When people say triggering things

One of my good friends who I met through blogging has asked for some advice about what to do when a friend continuously talks about something that triggers you. In her case the friend is someone that she actually met in hospital when she was a inpatient and they are both now day patients. Her friend talks about exercise all the time which my friend finds exremely triggering. My friend also gets upset because many of the thing her friend talks about doing, my friend knows she will not be able to do because she suffers from osteoperosis.

Firstly, sometimes people may say things to you that make you feel anxious and make you want to use anorexic behaviours. These people may be people that you see everyday or they could even be strangers. The most important thing is that you never listen to these anorexic thoughts, no matter what. Unfortunately we can not always control what others say however we can control our own actions. So if someone says something triggering as a one off, you should probably just try and let it go. Even if it caused you some anxiety I pobably wouldn't bother about saying anything, unless it happens again.

The thing is, lots off things can be triggering to a recovering anorexic and I think that a part of recovering is learning how to fight your anorrexia when you feel triggered, instead of always giving into it. If someone often talks about a particular thing that really triggers you however, I would definetely talk to them. If they are a true friend or if they really care about you they won't mind you being honest with them and they will be happy for you to approach them about it.

I know that it may be hard to approach someone and tell them that what they are saying or doing is really triggering you however it is something you really need to do if it is causing you a great deal of discomfort and if it is preventing you from recovering. I would suggest talking to them in the nicest way posible, afterall it isn't really there fult they are triggering you either as they would not be trying to intentionally hurt you. In my friends case, I would suggest saying something like this;

"I think it is so fantastic that you are feeling healthy and strong enough to exercise so much but would you mind not talking to me about it so often. I love talking to you as you are such a good friend however it is hard for me to hear about exercise all the time, while I am stilll recovering. So do you think it would be ok if we talk about something else intead?"

If the person knows a fair it about your eating disorder you could tell them why what they are saying triggers you however if they dont I wouldn't go into too much detail, I would let them know that it makes you feel really uncomfortable. I know that if someone approached me and asked me not to talk about a particular topic with them I would not be offended at all. I would be glad that they had talked to me so that I could prevent making them feel uncomfortable in the future.


Finally if someone does not take it very well or gets angry that you have asked them nicely not to talk about a particular topipc, I would question whether or not they are the type of personyou should be around whilst you are recovering. While you are recovering you need to surriubd yourseld with people you love and trust and should distance yourself room anyone who does not treat you right. In order to recover you need to learn to treat yourself with respect and it is really hard to do this if people around you fail to treat you with respect and kindness.

Also, to the friend who asked me for the advice I would really question whether or not your friend is actually healthy. I do not think it would be a good idea to do as much exercise as she is doing, so soon after reaching an acceptable bmi. Also, constantly talking about exercise is a behaviour that suggests she could be or is becoming obsessed with it. Please dont follow her example. Keep doing what you know is right for YOUR recovery. You always need to remember that YOU are the most important thing in your recovery. <3 xx

Staying away from your triggers

A 'triggrs' is a term used to describe things that have actually caused a persons eating disorder to develop or anything that makes a persons eating disorder worse, once they are already sick. Triggers can be people, places or things that make someone feel as though they want or need to listen to their eating disorder (if it has already developed) in order to feel better and therefore encourages you to practice unhealthy eating disorder behaviors. For me studying was a huge trigger for my eating disorder, as was living at home with my mum.

Sometimes it can be very hard to separate or emotionally disconnect yourself from people who stop you from recovery or make your eating disorder worse. These triggering people could be one of your parents (like in my case), your partner, a friend, a sibling or even another family member. It may not even necessarily be the other persons fault, that you find them triggering but it is still better to separate yourself from them if you can. And if that person truly loves you and cares about you, they should be able to understand.

I have actually explained to my mum that while its not necessarily her fault, everything that has happened between us has turned her into a trigger for my anorexia. Everytime she hurts me, I feel an extreme urgency to restrict and she also triggers me because she doesnt eat very much and is very thin herself. Everytime I see her drinking I get extremely upset and angry and it is therefore becomes much harder not to listen to my anorexia, when it tells me that if I do what it says, I will feel a lot better. I think that mum also triggers me because I feel as though I cant fix our relationship no matter how hard I try. Mum makes me feel more anxious then anything else which therefore makes me want to gain back control by using my anorexic behaviours.

While I still try to be friendly to my mum, I have learnt to disconnect myself from her emotionally so that if she lies to me or does something hurtful, I am not completely heart broken, as I have been in the past and therefore am not as triggered. I have only been able to start making true progress in my recovery since I have left home and I honestly think that this is because I dont spend very much time with my mum anymore. I still love my mum but I know that while I am recovering it is just better if I am not close to her. Hopefully one day we will be able to have a better relationship but for now, I have enough other people in my life that care for me unconditionally and make me feel loved.

Day 15: when you are triggered, what do you tell yourself to calm down?

I feel too exhausted to write a long answer to todays recovery challenge post but I found the following written piece which perfectly sums up what I try to tell myself whener I get triggered. I believe that staying calm is probably the most important thing as this will stop you from making bad choices. Make sure you think everything through really carefully or you may end up making bad desicions in terms of your recovery.

Sorry for my not so good blogging today. I just feel too tired to write. Hopefully my blogging will be better tomorrow. :)