Pregnancy body transformation

I feel like my belly is getting bigger everyday! I find it a little harder to accept weight gain to other parts of my body like my bum and thighs but I know it is inevitable to a certain thing and it just shows that I am nourishing my bubba the way I should be. His health is all I care about <3

I still cant believe I recovered

Tonight I watched a documentary on anorexia and found myself thinking about my time whilst I was sick. I try not to think about what life was like for me when I was at the grips of Anorexia as it was so terrorizing and painful but at the same time I think it is so important not to ever forget just how awful it was so that I never fall back into my old ways. I also feel as though I have a responsibility as a recovered anorexia to share my story to raise awareness and also help others who are suffering. I feel so incredibly grateful that I managed to defy the odds and recover from the killer illness that had me totally consumed for over 3 years of my life. Even now I find myself totally amazed that I actually managed to recover, it is by far the hardest thing I have ever had to do and I am sure the hardest thing I will ever have to do.

I think what society fails to realise is just how traumatising it is to have an eating disorder like anorexia. I remember hating my life so much but feeling as though trying to get better would be so painful that it would be easier just to die. I didn't like the way I looked, I knew I was too thin but for some reason gaining weight scared me more than anything else in the world. I hated counting calories and obsessing over food but still, I allowed this things to control my life. Fighting my illness seriously felt more frightening for me than it would have been for me to be thrown in a tank with a great white shark or jump off of a 100 story building. Which is why I still cant believe I actually managed to take on my anorexia and recover.

Not only did I manage to recover, but I  managed to do it completely on my own. My family, doctors and friends had all given up on me and when I told them I was going to try and recover, I knew they didn't believe me. I don't blame them for not taking me seriously. They had heard so many false promises from me and knew what kind of hold my illness had on me. It had gotten to the stage they didn't really even talk to me about trying to get better anymore, everyone just believed that it was who I was and that I would die with my illness, whether it was in 12 months or 12 years. And if I am completely honest, that is what I believed too.

I still don't really know why I started to truly try and recover when I did or why I finally found the strength I needed to fight my anorexia. It wasn't the fact that I was miserable with my life as I had been miserable for years and still hadn't managed to recover. I think my break through moment was when I started believing that I was worthy of recovery and that I did deserve to be happy, which before then I hadn't believed. So that was why I started my recovery but as for how I managed to recover, I owe that completely to my Blog. I have no doubt that if I didn't start my blog when I did I would still be living with my illness, or worse still I wouldn't be living at all.

When I made the decision to truly try and recover, I was living alone and had no one around me to keep me accountable. I had no one telling me what, when or how much to eat. I had no one telling me I wasn't allowed to exercise or that I needed to gain a certain amount of weight in a certain amount of time. I had no doctors or specialists giving me advice, I just had my blog and my readers who kept me 100% accountable. Before I started my blog I would set goals for myself and make meal plans for myself in attempt of making a recovery however I never managed to see anything through. Once I wrote goals or plans down on my blog however, I always managed to stick to them 100%, no matter how hard it was.

Not only did I feel as though I had to stick to my recovery plan for my sake anymore, but I felt as though I had to do it for the sake of my readers. I felt as though I needed to show them that it was possible to fight their eating disorder thoughts and that if I gave into my anorexia, I was letting my readers down. Every time the temptation arose to burn some extra energy or eat a little bit less, I never let myself do any of those things as I didn't want to have to write about giving into my anorexia on my blog. Instead, I wanted to be able to write about my victories and how even though it was hard and the temptation arose, I never gave into my anorexia or gave up.

Some nights the guilt and pain I felt over the food I had eaten or the weight I had gained became so overwhelming that I would just go to bed and cry myself to sleep. It was so hard to put myself through that kind of pain, especially when I didn't even know if I would ever recover. But I knew that if I gave up I would be showing all my readers who believed recovery was impossible, that they were right. And I couldn't live with myself knowing that I could play a part in preventing another person recovering from their illness. I was completely honest on my blog about my achievements and progress and writing each day about how I was feeling was like therapy for me.

People from all over the world started emailing me and through helping those people, I was able to help myself even more. I didn't want to be a hypocrite, so any advice I gave to others I always made sure I followed myself and through motivating others to get better, I found that I was also encouraging myself to keep moving towards recovery. I had people messaging me or commenting on my posts telling me that I was helping them in their recoveries and this was possibly the biggest incentive for me in my own recovery. This made me want to win every battle I had with my anorexia so that I could write about it and inspire others to do the same. I didn't only want to get better so I could live a better life anymore, I wanted to get better to prove to other sufferers that it was possible.

If you have never had an eating disorder yourself, I cant even begin to explain how hard it is to not only live with but also recover from. And if you do have an eating disorder or have had an eating disorder then you will understand exactly what I am talking about! I never thought I would be able to recover and still cant believe I actually did. I honestly feel as though I have achieved the impossible and that I will be able to overcome anything I am ever faced with in the future. My only hope now is that I can make as many sufferers as possible believe that no matter how sick you are, you can always get better. You just have to believe it is possible, believe you are strong enough and believe you are worthy of a recovered life!

Happy and healthy with my boyfriend and sister vs underweight, sick, alone and unhappy

Fully recovered

"I have fully recovered from Anorexia"

If I am completely honest, I never really knew if I would ever be able to honestly say these 6 words but today, that is exactly what I am doing! I have recovered from my eating disorder and I AM SO PROUD OF MYSELF FOR DOING  IT! Even though it was the most terrifying and difficult thing I have ever had to do, I stuck at it anyway and refused to give up. It is just over 4 years since I was first diagnosed and even though those 4 years were painful, they were so worth it! As now I get to live the rest of my life the way I deserve to live it; happily, healthily and to the fullest

There isnt a single thing that I ever miss about my life when I was anorexic. Not how I looked and definetely not how I felt. I remember feeling as though I would never be able to accept my body at a healthy weight but I love my body now! It is healthy and strong and I love how happy and healthy I feel with my body the way it is! So please, if you are too frightened to start gaining weight as you dont think you will like your body when you recover, just do it anyway! I promise your mind will recover as your body does and you WILL be able to love yourself and your body at a bigger weight.

When I was sick, I liked how I looked and didnt want to change. Now however I can see how terrible I looked back then wouldnt go back to that for anything! Like me, you can recover too. You just have to believe it is possible and believe you can do it! Stop allowing your ED to consume your life, take control of it and live the life you deserve to live!

Birthday weekend and booty lifestyle 4 week Challenge

Hi everyone :) I hope that like me you had a fantastic weekend and are now feeling pumped and ready to start a brand new week! Since it was such a busy week last week at uni with tests and assignments, it was so nice just to have a celebratory weekend where I could just let loose with friends and have fun. I asked one of my good friends from Hobart to come up to Launceston for the weekend so that we could go out with some of my other friends for a birthday dinner on Saturday night. It didnt really feel like my birthday dinner as it was almost a week after my actual birthday but we still had a great time. 

On Saturday morning my boyfriend, my cousin and my friend from hobart all went to the christmas hills raspberry farm for brunch and it was delicious. I had full intentions of treating myself to something sweet like pancakes however when we arrived, I started craving something savoury so I ended up getting a fetta and leak tart with pumpkin salad and it was truly delicious. I also had a raspberry herbal tea and indulged in some chocolate coated raspberries for dessert. 

We then dropped my boyfriend back off at our place and us three girls headed into town to do some shopping. I as hoping to find something new to wear and eneded up getting a simple little jumpsuit which I planned to wear with some white heals. I then picked up two more friends and we all headed back to my place to have a few drinks and to socialise, before heading out for dinner. We arrived at the restaurant at about 7:45 where we met two more friends so there were 9 of us in total. I had never been to the restaurant we went to before but the food was incredible and it wasnt that expensive either. 

I had a dish called frenched chicken which was like a stuffed chicken that came served on a bed of sweet potato mash with steamed greens and a delicious sauce. It was one of the most delicious meals I have eaten for as long as I can rememeber and I scraped the plate clean. Luckily I still had just enough room for dessert so I had a banana split which came served with incredible caramel icecream as well as chocolate pieces and caramel popcorn. 

After dinner, we went out to a couple of bars where we danced and drank a little too, before heading home at about 1am. It was a great night and I had so much fun with all my closest friends! The following day I met two of the girls who had celebrated with me the night before and we went for a walk around the Cataract Gorge. It was really nice to get out in the fresh air and was a great way to end a wonderful weekend. I also spent some time doing a little study and preparing for the upcoming week at university.

Today I am starting a 4 week Herbalife Booty Lifestyle Wellness Challenge which I am quite excited about. Not only is the nutrition side of Herbalife incredible, but the community is amazing too. We all work together to motivate and inspire one another ti achieve our goals, no matter what they may be. For me, my goals are to continue improving my mindset, to nurture my body with the food, nutrition and exercise it deserves and to get stronger and gain muscle. 

I had to take some before pictures so that I can see the  physical progress I make over the next four weeks and when I compared them to the 'before picture' I took when I started my Herbalife program (almost 2 months ago) I was really surprised to see the transformation in my body. As well as gaining a kilogram I have become noticeaby stronger in my legs and arms and I am even starting to get a booty which I love! I am happy to post the progress pictures over the last two months if you like, just let me know!

I better leave this post here and go and get some study done. I have already been to the gym today so am feeling totally energetic and ready for the long day at uni I have ahea. I am also trying to take photos if everything I eat today so that I can do a photo food diary for the day xo stay tuned for that!:)

Updated 101 in 1001

Over the last few months I have been truly living my life and have managed to tick of quite a few more of my 101 goals in 1001 days goals that I wrote last year. I am proud of myself for all of the accomplishments I have made and am going to make a conscious effort to complete some more of these goals in the near future.

1. Travel outside the country for the first time
2. Make a full recovery from anorexia
3. Meet Anna, a girl I started talking to through my blog who also lives in Tasmania
4. Do a fun run for a charity
5. Eat pannacotta
6. Make some new friends
7. Find myself a boyfriend
8. Reach 100 000 page views on my blog
9. Publish 1000  blog posts
10. Help someone  make a full recover from anorexia
11. Stop counting calories all together
12. Learn how to listen to my body and eat intuitively
13. Reach my bodies natural set point weight
14. Eat food from 5 different fast food Places
15. Go to the Taylor Swift concert in Melbourne with My dad and Amy
17. Drive in the city of Hobart
18. Learn to love my body the way it is supposed to naturally be
19. Raise money/awareness for eating disorders
20. Explore some more of Tasmania
21. Go on a week long camping trip
22. Eat a chicken Parmiagana meal at a pub
23. Fully complete a crossword without usng the internet to cheat
24. Develop a good relationship with my mum
25. Try to find way to show Dad and Amy how much they mean to me
26. Get a horse
28. Help my mum to get better
29. To get my hair back to being naturally curly, like it was before I got sick
30. Read 10 books
31. Get healthy and clear skin
32. Eat a delicious dessert at a restaurant without feeling guilty or anxious
33. Go to a gold class cinema
34. Go surfing
35. Sleep under the stars
36. Sleep in until after 12
37. Paint Tess's dog kennel pink
38. Climb a mountain
39. Have a ski lesson in the snow
40. Get contact lenses
41. Meet a famous person
42. Overcome my anxiety so that I do not need to take anxiety medication
43. Try Ben and Jerrys icecream
44. Eat a krispy Kreme donut
45. Find a brand new hobby
46. Eat a big slice of my nans home made christmas pudding
47. Feel comfortable in a bikini
48. Go snorkeling on a reef
49. Eat popcorn at the movies
50. Make a snowman
51. Do a huge jigsaw and frame it for my wall
52. Cook and eat every recipe that I wrote down in my 'favourite recipes' book
53. Spend some more time on our farm with my dad
54. Keep improving my blog, as I learn more and more about effective blogging
55. Send a parcel of Australian goodies to a reader in another country
56. Get more involved in my local community
57. Buy some presents and place them under the giving tree this christmas
58. Always be there for Amy throughout her teenage years for support
59. Develop a closer relationship with my brothers
60. Make more of an effort to visit the nan who I do not see very often
61. Watch 5 north Melbourne football games live with my dad
62. To actually go swimming when I take my sister to the beach/river in summer
63. Eat a cooked breakfast in a cafe
64. Eat real pizza from a Pizza restaurant
65. To comfortably have drinks with calories in them, just because I am thirsty
66. To make a christmas Gingerbread house
67. To stay out with friends so late that we watch the sun rise
68. Get fit
69. compete my traineeship at the bank (but keep working there)
70. Take Amy on a special weekend away
71. Grow my own Strawberries
72. Make homemade jam
73. Not weigh myself for 2 months
74. Go ice skating
75. Eat only unprocessed foods for 1 week straight
76. See fireworks on New Years
77. Do the mud run
78. Become an organ donor
79. Go for 1 week without watching tv
80. Stop picking at imperfections on my skin so that I stop scarring
81. Watch the news everynight for two weeks
82. To not feel any guilt, after being unable to exercise all day
83. To be able to accept a compliment from another person
84. Try every type of magnum icecream available
85. Eat two courses at a resaurant without feeling anxious
86. To eat less tinned/ packaged foods and to start making them myself from scratch
87. See dolphins/whales in the wild
88. Find a brand new form of exercise that I enjoy
89. Spend less time inside and more time outside (especially in summer)
90. Make it through a whole summer without getting sunburnt
91. See something that makes me believe in magic
92. Run 10 kilometers along a beach
93. Make 10 new friends in one day
94. Get a tattoo that symbolises my recovery
95. Eat pancakes with icecream for breakfast
96. Eat icecream from the tub with a good friend
97. Laugh so hard that I cry (I did this all the time once, but I havent for a long time)
98. Maintain my weight/not lose weight for 1 year
99. Do a colour run
100. Donate blood

101. To be proud of what I manage to achieve and who I am 

Anyone can Recover

They did it...

I did it..... (well atleast i'm doing it)

YOU CAN DO IT!

Latest progress pictures

After my post this morning about the need to gain weight in recovery, I thought I would show you all the physical progress I have made up until today. Even though it was hard gaining weight, I am still happy that I have done it as I know that my weight gain is what has enabled me to actually make recovery progress mentally too.

Maintaining my current weight

*****************************TRIGGER WARNING*******************************
In this post I talk about my weight and BMI and there are also some photos of me when I was very underweight as well as when I am heealthy.



After getting up and weighing myself this morning, I was quite happy to see that my weight is still exactly the same as it was over a week a go when I weighed myself last. My weight has been stable for around a month now and my body seems to be able to run healthily and happily at this weight. I am feeling really quite comfortable with the way my body currently looks which is an amazing feeling as I cant rememebr the last time I was actually happy with my body.

I am currrently eating a minimum daily intake of 2500 calories and I really do feel fantastic. I no longer experience any of the symptoms that I once experienced whilst restricting or undereating. The most noticeable difference to me is not actually with my physical health but instead with my mental health. I find that I can now think so clearly and my anxiety levels are also much lower then they have been for years.


Some professionals may argue that I have not gained enough weight as my bmi is still only 19, which is at the very bottom of the healthy weight range.

I have spoken to my GP about this and she is quite happy for me to remain at my current weight. The goal weight she initially set for me was 50 kg and she was thrilled that I has chosen to gain even more weight myself. My doctor knows how thin my parents and my siblings are and also knows what my figure was like before I developed anorexia and she seems to think that my current weight is a healthy weight for me.

Sometimes I feel as though I should keep gaining some more weight but only so that I can be a good role model for my readers, not for any other reason. I like my body the way it currently is and I worry that if I gain too much more weight I will become unhappy with the way I look again which will lead to bad body image for me as well as a possible relapse. Also, if I was not feeling so healthy and happy then I would be more inclined to gain some more weight, however I am feeling so fantastic, it feels quite unneccesary.

The main reason I don't want to 'stop half way' is beecause I know that making a full recovery is impossible if I faill to reach my natural healthy body weight. If a time ever comes that I feel as though I am still anorexic and unable to make any more progress, then this is when I will start trying to gain more weight again. For now however I can still feel myself making recovery progress and getting healthier and stronger each day so I am just going to continue letting my body maintain, as it currently is.

July 2013

July 2015

Something that I simply cant stress enough is that you need to listen to the doctors and health care professions who are looking after YOU. Just because my doctor says that it is ok for me to stop gaining weight at the weight I am currenttly at does not mean it is necessarily healthy for you to stop at a bmi of 19 too. We just need to do what is the best thing for OURSELVES and concentrate on getting healthy and making a full recovery. Keep fighting everyone, we can do this <3 xx

Latest progress pictures

*TRIGGER WARNING*

This post contains photos of me when I was very underweight so please skip this post if you find these types of photos triggering.

2013

May 2015

Now

I can honestly say that I am so proud of myself for all of the progress I have made. I may not accept my new body completely yet, but I am determined to keep fighting until I do. :) x

Progress pictures

*TRIGGER WARNING*

THIS POST CONTAINS PHOTOS OF ME WHEN I WAS QUITE THIN AS WELL AS NOW, SINCE GAINING SOME WEIGHT. DO NOT READ THIS POST IF YOU ARE TRIGGERED BY PHOTOS OF OTHER PEOPLES BODIES.

I feel incredibely nervous about putting these pictures up as I am usually a very shy person but I guess undies arent really that much different to wearing bikinis right? I do apologise for using pictures of me in my underwear though, i just didnt have any other pictures to use. As far as how I actually feel about the obvious differences in myself that I am sure you can all see, I am feeling about 80% happy. Which I think is quite good considering. I can see that I look much better in my current photos (when I am about 6kg heavier) and while I still do feel self conscious about a few things, I also felt self conscious when I was smaller too. 

The main difference I can seen in the pictures is how disgustingly thin and bony my arms are. They look really awful and I am definetely happy that my arms have improved. Also, my hips and ribs dont stick out anywhere near as much as they did which I consider to be a really good thing. I even think my face looks different now, I barely recognise myself in some of the old photos. All of the photos on the left have been taken over the past 2 years and all of the photos on the right I took today. I know I still need to continue gaining more weight but I just wanted to show you all my progress so far. Afterall you have all helped me in making this progress happen.