Thursday, 28 May 2015
You need to want recovery, more than anything else
The thing about recovery is that in order to put yourself through the pain that it involves, you need to want recovery more than anything else In the world. A very special friend of mine is really struggling at the moment in regards to sticking to her meal plan and I really wish I could help her more but the truth is, I dont know what more I can tell her that I haven't already. I have made many suggestions to her about strategies she could try and use but no matter how hard she tries, she still seems to give into what her anorexia tells her to do. Firstly I want to say how incredibely brave it makes my friend for recognising that she feels as though she cant fight and win this particular battle on her own yet. I also think that asking for my help about how to tackle this bump in her recovery has taken a lot of strength and it shows that she truly wants to recover.
While this is not something I personally struggle with anymore, I know exactely how she feels as I have been where she is now. There have been stages in my recovery that I was not willing to endure the pain that fighting my anorexic thoughts involved, so instead I just gave in to them. This only changed for me when I started wanting recovery more than anything else in the world. After having this 'breakthrough', whenever my anorexia tried to convince me to skip a meal or restrict I had the strength to fight my anorexic thoughts and do what I knew was best for my recovery. I know that none of us in recovery want to remain sick, we all want to get better but how much we want to get better and whether or not we believe in ourselves is what determines if we can successfully fight our illnesses or not.
Please do not think I am saying you are weak in anyway if you cant fight your anorexia all the time because I know that this is definetely not the case. I have spent years being unable to fight my anorexia so I completely understand. I wasn't choosing to give into my anorexia because I wanted to, but because I felt like choosing to fight my anorexia was impossible. I know it is extremely hard to choose recovery, as fighting your anorexia is much more painful then giving into it. If you want recovery bad enough however, you will be willing to endure the pain involved in fighting for yourself and your recovery.
While this particular friend of mine may not be able to tackle this particular problem on her own yet, she still needs to be incredibely proud of herself for everything she has been able to achieve. After spending a long time being very sick, she has already come so far in her recovery and the strength she has already demonstrated is truly remarkable. This girl is one of the strongest people I have ever known and I know that if she believes in herself and does not give up, one day she will be truly ready to stand up for herself and fight her anorexia 100%. Until that day comes, all I can do is promise her that I will be by her side to help her in anyway that I can.