Remember to rest

Ever since getting a gym membership a few weeks ago, I have really enjoyed being able to exercise regularly, regardless of the weather. I have also really enjoyed doing a wide variety of exercises instead of just walking like I used to do and I can already see my fitness and strength improving. Something incredibely important to remember is to make sure you have rest days, to give your body a break and allow it to repair and recover.

 Something else to remember is that on rest days, you should not feel as though you cant eat as much as you usually would. If you only feel as though you can not or should not eat your regular intake if you are not doing exercise then this is not a healthy mindset to have and perhaps you aren't ready to start exercising again. You should not think of exercise as something you do so that you can eat, you should think of eating as something you do to keep you healthy and that gives your body the fuel it needs so that you can exercise when you want to.

For instance, I have been to the gym the last 4 days in a row and I am choosing to have a rest day today to allow my sore muscles to repair. I have full intention of eating my usual intake today even though I am not exercising. It has taken me a long time to change to this mindset but I am glad to say that my days of compensating for not exercising by eating less are over! I know that my body needs to be fueled properly EVERYDAY and that is exactly what I intend to do!

Although not as much energy will be required by your body for actual physical activity on rest days, if you eat your usual amount this just means that more energy will be available to help your body to repair and recover. It also gives your body a chance to replenish its energy stores which will prepare you for exercise again,  next time you do work out. Rest days also give you a chance to focus on other important aspects of your life, that you may not usually have time. Remember that looking after your mental health is just as important as looking after your physical health.

The number of rest days a person takes is an individual choice however I think that people should try to rest atleast one day a week. Personally, I find I need atleast 2 rest days per week as I am still very new to working out and I dont want to rush my body into making progress too quickly. I also want to make sure that I am only exercising for the right reasons and that I am not getting addicted to exercise, as I know that this sometimes does happen post anorexia recovery.

Compensating in recovery

In recovery it is so important that you do not compensate by restricting or eating less because your anorexia tells you that you need to. If you compensate you are giving into your anorexia, which will make it stronger and the real you weaker. Instead you need to fight your anorexic thoughts and stop yourself from compensating, as doing this will get you closer to becoming fully recovered.

As long as I am tempted to compensate, I will not consider myself to be recovered. I believe that in order to be fully recovered you need to have a completely normal relationship with food and these types of thoughts really are not healthy. It is completely normal to have a bigger meal then you usually do sometimes or eat a little extra and you should not intentially compensate because of it or even be tempted to do so.

Tonight I am going out for tea with my mum, dad, sister as well as my dads boss and his childen. I know that my tea will contain more calories then it usually does and also that I wont know how many calories I am eating but I also know that I should not compensate in anyway because of this. I have been tempted by my anorexia to exercise extra as well as eat less throughout the day today but I know that I cant do either of these things.

If I do these things I will be listening to my anorexia and I will therefore be giving it strength, which is completely opposite to what I need to be doing at this stage in my recovery. So even though I feel like going out and going for an extremely long walk. I am not going to do this. Instead I am going to limit my walks to the distance I went yesterday, when I was not tempted to compensate.

No matter how anxious it will make me feel I know that I still need to eat my full afternoon tea and dessert. Not so that I know I am getting enough calories as I know that I would be eating enough without doing this. Instead I know that I need to do this in order to fight my anorexia and so that I am not giving into what it tells me to do.

One day I hope that I no longer get the temptation to exercise or restrict in order to compensate for what I may have eaten but until then, I know that I just need to keep fighting these thoughts. Because if I keep fighting them, they will eventually go away and only then will I be able to fully recover.

Windy weather and Wednesday weigh-in

I can honestly say that after not walking as much as I usually do yesterday, I didn't compensate in any way. I still ate just as much as I usually do and only took Tess for a small walk when I got home yesterday afternoon. It had actually stopped raining yesterday morning before I went to work but I didnt walk Tess anyway as I wanted to challenge my anorexia and prove I could be stronger. I have decided to try and 'miss' walks more often as I want to be able to feel completely fine when I dont exercise as much. Feeling guilty for not exercising is not a healthy behaviour and something I need to overcome.

Last night it was extremely windy. While wind is not uncommon where I live, I have never seen winds as strong and powerful as that. It was quite scary as my whole house rattled and shook and I could hear huge bangs and crashes from outside throughout the night. I let Tess sleep inside all night as it would have simply been too dangerous to put her outside so I think she was happy it was so windy. I hope that there isnt too much damage done around the area but i'm guessing there will be atleast some. Luckily the wind had died down now and it is relatively calm outside. Despite all of the wind I still got a pretty good nights sleep so I am feeling ready to start another day of work. Today I work at the supermarket from 8:30am until 5:45pm but hopefully
the day doesn't go too slowly.

Since it is Wednesday it is also my official weigh day. After being dissapointed with my weight on Sunday (you can read about it here), I felt a little nervous about stepping on the scale. I wasn't scared about gaining weight, but more scared that I may not have gained any weight even after increasing my intake on Sunday. I was glad to see that my weight had gone up 500g since Sunday (which is an overall increase of 300g since last Wednesday). Obviously adding in more food to my meal plan on Sunday did the trick so I have decided I will not need to increase my intake again today. Hopefully I dont need to increase my intake again as I honestly dont know what meal I would increase but I will cross that bridge if and when I come to it.

While I am coping ok with my current weight, I am really worried that it wont be long before i'm really not ok about it. Although I am feeling positive about the changes I am making now, I honestly think that I will find it much harder to fight my anorexic thoughts as my body starts to change. I feel like gaining weight will be like adding fuel to the fire, where my anorexia is the fire. I know I shouldnt waste time and energy worrying about this now as worrying wont stop it from happening but it is difficult for me not to. For now I know I just need to take my recovery one day, one meal and one bite at a time.

What is everybody elses experience of this? Did you find recovery continuously got easier or did it start to get harder again as you started to get closer to your goal weight?