My weekend

I hope that like myself, you all had a fantastic weekend and that you are all pumped and energised for the week ahead! :) 

On Sunday I had my Herbalife shake party/wellness day which was a truly great day. Now that I have become a senior consult with Herbalife, not only do I get to live the incredible Herba-life-style myself but I can also help others around me to reach their health and wellness goals too. So my wellness day was a bit of an introduction to some people who have shown interest in my Herbalife and an opportunity for them to become my clients. I am so so excited to be coaching and supporting others to become healthier versions of themselves as this is something I am very passionate about. I have already got two new clients and I cant wat to continue to change the lives of more and more people in the future, just as my own life has been changed for the better!

Everyone who came to my shake party

Some of the snacks at my party

HERBALIFE chocolate which I made with cookies and cream shake mix and coconut oil. I even added sultanas and almonds to make a fruit and nut chocolate which was delicious!

My lunch from today; wholegrain toast topped with baby spinach, cherry tomatoes, scrambled eggs and tomato sauce plus vanilla yoghurt with strawberries

My instagram facebook picture post from this morning :) 

Living without regrets

Sometimes I find myself thinking about what my life would have been like if I had never developed my eating disorder or if I was never sick. To say my eating disorder has taken a lot away from me would be an understatement. Not only did it steal so much away from me as soon as I got sick, it literally took years away from my life. 

Even though I often think of all the things I missed out on because of my illness, I know that I wouldn't change a single part of my journey so far, even if I could. Because if everything that has happened in my life so far hadn't happened, then I know I would not be where I am today.

 Of course it would have been great to never have gone through the torture and pain of having an eating dosorder and also recovery. But then I know I wouldn't be as brave and strong as I am today and I would never have learnt to believe in myself and accept myself as I now do. I also wouldn't be able to use my own experiences to help others who are going through similar things to what I have been through.

The main reason I wouldn't change a single thing from my past is because I know I probably would never have met my boyfriend. Nathan is, without a doubt, the love of my life and I know that if anything in my past had been different, then chances are we would never have met and ended up together. So although my journey has been painful, lonely and plain terrible at times, for me being with Nathan now is worth every bit of that. 

Loving life

Finally, it feels as though everything has fallen into place in my life. I am getting along better with all of my family then I have for as long as I can remember and I have heaps of great friends too, for the first time in years. When I got sick, I pushed so many important people away and it really only has been through my recovery that I have managed to mend those relationships. I have also formed many brand new friendships, that have helped to make my life seem more complete too.

Of course, I cant deny the fact that most of my current happiness is due to my incredible boyfriend. Words really can't explain just how important my boyfriend is to me. Even though we have only been seeing each other for 6 months, I really do feel as though he is my everything and I can't imagine ever not having him by my side. He is so supportive, loving and kind and I still cant believe just how lucky I am to have him in my life. Every moment we aren't together I miss him and every moment we are together I truly treasure.

I start uni in a months time which I am really looking forward to. I will be studying a bachelor of Health Science and cant wait to start studying the biology based subjects that I am so passionate about again. I have finally found a part time job too, which is a huge relief. I am getting along really well with the people I live with and I am adjusting to living in the city again well. Last time I lived in the city to attend uni I was completely miserable, but now that I am so much better I really like it and have no desire to head back home.

After being in such a bad place for so many years, I feel so thankful for how good things are now and try to remember not to ever take my happiness for granted. In saying this, I know that I have worked incredibely hard for my current hapiness, I didn't just get this happy by chance or luck. I Had to fight my illness and make myself miserable, in order to eventually find true happiness. I am proud of myself for fighting so hard for recovery and see my happiness now as a reward for all the hard work I have put into my recovery over the last 12 months.

I believe that if you want to be happy and enjoy life, then you can do it, but you will have to work for it too. Also, remember that in order to make yourself happy in the long run, you will have to make your self unhappy in the short term by confronting your eating disorder and fighting your fears. Recovery is very painful, but always try to remember just how great life will be if you keep pushing through the pain and keep fighting. So please, as long as you dont give up hope and keep fighting,  you too could be loving your life sometime soon!

realising what truly matters

As I was walking Tess yesterday morning I was looking at my phone (I know, stupid idea) and almost tripped on a piece of cement. Luckily I stopped myself from falling but unfortunately I dropped my phone. My phone was laying face down so I was almost too frightened to pick it up as I was frightened it may be broken. When I did pick it up my fears were realised and I could see that the whole screen had shattered.

My first thought was 'Oh crap' but then I realised that it was only a phone and it stil worked so it really wasn't a big deal. In my opinion, one of the only good things that have come through me having anorexia as well as overcoming it is that it has made me realise what is truly important in life. I mean at the end of the day, who cares if your phone screen is cracked. Being happy and healthy really is all that matters!

I now think the same way about things like going to uni and getting a degree. I mean sure, if that is what you ttruky want to do, well go for it! But if you are like me and can't healthily study, then DONT. Getting a degree really isnt worth being unhappy or unhealthy for. Now that I have left university I have been able to recover from my eating disorder and I am the happuiest I have ever been in my life and that s what truly matters.

I mean as I sit hear, thinking about the things that truly matter in life, I can see that I am incredibely lucky and blessed.

• I have two jobs that may not be impressive or high paying, but I enjoy them and am able to be financially independent due to them. 
• I have a beautiful dog who I love taking for walks and who I would be absolutely lost without. 
• I have a wonderful family, who are all so proud of me for fighting my anorexia and beating it and who I know are always here for me, if ever I need them. 
• I may not have heaps of good friends, but the ones I have are truly amazing! 

after being so sick, i have come to realise that every day really is a gift and that i shouldnt spend time worrying about silly little things. I should just be happy for everything and everyone I have in my life, because my life really is wonderful <3 

Feeling very lucky

After going out for tea tonight with my loved ones, I am feeling like a very lucky girl. There were only 10 of us there for tea, but I was so happy as all of the people there are such special people to me. My parents and sister were all there, as well as my gorgeous cousin who I am incredibly close too. Both of my grandmothers were there, as was my uncle and his partner and my god mother and her partner. The only people I really missed were my brothers as they both couldnt make it but I completeluy understood.

I have been completely spoilt rotten with beautiful cards, gifts and money From everyone. I am so glad that I got a chance to catch up with all my relatives and celebrate with them tonight. For tea I ate a huge And delicious meal. It was chicken schnitzel, chips and salad and I enjoyed it so much. Although I am ffeeling quite full now, I am not feeling guilty at all. I also had a really yummy cocktail that I really enjoyed also.

The photo frame Amy bought me <3

 The beautiful necklace My cousin bought me. :)

I am so excited about this weekend and I am also so glad that I have made these two wonderful friends who I can go out with. They have planned an amazing weekend for me and they will probably never realize just how special they have made this birthday for me. It isnt even actually my birthday yet but I have already enjoyed my birthday more then I have in many years.

Just need to keep moving forward

The most important advice I think that can ever be given is to just keep moving forward, no matter what. No matter what goes wrong or what mistakes you may make, nothing is ever too hard to overcome.

This is what I have continued to do, time and time again throughoout my recovery so far and this is exactly what I intend to do to move past this latest accident I was in. I can't bring my car back and I know that no matter how much I worry and feel guilty for what happened, I cant change the past. I know that I just need to accept what has happened and keep moving forward and fighting for the life I deserve to live.

Since having my accident, I have started looking at a few things a little differently. Firstly, knowing that I could have so easily died today makes me realise just how much I have been taking my life for granted. To me, this gives me even more reason to keep fighting my anorexia, so that I can truly make the most of this wonderful life that I have.

I also know that I could have also been really badly injured in the accident and this has made me appreciate my body for everything it does for me and has made me want to treat it with the respect it truly deserves. I am lucky enough to still have all of my organs and limbs working perfectly well so now I feel as though I want to look after them all, as best as I possibly can.

As much as I try, I know that I am not going to be able to just forget my accident however I am still going to try my absolute hardest to just keep moving forward, as I always do. To be honest, I have actually taken what has happened reasonabely well and I honestly think it is because of everything I have already been through in my life so far.

I think I already have already deeloped a pretty good idea of what is truly important in life throughout my illness and luckily, I still have all of those things. So for now, I just plan to stay grateful for all of the wonderful things I have left in my life and to keep moving forward, using all of the strength and determination I know that I contain.

Trying to stay positive

Even though things seem bad at the moment, I know that they could be much worse. I just need to be thankful that no one else was involved in the accident and that I am ok. It is ashaim that I have lost my car but cars can always be replaced, people cant be. I just need to keep reminding myself of this and be thankful that I am alive. 

Thank you

I want to take this opportunity to thank all of the people out there who read my blog. While I would still blog, no matter how many page views I got each day, it is still really nice to see that quite a few people enjoy reading what I write, as I put a lot of time and effort into my posts.  I feel as though my blog has given me more of a purpose in life, which is thanks to all of you.


I would like to say an extra big thank yo to all of those people who leave beautiful and supportive comments on my posts. You will never know just how much it means to me when you say that I am helping you to fight and recover, but you should know that this goes both ways. While my posts or emails may be helping you to recover, your support and beautiful comments are also helping me to recover.




I can not describe how amazing it is to have people there who truly understand what I am going through, to help me through my battles. The fact is, I know that I would not be where I am today in my recovery if it wasnt for you all. Your inspiration and motivation has got me through so much, which has shown me that I am strong enough to fight and recover. It means so much to have so many people believing in me, even at times when I dont necessarily believe in myself.

So thank you again, for everything! <3 xx

Concentrate on whats good

While I had hoped I would be in a more positive mood today, sadly this was not the case, not to begin with anyway. Its as if all of a sudden the combination of eating so much, the types of foods i'm eating, the lack of exercise i'm doing and the amount of weight I am gaining has just all hit me at once. Before the last few days I actually looked forward to eating all of my meals but now I hate it when meal time comes around. Its like I have an uncomfortabely full feeling in my stomach from the moment I get up of a morning until the moment I go to bed of a night which is managing to constantly bring me down.

After lunch I took Tess for a walk on the beach and as I was walking along, I found my self feeling negative about everything. About how I currently look, how I will look in the future and how I am currently feeling at the moment. I sat down on a large piece of drift wood and as I looked out over the ocean I realised something very important and also very true. I am so lucky just to be here and to be alive and that I shouldnt waste my life worrying about the bad things. Afterall, worrying about them and feeling sorry for myself doesnt make the bad things go away, it just stops me from enjoying the good things.

It was as if Tess knew I needed some time to think as she usually just keeps going whenever I stop on a walk but today she stopped and waited with me patiently. I thought about the fact that while not everything about my life may be wonderful, a lot about my life is wonderful and those are the things I need to focus on when things get hard. It wasnt until I pushed the negative thoughts aside that I finally realised just how lucky I was to be there on an extremely beautiful beach with the cool ocean breeze in my face and my dog and best friend faithfully by my side. 

I know that I can get through these difficulties I am currently facing and that I will become happier and more motivated about my recovery again. Until that happens however, I just need to try my hardest to focus on what is good in my life and what truly matters.

Something else I am grateful for....

When I got up this morning, I realised I left something (or someone) off of my list of things I am grateful for. I am so incredibely grateful for having my beautiful dog Tess as my companion. She is wonderful company, especially now that I am living out on my own.

Tess is a very anxious dog which is why I feel as though she was made to be my pet as I suffer from anxiety too. I am so happy that Tess wasnt confident enough to be a very good sheep dog however, as otherwise I wouldn't have ended up having her as a pet. Tess has become much less timid and anxious since she has moved down with me and I think it is because I make her feel safe and loved.   

I honestly couldn't bare it if something happened to Tess. She is very special to me and she makes me feel special too because I know that she loves me just as much as I love her.

Day 16: List 5 things you are greatful for

1. The wonderful relationship I have with my dad

Throughout my entire life my dad has been the one person who I could always rely on. Even when I got really sick he never stopped believing in me and supporting me. He helped me more than anyone could, not by yelling or telling me to eat, but my letting me know he loved me every single day. I honestly dont know where I would be without my dad. I dont know what I did to deserve such a wonderful man as my dad but for this I will always be incredibly grateful.

2. Our online blogging community

I am so grateful for the recovery community that I am a part of. Before I started reading recovery blogs, I felt completely alone and felt as though recovery was impossible. Reading recovery blogs has shown me that recovery is possible however and has offered me so much helpful advice about how to actually get better. So I am grateful for every person who is a part of our online recovery community. To other blog authors, to the people who read my blog and to those who leave motivational comments. I am so grateful for each and every one of you as you make me feel like I am a part of something truly wonderful and something worth fighting for.

3. That I realised I needed to change before it was too late

I am very grateful for the moment I actually realised I would die if I didnt change the way I was living. I was laying in bed, completely exhausted after a day of exercising and eating very little. I was frozen, despite the fact that I had my electric blanket on high but didnt have the energy to go and put another layer of clothes on. For some reason I suddenly wondered what my heart rate would be. I lifted two of my fingers to my neck and started the timer on my phone. My heart rate was only 30 beats per minute. I suddenly felt terrified as I knew my heart rate was way too low. As I fell asleep that night, I made a promise to myself that if I actually woke up the next morning, I would try to change.

4. For living in such a safe and fortunate country

If you think about it, the circumstances you are born into is purely based on luck. I could have been born into an african family who were incredibely poor, without even having enough food to keep me alive. Just as I could have been born as a member of a family living in israel or Iraq, where I would be put in dangerous life threatening situations every single day. I feel very grateful to be an Australian as I have never had to worry about extreme poverty or living within war zones. I know that I need to recover so that I make the most of this wonderful life I have been given.

5. The fact that I can now eat delicious foods

I know it sounds stupid but after denying myself of eating for so long, I feel very grateful for now being able to eat nice foods again. I didnt realise just how much I loved food until I stopped eating it. When I was really sick, I accepted the fact that I would never be able to eat nice foods again, but now I am eating them every single day and for this I am very grateful.

My dessert tonight: chocolate self saucing pudding with vanilla icecream