When I first started to really try and gain weight my weight was not increasing by a significant enough amount between each weigh in and if I had continued to gain weight at such a slow rate, it would have taken me far too long to become weight restored. Now however I am getting closer and closer to reaching a healthy weight every single day. Obviously the reason I am now gaining weight at a faster rate is because I am eating more and also exercising less.
I am starting to notice visible differences in my body which obviously makes me uncomfIrtable but I am not allowing this to effect what I eat. My jeans are getting tighter and my anorexia is giving me a difficult time but I know that I need to gain more weight in order to recover. Negotiating with my anorexia simply is not an option as this will only prevent me from recovering.
Last night, for the first time I was extremely tempted to skip my bedtime hot chocolate. I was still really full from the chocolate self saucing pudding and icecream I had eaten only an hour earlier and didnt feel like anything else sweet at all. My anorexia told me that I had already eaten plenty for the day, especially coonsidering the fact that my exercise time has been cut in half. But I made sure I stuck to my meal plan. No matter how scared I get as my weight continues to increase I have made a promise to myself that I will not cut my meal plan down at all until i have reached a healthy weight. No matter how awful I feel, I will keep eating what I currently am now.
I have gained almost 3 kg in the past month which is quite scary but it hasnt had as much of an effect on me as I thought it would have. Sure my anorexia is angry and I feel anxious about it but so far it hasnt felt like anything I havent been able to handle. I think that this is because my mind is starting to repair as I am gaining weight. This has allowed me to accept the weight gain better then I would have once been able to do. I really can feel my non anorexic thoughts getting stronger and clearer each day and my anorexic thoughts getting weaker.
I know it can seem really scary but I highly recommend trying to gain weight at a faster rate if you are only increasing very slowly. I know it can feel much 'safer' to gain weight as slowly as possible but ultimately all this does is draw out weight restoration so that you have to battle through it for longer. I know it is different for everone but I felt just as anxious whilst I was gaining half a kilo per week as I do now that I am gaining a kilo per week, so it is obviously better for me to be gaining at a faster rate. Give it a go, you may find that you dont cope at all and that you need to slow your weight gain down a little, or you could cope better than you thought you would, like I did. Either way its worth a try. Stay strong and keep fighting. :) x