Thoughts on recovering from anorexia

Something that actually annoys me a little is when people talk as if they know exactly how you are feeling or understand exacty what you are going through, as they have no way of actually knowing those things. Even if someone has had the same illness as you, this does not mean that they have necessarily felt exactly what you have felt or experienced exactly what you have experienced.

Because everyones illnesses are slightly different, their recoveries will also be different too. Even though I have had anorexia, I would never say that I know exactly what any others who are suffering from anorexia are going through. Therefore when I share my own experiences of recovery and any advice, please always remember that it will not necessarily be the best thing for you and your recovery.

Even though I will never understand exactly what you may be going through, I do promise to always listen to you and help you as much as I possibly can anyway. Even if that just means just being a person to listen to your thoughts and for you to spill your troubles too. Afterall no matter who you are or what you may be going through, everybody needs somebody to be there for them.

Also, while I may not know exactly what you are going through, something I do truly believe with all my heart is that everybody CAN recover from their eating disorders if they believe it is possible and if they believe in themselves. In my opinion, no one is ever so sick that it is impossible for them to get better. So even though the way that everyone gets better may be different, the end product of being fully recovered is potentionally the same for everyone.

Reading back over this post, I know that it isn't really structured all that well but I just wanted to let yo uall know that I even though I don't know exactly what you are going through, I still want to help you to get better. And even though my experiences of anorexia may not be exactly the same as yours, I hope that you can stilll get something out of atleast some of what I write. Please never feel as though you are in this alone because you aren't. We are all in this together!

How my friends reacted when I developed anorexia

Another great question that I have been asked that I though would make a good post topic is about how my friends reacted when I developed anorexia. Even though I know some of my friends struggled to understand what was happening to me, fortunately none of them were unsupportive. They all visited me in hospital and regularly text me to see how I was doing.

I think that my friends were quite shocked when I let them know I had been admitted into the hospital as the last time they had seen me, I looked relatively normal. I think if I had of lost lots of weight over a long period of time and had become severely underweight they would not have been surprised by my diagnosis however they were shocked when I told them why I hadn't been at school, as I didn't really look anorexic.

My friends had all obviously noticed that I had stopped eating anything 'unhealthy' and had also noticed that I had started walking to school and home from school every single day unlike all of the other boarding students who caught the bus. So I guess they knew that I wanted to lose weight but they did not know I had been making myself sick and since there had not been a drastic change in my weight, they weren't overly concerned.

While my friends were supportive of me, we still did unfortunately grow a part. This however was not their doing, but mine. I am the one who avoided social situations whenever I could and I was the one who failed to make an effot to see my friends after I left the hospital. In fact since I left the hospital in 2012, I have only seen two of my old school friends again. What has made matters worse is that we have all ended up on opposite ends of the state/country so it is hard to catch up with one another.

I am really sad that I have grown a part from some of my college friends and that my anorexia prevented me from being social over the last few years but I thin that my friends handled things as well as they possibely could have. If I have any advice for anyone out there who is suffering from an eating disorder as is worried about how their friends may react (or how they are reacting), I suggest that you are honest and open with them. If they are good friends, they will want to support you and they will want to try and understand however they may just not know how to do these things.

Even if you print some information off the internest for them to read. This will not only help them to understand what you are going through, but will also allow them t be the best friend they can possibly be to you, whilst you are unwell. It may seem strange giving your friend information on your illness or even advice about how to deal with it but I honestly thing that a true friend would really appreciate it. I know if I was in that type of a situation and my friend had just been diagnosed with an illness I knew very little about,  I would want to learn about it and to know how to help my friend.

Unsupportive family

While I was living at home, not everyone was always supportive of me which made my illness 1000x worse. I know that these people were only trying to help me because they couldn't bare to see what I was doing to myself (or what anorexia was doing to me) but it still caused me a lot of pain. Recovery was almost impossible for me whilst I was living at home as some members of my family made me feel so terrible about myself. I tried to talk to them about how they were making me feel but there eally was no use, they refused to talk about it. Since I have moved out of that unsupportive environment I have been able to make a lot of progress in my recovery.

If you have people around you that are not being supportive, my first suggestion is to try and talk them. If they are reasonable people they shouldnt mind you approaching them and they should appreciate your honesty. Tell them that you want to recover but what is going on at home is making it harder for you to do this. I have found some great advice on how to help loved ones in recovery. If you think it may help, print it out and give it to your family/friends to read. Afterall, your loved ones most likely want to help you, they just might not know how exactly to do this.

If your loved ones still do not listen to you or accept the advice, dont take it personally. This just means that they most likely cant control their emotions they are feeling about you and your eating disorder. If this is the case, all I can suggest is that you ignore what they say and do the best you possibely can. Dont try and talk to them about your illness if you think it may just end in an arguement or something hurtful being said. Instead find someone else to talk to who has a better understanding. Finally, if you really do find it too difficult living or associating with unsupportive people you may find that you need to move out of home or stop spending time with them. I know that this sounds drastic but if it means you are able to recover, it is well worth it!

Five Ways to Support a Loved One in 

Eating Disorder Recovery

November 1, 2012 By Sharon

By Melissa A. Fabello

Eating disorder recovery – defined in simplest terms as a remission from disordered eating behavior with the goal of becoming healthy again – can sometimes feel like a delicate balance for those in the process. Constantly surrounded by the very substance that threatens a relapse into disordered behavior, some people in recovery from an eating disorder (ED) are similar to sober alcoholics: stuck in a world where their hazardous behavior could easily be reestablished in a matter of moments. The need, then, to keep up constant strength against dangerously negative thoughts and actions can be exhausting, and one lapse in judgment can be disastrous. For this reason, a supportive environment is essential for anyone on the road to recovery.

But where do I start? How do you begin to establish a safe space for your loved one? This guide (which, in its original, longer form can be found here) is meant to be an initial resource. Although I hope that those of you with eating disorders find comfort in this article (and openly pass it on to your support systems), this is not an article for people in recovery. Rather, it’s been written specifically for those of you who need a place to start, who are saying, “I know that my friend or family member has a history with an eating disorder. Now what?”

1. Educate yourself. Before proceeding in supporting a loved one in need, it’s important that you check your biases and misconceptions at the door. Do your research by reading a book, watching a documentary, or looking into the published personal stories of people who have struggled with eating disorders. Brave Girl Eating (2010) by Harriet Brown and Wintergirls (2010) by Laurie Halse Anderson are my personal favorite ED-related books, and the documentary THIN (2006) serves as a fair exploration into residential rehabilitation facilities. If you want, you can also look into pro-ana and pro-mia websites, but do so with proper intent and at your own discretion. Remember that your loved one does not have to be your first point-of-contact for information on what it’s like to experience an eating disorder or eating disorder recovery; there are thousands of resources available to you that can be found with a quick Google search. A little bit of effort in the way of education can go a long way in preparing you to take the right steps.

2. Be a good communicator. Be a presence in your loved one’s life, but not a pressure. Listen if s/he wants to talk, but don’t force it. Try not to be critical or judgmental of what your loved one tells you, even if it’s hard for you to hide your initial reactions. Count to five (or ten – or twenty!) before you say something. Avoid giving advice. Remember that your loved one needs her/his autonomy back. Instead, validate their feelings and normalize their experiences. Use I-statements, and encourage your loved one to do the same. Offer gentle suggestions if it feels right, but avoid telling your friend what s/he “should” do. If you’re confused about something or want more information, ask questions. But always be prepared that your loved one might not want to talk about certain subjects. Try to approach questions in a disarming manner: “Is it okay if I ask you some questions? You don’t have to answer them if you don’t want to.” Be compassionate, and stay collected.

3. Avoid body talk. Don’t draw attention to her/his body or try to validate her/his experience by talking about your own weight or body image. Body-specific compliments (i.e.: “I wish I had a body like yours,” “I already think you’re beautiful,” etc.) may seem like a viable solution, but they can actually be damaging to a person in recovery. Well-meaning compliments can be distorted, so it’s best to avoid them. Remember that what might seem like throw-away comments to you about your own body (i.e: “These jeans feel loose,” “I feel so fat today,” etc.) can trigger someone with an eating disorder. Instead, focus your attention on the person’s non-body-related accomplishments and personality traits. Turn the attention away from the physical. This is difficult to do in a culture where we talk often and openly about our bodies (especially our dissatisfaction with them), so it might take some practice.

4. Be sensitive regarding food and numbers. Food and numbers are causes of great stress for people with and recovering from eating disorders. Remember this when planning gifts and activities (pro tip: going out to eat or shopping aren’t the best ideas). If you’re eating in the presence of someone with an ED, avoid mentioning food intake (i.e.: “You could afford to eat more,” “You can order more than just a salad,” etc.). Because numbers often define (and therefore haunt) people with eating disorders, people in recovery need to retrain their minds to stop constantly making calculations. Therefore, avoid any food- or weight-related numbers (i.e.: “I lost five pounds,” “This meal has 600 calories in it,” etc.). Be cognizant of your words. When in doubt, ask what her/his triggers are.

5. Recognize accomplishments, but do so tastefully. When a person is in recovery from an eating disorder, s/he will (hopefully!) start to shed the aversion to food and start to gain weight. When your loved one conquers a fear food or reaches a healthy weight, this is certainly cause for celebration, but be careful how you approach it. Remember suggestion #3: Avoid body talk. Telling someone in recovery that “you look healthy” can very well translate in her/his mind to “you look fat.” Instead, focus on the accomplishment itself, rather than its physical manifestation. A simple “I’m proud of you” or “keep up the good work” will do.

And a BONUS: Remember your own self-care. It is not your responsibility to cure someone, nor is it possible. Being there to support someone who is in recovery is a beautiful gesture, and you’re doing something wonderful for that person. But don’t forget yourself. It’s okay if it becomes overwhelming. It’s okay if you need to step back. It’s okay to be confused, and it’s okay to have questions. Take care of yourself. The important thing is that you’re trying to help.

Eating disorders are difficult – not just for the sufferer, but admittedly for the people who care about that person, too. They’re complicated, and all people are different. Although this guide is meant to give you some insight into common things that eating disordered individuals want their loved ones to know, the best way to support someone with an eating disorder is to ask what s/he needs – and to be realistic about your reaction, response, and ability.

For more information on eating disorders, visit the National Eating Disorders Association (NEDA) website, or call them toll-free at 1.800.931.2237.

Related Content:

What Not to Say to Someone with an Eating Disorder

Eating Disorder Myths: The Naked Truth

Celebrating Eating Disorder Recovery: Inaugural NEDA Walk in Texas

Expressing Disorder: Art Therapies for Eating Disorder Treatment

- See more at: http://www.adiosbarbie.com/2012/11/five-ways-to-support-a-loved-one-in-eating-disorder-recovery/#sthash.cM9bR4FL.dpuf

Rainy day, missing comments and Thank-you

It is raining at the moment so I wont be taking Tess for a walk this morning if it doesnt stop. If I am completely honest I do feel a little bit anxious about not going for a walk with her this morning but I havent let this stop me from doing the right thing for me and my recovery. As I was making myself breakfast this morning, thoughts popped into my head telling me that I didnt need to eat as much because as I wouldnt be going for a walk this morning. Fortunately I was strong enough to push these thoughts aside and made myself my usual breakfast (with some extra peanut butter, just to annoy my anorexia even more ;)).

So while I was anxious at first about the thought of not being able to go for a walk, in a way I am kind of feeling grateful for the rain now. This morning the rain has given me an extra chance to fight my anorexia, bringing me that little bit closer to recovery. If I cant go for a walk today, I will not let myself compensate in any way as I promised I would not listen to my anorexia anymore and compensating would be doing just that. I know it will be hard to do this, infact it would be easier just to give in, but sometimes the hardest path in life is the right path and this is one of those times.

If anyone has noticed anything weird going on with my comments it is because I accidently deleted by latest 50 comments last night. I was so devastated as it means so much to me when you all comment on my posts so I have tried my best to fix it. I have spent quite a few hours since then going back through the notifications I recieve via email whenever a comment is published on my blog and have manually re entered each of them onto my blog. This was obviously quite difficult and I could have quite easily missed some of them so if you notice any of our conversations have disappeared please let me know so I can find them in my mailbox and repost them. :)

I also want to take this opportunity to thank everyone for all of your support. As I was reading through all my comments it made me realise just how lucky I am to have so many wonderful people by my side as I try and recover. My blog just wouldnt be the same without all of you and you all mean a great deal to me. I Really cant thank you enough.

Have a great day everyone. Be strong and keep fighting.
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