Showing posts with label expecting too much of yourself. Show all posts
Showing posts with label expecting too much of yourself. Show all posts
Friday, 8 July 2016
Monday, 7 September 2015
How To Love Your Body And Stop Worrying About What You Weigh, For Real This Time
A few of my readers have said that they cant seem to stop thinking about food and weight all the time and I completely understand how they feel as this is definetely something I have experienced. I thought the following article written by Joanna Novak was a great read and fill of some really interesting advice.
In the introduction of her new book Body of Truth: How Science, History, and Culture Drive Our Obsession with Weight and What We Can Do About it, journalist Harriet Brown recounts a time when she sat in her therapist's office crying about her body: its unruliness, its messiness, its sheer size. How to love your body is a question that so many of us (97 percent of us, according to a survey by Glamour in 2011) struggle with as we hate on our physiques every day.
Combining solid factual research (Brown has combed hundreds of scholarly journals, decoded the methodology of dozens of studies, and interviewed dozens of doctors, sociologists, and other weight-related "experts") with personal anecdotes (from her own life and women interviewed for this book),Body of Truth is a must-read for anyone ready to start shaking this fat = bad, thin = good obsession that Brown says "is bigger than all of us."
Brown wants the culture at large to challenge conventional ways of thinking and talking about and treating the idea of body weight, but she also wants better for us, her readers, as individuals. No, you don't have to stand in front of the mirror and tell your reflection you love yourself (Brown doesn't even like that route). You just have to consider the facts. Here are nine ways Brown's book can help you love your body now. Because, yes, you are more than a number.
Listen to the Words You Use
"The words we use to talk about our bodies have changed," writes Brown. "We're no longer plump or chubby, stocky or stout or husky; now we're overweight or obese, words that connote facts and figure, illness rather than aesthetics." Categorizing different weights by BMI is advantageous for doctors and the healthcare industry at large: more to treat, to prescribe, to schedule a follow-up with. Brown favors the word "fat, which is based in description rather than judgement." For some of us, this may require an attitude adjustment. Still, strive to describe rather than deride yourself!
Separate Fat From Fiction
"What we think we know either isn't true or doesn't mean what we think it means," Brown writes, especially when it comes to weight and health. Shifting standards, biased studies, compromised ethics: the deck is stacked against an objectective assessment of the relationship between how much you weigh and how healthy you are. Americans are getting fatter every year? No, Brown contends. Or, at least, not entirely. First, BMI, a ratio of height to weight, categories were altered. "Before 1998," Brown reports, "the BMI chart had only three categories: 'underweight,' ... 'normal,' ... and 'overweight.' Those cutoffs were revised downward in 1998 to where they are now, and a category for 'obesity' was added." We shouldn't be comparing stats from before the change to after.
Although Brown acknowledges that we Americans (and animals, for that matter) are heavier than we were in the 1960s, we're also taller — and our environments are filled with all kinds of contaminants (BPA, anyone?) that could be responsible for expanding waistlines — not, as the health community at large would have you believe, simply because "we eat too much. We eat the wrong kinds of foods. We exercise too little." In fact, Brown notes, we eat more fruits and vegetables now than we did in the past!
Dissing Your Body Is Bad for Your Health
Most Americans — or at least the 50 million that every January go on a diet, according to Brown — probably believe dieting ups health. Really, though, the only sure thing dieting improves is your likelihood to binge eat and experience body dissatisfaction down the road. A solid reason to stop slamming your appearance? It's just plain bad for you. Brown reports that, "in one 2014 study of nearly ten thousand people, those who were unhappy about their weight – whether they were thin, overweight, or obese – WERE MORE LIKELY TO GO ON TO DEVELOP TYPE 2 DIABETES, especially if their dissatisfaction went on for years." (Emphasis mine.) Um, what?!
Repeat After Me: Weight-Loss Is (Usually) Temporary
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Weight Cycling Alters Your Metabolism
Brown has found study after study that show dieting changes metabolism. One reported that "people who have intentionally lost weight use 15% fewer calories than non-dieters." According to Ashley Skinner, a research professor of pediatrics at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill, "'if someone loses weight, they will never be like a thin person ... They will always need fewer calories ... and exercise to stay at that lower weight.'"
Step Away From the Skim Milk
...for now. Lipiphobia, or fear of fat, is what some experts chalk up our national weight gain to. Back in the '80s, when carbohydrates were touted as the ideal food and fat was demonized, sugar-free and fat-free products ruled the supermarket. These days, though, eggs and butter and (gulp) whole milk are having their moments. But no foods, Brown argues, are really "bad" foods. Though she's not a fast-food fan herself, Brown wants readers to know that even medical professionals only kind of understand how different bodies process different calories.
And while we’re on the topic of calories, let's debunk that age-old notion that weight loss is as simple as "calories in, calories out." "Back in 1989," Brown writes, "two of the best-respected weight researchers in the world, sociologist Jeffrey Sobal and psychiatrist A.J. Stunkard concluded, 'Even when food intake and energy expenditure are carefully monitored in field studies, the relationship between energy intake and body weight is weak.'"
Enjoy Your Food!
Can I say it again? Enjoy your food! According to Brown, one of the integral parts of metabolization is pleasure. "The more we enjoy our food, the more efficiently our bodies make use of its nutrients." Slow down and savor the foods you love. Accept them and acknowledge them! Experience their appearance (cute macaroons, anyone?), their smell, their taste. As Brown writes, "you can't feel satisfied after a meal if you're barely aware that you're eating it."
Give Your Eyes a Break
...from what advertisers tout as beautiful. We all know that the models and celebrities we see on magazine covers and billboards are more often than not Photoshopped or retouched, but that doesn't change their impact on us viewers. According to Brown, "one minute of exposure to an image of a thinner-than-average woman is enough to shift our perceptions of attractiveness to a thinner ideal." Look at the people — the real people — around you. Cultivate an appreciation for actual bodies and faces. Stop thinking of blemishes as blemishes. Remember what we learned about dissatisfaction?
Be Part of the Change
"There's evidence that fewer American women are dieting now than in previous years," Brown writes. "We're starting to talk about health rather thanweight — at least occasionally." No matter how you commit to loving your body, know you're in good company.
Images: Giphy; Leandro Müller, Leo Reynolds, Solveig Osk, erin, Paola Kizette Cimenti, James Jordan, mhobl, Oxfordian, Gareth Williams/flickr
Combining solid factual research (Brown has combed hundreds of scholarly journals, decoded the methodology of dozens of studies, and interviewed dozens of doctors, sociologists, and other weight-related "experts") with personal anecdotes (from her own life and women interviewed for this book),Body of Truth is a must-read for anyone ready to start shaking this fat = bad, thin = good obsession that Brown says "is bigger than all of us."
Brown wants the culture at large to challenge conventional ways of thinking and talking about and treating the idea of body weight, but she also wants better for us, her readers, as individuals. No, you don't have to stand in front of the mirror and tell your reflection you love yourself (Brown doesn't even like that route). You just have to consider the facts. Here are nine ways Brown's book can help you love your body now. Because, yes, you are more than a number.
Listen to the Words You Use
"The words we use to talk about our bodies have changed," writes Brown. "We're no longer plump or chubby, stocky or stout or husky; now we're overweight or obese, words that connote facts and figure, illness rather than aesthetics." Categorizing different weights by BMI is advantageous for doctors and the healthcare industry at large: more to treat, to prescribe, to schedule a follow-up with. Brown favors the word "fat, which is based in description rather than judgement." For some of us, this may require an attitude adjustment. Still, strive to describe rather than deride yourself!
Separate Fat From Fiction
"What we think we know either isn't true or doesn't mean what we think it means," Brown writes, especially when it comes to weight and health. Shifting standards, biased studies, compromised ethics: the deck is stacked against an objectective assessment of the relationship between how much you weigh and how healthy you are. Americans are getting fatter every year? No, Brown contends. Or, at least, not entirely. First, BMI, a ratio of height to weight, categories were altered. "Before 1998," Brown reports, "the BMI chart had only three categories: 'underweight,' ... 'normal,' ... and 'overweight.' Those cutoffs were revised downward in 1998 to where they are now, and a category for 'obesity' was added." We shouldn't be comparing stats from before the change to after.
Although Brown acknowledges that we Americans (and animals, for that matter) are heavier than we were in the 1960s, we're also taller — and our environments are filled with all kinds of contaminants (BPA, anyone?) that could be responsible for expanding waistlines — not, as the health community at large would have you believe, simply because "we eat too much. We eat the wrong kinds of foods. We exercise too little." In fact, Brown notes, we eat more fruits and vegetables now than we did in the past!
Dissing Your Body Is Bad for Your Health
Most Americans — or at least the 50 million that every January go on a diet, according to Brown — probably believe dieting ups health. Really, though, the only sure thing dieting improves is your likelihood to binge eat and experience body dissatisfaction down the road. A solid reason to stop slamming your appearance? It's just plain bad for you. Brown reports that, "in one 2014 study of nearly ten thousand people, those who were unhappy about their weight – whether they were thin, overweight, or obese – WERE MORE LIKELY TO GO ON TO DEVELOP TYPE 2 DIABETES, especially if their dissatisfaction went on for years." (Emphasis mine.) Um, what?!
Repeat After Me: Weight-Loss Is (Usually) Temporary
Weight Cycling Alters Your Metabolism
Brown has found study after study that show dieting changes metabolism. One reported that "people who have intentionally lost weight use 15% fewer calories than non-dieters." According to Ashley Skinner, a research professor of pediatrics at the University of North Carolina in Chapel Hill, "'if someone loses weight, they will never be like a thin person ... They will always need fewer calories ... and exercise to stay at that lower weight.'"
Step Away From the Skim Milk
...for now. Lipiphobia, or fear of fat, is what some experts chalk up our national weight gain to. Back in the '80s, when carbohydrates were touted as the ideal food and fat was demonized, sugar-free and fat-free products ruled the supermarket. These days, though, eggs and butter and (gulp) whole milk are having their moments. But no foods, Brown argues, are really "bad" foods. Though she's not a fast-food fan herself, Brown wants readers to know that even medical professionals only kind of understand how different bodies process different calories.
And while we’re on the topic of calories, let's debunk that age-old notion that weight loss is as simple as "calories in, calories out." "Back in 1989," Brown writes, "two of the best-respected weight researchers in the world, sociologist Jeffrey Sobal and psychiatrist A.J. Stunkard concluded, 'Even when food intake and energy expenditure are carefully monitored in field studies, the relationship between energy intake and body weight is weak.'"
Enjoy Your Food!
Can I say it again? Enjoy your food! According to Brown, one of the integral parts of metabolization is pleasure. "The more we enjoy our food, the more efficiently our bodies make use of its nutrients." Slow down and savor the foods you love. Accept them and acknowledge them! Experience their appearance (cute macaroons, anyone?), their smell, their taste. As Brown writes, "you can't feel satisfied after a meal if you're barely aware that you're eating it."
Give Your Eyes a Break
...from what advertisers tout as beautiful. We all know that the models and celebrities we see on magazine covers and billboards are more often than not Photoshopped or retouched, but that doesn't change their impact on us viewers. According to Brown, "one minute of exposure to an image of a thinner-than-average woman is enough to shift our perceptions of attractiveness to a thinner ideal." Look at the people — the real people — around you. Cultivate an appreciation for actual bodies and faces. Stop thinking of blemishes as blemishes. Remember what we learned about dissatisfaction?
Be Part of the Change
"There's evidence that fewer American women are dieting now than in previous years," Brown writes. "We're starting to talk about health rather thanweight — at least occasionally." No matter how you commit to loving your body, know you're in good company.
Images: Giphy; Leandro Müller, Leo Reynolds, Solveig Osk, erin, Paola Kizette Cimenti, James Jordan, mhobl, Oxfordian, Gareth Williams/flickr
Friday, 15 May 2015
Day 12: what are 3 things you would like to change about yourself.
I wish that I could be more confident in myself so that I could stop doubting everything I do. This occurs no matter what I am doing, whether I am serving a customer at work or leaving the house to take my dog for a walk. For example, after I serve a customer at the bank, I start doubting myself even if I have been given absolutely no reason to do so. Suddenly I begin to panic that I may not have entered the correct value into the computer or that I could have given out the wrong amount of money and I will not be satisfied that I didnt make any mistakes until the end of the night when my computer terminal balances and I have no funds outstanding. It is also common for me to feel the need to go back and check that all my powerpoints are turned off and that the door to my wood fire is definetely closed numerous times whenever I leave the house. Of course, everytime I go back I always find that everything is just as it should be but as soon as I think of any possibility of what I may have done wrong, I instantly start convincing myself that it is true.
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I wish that I could stop worrying about food, calories, exercise and weight. I really do wish that I could just go back to the time in my life when I still didnt know what a calorie was. I wish I could still eat a meal without thinking about how many calories it contains as well as how eating that meal will effect my weight. If someone gave me the option of wiping my memory from the last 5 years, I would definetely do it, just so I could rid myself of the knowledge I have developed about calories and food. Afterall, It was only about 4 or 5 years ago that I never worried about what I ate at all.
I distinctly remember something a boy said as we were making our lunches one day at the boarding house. As I was making myself a wrap, the boy said to me, 'you are like the only girl I know who doesnt care about what you eat.' I looked around the room and realised that most of the girls were filling their wraps with healthy fresh salads however I didnt feel like salad. I felt like chicken, cheese and BBQ sauce, so that is exactly what I had. He wasnt being awful or anything, he was just pointing out the fact that I never thought about what I ate, and he was completely right. If I felt like something, I ate it no matter how healthy or unhealthy it was. I wish so much that I could go back to having this relationship with food again.
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I wish I didn't have such high expectations of myself all the time. If I wasn't as much of a perfectionist my life could have been very different. I would have better self confidence and better self esteem as I wouldn't have spent my whole life feeling like a failure in everything I did. I would have been able to study and still have a balanced and healthy life as I wouldnt have felt the need to study every minute of everyday to try and get perfect marks. I probably would have never become so unhappy with how I looked and therefore would not have felt the need to start trying to lose weight.
Even now, expecting so much of myself all the time still effects my life Significantly. I find myself being too frightened to try new things that I dont think I will be able to do perfectly, as I know I will only end up feeling like a failure. I now realise that nobody is perfect and that I shouldnt expect as much of myself. It is a part of my personality however and I dont think I can really change this completely. I can however try to use it as a poitive thing instead of a distructive personality trait.
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I wish that I could stop worrying about food, calories, exercise and weight. I really do wish that I could just go back to the time in my life when I still didnt know what a calorie was. I wish I could still eat a meal without thinking about how many calories it contains as well as how eating that meal will effect my weight. If someone gave me the option of wiping my memory from the last 5 years, I would definetely do it, just so I could rid myself of the knowledge I have developed about calories and food. Afterall, It was only about 4 or 5 years ago that I never worried about what I ate at all.
I distinctly remember something a boy said as we were making our lunches one day at the boarding house. As I was making myself a wrap, the boy said to me, 'you are like the only girl I know who doesnt care about what you eat.' I looked around the room and realised that most of the girls were filling their wraps with healthy fresh salads however I didnt feel like salad. I felt like chicken, cheese and BBQ sauce, so that is exactly what I had. He wasnt being awful or anything, he was just pointing out the fact that I never thought about what I ate, and he was completely right. If I felt like something, I ate it no matter how healthy or unhealthy it was. I wish so much that I could go back to having this relationship with food again.
I wish I didn't have such high expectations of myself all the time. If I wasn't as much of a perfectionist my life could have been very different. I would have better self confidence and better self esteem as I wouldn't have spent my whole life feeling like a failure in everything I did. I would have been able to study and still have a balanced and healthy life as I wouldnt have felt the need to study every minute of everyday to try and get perfect marks. I probably would have never become so unhappy with how I looked and therefore would not have felt the need to start trying to lose weight.
Even now, expecting so much of myself all the time still effects my life Significantly. I find myself being too frightened to try new things that I dont think I will be able to do perfectly, as I know I will only end up feeling like a failure. I now realise that nobody is perfect and that I shouldnt expect as much of myself. It is a part of my personality however and I dont think I can really change this completely. I can however try to use it as a poitive thing instead of a distructive personality trait.
Wednesday, 8 April 2015
Nobody is perfect
I have always expected myself to be perfect. I wanted to look perfect, I wanted to behave perfectly and I couldn't be proud of myself if I was ever anything less then perfect. I remember coming home from school In year 6 and crying to my mum because I had only received an A for my project and not an A+ and I also remember having to hold back tears each time I got into trouble at school, as the disappointment I had in myself for not acting perfectly was so overwhelming. As a child I was incapable of lying, even about silly non Important things as the guilt I would feel was far too much for me to bare.
It was clear to everyone around that I had very high expectations of myself. I was the only student who did extra school work and studied in my own time and the teachers were constantly praising me and giving me awards for my work ethic. The other students at school called me teachers pet, nerd and goody two shoes which I hated at the time but in a way they were right. I never got in trouble as I never misbehaved, I got top marks in each class and the teachers did love me as they thought I was a model student. For most of my teenage years I focused this perfectionism on my school work and behavior. My parents got so used to be acting 'perfectly' that they began to expect me to be perfect as well. This just made me more determined to try to be perfect so I could please them as well as myself.
This photo was taken on the last day of year 10. If you hadn't allready picked me out, I am the girl sitting right In the middle with the cap on sensibly sitting and smiling. I was too embarrassed to pull a silly face as I didn't want to draw attention to myself .
Something I now realise, but failed to see throughout my child hood is that nobody is perfect. By trying to be perfect all the time you are setting yourself up to fail as you are striving for something that is impossible . I would punish myself for not being perfect and had no self confidence. I stopped believing in myself and disliking myself as I thought I was a failure. When I started disliking my body in my late teens, I tried to change it to what I considered to be perfect. I wanted to be skinny and believed that if I could achieve this I would finally be able to love myself.
This is me (in the purple dress) At my year 12 ball. This was when I was desperately trying to lose weight. I had a meltdown just before the ball and didn't want to go as I truly believed that I looked terrible. Looking back at this photo it makes so sad as I can now see that I actually looked really nice.
I will always be a perfectionist as it is a part of who I am. I can't change my personality so need to learn to live with it while still managing to be healthy and happy. As I continue to recover and gain weight I know that I will at times feel insecure about my body and that's Okay. I can't stop these insecurities from arising but I can control the way I deal with them. I need to recognize when I am expecting to much of myself and remind myself about what truly matters. At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what size your jeans are or whether you are the skinniest at the part. Those things should not indicate a person's worth. As I recover I need to learn to love myself for who I truly am. In fact I know that this is essential for me to recover.
While I was developing my eating disorder, I had no confidence or faith in myself. This was how my anorexia crept it's way in and took over so easily. My anorexia also used my lack of self respect against me while I was sick to manipulate me and make me hate myself even more. I can't gain this sense of self love overnight but I believe that I have the ability to gain it as I continue on my recovery journey. Every time I start feeling insecure or doubting myself I plan to remind myself that I should not expect myself to be perfect as perfection doesn't exist. While not everything about me may be wonderful, plenty about me is. Sometimes I will make mistakes and that's fine too. It doesn't make me a failure, just human.
It was clear to everyone around that I had very high expectations of myself. I was the only student who did extra school work and studied in my own time and the teachers were constantly praising me and giving me awards for my work ethic. The other students at school called me teachers pet, nerd and goody two shoes which I hated at the time but in a way they were right. I never got in trouble as I never misbehaved, I got top marks in each class and the teachers did love me as they thought I was a model student. For most of my teenage years I focused this perfectionism on my school work and behavior. My parents got so used to be acting 'perfectly' that they began to expect me to be perfect as well. This just made me more determined to try to be perfect so I could please them as well as myself.
Something I now realise, but failed to see throughout my child hood is that nobody is perfect. By trying to be perfect all the time you are setting yourself up to fail as you are striving for something that is impossible . I would punish myself for not being perfect and had no self confidence. I stopped believing in myself and disliking myself as I thought I was a failure. When I started disliking my body in my late teens, I tried to change it to what I considered to be perfect. I wanted to be skinny and believed that if I could achieve this I would finally be able to love myself.
I will always be a perfectionist as it is a part of who I am. I can't change my personality so need to learn to live with it while still managing to be healthy and happy. As I continue to recover and gain weight I know that I will at times feel insecure about my body and that's Okay. I can't stop these insecurities from arising but I can control the way I deal with them. I need to recognize when I am expecting to much of myself and remind myself about what truly matters. At the end of the day, it really doesn't matter what size your jeans are or whether you are the skinniest at the part. Those things should not indicate a person's worth. As I recover I need to learn to love myself for who I truly am. In fact I know that this is essential for me to recover.
While I was developing my eating disorder, I had no confidence or faith in myself. This was how my anorexia crept it's way in and took over so easily. My anorexia also used my lack of self respect against me while I was sick to manipulate me and make me hate myself even more. I can't gain this sense of self love overnight but I believe that I have the ability to gain it as I continue on my recovery journey. Every time I start feeling insecure or doubting myself I plan to remind myself that I should not expect myself to be perfect as perfection doesn't exist. While not everything about me may be wonderful, plenty about me is. Sometimes I will make mistakes and that's fine too. It doesn't make me a failure, just human.
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