ointment that I have found really helpful in the past as well as two types of antibiotics. One to treat my current infection and another preventative antibiotic that I can take to try and prevent my infections from happening in the first place. I also got a doctors certificate so that I was allowed the day off work.

My doctor made the comment that I was only 1 kilogram off off being x kilograms, which is the weight she initially said that I needed to reach but I didnt tell her that I am planning to gain weight beyond that weight. It is very hard for me to continue gaining weight, especially since my doctor has basically said I dont need to. My anorexia hates the fact that I am choosing to gain more weight 'unneccesarily' but I know that it is the right thing to do.  Deep down I know that my natural set point is more than the weight my doctor has told me so I dont want to stop before I feel as though I am properly weight restored. I want to learn to love my body the way it is naturally supposed to be, so that I can be truly happy and healthy.

As usual I was in chatting to my doctor for 45 minutes instead of the 15 minutes I was supposed to be. She knows all about my mum so I talked to her for a long time about that which I found really helpful. Although I appreciate her kindness I am sure that the people in the waiting room were not impressed at all for having to wait so long. I went to the pharmacy on the way home to pick up all of my prescriptions before coming home to make myself some lunch. For lunch I had a small tin of cheesy spaghetti on buttered toast, an apple and a mini custard tart which was a nice change. I think mum is calling in this afternoon to visit me and see how I am going.

I hope everyone is having a good day! :)

Having a sick day

I have had to take the day off of work today so that I can go to my doctor and get some antibiotics. I will get a doctors certificate to excuse me from work and just rest for the day and hopefully get over this infection. While I am at the doctor I would like to ask my doctor about whether or not there are some preventative antiobiotics that I can go on as I seem to get these infections every time my immune system gets down. Apparently the way it works is that the bacteria that cause these infections lay dormant under my skin and then flare up every so often often, making a new infection. There must be something I can do to get rid of it for good!

I do feel a bit bad about having the day off as I am not extremely sick but I really needed to get to the doctor to get some antibiotics. Last time I had a skin infection in the same place it actually moved into my eye and I certainly dont want to risk that happening again. It is a shame that my doctor is in a different town to where I work as otherwise I may have been able to go to work after my appointment.

So the day today will just be spent resting at home. I have some studying to do for my first traineeship assesment at the bank tomorrow so it will be a good chance for me to do that. I am not terribly nervous about this assesment, which is quite surprising considering how worked up I used to get before tests when I was at uni or school but this doesnt really seem like a test. More just a chance to demonstrate what I have learnt in my job so far.

I hope that everyone has a fantastic Monday! Stay positive and keep fighting! <3

Todays To-Do list

Happy Mothers Day

Today is Mothers Day but mum had to work all day so I just spent the day with my sister Amy. Amy and I were both tired after our big day at the football yesterday so went to bed pretty early last night. Because I went to bed early I also woke up really early, at about 2 am and have barely gotten any sleep since. By about 4am I was fed up with tossing and turning so got up and put on one of my series; Love Child.

Love Child is set in Australias Kings Cross in the year 1969. I really enjoy watching tv series like these that teach you a bit of Australian history as well as having an excellent story line. The actual story is about a group of young girls who each fell pregnant out of wedlock and were then sent to a special home so that they would not disgrace their families names. It also shows alot from the inside of the maternity ward of the general hospital where one of the main characters, a midwife works.

I had my breakfast early, about two hours before Amy even woke up. When Amy got up I made her some breakfast, ate my morning Tea and then took Tess for a quick walk to the Supermarket to do some shopping. When I got back Amy and I watched some grays anatomy before having lunch. After lunch I went to find mum a mothers day present (nothing like leaving things to the last minute) and found a really nice photo frame. The frame read;

I thought it was a lovely verse and the style of frame also really suited our beautiful old home. Amy and I just took it really easy for the afternoon. She wrote in her diary and I blogged while we listened to some Taylor Swift, one of our favourite singers.

Since it was mothers day I went and had tea with the rest of my immediate family including both my nans and one of my uncles. It was nice to be all together as I really cant remember the last time I was at home with both my parents, both my brothers and also my sister.  

We had steak cooked on the barbeque which was a huge step for me. Although I loved steak before I got sick, tonight is the first time I have eaten it in three years and it was truly delicious. I could  tell my dad was proud of me for eating what the rest of the family did and this made up for any anxiety or worries I had over eating the steak. Since I got back home I had my increased dessert as well as a hot chocolate. 

I had to add some stewed peaches to my dessert as I havent made any more puddings since I have decided to increase the portion size of my dessert. Instead of making the puddings in a big dish, I seperate the mixture into muffin pans before cooking them so I am left with lots of single serve portions. This means I can freeze the portions easily and I also find that it avoids the mess associated with cutting into a big pudding and eating it over a number of days.

I hope everyone had a truly fantastic mothers day :D

A really good day

Today has been a really good day! For some reason I have felt extra positive all day with minimal anxiety. I didn't get as many anorexic thoughts as I would usually and any that I have had, I could get rid of relatively easily. Perhaps this is an indication that my mind is starting to repair now that I am nourishing my body with lots of food? I also had a good nights sleep last night which always helps me to think more clearly and rationally.

So I havent found eating my meals that difficult today which is a huge bonus. The only thing is that I am feeling as though my stomach is sticking out and getting bigger but at this stage I am just telling myself it is in my head. I have always had a tiny waist, even before I lost weight, I just wasnt happy with the rest of my body (in particularly my legs, bum and arms). It feels really weird to be worried about my stomach and not my bum or legs which is what I always worried about while I was developing anorexia.

My tea tonight: mild beef and vegetable curry with carrots and peas

I didn't do anything really exciting but enjoyed having some time on my own to relax. I took Tess on two walks but they were only short as it was so cold and windy. I didnt get around to baking today so instead I bought a cream filled lamington sponge role. I plan to have a piece of this with an Up And Go for morning tea each day over the next few days. I know that bought baked goods are never quite the same as homemade ones but hopefully it will still be yummy.

I went and picked Amy up after school so she didn't have to  walk and she was happy to see me which always makes me feel good. Even though she is only 12 she always knows exactely what to say to make me feel good and happy. She always gives me a hug and kiss when she sees me or when I say goodbye to her no matter who is around. I love it when she does this as it makes me feel as though she truly is proud of the fact I am her sister.

We started watching the movie My Sisters Keeper, which is one of my all time favourite movies. I have seen it many times but Amy has only ever seen bits and pieces of it, she has never actually watched it from start to finish. This movie is the only movie I have ever cried in and I still cry every time I watch it. It does not only have one part that is sad, it has sad parts all the way through it. If you haven't seen this movie yet, I highly reccommend watching it (but if I were you I would have some tissues ready). ;)


I have just had a really yummy dessert which was hot butterscotch sponge pudding with lots of vanilla icecream and I will have a hot chocolate before I go to bed. I will try to go to sleep early as I am working tomorrow and dont want to be tired. Then I have the weekend off which I am also looking forward to.I hope that you had a good day today or if your day is just starting, I hope you have an equally good day as I have had.

B

What would you like to read about?

It is still awfully windy and cold so I plan on spending my whole day off in front of the fire, blogging and watching tv. At the moment it is only 9 degrees but the wind makes it feel even colder. I will also make some chocolate muffins this afternoon as I ate my last one yesterday. :)

Me rugged up in my puffer jacket and beanie before taking Tess for a walk

Tess is inside with me all the time at the moment as her kennel is wrecked and there is no where sheltered outside for her to get out of the terrible weather. I dont mind though, she is really good company for me and stops me from feeling lonely. My sister Amy is coming to my place when she finishes school this afternoon which I am also looking forward to. We get along so well and miss each other a lot now I have moved out and dont see each other everyday.

I still have heaps of post ideas but I really would love some feedback about what you would like me to write about. The number of page views I get significantly changes each day and I was just wondering what types of posts you like the most. While this is a recovery blog, I wouldnt mind writing more personal posts if thats what you wanted to read or even everyday things not necessarily relevant to EDs, for example movie reviews or information posts about Australia.

Please let me know what you think and dont be afraid to be really honest. :) I love constructive critisism and find it really helpful. Keep fighting everyone and remember that nothing is impossible. <3