Friday, 22 May 2015
One of those days
While some days I feel really good about gaining weight and recovering, other days I dont and today just happens to be one of those days. Ever since I got up this morning I have been feeling extremely guilty about how much I eat each day and how quickly I am starting to gain weight. My anorexia is screaming at me to cut my meal plan down or cheat on my meal plan but I know I cant do this. Doing this would be giving into my anorexia which is something I simply cant afford to do. So on days like today, unfortunately all I think you can do is try and ignore the anorexic thoughts as best you can and just put up with them.
One of the worst times for me to get anorexic thoughts about eating too much or gaining too much weight is when I pack my lunch box of a morning before work. When I pack my lunchbox and all of the food is put together, suddenly I realise just how much I eat and my anorexia realises it as well. I even had to buy a 'super lunch box' so that I can fit all of my food in that I eat throughout the day.
Hopefully once I get to work my mind will be on other things and my anorexic thoughts may not be quite as loud as they currently are. we all need to remember that while we cant stop our anorexic thoughts, we can choose not to act upon them just because they are there. Yes, they may promise to make you feel better if you listen to them but you need to remember that these are lies. Try to be strong enough to do what you know in your heart is right for you and your recovery.
No matter how terrible my anorexia makes me feel today I will keep the promise I have made to myself to not eat any less or exercise anymore then I would on any other day. I know I am strong enough to do this.