I was diagnosed with Anorexia almost three years ago and have been battling it ever since. On my blog I share different experiences that I have had when I was really sick, as well as the progress I am now making as I try to recover. Since creating my blog I have never felt more motivated to recover and I hope that through writing about my recovery, I will be able to inspire people with eating disorders to fight for a happier and healthier life.
Day 17: What in your life has changed since you entered recovery
For some reason I find this question quite hard to answer. I would really like to say my life has completely changed for the better since entering recovery and that I am 100% happier then I used to be but this is not actually the case. I feel as though it is much harder to actually recover then it is to remain sick. This is because it is much more painful to fight your anorexic voice then to listen to them. Recovery is so hard and so painful but that does not mean you shouldnt choose recovery. You just have to believe that while the actual recovery process is terribely difficult, becoming recovered is well worth all of the pain you experience.
I wish I could say that my life no longer revolves around food and weight, but it definetely still does. During recovery so much of your focus and attention is paid towards what you eat and how much weight you are gaining. You cannot live life like a normal person as you always have to put your recovery first and make it your priority. While entering recovery may not instantly change your life for the better, once you actually recover your life will definetely be changed for the better. Only by making a full recovery will you be able to feel completely free and will you be able to truly live your life the way that you deserve to live it.
Not everything about recovery so far has been harder however, my life has also changed for the better in some ways. For starters, I feel as though I have so much more energy then I ever have before. Obviously eating much larger amounts of food means that I am giving my body a lot more energy. While I was sick, I clearly remember dragging my feet along while going for my long walks. I was literally running on empty but still I forced myself to keep going. Now I feel as though I have springs under my feet when I take Tess for walks and am literally bursting with energy. Even though I am not really using this extra energy I have at the moment as I am limiting my exercise as much as possible, it still feels great to jump out of bed each morning with all the energy I know I will need to get through the day.
Since entering recovery and nourishing my body with lots of food, I have also started to see a difference in the way I think. I honestly believe that the extra energy is not only going into allowing my body to repair, but also my mind. Everyday I feel as though my anorexic thoughts are getting a little weaker and the real me is getting stronger. Since entering recovery my whole attitude has become much more positive and I am finding thinking rationally much easier as well.
One of the biggest things that have changed since I entered recovery is that I realised I am strong enough to fight my anorexia and that recovery is possible for me. Before I started my revovery I did believe that recovery was possible for some people but I was not convinced that it would be possible for me. I felt like I was so sick that I would never be able to turn my life around and live normally. Since starting to recover however, every time I have had to fight my anorexic thoughts and have won I have become more and more confident in just how strong I can be. Now I know that I WILL recover as I AM strong enough to fight my Anorexia and WIN.