Pain is real, but so is hope

For years, I lived completely consumed by my illness and unable to make any recovery progress. If anyone had of asked me during this time if I wanted to recover I would have said a huge YES, however I honestly didn't think it was possible for me to do what I needed to do in order to recover so I didn't really try. At the time, I told people around me and even myself that I was trying to recover but looking back, I know I wasn't trying, not really. I was eating enough to keep myself out of hospital and alive however I was severely underweight and my starved mind was incapable of thinking rationally, which made trying to recover seem even more impossible. The thought of doing the things I knew I needed to do in order to get better was so terrifying that I didn't think it was possible that I would ever get better. I had accepted that I was going to live the rest of my life consumed by my eating disorder.

Anyone whose been where I have been knows just how impossible and difficult it feels and anyone who hasn't been there wont be able to even begin to understand. I suppose the easiest way to describe it is if someone told you that you had to become the richest person in the world or the fastest runner in the world, you would probably think that it seemed impossible and that there would be no point in even trying as it couldn't happen. Well that's how impossible the prospect of recovery seems to someone who is fully consumed by anorexia. Also, the fear associated with doing the things you need to do in order to recover is so severe that you would honestly rather just die. That's how I felt anyway. My thought processes were so irrational that just eating a meal prepared by my family or someone else honestly would have terrified me more than sculling a bottle of poison or jumping off a bridge.

So how did I manage to recover when it seemed so impossible and scary? I found hope. That is honestly the only difference between the years I spent totally consumed by my eating disorder and unable to change and the time when I was actually able to start making some recovery progress and turn my life around. I read anorexia recovery blogs of other girls who managed to beat their illnesses and this gave me hope that I too could get better. I was miserable living with my illness. I had become a social recluse with no friends and I was incapable of even having relationships with family members. I was 20 years old and had never had a romantic relationship, didn't go out, play sport or have any hobbies. I had dropped out of university and did nothing but stay home and be consumed by anorexia all day every day, month in month out. I wanted so much to live a normal life and through seeing other girls get better who had been where I was, gave me hope that I could do it too.

So I started my recovery journey and started my own blog to document my progress, with the intentions of inspiring other sufferers and giving them the hope they required to fight their illnesses. My recovery then became about not only fighting for the life I wanted for myself but also about recovering so that I could give hope to others, as had happened to me. Everyday was painful and scary but I never gave up hope and I never gave in to my eating disorder. I continued to follow my plan and as I did I began to recover, both physically and mentally. My thoughts slowly became more rational, meaning things that initially terrified me didn't seem so scary anymore. My eating behaviours got more and more normal and I started to get out of the house more and started to actually live my life for the first time in many years.

Everyday I received emails from readers all over the world, saying that my recovery journey was giving them hope, which in turn made me all the more adamant to keep going until I made a full recovery. I didn't want to be the reason that my readers lost hope, I wanted to continue to inspire them and that's exactly what I did. I kept going until I was living a relatively normal life with lots of friends and family, a partner, holidays, university, work, sports, hobbies and all the things that I ever wanted in life. Even though I don't blog often anymore, I still like to check in occasionally and let everyone know that I am still ok. I may have a few ups and downs every now and then but nothing that prevents me from living a happy and normal life. I suppose I just want to help as many people find hope as possible as I believe it really is the difference between being able to recover or not.

So please, if you are struggling and feel like recovery is impossible for you, I promise its not. You can recover just like I did. You just need to have hope, believe in yourself and fight with everything you have for the life you deserve to live. Karly xxx

A great Summer

This week I have commenced my final year of university study. Although I am exciting to be nearing the end of my university degree, I really am not feeling motivated to be back studying again as I was really enjoying my summer break. Overall, this summer has been a really enjoyable one. Here in Tasmania really hot days are usually quite rare, even in summer however this year we have had continuous weeks of hot weather which I have really enjoyed.

Christmas and New years was a lot of fun and I really enjoyed getting to spend heaps of time with my partner as he had a couple of weeks off work. We had his kids quite a bit which I really enjoyed as they are great kids and treat me really well. We spent multiple days at the dam or river just swimming and sunbaking, eating yummy foods, relaxing and drinking sometimes too. I attended my first Rodeo which was a lot of fun, went to melbourne to see Shanis Twain in concert and also participated in a 5 kilometer fun run called 'run the bridge'.

My mindset has been pretty good over the past few months and I am becoming more and more comfortable with my body which is great. My weight has stabilised at what I think is probably a healthy and natural weight for me and I feel relatively happy and healthy in myself. The eating disorder qualms I was having throughout the year last year have got a lot better and although I weigh around 5 kilograms more than I did this time last year, I don't dislike my body any less.

I suppose what happened to me last year was an important reminder to me that as much as I would like to, I cant just forget about my eating disorder past and live like everybody else. I honestly believed that I was fully recovered and that I didn't have to worry about food or weight or anything else ever again and then my eating disorder creeped back in. This wasn't reflected in my weight as I didn't lose weight but I could tell by my thoughts that I was relapsing.

I have managed to pull it all together however and even though I am feeling much better now, I don't want to make the same mistake again and risk falling into that disordered mind set. Don't get me wrong, I still have days now when I get anxious and worry about what to eat, how I look and what I weigh however I am on top of it enough to not let it affect my actions or stop me from being healthy or living my life.

It has been a bit hard since my partner has gone back to work as we are still living an hour a part and he has no drivers licence however any days/nights we aren't together we spend a lot of time chatting on the phone or messaging. His family are also incredibly welcoming of me so I stay with them all quite a lot and feel like a part of the family when I am there which is really nice. We have an amazing relationship and I feel incredibly grateful for how well he treats me and how special he makes me feel.

I don't really have much else to report, I just wanted to let everyone know how I am getting on and remind people that there is life at the end of an eating disorder. No matter how hopeless or impossible recovery may seem, you can do it! It is hard, excruciating in fact however I promise it is well worth it in the end. I still read back through my old journals from when I was sick sometimes and every time I amaze myself, thinking about how sick I was and how far I have come. So I truly do believe that recovery is possible for anyone, you just have to believe in yourself and work hard!

Accepting weight gain in recovery

I think that one of the most difficult and triggering things about recovery from anorexia can be seeing your weight increase, both on the scale and as your body gets bigger too. I guess the reson it is so hard is that anorexics practically dedicate their lives to preventing weight gain and just because they make a committment to recovery, does not mean this fear or pattern of thinking that is so deeply instilled in them instantly goes away.

There is no way of avoiding it, the fact of the matter is if you want to make a full recovery from anorexia, you will need to get to a healthy weight. Telling yourself anything different will mean you are only setting yourself up for failure and more pain in the future. Your body and mind simply wont work properly whilst you are underweight and you will therefore never be able to get rid of your anorexic thoughts all together or make a full physical recovery either.

Whilst I was gaining weight, I remember feeling a mixture of emotions everytime I stood on the scale. If I had failed to gain any weight, the part of me that wanted to recover woukd be dissapointed but at the same time, the anorexic part of me would be overjoyed. Getting these types of anorexic thoughts at stsges throughout your recovery are completely normal and nothing you should be ashaimed of. Alk that matters is that you do not change your behaviors based on these thoughts. Accept that they are there but chose to ignore them.

Similarily, everytime I stepped on the scale and saw that I had gained weight the part of me that was dedicated to recovery was glad but the anorexic part of me was furious. I believe thst in order to stay on track in recovery as you experience weight gain, is that you need to want recovery, more than anything else in the world. Before I began my 'true' recovery, I reached a point whereby I was completely fed up and miserable with my anorexic life. I started wanting a recovered life, more than anything wlse in the world. It was only then that I was able to find the strength I needed to fight my anorexia and make actual recovery progress.

An important thing lto remember is that as you continue gaining weight, it does get easier. So dont think that the anxiety and pain you experience the first time you realise you have gained weight will persist through your entire weight restoration phase of recovery. I think a big part of the reason that it gets easier is because as your weight increases, your brain chemistry normalises too. This means that your thinking becomes more rational and some of your biggest fears like gaining will therefore lose some of their significsnce. 

I am a huge believer that the only way to overcome a fear is to face it, so by gaining weight and doing the exact thing you fear, it will slowly become less scary. No matter how hard it may seem you just need to remind yourself of how much you want recovery and the fact that you will not recover if you dont gain weight. The reason I was able to push through the fear and anxiety if weight gain is that I wanted recovery so badly, more than anything else in the world. 

A new 'letter to my anorexia'

Firstly, I am going to repost the first letter I wrote to my anorexia, last year whilst I was still gaining weight and having to fight my anorexia more actively. Then I will write a new letter, which should explain how I feel towards my anorexia now that I am very close to being fully recovered.

Old letter...

To my anorexia,

I actually am finding it so hard to get the words out that I want to say to you. Where do I even start? You came into my life at a time that I was incredibely vulunerable. You could see that I hated who I was and you promised me that if I listened to you, you could make me feel better. By the time I realised that you didn't want to help me, that you actually wanted to kill me, it was too late. You had already become so powerful and strong. You were a part of me, whether I liked it or not.

For a long time I continued listening to your demands so that you would be kind to me. If I did what you said, you would leave me in peace and let me feel as though I was accomplishing something. If I didnt listen to you however, you would punish me. You would yell and scream horrible things at me for hours and hours if I didnt play by your rules. I will never understand what you got out of seeing me in so much pain or why you wouldn't be satisfied until I was dead.

I know that I had various issues before you came a long but you made everything so much worse. You wouldnt let me have any other interests or hobbies, you wanted me to dedicate every hour of every day to you. You didnt let me have friends or spend time with anyone else because you wanted me to feel as though I needed you, like you were the only one I could always rely on. You have stolen the last 3 years of my life from me but I refuse to let you destroy the rest of my life too.

When you first entered my life you tried to tell me that I needed to change the way I looked in order to be happy with myself and unfortunately I believed you. I now realise that the only thing I needed to change was my attitude towards myself. There was nothing wrong with the way I was before I got sick. All I needed to do was learn to accept and love myself for who I was.

Luckily I came to the realisation that I wanted to be rid of you forever, no matter what it took. I knew it wasnt going to be easy, in fact it would have been a lot easier to keep listening to you but if I had done that, I would most likely be dead by now. Everytime I ignored your viscious commands you grew angry and abusive but I kept on fighting. I was willing to put up with this if it meant I could be completely free of you one day.

Eventually, after fighting you for a long time, your voice started to get a little quieter. It was still there but nowhere near as loud. This was a huge break through as it showed me that there was hope. That if I continued to fight you, there was a chance of eventually getting rid of you for good. The quieter you got, the better able I was to nourish my body and mind. This allowed me to grow stronger and for the non anorexic part of my mind to gain back some control.

I dont know how long it will take for the day to come that I get rid of you once and for all but no matter how long it takes I promise I will never give up. And once you leave, I dont intend on ever letting you come back. I know now that there are other things I can do to make myself feel better when life gets tough. I know now that you will not make me feel better at all but only cause me more heartache. I have only one thing to thank you for and that is for teaching me to believe in myself. I know it wasn't your intention but you have made me see how strong I truly am and you have shown me that nothing is impossible if you are willing to work really hard for it.

Although you are still apart of me at the moment, all I can say is make the most of it because your days are numbered. While you still constantly shout orders at me and try to make me dislike myself I have learnt not to listen to you. In fact I do the complete opposite of what you tell me to do because I know that this make me stronger and you weaker. I know that if I continue to ignore you, you will eventually become tired of not being listened to and that you will dissappear all together.

Yours sincerely,
Karly



New letter...

To my anorexia,

Wow, so much has happened since I last wrote you. No longer are you a large part of my life and most of the time, I forget about you all together. Occassionally, you creep your way back in and remind me that you are still there, but I dont listen anyway, no matter what you try to tell me. I know that you are nothing but a monster, so why would I listen to you? I wouldn't listen to anything a murderer tried to tell me and at the end of the day, thats all you are really. You tried to kill me and that is something that is unforgivable. 

Although I hoped you would leave my life completely at the time I wrote my last letter, deep down I was still worried that I would never be able to get rid of you all together. Although I didn't want to admit it, I was worried that you were too strong and that overcoming you all together was simply not possible. But I was brave and believed in myself and beat you time and time again. You continued to get weaker, as I got stronger and after everything I have managed to achieve, I now know that I WILL overcome you all together and make a full recovery. 

When I last wrote you, you were still the thing that consumed most of my life. Now, other things have taken your place and come between us. The most wonderful thing that has entered my life, of course is my incredible boyfriend. My boyfriend has replaced you in so many ways and this stops me from feeling as though I need you anymore. I no longer rely on you to make me feel special or safe as this is what my boyfriend does ever single day. Unlike you though, I know that my boyfriend would never hurt me and only wants what is best for me. Also, I hope that I spend the rest of my life with my boyfriend but that definetely is not how I feel about you.

Although you have destroyed years of my life, I still feel as though I should thank you because it was only through fighting you and beating you that I have learned to believe in myself and to accept and love the person that I am.  Before you came into my life, I hated myself and had no self confidence, I suppose thats why you took over so easily. I was vulunerable and you took advantage of my low self esteem. Ok, maybe I dont want to thank you, as you really dont deserve that but in a way I am glad I have been through what I have. Otherwise I know I wouldn't be the same person I am today and I like who I am.

I dont really have anything nore to say to you. I have already wasted enough of my life on you and dont intend to waste anymore.

Yours sincerely, 
Karly

Reaching your goal weight

Can I ask something? You don't have to answer if you don't want to..but how did you cope with the weight gain during recovery? I mean..I have gained quite a bit of weight since I started recovery, but still lower than the weight the doctors set for me. It's just that, I'm happy with the way I look now, and I'm afraid to gain anymore because I don't wanna loose the self confidence that I'm only starting to get now.. (sorry it sounds silly). Sigh, my whole problem with eating started due to stress from school - I guess you could say it was a coping mechanism. 

I've seen your before & after photos, and you look really good! A lot more happy too. What was the target weight the doctors set for you during your recovery (if you don't mind me asking.)?

After answering the first half of this questiona few days ago (you can read it here), I thought I better finally answer the rest of the question. Especially since it really is such a good question :) Honestly, you sound as though you are in a very similar situation to me at the moment. Although I have exceeded the goal weight my doctor set for me (She told me that I had to reach 50 kg but my weight has settled at 52 kg), I have been receiving some pressure from a few of my readers to gain more weight depite the fact that I have already reached the goal weight that my doctor set for me and I really don't want to.

Like you, I feel so happy and confident at my current weight and dont want to risk ruining that. I have the best relationhip now that I have ever had with with my body in my life and in no way does my anorexia interfere with me living life anymore. Even though I apprreciate the concern of my readers, they dont kow anything aboutt my heath and natural figure so Idont really think it is fair for them to say that I deinetely need to gain more weight, because they really cant know that.

I suppose in your case, you need to think about whether you are still underweight. If you are (if your bmi is still below 18.5) then I think you should gain more weight. Although it may seem as though you wont still like your body at a higher bmi, you most likely will! Just look at me, I accept my body now that I have a bmi of 19 which is something I thought I would never be able to do.

Although getting to a healthy weight is incredibly important, I think that there is too much focus on weight in recovery. Afterall, anorexia is a mental illness and I therefore think the way I think is more imortant then how much I weigh. So because my eating disorder thoughts are so rare ad weak these days and never stop me from doing anything I want to do, I really dont think it is necessary for me to gain any more weight at this stage. This does not mean that I have started restricting what I eat. I still listen to my body and eat atleast 2500 calories a day but I just dont eat all of the extra things that I never had an appetite for, but just ate because I knew I needed to gain weight.

Like you (the reader who asked this question), My anorexia was a coping mechanism for various things goiing on in my life, including the stress of school, frustration with my body, my alcoholic mum. The most important thing for us is that we learn knew coping mechnisms to use when life gets tough instead of these unhealthy ones. So if your anorexic thoughts are still really strong, this could also be a good indicaion tat you need to gain weight. My anorexic thoughts only improved draatically once I reached my current weight which is why I m confident that it is in fact a healthy weight for me to be at.

Also, how were you built before your eatting disorder? Have you always been slim or more solid? Although it may not be ecessary to go back to the exact weight you were before your eating disorder, you should atleast try to get up within you rnatral set point range. :)

Still anorexic or just a normal girl?

Sometimes its hard to know if certain thoughts you may have are eating disordered thoughts, or if they are just a part of being a normal girl. I have always said that I won't consider myself to be fully recovered until I no longer get any eating disorder thoughts, however having occasional worries about food of your weight is quite normal for most people and I think that expecting to never have any If these thoughts is not a reasonable expectation.

For example It is a bit frustrasting that if my best friend says her bum looks big in whatever she is wearing, it is ok but if I say the same thing, people think I am being anorexic. I guess what I am trying to say is that I DO believe making a full recovery is possible, but at the same time I expect I will always have a few eating disorder like thoughts because that is just normal for all girls and probably guys too.

If you ask any normal girl if they want to gain weight, I guarantee most of them willsay no. This doesnt make them anorexic, it is quickly accepted. So is it really that unhealthy for me to say I dont want to gain a lot more weight either because I currently like my body the way it is? Also even though I still worry I have over eaten sometimes, I worry a lot less then I did before I ever developed anorexia. My relationship with food is definetely the best it has been since I was a child, but still I am not considered to be fully recovered.

I guess its not something I should worry about, afterall worrying wont get me anywhere. I guess I just need to keep going as I am and hope that I continue to improve. If my thoughts were to remain the same as they are now for the rest of my life though, I would be ok with that too. My eating disorder no longer interferes with my life and I feel healthy and happy so I guess that is what matters most.

For example last weekend I had an amazing weekend and not once did my eating disorder interfere with that. I ate out, ate junk food, drank a lot, wore bikinis, exercised less and didn't let myself compensate for doing all those things afterwards. I just continued to get on with my life like a normal person would after a wonderful weekend. Who knows if I am as recovered as I will ever be or if I still have more progress to be made.

All that matters is that I am happy and making the most of life which I am! What about you? What do you think determines whether you are recovered?

Being open about my anorexia

I am passionate about trying to eliminate the stigma that it associated with eating disorders as well as trying to make people realise what anorexia actually is. I feel as though if more people actually realised how serious eating disorders are, then less people would develop the illness in the first place and more people would know how to help those who suffer.

Some people find it really hard to open up and talk about their illnesses but I dont find it difficult at all. The types of things I talk about on my blog, I would also be comfortable to share with other people in person too. In fact I often talk to friends about the times I was sick and have offered to talk to a local girls youth group, if they ever want a speaker to talk to the girls about body image or eating disorders.

I don't know why I have always found it so easy just to talk about what is going on in my life but I think that this is a good thing. I have been told by many doctors and psychologists that they were shocked (but also thrilled) by how easily I open up and talk about how I feel. Apparently it is common for anorexics to close up and refuse to talk about whats going on butI am glad that this hasn't been the case for me.

Not only has being able to talk to people so easily helped me in my journey, but I believe that this is the best way to reduce the stigma of eating disorders. Many people complain about the stigma and wish that it could be different but what we need to remember is that it wont get better unless we let people in and educate them on eating disorders.

I know exactly what it is like to not understand what anorexia is actually about. It wasnt until I developed  the illness myself that I actually started to understand what anorexia was about and that I realised it wasnt a choice in anyway. I know it can be incredibly difficult for some people to open up but if you can, try to be open about your illness. Not only will you feel better for being able to get things off of your chest, but you will also be able to educate others about anorexia which will help them to understand.

I dont think it is healthy to keep things bottled up, so I strongly encourage you to talk to somebody you trust. This could be a family member, friend of a medical professional. If you feel as though you have anybody to talk to, remember that I am also here to listen with a very open and friendly ear. You can always reach me online at: karlygraham94@gmail.com

Anorexic behaviours are not a healthy coping mechanism

After having an extremely stressful day yesterday, I was very tempted when I got home last night to not eat my normal amount. Not only was I not hungry (in fact I felt quite sick due to being so worried and stressed) but I also had a voice in my head telling me that I didn't deserve to eat and that by not eating, I would feel much better. I suppose it makes sense that when bad things start happening that you feel you have no control of, you are able to find comfort in controlling the things you can control, like what you eat. 

Despite the fact that I didn't feel like eating and my anorexia was encouraging me not to eat, I ate anyway. I know deep down that not eating would not fix any of my proplems and that through not looking after myself, I would oly be making thing harder for myself. I suppose a big part of recovery is not only learning to eat like a normal person again, but also starting to use new coping mechanisms when life gets tough. Understanding that controlling your weight and food intake does not solve any problems is so important, as is knowing that there are healthier coping mechanisms we can use instead.

Learning healthier ways to manage stress

Source: http://www.helpguide.org/articles/stress/stress-management.htm

 

If your methods of coping with stress aren’t contributing to your greater emotional and physical health, it’s time to find healthier ones. No single method works for everyone or in every situation, so experiment with different techniques and strategies. Focus on what makes you feel calm and in control.

Stress management strategy #1: Get moving

Physical activity plays a key role in reducing and preventing the effects of stress, but you don’t have to be an athlete or spend hours in a gym to experience the benefits. Just about any form of physical activity can help relieve stress and burn away anger, tension, and frustration. Exercise releases endorphins that boost your mood and make you feel good, and it can also serve as a valuable distraction to your daily worries.

While the maximum benefit comes from exercising for 30 minutes or more, you can start small and build up your fitness level gradually. Short, 10-minute bursts of activity that elevate your heart rate and make you break out into a sweat can help to relieve stress and give you more energy and optimism. Even very small activities can add up over the course of a day. The first step is to get yourself up and moving. Here are a few easy ways:

• Put on some music and dance around
• Take your dog for a walk
• Walk or cycle to the grocery store
• Use the stairs at home or work rather than an elevator
• Park your car in the farthest spot in the lot and walk the rest of the way
• Pair up with an exercise partner and encourage each other as you workout
• Play ping-pong or an activity-based video game with your kids

Managing stress with regular exercise

Once you’re in the habit of being physically active, try to incorporate regular exercise into your daily schedule. Activities that are continuous and rhythmic—and require moving both your arms and your legs—are especially effective at relieving stress. Walking, running, swimming, dancing, cycling, tai chi, and aerobic classes are good choices.

Pick an activity you enjoy, so you’re more likely to stick with it. Instead of continuing to focus on your thoughts while you exercise, make a conscious effort to focus on your body and the physical (and sometimes emotional) sensations you experience as you’re moving. Adding this mindfulness element to your exercise routine will help you break out of the cycle of negative thoughts that often accompanies overwhelming stress. Focus on coordinating your breathing with your movements, for example, or notice how the air or sunlight feels on your skin. Getting out of your head and paying attention to how your body feels is also the surest way to avoid picking up an injury.

When you’ve exercised, you’ll likely find it easier to put other stress management techniques to use, including reaching out to others and engaging socially.

Stress management strategy #2: Engage socially

Reach out and build relationships

• Reach out to a colleague at work
• Help someone else by volunteering
• Have lunch or coffee with a friend
• Ask a loved one to check in with you regularly
• Accompany someone to the movies or a concert
• Call or email an old friend
• Go for a walk with a workout buddy
• Schedule a weekly dinner date
• Meet new people by taking a class or joining a club
• Confide in a clergy member, teacher, or sports coach

Social engagement is the quickest, most efficient way to rein in stress and avoid overreacting to internal or external events that you perceive as threatening. There is nothing more calming to your nervous system than communicating with another human being who makes you feel safe and understood. This experience of safety—as perceived by your nervous system—results from nonverbal cues that you hear, see and feel.

The inner ear, face, heart, and stomach are wired together in the brain, so socially interacting with another person face-to-face—making eye contact, listening in an attentive way, talking—can quickly calm you down and put the brakes on defensive stress responses like “fight-or-flight.” It can also release hormones that reduce stress, even if you’re unable to alter the stressful situation itself. Of course, it’s not always realistic to have a pal close by to lean on when you feel overwhelmed by stress, but by building and maintaining a network of close friends you can improve your resiliency to life’s stressors. On the flip side, the more lonely and isolated you are, the greater your vulnerability to stress.

Reach out to family and friends and connect regularly in person. The people you talk to don’t have to be able to fix your stress; they just need to be good listeners. Opening up is not a sign of weakness and it won’t make you a burden to others. In fact, most friends will be flattered that you trust them enough to confide in them, and it will only strengthen your bond. And remember, it’s never too late to build new friendships and improve your support network.

Stress management strategy #3: Avoid unnecessary stress

While stress is an automatic response from your nervous system, some stressors arise at predictable times—your commute to work, a meeting with your boss, or family gatherings, for example. When handling such predictable stressors, you can either change the situation or change your reaction. When deciding which option to choose in any given scenario, it’s helpful to think of the four A's: avoid, alter, adapt, or accept.

Avoid the stressor

It’s not healthy to avoid a stressful situation that needs to be addressed, but you may be surprised by the number of stressors in your life that you can eliminate.

• Learn how to say “no” – Know your limits and stick to them. Whether in your personal or professional life, taking on more than you can handle is a surefire recipe for stress. Distinguish between the “shoulds” and the “musts” and, when possible, say “no” to taking on too much.
• Avoid people who stress you out – If someone consistently causes stress in your life, limit the amount of time you spend with that person, or end the relationship.
• Take control of your environment – If the evening news makes you anxious, turn off the TV. If traffic makes you tense, take a longer but less-traveled route. If going to the market is an unpleasant chore, do your grocery shopping online.

Stress management strategy #4: Alter the situation

If you can’t avoid a stressful situation, try to alter it. Often, this involves changing the way you communicate and operate in your daily life.

• Express your feelings instead of bottling them up. If something or someone is bothering you, be more assertive and communicate your concerns in an open and respectful way. If you’ve got an exam to study for and your chatty roommate just got home, say up front that you only have five minutes to talk. If you don’t voice your feelings, resentment will build and the stress will increase.
• Be willing to compromise. When you ask someone to change their behavior, be willing to do the same. If you both are willing to bend at least a little, you’ll have a good chance of finding a happy middle ground.
• Manage your time better. Poor time management can cause a lot of stress. But if you plan ahead and make sure you don’t overextend yourself, you’ll find it easier to stay calm and focused.

Stress management strategy #5: Adapt to the stressor

How you think can have a profound effect on your stress levels. Each time you think a negative thought about yourself, your body reacts as if it were in the throes of a tension-filled situation. Regain your sense of control by changing your expectations and attitude to stressful situations.

• Reframe problems. Try to view stressful situations from a more positive perspective. Rather than fuming about a traffic jam, look at it as an opportunity to pause and regroup, listen to your favorite radio station, or enjoy some alone time.
• Look at the big picture. Take perspective of the stressful situation. Ask yourself how important it will be in the long run. Will it matter in a month? A year? Is it really worth getting upset over? If the answer is no, focus your time and energy elsewhere.
• Adjust your standards. Perfectionism is a major source of avoidable stress. Stop setting yourself up for failure by demanding perfection. Set reasonable standards for yourself and others, and learn to be okay with “good enough.”

Stress management strategy #6: Accept the things you can’t change

Many sources of stress are unavoidable. You can’t prevent or change stressors, such as the death of a loved one, a serious illness, or a national recession. In such cases, the best way to cope with stress is to accept things as they are. Acceptance may be difficult, but in the long run, it’s easier than railing against a situation you can’t change.

• Don’t try to control the uncontrollable. Many things in life are beyond our control—particularly the behavior of other people. Rather than stressing out over them, focus on the things you can control such as the way you choose to react to problems.
• Look for the upside. When facing major challenges, try to look at them as opportunities for personal growth. If your own poor choices contributed to a stressful situation, reflect on them and learn from your mistakes.
• Learn to forgive. Accept the fact that we live in an imperfect world and that people make mistakes. Let go of anger and resentments. Free yourself from negative energy by forgiving and moving on.

Stress management strategy #7: Make time for fun and relaxation

Beyond a take-charge approach and a positive attitude, you can reduce stress in your life by nurturing yourself. If you regularly make time for fun and relaxation, you’ll be in a better place to handle life’s stressors.

Develop a "stress relief toolbox"

Come up with a list of healthy ways to relax and recharge. Try to implement one or more of these ideas each day, even if you're feeling good.

Go for a walk Spend time in nature Call a good friend Play a competitive game of tennis or racquetball Write in your journal Take a long bath Light scented candles

Savor a warm cup of coffee or tea Play with a pet Work in your garden Get a massage Curl up with a good book Listen to music Watch a comedy

Don’t get so caught up in the hustle and bustle of life that you forget to take care of your own needs. Nurturing yourself is a necessity, not a luxury.

• Set aside relaxation time. Include rest and relaxation in your daily schedule. Don’t allow other obligations to encroach. This is your time to take a break from all responsibilities and recharge your batteries.
• Do something you enjoy every day. Make time for leisure activities that bring you joy, whether it be stargazing, playing the piano, or working on your bike.
• Keep your sense of humor. This includes the ability to laugh at yourself. The act of laughing helps your body fight stress in a number of ways.

Stress management strategy #8: Adopt a healthy lifestyle

In addition to regular exercise, there are other healthy lifestyle choices that can increase your resistance to stress.

• Eat a healthy diet. Well-nourished bodies are better prepared to cope with stress, so be mindful of what you eat. Start your day right with breakfast, and keep your energy up and your mind clear with balanced, nutritious meals throughout the day.
• Reduce caffeine and sugar. The temporary "highs" caffeine and sugar provide often end in with a crash in mood and energy. By reducing the amount of coffee, soft drinks, chocolate, and sugar snacks in your diet, you’ll feel more relaxed and you’ll sleep better.
• Avoid alcohol, cigarettes, and drugs. Self-medicating with alcohol or drugs may provide an easy escape from stress, but the relief is only temporary. Don’t avoid or mask the issue at hand; deal with problems head on and with a clear mind.
• Get enough sleep. Adequate sleep fuels your mind, as well as your body. Feeling tired will increase your stress because it may cause you to think irrationally.

Binging and Purging

The only time I have ever experienced the feeling of loosing control with food is when I was restricting what I ate and trying to loose weight before my anorexia completely developed. I suppose that this what the warning sign that my relationship with food really wasn't that healthy as I really was willing to do anything at all, to prevent myself from gaining weight, even if it meant making myself sick. Even now, I think I am still frightened of undereating as this is what initially led too me loosing control with food. 

Even though I have made a promise to myslef that Iwill never make myself purge again, I am still scared that I will put myself in a position whereby I feel as though I need to make myself sick again, after loosing control and binging. Although it has been years since I last made myself sick, I remember it as being the most awful experience of my life. It was so painful, both physically and emotionally to make myself sick and I never want to put myself in that position again. 

I think that the most important tips to help prevent a binge is to not restrict in the first place and too listen to your body and try your hardest to eat in moderation. Our bodies are extremely clever and know what we need. In my experience, it is only when we deny ourselves of the things that we crave and need that we eventually end up binging which leads to enormous guilt and then sometimes purging too. If you eat what you feel like eating in moderation, whenever you feel like eating it, then chances are you will not end up getting out of control cravings which will lead to you losing control with food.

Whenever I used to 'lose control' with food, I always knew that I was going to make myself sick afterwards the whole time I was eating. Inever ate enormos amounts of food when I 'lost control' with food so I dont even reallly know if it would have constituted a binge but it basically just involved me eating foods that I had told myself I wasn't allowed to eat. For example if I ate dessert one night, then Iwould tell myself that since I was going to make myself sick anyway, I may as well eat a few more nice things before I did. Idon't know why but I have always been quite ashaimed of the fact that I went through this but I now realise that it was nothing to be ashaimed of.

And finally, if you ever do over eat or binge, please DONT make yourself purge. As I have already mentioned, it really was the most awful thing I have ever done to myself and I would not want anyone to go through what I experienced. If you do happen to binge, just take a moment to realise what has happened and perhaps identify any triggers that may have led to the binge and then try your hardest to MOVE ON. Restricting after a binge is the worst thing you could possibely do as this just means that you are more likely to binge again in the near future. 

I know I don't really talk about binging and purging all that much as it isn't something that has effected me for a really long time and I guess I have learnt how to overcome it but it is still a really important topic that I am sure is relevant to some of my readers. I suppose my binging and purginng stopped when my restrictive anorexia truly began as once I developed bad anorexia, I stopped ever losing control with food and found a new way to control my weight that didn't involve my going through the pain involved ith making myself sick. 

I just wat to point out that all eating disorders are equally as terrifying for the sufferer and no one should ever feel ashaimed of what they are going through. Although there is possibely more attetion paid to anorexia in the media, other eating disorders like Bulimia, BED and EDNOS are equally as serious. So Ihighly encourage you to get help if you are suffering from any of these illnesses. No one deserves life with an eating disorder of any kind and recoveryr is possible for everyone who believes in it and in themselves. 

'Fixers'

One of my readers gave to me a link to a wonderful new website that I think you should all check out. The website is created by people called 'fixers'. I have never heard about this before but 'Fixers' are real people who are using their own experiences to help others who may be suffering from mental illnesses or who are struggling with other issues. If you would like to find out about what it means to be a 'fixer', watch the video below and if you want to see the fixers eating disorder website, follow this link;
http://www.fixers.org.uk/fixing-eating-disorders.php#menuAnchor

Young People Fixing Eating Disorders

Many Fixers have struggled with eating disorders ... and are trying to make a difference by passing on their experience. This ‘ISSUES’ area of the Fixers website pulls together their stories, as well as those of experts, support groups and family members. If you’re struggling with an eating disorder – or want to support someone who is - this website is for you.

Recovery Warriors article: Why the meal plan matters

When beginning treatment most clients are very out of touch with their hunger cues. Their version of “what’s normal” for their eating is distorted by eating disorder thoughts. Many are resistant or hesitant to follow a meal plan because that means giving up control and their eating disorder behaviors, which can be a very frightening thought. So besides the discomfort and stress… what does the meal plan REALLY even do? The meal plan is a critical part of eating disorder recovery and here is why:

• Introduces Normalized Eating: Eating disorders distort reality. Many clients become out of touch with what nutrients are needed to fuel their bodies properly because their eating disorder voice has told them otherwise. The meal plan helps to normalize your eating patterns and heal the body after being deprived of adequate nutrients. Getting the body balanced, nutritionally, requires the structure that a meal plan provides.
• Increases Introspection: Now that the meal plan is helping to provide structure and taking care of proper nourishment, some of the ability to utilize behaviors has been taken away. The meal plan allows you to look at where the urges to control your food intake or engage in destructive behaviors come from. The focus is removed from the food and allows you to better understand how you are utilizing food or controlling weight to cope with emotions.
• Separates food from Feelings: If there is strong frustration with the meal plan, it’s important to look at where the feelings are  really coming from and recognize it is not about the food. The ultimate nutrition goal is to get to a place where food is separated from feelings and you are able to eat mindfully and trust your own hunger/fullness cues.

The meal plan can be considered as map that will guide you to the final destination of recovery. Eventually, you will get to a point where you know the route so well that you won’t need the map anymore.

Source: https://www.recoverywarriors.com/healthy-lifeplan/