Day 8: if you could go back in time (before your disorder) what would you tell yourself

I have so much I would want to tell myself in the hope that it would stop me from going down the terrible path I took which led to me developing my anorexia. I had no idea about how awful eating disorders were until it was too late. Perhaps if I had known how serious eating disorders are and how hard they are to overcome, I would have done more to prevent myself from developing one.

If I could go back I would tell my myself that being skinny does not make you happy. I was so convinced that I would be happier if I was thin but this definetely was not the case. In fact I was much unhappier once I lost 20 kg through my eating disorder then I was to begin with. Now I realise that if you feel uncomfortable with your body, losing weight is not the answer. The right answer is to change the way you feel about yourself by learning to love who you are.

I would tell myself that there are other non harmful coping skills that I can use to deal with my anxiety other than by controlling my food and weight. Afterall, starving yourself only makes your anxiety worse. I would make myself realise that there was nothing wrong with my body before I got sick. I was never overweight or fat. I was always healthy and fit and more importantly, I was always happy. I can see now that I didnt need to change anything about myself.

Me at my heaviest ever weight. No I wasnt super skinny but I was healthy and happy which is so much more important.

I would tell myself that nobody in the world is perfect and that I shouldn't expect myself to be either. Trying to make yourself look 'perfect' will only ever lead to dissapointment because there will always be things about yourself that you aren't completely happy with.  I hate the way society makes everyone feel as though they need to be super skinny in order to have the perfect body and be successful. If I could go back I would tell myself that society is wrong, that there is nothing perfect about being skinny.

While it would be nice to have a time machine, unfortunately I dont. I do not feel as though worrying about could've or would've beens now can help me in my recovery. Its time to stop dwelling on what has happened in the past as it is too late to change it now. We can however learn from the past and use this knowledge of past experiences to help us in our present day lives and into the future. It took me 3 long years to find the strength I needed to fight my anorexia. Without having anorexia I would have never found out just how much inner strength I have. My illness has shown me that nothing is impossible and that we really are the creators of our own destiny. I feel as though as long as I am able to fully recover, getting sick will actually allow me to live a better more successful life in the future as it has shown me the meaning of life and what is truly important.