Feeling energised and motivated after resting and a Herbalife STS

Dragging myself out of bed last Thursday morning was really hard. Ever since starting Herbalife I have been bouncing out of bed each morning but for some reason I was feeling really tired and unmotivated. I had been studying really hard all week as well as going to the gym each day and working and I think that I was just mentally and physically exhausted.

I felt a little better after having my Herbalife shake so decided to go to my regular Thursday morning 'body attack' gym class. My legs were a bit sore before I even got there and during the class they just wouldn't do what I wanted them to do. They were heavy and slow and simple things that were usually effortless, seemed like massive efforts. Somehow, I managed to get through the 45 minute gym class but it was so hard, but not even in a good workout type of hard way.

I went home and studied for the rest of the day, barely leaving my room but by mid afternoon, I was starting to feel really nauseous. At times I actually thought I was going to be sick I felt so unwell but luckily I didnt vomit. My boyfriend arrived just before dinner time and the first thing he said to me was that I looked really tired. Thats when I knew that I had been doing too much and that I had worn myself out.

After a good nights sleep I felt quite a bit better however I knew that my body needed a rest day, so thats exactly what I gave it. Unfortunately I wasn't able to give my brain a rest day too as I had too much happening at uni with assignments due and lectures to watch but not exercising while still eating lots was exactly what I needed.

I went out for dinner with my boyfriend and another friend of ours and we had a really nice night. And despite the face I had quite a few drinks that night and only got about 6 hours aleep, I woke up the next morning feeling like a million dollars. I got up early, made my herbalife shake as well as breakfast for my boyfriend and an hour later we were on our way to Hobart.

I was going to Hobart to attend a Herbalife STS (Success Training Seminar) and luckily my incredible boyfriend said he would drive me down as I had no idea how to get to the place where the function was being held. It was an incredible day with lots of speakers sharing their success stories as well as learning about all of the products Herbalife offer. I got to try some new Herbalife products, which were all delicious (but now I just want to buy more products which I cant really afford haha!)

There was an ex professional AFL footballer there who uses and distributes Herbalife so it was good to hear him talk about his journey and the advice he offered about going for your dreams was unbelievable. There were so many people there with inspirational stories that I couldn't help but feel inspired, to continue actively chasing my dreams and proving to everyone, as well as myself that I can do anything I set my mind to. Whether it be make a full recovery from anorexia, finish my uni degree or get fitter and stronger.

After such a big day I was feeling tired by the time I got home so I made myself some tea andvpretty much went to bed. My boyfriend stayed up watching tv and I tried to watch it with him but I couldnt keep my eyes open so just slept. I felt great when I woke up the next morning though so decided to go and do a quick 45 minute workout at the gym. After a two day break from exercise my energy levels were great and my body felt properly recovered too as my joints and muscles were no longer sore. It was a very successful workout and I really enjoyed it too.

When I got back home my boyfriend and I went to watch his sister play football and we also bought lunch at the bakery. It was a beautiful and sunny day so it was really nice to stand outside and absorb some heat, something that is quite rare in a Tasmanian winter. We then just headed back home and rested for the rest of the afternoon/night.

This week is mid semester break which means I dont have an university classes however I do have two mid semester tests next week so will have to spend most of the week studying for those. I hope everyone has a great week and remember to rest if your body or mind need it! :) xx

A busy couple of days + food diary

The last two days I have been very busy, trying to juggle uni, work and also looking after myself. Something I have learnt is that my health is ALWAYS what I need to put first. Afterall, if I dont do this then I am not able to do well in any other aspects of my life anyway. I have had quite a bad cold the last few days too so tgis has made looking after nyself even more important. As I know that I dont only have to provide myself with enough energy so that I can get through each day as well as allow my body to fight my cold.

I had to work for 4.5 hours yesterday and 5 hours today at mcdonalds  so that has made it hard for me to get any studying done but luckily I had a really productive day at uni on Tuesday so I got heaps done then! I also have a full day to spend at uni too so that I can get through this weeks lecture and tutorial recordings. If need be I can also spend some time this weekend getting on top of everything before the new week begins. I cant believe we are almost in week 5! I am still really enjoying uni though and love the sunjects I am doing too.

Due to being unwell, I have not been working out at the gym as I usually do. I just dont have that type of energy and dont want to push my body to hard, when it is already fighting to make me well again. Also, because my chest is very congested, breathing is not the easiest and I have also been coughing a lot too. Yesterday I did get up early to go to a yoga class at the gym though which I really enjoyed. Today, I also missed the gym and just went for a nice walk instead. It did me so much much good to get out in the fresh air and I found that it was just what I needed.

Despite having a cold, I am still feeling so good using my herbalife products and eating more nutritiously. I feel as though they are really helping me to fight my cold too. I have been drinking my herbalife original lemon tea which has been soothing my throat and making my head feel clearer. I have also tried two new flavours of nutritional shake too, Berry and Cookies and Cream. And they are all just as delicious as the french vanilla flavour! I have also started drinking mango flavoured 'Aloe' which I am enjoying too. It is supposed to support digestion and I find it really helps with my energy levels too.

Finally, I thought I would share with you all what I ate today. I planned to do a photo food diary however I only managed to take a photo of my morning shake and then forgot to do any others. So I will just write it out for you all.

Breakfast: 1 Banana Berry Herbalife shake made with 2 scoops of Berry nutritional powder, 1 banana, 4 strawberries and 1 cup of light soy milk

Morning tea: 2 portions of honey Oats prepared with half soy milk and half water, 1 scoop of protein powder and a dash of cinnamon

Lunch: A grilled chicken salad made with chicken , cherry tomatoes, lettuce, cucumber, boiled egg and 4 crispbread biscuits topped with 2 slices of cheese

Afternoon tea: 1 nice and natural nut trail bar and 1 apple

Tea: Beef ragu pappardelle with vegetables (sweet potato, carrot, peas and broccoli)

Dessert: 1 small almond and chocolate protein bar and 1 pot of blueberry yoghurt

Remember to rest

Ever since getting a gym membership a few weeks ago, I have really enjoyed being able to exercise regularly, regardless of the weather. I have also really enjoyed doing a wide variety of exercises instead of just walking like I used to do and I can already see my fitness and strength improving. Something incredibely important to remember is to make sure you have rest days, to give your body a break and allow it to repair and recover.

 Something else to remember is that on rest days, you should not feel as though you cant eat as much as you usually would. If you only feel as though you can not or should not eat your regular intake if you are not doing exercise then this is not a healthy mindset to have and perhaps you aren't ready to start exercising again. You should not think of exercise as something you do so that you can eat, you should think of eating as something you do to keep you healthy and that gives your body the fuel it needs so that you can exercise when you want to.

For instance, I have been to the gym the last 4 days in a row and I am choosing to have a rest day today to allow my sore muscles to repair. I have full intention of eating my usual intake today even though I am not exercising. It has taken me a long time to change to this mindset but I am glad to say that my days of compensating for not exercising by eating less are over! I know that my body needs to be fueled properly EVERYDAY and that is exactly what I intend to do!

Although not as much energy will be required by your body for actual physical activity on rest days, if you eat your usual amount this just means that more energy will be available to help your body to repair and recover. It also gives your body a chance to replenish its energy stores which will prepare you for exercise again,  next time you do work out. Rest days also give you a chance to focus on other important aspects of your life, that you may not usually have time. Remember that looking after your mental health is just as important as looking after your physical health.

The number of rest days a person takes is an individual choice however I think that people should try to rest atleast one day a week. Personally, I find I need atleast 2 rest days per week as I am still very new to working out and I dont want to rush my body into making progress too quickly. I also want to make sure that I am only exercising for the right reasons and that I am not getting addicted to exercise, as I know that this sometimes does happen post anorexia recovery.

My top 5 recovery tips

An important thing to remember about recovery is that it really is different for everyone. What works really well for some people in recovery, doesn't work at all for others and there is no right or wrong way to recover.

Despite this, I thought it may be helpful if I share the 5 main things I did in my recovery, which allowed ME to recover.

You may or may not find these things helpful yourself but if you havent already tried these things, maybe you should give them a go. I hope they help you as much as they helped me! 

1. Follow a Meal Plan

I simply couldnt have recovered without a meal plan. In my opinion you cant just eat intuitively in recovery and if you try, chances are your anorexia will make many of your food choices for you. A meal plan is an easy way to keep track of the energy your putting into your body and can therefore be incredibely helpful to help you to restore your weight. 

While it wasnt always easy, I followed my meal plan perfectly all the time. I found this very helpful as it meant that my anorexia wouldnt even try and convince me to eat any less (no matter how anxious the food made me). It was almost like my anorexia knew I had no choice but to follow my meal plan and so it stopped even trying to tempt me not to do so. 

Whilst designing my meal plan, I considered how mang calories I needed and therefore chose various foods that would allow me to reach my 'calorie goals' for each day. It is importang to note that following meal plans doesn't necessarily mean eating the same things everyday. My meal plans always had a lot of variety and I would change what I ate from day to day while making sure I was eating the right amount of calories. 

2. Restrict exercise

Even though you may really enjoy exercise and want to be fit, exercising while you are in recovery may not be the best thing for your health. Not only does it make gaining weight even more difficult, but your ED may just use it as an opportunity to compensate for any extra amounts of food you are eating.  

Cutting out exercise was incredibely difficult for me whilst I was trying to restore my weight but I can see now that it was the best thing for me to do. Not only did it enable me to gain weight more quickly but it also helped me to learn to control my anorexic thoughts in relation to exercise. 

Just remember that you wont need to restrict your exercise forever and doing so will most likely speed up your recovery for you. So by cutting out exercise, you will most likely be able to exercise again sooner, once you are recovered!

3. Monitor your weight

Some people dont like to see what they weigh and I can completely relate to that. I believe in order to recover however you really do need to keep track of your weight somehow. This may involve a blind weigh in or weighing yourself, whichever you are more comfortable with. 

From memory, I weighed myself 2-3 times a week so that I could make sure I was gaining the weight I needed to. I found this incredibely helpful as it stopped my mind from playing tricks on me. For example it stopped me worrying that I had gained enormous amounts of weight when I hadnt at all. 

Also, without weighing myself I would not have known when I needed to increase my intake. Whenever my weight stayed the same for a few consecutive weigh ins, I knew straight away that I needed to add something else to my meal plan. This ensured that I kept gaining the weight I needed to.

4. Talk to others in recovery

It doesnt matter if you are suffering or recovering from an eating disorder, either way it is can be  an incredibely lonely experience. I found that no matter how much the people in my life tried to understand what I was going through, they simply couldn't. 

I highly reccommend you reach out and talk to other people who are going through the same thing as you. Talking to other people who I could relate to and who understood what I was going through was extremely helpful and comforting for me. I felt as though I could tell these other sufferers things I wouldnt have told anyone else, which meant I could get things off my chest without the fear of being judged.

While it wasnt the case for me, some people may find that talking to other anorexics can trigger their eating disorder. If this is the case for you, then I definetely DONT reccommen talking to other sufferers. In this case I would suggest talking to a professional or someone else who you trust, so that you can get everything you need to off of your chest.

5. Believe you can do it
If you dont believe in your self, your anorexic voice will over power your own thoughts and you will give into your anorexias demands. I honestly think that in order to recover, you need to believe you can do it and you also need to believe it is possible.

For example when you feel overwhelmed about eating a certain food and your anorexia is trying its hardest to convince you not to eat it, if you dont believe in your self chances are you will give into your anorexias demands. But if you believe you are strong enough you will see that you can do it and therefore you will be able to eat the food that is scaring you so much.

Recovery isnt something that happens overnight, it is something that requires you to fight incredibely hard for a very long time. If you dont believe in yourself, I dont think you will be able to fight your anorexic thoughts whenever they may arise. So please, try your best to believe in yourself. Everyone is capable of recovering, no matter how sick you are. You may feel like its impossible but its not. I promise you can do it!

Having healthy relationship with exercise

If I had woken up on any morning over the last few years and had heard the rain, I would have most likely have instantly felt sick and anxious. The thought of being unable to go for my daily walk would have once terrified me, however this moning I did not have any of these feelings at all when I woke up to the sound of rain on my roof. In fact, I was incredibely excited to hear the rain as we are in desperate need of rain where I live at the moment and it is just what our farm needs.

I admit, that I do exercise a lot as my dog needs lots of exercise and I enjoy it too. Somtimes I find myself wondering if my relationship with exercise is uhealthy. Sometimes I do not know if I actually enjoy walking, or if it is actually my anorexia that just enjoys t so much. Feeling this way this morning was great though as it showed me that I don't have an unhealthy relationship with exercise. Feeling fine about having rest days because I am tired, too busy or because it is raining shows that my eating disorder does not control my exercise!

 To me, feeling completely fine about exercising proves that I do not use exercise as a form of compensation for eating. I just exercise because it makes me happy and makes me feel good. For example even though I knew I wouldn't get for my moring walk today, I still ate the same sized breakfast and morning tea as I usually do. It is uhealthy to feel as though you can only eat if you exercise. Sure eating gives you the energy you need to exercise, but you need food whether you exercise or not.

People don't only run to lose weight

Something that people often fail to understand is that weight loss is only one possible goal for someone who runs or exercises. Just because some people may start running to help them lose weight, this does not mean that everyody does. Isuppose the raeson that I have decided to write this post is beacuse I have received comments from different people suggesting that it would be stupid for me to run. They have said that I have no need to run as i am already thin and that running would make me lose all of the weight that I have managed to gain in my recovery. 

Personally, I do not agree with any of these satements. I can honestly say that I do not want to lose weight anymore and therefore weight loss is definetely the reason why I exercise. I actually like my body the way it curently is and therefore if I did decide to start running or to do any other forms of exercise, it would not be because I have the goal of losing weight. I would only do it for enjoyment and also for my fitness and health. Afterall, there is nothing wrong with wanting to exercise so that you can be fit and healthy, as long as you are not taking it to any unhealthy extremes.

So I do not think anyone should judge me or critisize me if I want to start doing a bit of running. As long as I fuel my body with the energy that it needs, there isnt anything unhealthy about me going for a run sometimes. If I ever started to feel as though I was only running to try and lose weight then I agree that it is not healthy for me to run, but whilst that is not the case, I know that running is not bad for me. Also, I agree that it would no be a good idea for me to run whilst I was underweight but since I am not underweight, I dont really have to worry about that either. 

I was actually reading an article in the newspaper yesterday about how to eat and fuel your body whilst exercising, depending upon what your goals of exercising are. For example if you do want to lose weight, which may be necessary for some people who are overweight, then restricting your intake both before and after exercise was suggested. However if the exercise was purely for fitness purposes, then they reccommendded that you fuel up both before and after exercising, which is exactly what I do. 

What are your opinions on what I have said? Do you also find it frustrating when people fail to see that you don't exercise because you want to lose weight?? Do you have any ideas aboout how you can try to explain to those types of people that there is nothing wrong with exercising, as long as it is for the right reasons?

Having a healthy relationship with exercise

I woke up this morning to the sound of rain on my roof. Once, this would have caused me a lot of panic and anxiety as it would mean I would either have to go out walking in the rain or not exercise as much that day which was an even more terrifying prospect. This morning however, it did not worry me that it was raining one little bit. In fact I was really happy as we need rain desperately on our farm.

I ate my normal sized breakfast, without even considering eating less and just made the most of having some extra time in my morning to get a few things done. I quickly vacuumed my loungeroom and kitchen as they needed doing badly and I also chatted to a friend on snap chat and straightened my hair (probably a silly idea considering it is raining).

Breakfast this morning

It is a wonderful feeling, not to be worried about exercising less sometimes and to me, this is part of what it means to be recovered. I dofeelalittle sorry for Tess as it means she will only get one walk today but besides that, it doesnt worry me one little bit. I plan toeat just as much today as I usually do and Idont plan on walking any further then I usually do tonight.

I honestly feel as though I have overcome my issues with exercise which I am thrilled about. I wrote this as a part of my 'when im recovered page' and now feel as though I have finally achieved it. In fact Ihave achieved many of the thingson thatlist which just showshow far in my recovery I have come.

Exercise for enjoyment only

I will not feel as though I can't exercise or that I need to limit my exercise, when I want to exercise because my body will be strong and healthy enough to cope with it. I will never feel guilty for not exercising If I am too busy or if I am injured or unwell. I will only exercise when I genuinely want to, purely for enjoyment purposes.

Sohow did I do it? I guess as my mind has continued to get better, my anorexia has just got weaker and weaker. Also, by not giving into any a orexic thoughts Iha e had regarding exercise, I suppose that would ha e made a big difference to. I guess it reallydoesjust prove that if you fight really hard and never give up, anythig is possible! 

Trying to gain a healthy relationship with exercise

While recovering from Anorexia, I know that I do not only need to gain a healthier relationship with food, but with exercise too. When I finished work today and got home, it was raining so I did not think I would be able to take Tess for a walk, like I usually do. As soon as this thought entered my mind, I immediately started feeling very anxious which has made me think twice about how healthy me current relationship with exercise is. Although I have cut my exercise down significantly since getting serious about my recovery, I still do take Tess for 2 short (15-20 minute) walks each day.

When I was at my sickest, I went for a huge power walk every single day. It did not matter how terrible the weather was, I still felt as though I had no choice but to go for my huge walk. If I was unable to go walking for some reason, I would restrict my intake a lot to make up for using less calories. Even in the 18 months or so that I spent in my half recovered state, I still compulsively walked every single day. I always went walking early of a morning, as if this gave me the permission I needed to eat for the rest of the day. Besides my walking, I also spent as much time on my feet throughout the day that I possibely could and would feel guilty for resting.

My exercise issues have got much better through my recovery so far but tonight showed me that I am yet to gain a completely normal or healthy relationship with exercise. I felt guiltier eating my tea tonight then I have in a really long time and I know that this is only because I had decided not to take Tess for her usual evening walk. I even feel quite sick after eating my tea tonight, which hardly ever happens to me and I think that this is purely due to me feeling anxious about not doing as much exercise as I usually do.

When I finished my tea tonight, I walked outside to find that the rain had actually stopped. My anorexia was delighted, as it knew that I would now be able to take Tess for her walk but I knew that taking Tess would be the wrong decision, in terms of my recovery. I knw that the only way I will ever develop a healthy relationship with exercise is if I challenge by anorexia, by doing the complete opposite of what it wants me to do in regards to exercise. This is not easy always wasy for me as walking Tess is something I really need to do each day but I still plan to challenge my anorexia any chance I get (like tonight), in regards to the exercise I do.

My dessert: warm chocolate self saucing
pudding with vanilla icecream

I need to remind myself that just because I may not do as much exercise on any one day, this does not mean that I should intentionally eat any less. The extra energy cannot hurt me, especially whilst I am in recovery. Tonight I made sure I ate just as much as I usually do, despite the guilt I was feeling. By not restricting I know that I am fighting my anorexia and getting closer to becoming fully recovered.

Early morning update

It is currently 5:38 am and I am snuggled in front of the fire with my blanket and blogging while I eat my Breakfast. I had a typical breakfast for me of 2 slices if toast with cashew spread and a bowl of creamy vanilla and peach oats with 1 sliced banana on top. I have woken up in a positive mood and feel as though today will be a good day.

Excuse the bed hair and the onsie ;)

My day off yesterday was really nice but I didnt do very much besides relax. It was too cold and rainy to do anything outside and I am also still trying to limit my exercise as much as possible. Since making a special effort to exercise less I can feel myself being able to cope with less exercise so much easier. I can now see that although I couldnt see it at the time, exercise was still an issue for me up until only a few weeks ago. I took Tess for two little walks throughout the day and my sister Amy joined me on the second walk as she came to my house for the afternoon after she finished school. 

Amy and I walking on the windy beach

I dont mind going back to work today as I only have to work today and then I have the weekend off again. It is my dads birthday tomorrow so I will probably spend most of the day with him and then Amy is staying tomorrow night. I have promised her a pizza and movie night so it should be fun. :)

I hope everyone has had a fantastic week. :) Do you have any exciting plans for the weekend? :)

Weigh in Wednesday

I cant believe another 4 days has already passed since I last weighed myself. I am very happy to report to you all that I have managed to gain another 500g in the last 4 days. The fact that I am gaining weight at a much faster rate now does scare me ALOT but I know that the sooner I am weight restored, the sooner I can start working on the rest of my recovery as well.


When I first started to really try and gain weight my weight was not increasing by a significant enough amount between each weigh in and if I had continued to gain weight at such a slow rate, it would have taken me far too long to become weight restored. Now however I am getting closer and closer to reaching a healthy weight every single day. Obviously the reason I am now gaining weight at a faster rate is because I am eating more and also exercising less.

I am starting to notice visible differences in my body which obviously makes me uncomfIrtable but I am not allowing this to effect what I eat. My jeans are getting tighter and my anorexia is giving me a difficult time but I know that I need to gain more weight in order to recover. Negotiating with my anorexia simply is not an option as this will only prevent me from recovering.

Last night, for the first time I was extremely tempted to skip my bedtime hot chocolate. I was still really full from the chocolate self saucing pudding and icecream I had eaten only an hour earlier and didnt feel like anything else sweet at all. My anorexia told me that I had already eaten plenty for the day, especially coonsidering the fact that my exercise time has been cut in half. But I made sure I stuck to my meal plan. No matter how scared I get as my weight continues to increase I have made a promise to myself that I will not cut my meal plan down at all until i have reached a healthy weight. No matter how awful I feel, I will keep eating what I currently am now.

I have gained almost 3 kg in the past month which is quite scary but it hasnt had as much of an effect on me as I thought it would have. Sure my anorexia is angry and I feel anxious about it but so far it hasnt felt like anything I havent been able to handle. I think that this is because my mind is starting to repair as I am gaining weight. This has allowed me to accept the weight gain better then I would have once been able to do. I really can feel my non anorexic thoughts getting stronger and clearer each day and my anorexic thoughts getting weaker.

I know it can seem really scary but I highly recommend trying to gain weight at a faster rate if you are only increasing very slowly. I know it can feel much 'safer' to gain weight as slowly as possible but ultimately all this does is draw out weight restoration so that you have to battle through it for longer. I know it is different for everone but I felt just as anxious whilst I was gaining half a kilo per week as I do now that I am gaining a kilo per week, so it is obviously better for me to be gaining at a faster rate. Give it a go, you may find that you dont cope at all and that you need to slow your weight gain down a little, or you could cope better than you thought you would, like I did. Either way its worth a try. Stay strong and keep fighting. :) x