This or that Quiz

I put together this little quiz using some questions I came up with myself as well as some that I found on the net. I hope that it helps you to learn something new about me and please feel free to do this quiz yourself, if you have your own blog :)

Cat or dog
No one in my family likes cats, we are all dog people. Also my little sister is allergic to cats so I don't think I would ever get one.

Pink or blue
To say pink was my favourite colour would be an understatement. I am basically obsessed with the colour and love buying  anything that is pink :)

Cereal or toast
I honestly cant choose, I mostly have both every morning. Breakfast is my favourite meal of the day!

Country or city
While I enjoy the city in small doses, I am definetely a Country girl and my heart will always be in the country

Walk or run
Although I wish i wasn't so, I can rarely get motivated to run. I absolutely love walking however and it is not unusual for me to walk 10+ kilometers per day.

Samsung or apple
I started off with an Iphone however i now have a samsung Phone and tablet and I love both of them. I dont think I will ever go back to apple now.

Summer or winter
Definetely Summer! I have always preferred warmer weather but especially since having anorexia and being extra sensitive to the cold.

Ocean or river
Even though I love the beach, I think I prefer swimming in rivers as I am really frightened of sealife like sharks, sting rays and jelly fish.

Shorts or skirts
I like wearing skirts occasionally but I wear shorts more often. I love my denim shorts :)

Water or cordial
I like having juice or cordial occasionally but I mainly try to drink water and enjoy drinking water.

Straight or curly
I do like curly hair when it is not crazy or frizzy like mine goes 99% of the time. When this happens i either just put it up in a plait or bun or I straighten it. I like my hair straightened as it is quite long!

Chips or chocolate
While I have chips very occasionally and do like them, I eat chocolate daily and love it even more!

Apples or bananas
I eat more fresh apples then bananas daily but I like adding banana to things like icecream, yoghurt, oats, cereal, toast, nutella or chocolate pudding

Sand or snow
I have only been to the snow once when I was very young. I didnt like it much as my hands were freezing (I didn't take gloves). I have been to the Beach thousands of times however and still love it every time I go.

Maths or science
I was quite good at Maths and science at school however science was always what I loved, especially biology. I loved learning about cells and the body systems and still apply what I know to my own life on a daily basis.

Peas or corn
When I was very young, I hated peas and wouldn't eat them ever and corn was my favourite vegetable. Now however I am not so keen on corn and would probably consider peas to be my favourite vegetable.

Eye liner or mascara
For as long as I can remember, I have never been able to wear eye liner as my eyes water so much whilst I am trying to apply it. I am not sure if it psychological or if my eyes are just super sensitive but it is almost impossible for me to put eyeliner on. I wear mascara everyday however.

Salt or Pepper
I don't really use pepper at all. The only things I put pepper on is pumpkin soup and mashed potato. I LOVE salt though and whilst I don't add it to everything I eat, I always put way too much of it on my vegetables!

Myspace or facebook
I think I made a myspace account however I never actually used it as I just didn't like it. I do go on facebook daily though and think it is a good way to stay connected to people you would not be able to communicate with easily otherwise.

Tea or Coffee
I don't really drink either on a regular basis. If I ever have a hot drink, I am more likely to have a hot chocolate. I have never drank a coffee from a cafe so have only ever tried the instant kind and if I ever have a cup of tea, I like it to be sweet and milky.

Harry Potter or Lord of the Rings
Definetely Harry Potter. I have all of the books and all of the movies which I have enjoyed watching on many occassions with my little brother. I have never been able to get into Lord of the Rings or the Hobbit. I have started watching the films a few times but find them boring so either turn them off or fall asleep.

White or wheat
I love all bread as long as it is fresh and love the smell of freshly baked bread. I prefer wheat bread (or wholemeal as I call it) but also like white. Most days I eat 4 slices of bread which is probably too much but I love it so I don't really care, haha!

Black or White
Growing up, whenever I played chess with my brother he was always black and I was always white as I thought wite was a girlier colour the black. I quite like the colour white and have had white laptops, phones and other electronic devices too.

Tattoo or piercing
I have both my ears pierced and my belly button pierced. While I like the piercings I already have, I dont think I will ever get anymore piercings. I haven't got a tattoo YET but really want to get a recovery tattoo.

My current walking playlist

1. Fight song by Rachael Platten
2. Shut up and dance by walk the moon
3. Blank space by Taylor Swift
4. Mine by Taylor Swift
5. Wasnt expecting that by Jamie Lawson
6. Thinking Out loud by Ed Sheeran
7. Hold my Hand by Jess Glynne
8. Five more Hours by Deorro
9. Dont stop by 5 seconds of Summer
10. Shake It Off by Taylor Swift

Day 29: A confession

One particular confession I have was from when I as a child was that sometimes I would intentionally give myself nose bleeds, just for attention. I am incredibely ashaimed about the fact that I did this now and feel terrible however at the time, I honestly just think that I wanted to be noticed. I was an incredibely insecure child and felt better when I was noticed and people were concerned about me. I was a part of a big family and I didn't seem to get any attetion at all.

I was very prone to getting nose bleeds anyway however I found out all that I had to do was tap the end of my nose (which barely even hurt) and then my nose would start bleeding. The nose bleeds would be extremely heavy and I would actually loose a lot of blood. Because I had nose bleeds nearly every day, this led to me being extremely tired all of the time as I was loosing so much blood. 

Eventually I went to hospital and had day surgery to have my nose cortorised to stop the nose bleeds. This involved having the vein that was too close to the surface of skin on the inside of my nose being sealed so it would not burst and start bleeding as often. Even though I would have needed this operation whether I had given myself some of those intentional nose bleeds or not, I stil remember thinking as I went into the oerating theatre 'what have I done to myself'?

I don't know what caused me to act in this way as a child. I think it is sad that I was willing to harm myself in that way, just to get some attention and have people look after me. Maybe I was just an attention seeker, or perhaps this attention seeking went deeper and was actually related to my anxiety and other insecurities. One thing is for sure, I am not at all proud of what I did. This is the first time I have told anyone about wat I used to do to myself as a child but it really does feel good to get it off my chest.\

Living in a small town

I have lived in both Launceston and Hobart at times throughout my life for school and university but I have never felt at home in those places. I really feel as though Swansea, the little country town that I grew up in, will always be my home no matter where I end up.

I absolutely love living in a small counttry town. I love walking up the street and greeting all of the locals as you walk past them. I even love being able to wave to everyone as they drive past. It is just such a wecoming and comfortble atmosphere to be in.

I love the fact that I have so many cousins and relatives in the town and when I work in the supermarket, I know everyone by name. I love being able to go for walks with Tess in the dark when I finish work late, without feeling scared or worried and I simply feel safe.

I thought that I would sometimes feel a little spooked or frightened when I moved out on my own, but this hasn't been the case at all. I live in a street with many kind people who all keep an eye and ear out for me.

I love heading into the supermarket and staying for 20 minutes or so, just to chat to the staff that are working there. I love joking with the customers and having a conversation with them, not because I feel I have to but because I actually am interested in how they are going.

Just the other day I was walking my dog snd met up with one of the other men who live on my street who was walking his dog. This man is quite old but always really friendsly and lovely. He gave me his phone number so that I can call him if anything ever happens and I need someone, even at night. 

He said Anything could happen to a young girl like you living on your own. If anything ever does happen, just lock yourself in your bathroom and call me, I would be there in a moment.' I really don't think that I will ever need to take him up on his offer but I still think it was so lovely for him to think of me and be looking out for me anyway.

I love knowing the name of every street and always knowing exactly where I am. I love going to the local primary school to pick up my little sister and having all of the small children know me by name as well as their parents and teachers.  

No, we may not have a cinema or a shopping mall or anything like that but we do have what is most important. We have community. And I love living in our small country town.

Day 26: Your hidden talent

Wow, this question has really caught me by surprise. I have never really considered myself to be talented at anything. I have never been particularly good at sports or music or art or anything like that. I can think of a few things, like my self discipline, however this has been both a talent and something terrible for me throughout my life, so I dont really know if that counts.

You have no idea how hard this is for me to answer, I really cant think of anything. I have never really been special for anything, I have always just been one of those people who do ok a everything, but not fantastically. I guess I have always done well at school academically. But I dont think that this was due to any talent I possessed. I honestly think that this was just purely due to how hard I worked.

I suppose something that could be considered as a talent I have is the way I can usually accurately pick the sort of person someone is, when Imeeet them for the first time. Sometimes I just get a really bad feeling about somebody and generally this feellin reflects that persons future actions. So I always stick with my gut and trust my first instincts of a person.

Maybe the way I can dislocate my collar bone or put my legs behind my head is classified as a talent? ok, maybe not, but it is all that I can think of right now. Sorry I have been so unsuccessfull in answering this question. I honestly just cant think of anything to write. I would love to hear about your hidden talents though. :)

Day 24: What attracts you (in love)

Ok, so I am not one of those people who would never fall for a guy if they did not have these characteristics but these are physical things that I do find attractive in guys;
-tanned skin
-taller than me
-nice eyes
-tall, dark and handsome ;)
-cleanly shaven
-short hair
-fit body but not too 'buff' (I actually dont find huge muscles on guys attractive at all)

but most importantly, I am attracted to guys who are
-thoughtful
-accepting of me for who I truly am
-easy to talk to
-trustworthy and honest
-open minded and non judgemental
-have the same values as me
-country boys

A questionnaire from a reader

Q: When and where were you happiest?

A: Hugging my dad, spending time with my sister, strangely enough at work (especially at the supermarket)

Q: If you were to die and come back as a person or a thing, what would it be?
A: A dolphin

Q: What is your most dislike?
A: Anorexia

Q: Who is your hero of fiction?
A: I have always dreamt of my own prince charming, coming to rescue me ;)

Q: How would you like to die?
A: Saving some body I Iove or peacefully of old age

Q: Which talent would you most like to have?
A: I love music and listening to songs that mean  lot to me however  am not a ery good singer. I have always wiished I could sing!

Q: Where would you most like to live?
A: Honesty, probably where I am already living. It is beautiful here and am cloe to all the people I love. If I had to chose another country to live in, I would probably chose somewhere like the UK.

Q: What is your greatest fear?
A: Of never meeting the right guy and having a family. I am also really scared of sharks.

Q: Which living person do you most admire?
A: My dad is the most wonderful person I have ever known and he has achieved so much in his life. He has always been a wonderful role model for me and is the strongest person ever. He inspires me to keep reaching for my goals and dreams every single day. 

Q: What is your most marked characteristic?
A: I am always bubbly and cheerful and likek to help others.

Day 22: Your worst habits

Picking at my skin: My absolute worst habit would be picking at any scabs or sores on my face or body. Unfortunately I am now covered in scars because of these. In particularly on my face and on my right arm/hand. I know that this habit is gross and I would love to be able to stop but it is so hard for me not to do it. No matter how hard I try, I always end up picking scabs without even realising I am doing it.

Talking too much: Sometimes, I know that I do talk too much. Which may be annoying for soem people who I regularly talk to. I think that talking too much can sometimes be a really bad thing as you learn things through listening, not talking. And when you are talking all the time you aren't hearing and you therefore are not learning. Apart of this is also talking too much about myself. I dont particularly enjoy talking about myself but sometimes it may come off this way as I do talk a lot.

Balanced Chewing: I suppose the ritualistic way I chew is a habit too. The way that I always eat the exactly same amount of food on the left and right sides of my mouth. Like if I was eating an apple, I would chew the first bite on the left side, tthe second bit on the right etc. And if I was eating something colourful, like rice crackers, I would eat a green one on the left, a green one on the right, a brown one on the left and then a brown one on the right etc. I also eat the same sized bites on each side of my mouth.

Always having to eat everything off of my plate: I literally scrape every single bit offood off of my plate and never leave anything at all. Fortunately I am not as pedantic about completely scraping my plate as I once was. Now I dont try and eat every crumb of my toast etc. but I still do scrape my late more cleanly then most people would.

Brushing my teeth: I ALWAYS need to brush my teeth morning and night, no exceptions. I cant sleep if I dont brush my teeth at night. And I brush my teeth for much loner then most people do. I also have a bad habit of chewing my toothrush, so I literally go through a toothbrush every single week which costs me a fortune.

Day 19: Your favourite movie

My all time favourite movie probably has to be Forest Gump. I have watched it so many times and know lots of the lines off by heart. It is a movie I have watched with my family alot as well, especcially my little brother which makes it even more special. I think it is a truly inspirational and amazing story and it is also really funny. I love all of the quotes that are throughout the film too.

A new phase of my recovery

Over the last few days, I have decided that it is now time for me to cut back my intake back a little. The reason I have decided to cut my intake back is not because Iam giving into my anorexia, but instead because I can see that I do not necessarily need to gain a lot more weight. I am still eating recovery amounts of food as I feel as though cutting back too fast would not be a sensible idea for me, so instead I think I will slowly cut my intake down until I stop gaining weight.

Firstly, I want to say that just because I have reached the stage in my recovery where it is ok for me to cut my intake back a little does not mean that it is ok for you to do the same if you are still underweight. I actually had second thoughts about letting you, as my readers know that I am starting to eat a little less as I can understand how triggering this may be. However I really felt as though I needed to tell you everything as I would not want to feel as though I wasn't being completely truthful on my blog.

There are various reasons why I decided to start eating less. Firstly, I am now a healthy weight and have actually exceeded the goal weight my doctor set for me by almost a kilogram. My bones also no longer stick out unnaturally and my figure is very similar to what it was like before I got anorexia. Another reason why I decided to cut down on my intake is because I really was starting to feel as though the amount I was eating was excessive, as it was atleast 3200 calories each day.

To be perfectly honest, I actually dont hate my body the way it currently is which is another reason why I dont want to gain too much more weight if I am already healthy. I really was worried that if I gained too much weight then I would become really unhappy with my appearance again and start wanting and trying to lose weight. So instead, I hope now to be able to maintain my weight at around the weight I currently am as I am able to accept my body at this weight.

In saying this, I still firmly believe that reaching my natural set point weight is incredibely important but I really do think that if I have not yet reached my natural set point weight then I am really close. And if I still do have a kilogram or two more to gain, then I will gain it eventually anyway when I start eating intuitively in the future if not before. So my recovery plan for the next few months is to stabilise my weight and maintain it ofr a few months. Once I am feeling strong enough, I then want to start making the transition to intuitive eating from following my meal plan.

I have really enjoyed not having to limit my exercise but still ensure that I am always exercising for the right reasons and stop myself from exercising whenever it is not necessary or I dont feel like it. For example if Nan ever walks Tess for me, I always make sure I rest instead of taking Tess for a walk so that I can face any fears I have about not exercing as much.

I know that just because I am weight restored does not mean that I am recovered from anorexia, in fact I KNOW that I am still suffering from my eating disorder and still need to continue working on my mental recovery. Every day I manage to fight my anorexic thoughts and feelings I feel my mind getting stronger and feel myself geting closer to being recovered. So to make sure I make a full recovery, I know that I just need to keep fighting the way that I currently am and to continue challenging myself.

I really do feel as though I am doing what is right for me and my recovery and suggest that everyone else coninues to do the same as well. Afterall, your recovery is an incredibely individual thing that you need to base around your own needs. So if you are still underweight or still have more weight to gain before you reach your goal weight, keep fighting and you WILL get there. Please, If anyone has any questions about what I have decided to do, feel free to leave a comment below. :)

 

My experience of boarding school

Between 2009 and 2012 I was a boarder at a private school in Launceston. I was lucky enough to get an academic scholarship to attend the school and I was very excited to be going to a school that would be more of a challenge for me and hoped that it would increase my chances of oneday making it into university to become a vet. I had very mixed feelings about leaving home. Things were not great between mum and I back then so it was good that we would be able to get some space from one another and since I was not coping very well with her drinking, I felt as though going away to boarding school would allow me to escape from that. Of course I was worried about leaving my dad and sister behind but knew that I would be able to come home on most weekends and in school holidays.

Although getting used to being away from home took some time, I really did enjoy it in the end. The first year I was at the boarding house their was 60 boys and girls from all over Tasmania, as well as some international students and we were all like one big family. We watched tv together, went shopping, studied, went swimming, played board games and hung out together. It really was an amazing atmosphere to be in. Some peope did not handle the rules of boarding school very well but they didnt bother me at all as I had grown up in a relatively strict household anyway. I had always used my manners, went to bed when I was told to and followed the rules at home so it was no more difficult having to do it at the boarding house.

Unlike many boarding houses, our food was amazing! We had a chef cooking all of our meals for us and there was always more then enough food available. I think that having so much delicious food available all the time is what led to me gaining weight in the last year or two that I was at boardng school and becoming so unhappy with my body. For breakfast we could help ourselves to any toast or cereal that we wanted but there was always a hot option as well. One day per week it would be eggs and bacon, another morning it would be baked beans or spaghetti and that type of thing. For recess (morning tea) there was always a bakery snack available. This would usually be something like a piece of slice, a muffin, some cookies or some other sweet treat. We could also help ourselves to as much fruit as we wanted.

For lunch we would have hot food delivered to school. Somedays it would be something like meat pies or pasta. Other days we had hot meat and gravy rolls, fried rice, pizza, dim sims or toasted sandwiches. Afternoon tea was always something nice too like pikelets or scones with jam and cream, biscuits and cheese, french toast, Muffins or pastries. Tea always consisted of two courses. Either soup and main or main and dessert. The soups were always quite hearty and there were always 5 or 6 loaves of thickly sliced bread available to have with butter and your soup. Tea could be anything from meat and vegetables to pasta, rice, casserole or stir fry. Desserts were always really delicious. They were usually something like pudding with icecream, banana splits, chocolate mousse, terimasu, pannacotta or lemon meringue pie.

Lastly, we would have supper before going to bed which included a hot or cold miky drink and as many sweet biscuits as we fancied. So as you can see it was really no wonder that I gained weight while eating all of the delicious food that was available to me, especially considering I was not very active. In my final year of boarding school however I severely started restricting what I ate. I would cook a sachet of oats with water for my breakfast. Eat an apple for morning tea, make myself a salad sandwhich for lunch, eat another apple for afternoon tea, eat tea but not any soup or dessert and I also would not have any supper before going to bed. The shocking thing was, that after making all of these changes I still lost basically no weight as my metabolism just got really slow.

In the last year or two of boarding, I also got really obsessive over studying so I did not enjoy being a boarder like I should have. I hardly ever came home on the weekends as I would just stay at the boarding house and study in my room all weekend on my own. In my final year of boarding I also had my own room with my own bathroom and fridge as I was boarding house captain. I loved having these privileges but obviously having my own bathroom was not a good thing went it came to the developement of my eating disorder. This meant that it became extremely easy for me to make myself sick, witout anyone ever suspecting a thing. So I suppose that boarding was good for me, for the first couple of years I was there, however it wasnt so good in my final year as I was in a very bad state of mind.

Day 2: 20 fact about me

1. I have a huge family with lots if cousins as my nan had 15 sisters and 2 brothers. Also my pop was one of 10 children.

2. Breakfast is my favourite meal of the day! I dont know how some people only eat one slice of toast for breakfast. I always have 2 slices of toast and cereal or oats.

3. When I was younger I did surf life saving for kids (which was called nippers) and absolutely loved it!

4. I always had a feeling I was going to develop some type of illness and that I was going to spend time in hospital, I just didn't know what it was going to be for.

5. I broke my arm when I was 6 years old however my parents never took me to the doctor so it reset in the wrong place. So now my arm bends the wrong way.

6. As a child I suffered from terrible nose bleeds so had to have an operation wahen I
was 12 so that it would not bleed anyore.

7. I love elephants and think they are beautiful animals. One day I would like to ride an elephant.

8. I am obsessed with the colour pink and have a terrible habit of buying things that are pink, even if I don't need them.

9. I love food ALOT! Like more then anyone else I know. Even whilst I was at my sickest, I still loved food!

10. My all time favourite book series would have to be the Tomorrow series by John Marsden. The first tbook in this series is 'Tomorrow when the war Began'.

11. The most uusual pet I have ever had was my baby pademelon wallaby. I raised him from a tiny joey and it broke my heart when I had to let him go.

12. I have never left Australia but would like to go to every continent (except perhaps antarctica) before I die.

13. I am very grateful and proud of the fact that I am Australian and think that Australia is a wonderful country to live in.

14. When I was a child I sleep walked all the time and also had night terrors. My mum would often find me somehere in the house crying in the middle of the night.

15. I love all of the disney movies and would like to collect them for my children when I have a family. My favourite would be The lion King.

16. I have never been to a proper music concert before. I am seeing taylor Swift live in December with dad and amy anad can't wait.

17. When I was a child I was terrfied of going to bed each night as I would just lay there and worry about all the things that could possibely go wrong during the night.

18. When I was a kid I did not enjoy eating fruit or vegetables, i just ate them because my parents made me. Now however I LOVE both fruit and vegetables.

19. I find it really hard to trust people and Ialso find it hard to forgive people once they have hurt me.

20. Some of my greatest fears are never meeting the right guy to fall in love with or not being able to have children. So I suppose what I am really scared of is being alone for the  rest of my life.

Feeling younger then my age

I have always been quite immature for my age and I still think I am now. When I say immature, I do not mean silly or irresponsible, as I have always been the complete opposites of these things. What I mean is just that I have generally not done what everyone else my age seemed to do and I believe that this has been due to lacking confidence in myself.

For example I never had boyfriends when I was younger like many of the other girls my age did and I did not wear make up. I didnt ever go to parties or drink alcohol or anything like that until I turned 18 and even since turning 18 I have only done this on a few rare occasions.

Since developing anorexia, I do not feel as though I have matured at all and I suppose I really havent as you mature through having life experiences and due to my anorexia, I have missed out on having these. I still feel exactly the same as I did when I was 15 or 16 and dont expect this will change until I recover and start living life the way I should be living it. In saying this however, I think I am just as strong or stronger than most people my age, because of the battle I have had to fight over the last few years.

Growing up I was always too frightened to do things like dancing at discos or having boyfriends as I was so frightened I would do something wrong and embarrass myself. If only I had of had the confidence growing up that most other people had, I would have been able to do these types of things and enjoy myself, instead of being too frightened to do anything.

Even now, the thought of having a boyfriend frightens me as I would be scared of doing something wrong and because I am so self conscious, which is exactly why I am going to wait for a wonderful and understanding guy who wont judge me or make me feel self conscious. I dont want to have a relationship with anyone who won't accept me for who I am or who will expect me to change who I am for them.

I also think that I have also been reluctant to grow up as I am holding on to the parts of my childhood, that make me feel safe. Growing up in this world can be scary at times, even more so for someone who suffers from anxiety and clinging to the things that make us feel comfortable and safe in really quite understandable if you think about it.

Does anyone else ever feel as though they have always been slightly 'immature' for their age due to their lack of confidence and also due to suffering from an eating disorder? I do not think that this is a terrible thing as lots of the things that more confident people do I would not want to do anyway, however this is just something I quite often find myself thinking about.

My 101 in 1001

I thought that this was a fantastic idea as I believe the best way to actually get things done is to write them down and set yourself a time frame to complete them in. I got the idea to do this from Izzy's blog and have decided that I will also add the list to my pages so that I can cross the things off as I do them and show you my progress.

1. Travel outside the country for the first time
2. Make a full recovery from anorexia
3. Meet Anna, a girl I started talking to through my blog who also lives in Tasmania
4. Do a fun run for a charity
5. Eat pannacotta
6. Make some new friends
7. Find myself a boyfriend
8. Reach 100 000 page views on my blog
9. Publish 1000  blog posts
10. Help someone  make a full recover from anorexia
11. Stop counting calories all together
12. Learn how to listen to my body and eat intuitively
13. Reach my bodies natural set point weight
14. Eat food from 5 different fast food Places
15. Go to the Taylor Swift concert in Melbourne with My dad and Amy
17. Drive in the city of Hobart
18. Learn to love my body the way it is supposed to naturally be
19. Raise money/awareness for eating disorders
20. Explore some more of Tasmania
21. Go on a week long camping trip
22. Eat a chicken Parmiagana meal at a pub
23. Fully complete a crossword without usng the internet to cheat
24. Develop a good relationship with my mum
25. Try to find way to show Dad and Amy how much they mean to me
26. Get a horse
28. Help my mum to get better
29. To get my hair back to being naturally curly, like it was before I got sick
30. Read 10 books
31. Get healthy and clear skin
32. Eat a delicious dessert at a restaurant without feeling guilty or anxious
33. Go to a gold class cinema
34. Go surfing
35. Sleep under the stars
36. Sleep in until after 12
37. Paint Tess's dog kennel pink
38. Climb a mountain
39. Have a ski lesson in the snow
40. Get contact lenses
41. Meet a famous person
42. Overcome my anxiety so that I do not need to take anxiety medication
43. Try Ben and Jerrys icecream
44. Eat a krispy Kreme donut
45. Find a brand new hobby
46. Eat a big slice of my nans home made christmas pudding
47. Feel comfortable in a bikini
48. Go snorkeling on a reef
49. Eat popcorn at the movies
50. Make a snowman
51. Do a huge jigsaw and frame it for my wall
52. Cook and eat every recipe that I wrote down in my 'favourite recipes' book
53. Spend some more time on our farm with my dad
54. Keep improving my blog, as I learn more and more about effective blogging
55. Send a parcel of Australian goodies to a reader in another country
56. Get more involved in my local community
57. Buy some presents and place them under the giving tree this christmas
58. Always be there for Amy throughout her teenage years for support
59. Develop a closer relationship with my brothers
60. Make more of an effort to visit the nan who I do not see very often
61. Watch 5 north Melbourne football games live with my dad
62. To actually go swimming when I take my sister to the beach/river in summer
63. Eat a cooked breakfast in a cafe
64. Eat real pizza from a Pizza restaurant
65. To comfortably have drinks with calories in them, just because I am thirsty
66. To make a christmas Gingerbread house
67. To stay out with friends so late that we watch the sun rise
68. Get fit
69. complete my traineeship at the bank (but keep working there)
70. Take Amy on a special weekend away
71. Grow my own Strawberries
72. Make homemade jam
73. Not weigh myself for 2 months
74. Go ice skating
75. Eat only unprocessed foods for 1 week straight
76. See fireworks on New Years
77. Do the mud run
78. Become an organ donor
79. Go for 1 week without watching tv
80. Stop picking at imperfections on my skin so that I stop scarring
81. To sleep on a boat/ship
82. To not feel any guilt, after being unable to exercise all day
83. To be able to accept a compliment from another person
84. Try every type of magnum icecream available
85. Eat two courses at a resaurant without feeling anxious
86. To eat less tinned/ packaged foods and to start making them myself from scratch
87. See dolphins/whales in the wild
88. Find a brand new form of exercise that I enjoy
89. Spend less time inside and more time outside (especially in summer)
90. Make it through a whole summer without getting sunburnt
91. See something that makes me believe in magic
92. Run 10 kilometers along a beach
93. Make 10 new friends in one day
94. Get a tattoo that symbolises my recovery
95. Eat pancakes with icecream for breakfast
96. Eat icecream from the tub with a good friend
97. Laugh so hard that I cry (I did this all the time once, but I havent for a long time )
98. Maintain my weight/not lose weight for 1 year
99. Do a colour run
100. Donate blood

101. To be proud of what I manage to achieve and who I am 

25 Questions about me

1. What is your middle name?: Jayne

2. What was favorite subject at school?: definitely biology, in particularly human biology. I love learning about biology and even do it sometimes, just for fun.

3. What is your favorite drink?: Maybe Up and Go's (Vanilla, Caramel and Banana are my favourites) I also like milkshakes but havent had one in ages, as I have milky Up and Go's everyday.

4. What is your favorite song at the moment?: I actually have no idea. I dont listen to ery much music. I have a Taylor Swift CD in my car but besides that I just like listening to any of the latest popular songs that are on the radio.

5. What is your favorite food?: My all time favourite food would probably have to be Creamy Vanilla LeRice, although it hasnt been at the supermarkets lately so I am worried it is no longer available in tasmania :0 I dont know what I will do if this is the case!

6. What is the last thing you bought?: The very las thinh I bought would be a new wireless keyboard for my tablet. My last one broke when I spilt a glass of water on it :(. Hopefully I dont break this one as it is very annoying trying to type on the tablet screen, especially when I am writing long blog posts.

7. Favorite book of all time?: Growing Up I loved the Silver Brumby however my all time favourite book would probaby be a Jodi Picoult book, maybe My Sisters Keeper.

8. Favorite Color?: PINK! I am totally obsessed with pink!

9. Do you have any pets?: Growing up I always had HEAPS of pets on the farm. But now I just have Tess, my Kelpie Collie cross as well as my new canary.

10. Favorite Perfume?: I dont really wear perfume. I do have the Brritney spears Fantasy perffume which is quite nice though! :) 

11. Favorite Holiday?: The roadtrip my family and I took around Australia. We travelled 10 000 kilometers in 1 month and it was a truly amazing experience.

12. Are you married?: I am not married and dont know If I will get married. I want to meet a guy who I will spend the rest of my life with but getting married isnt that important to me.

13. Have you ever been out of the country, if so how many times?: I have never left the country but am rreally excited to explore some other parts of the world in the future.

14. Do you speak any other language?: No, I have only ever spoken English. I think that Australians are generally quite lazy when it comes to learning other languages.

15. How many siblings do you have?: I have two brothers, one older than me and one younger than me. I also have a little sister. I am much closer to my sister then my brothers, but Istill love my brothers of course!

16. What is your favorite shop?: Would it be really sad if I said the supermarket? I honestly prefer grocery shopping than clothes shopping or any other type of shopping. 

17. Favorite restaurant?: The Bark Mill Tavern. This is the best place to eat out in the town that I live in. The meals consist of typical pub food but all have a nice twist to them. So  guess the meals are kind of like Pub food done really, reallyy nicely? The meal I usually get is grilled fish of the day with chips and salad. 

18. When was the last time you cried?: A couple of weeks ago I temporarily lost Tess my dog. She was only gone for an hour or so but I was terrified that something might happen to her. I was quite upset whilst I was looking for her and cried and cried when I found her, I was so happy.  

19. Favorite Blog?: I cant choose. The blog I have been following for the longest is A life without Anorexia but I follow many now that I love.

20. Favorite Movie?: My all time favourite movie would probably be My sisters Keeper. I have seen it so many times but think it is a truly beautiful movie. I also luve firest Gump and can quote most of the movie, I ave seen it so often.

21. Favorite TV shows?: I like to collect tv series and wrote this post about my favourite ones.... Other shows I love are Family Feud, My kitchen Rules and masterchef.  

22. PC or Mac?: PC. I used to be an apple girl but not anymore. I love my samsung phone and tablet!

23. What phone do you have?: I have a Samsung s5 which I really love!

24. How tall are you?: 165 cm. I always considered myself to be short but I am actually taller then the average Australian woman. I quite like my height :)

25. Can you cook?: I can cook anything as long as I have a recipe. I dont like cooking without instructions though as i just consantly worry that I am doing somehing wrong. I am also really good at cooking quick meals that are delicious but only take a few minutes. This is really good when I get home late from work and dont want to eat latte.  

Miss independent

Due to the strained relationship my mum and I have had over the years, I have grown up to be a lot more independent then my siblings which I am really happy about. I absolutely love doing things for myself and being independent, as it allows me to feel more proud of my achievements. This also means that I dont ever feel as though I owe anyone anything, as everything good in my life I have worked really hard for myself, I havent just had it handed to me by someone else.

A big part of being independent for me is being financially independent. When I went to live in Hobart so that I could go to university, I paid for everything myself. I bought my own text books, paid my rent and bought my own food. I bought both my first and second car and have paid for all of my medication, food, toiletries, phone bill and clothes for as long as I can remember.

Although I sometimes feel a bit upset that my parents (mainly my mum) have helped me out less financially then my brothers, this also makes me appreciate everything I own, as I have bought it myself with money I have worked hard for. In fact, if my parents ever offered to give me money, I would not accept it as I would rather just financially support myself.

My mum always expected more of me then my brothers. For example I was expected to do things like make my bed, while they never have been. I have also always been expected to buy my own clothes if I ever needed them, while my mum still buys colthes for my brothers now, even though they are both adults.Both of my brothers still bring their dirty clothes home to her every weekend which she washes, dries and irons for them and they still dont clean up after themselves, as mum has always just done it for them.

While I have been relatively independent for years, I have only become completely independent since moving out of home and I have absolutely thrived since then. I love doing everything for myself and knowing that I dont rely on anyone else for anything. Even tbough moving out was expensive and I do struggle financially sometimes, I am still managing relatively well and feel proud of the fact thatI am making it on my own.

I love being so independent and I honestly would never have it any other way. Something I do need to get better at is asking for help when I do need it, as I know that there is nothing wrong with doing that either. I need to try and remember that asking for help when you need it does not make you weak, it just makes you sensible.

One day I plan to raise my children exactly the same way as I have been raised. I want them to learn to be independet from a young age, so that they can look after themselves better when they get older and do not rely on others to do everything for them, all the time. I think that this type of independence also teaches a person a good sence of responsibility, which is also very important in life.

I think that being a strong and idependent person has helped me a lot in my recovery so far. An important thing to remember about recovery is that no one can make you recover, unfortunatly you need to do all of the hard work yourself. Since I am so used to doing everything myself anyway, I have taken on the responsibility of getting better, once I decided that I wanted too, really well.

Answering questions

Favourite car I have owned?

I have only owned two cars but my favourite is the one I currently own. A white Toyota Corolla. There isnt really anything special about my car but I am proud of it because I bought it myself with my own money, just like the last car ai bought. I believe you appreciate things more when you have to work hard for them yourself.

Favourite song?

This is a tricky one. It would probably be summer of 69 or a Taylor Swift song (since she is my favourite artist)

The most fun road trip I have ever taken?

In 2007 I went on a road trip 10,000 kilometers around Australia in one month. It was an amazing experience and I will never forget how much fun we had. We drove through bush, rain forest, dessert, coast, city, outback etc And it was an experience I will never forget. To give you an idea of where we drove, we visited every capital city you can see on this map exccept Perth.

My favourite gift?

Probably the gold signet ring my parents bought me for my 13th birthday. They actually bought it for me while we were on our road trip around Australia. I love my signet ring and never take it off. 

My favourite dessert I have ever eaten?

While I love hot pudding and icecream, I think that my all time favourite dessert would probably be pannacotta. I havent eaten it for years but we used to have it when I was at boarding school and it was delicious.

The prettiest natural lanscape I have ever seen?

probably while driving along the Great Ocean Road in Victoria, Australia. We saw alot of pretty towns along the coast and we also saw the 12 apostles.

Favourite icecream ever?

I have never been fussy when it comes to icecream, I love it all ;) but my top 5 icecreams would be soft serve icecream in a waffle cone, mcdonalds hot fudge sundae, marvelous creations icecream, rainbow paddle pop and mango gelato.

can you tell I love Pink? ;)

Collecting TV series

We all have our weaknesses when it comes to buying things we want but dont necessarily need. Some people buy things like shoes, clothes, books or handbags but my weakness is buying different television series on dvd. The tv series that I have collected over the years include the following;

Mcleods Daughters

Kath and Kim

Criminal minds

Lost

Heart of Dixie

Greys anatomy

Smallville

Prison break

Man vs food

Dance moms

Love child

Glee

Ghost whisperer

I know it seems like I must watch an awful lot of tv but I hardly ever watch live tv as I am not interested in many of the current series that are running. I have found that always having something I like to watch has been helpful in my recovery as I need to rest as much as possible and this means I always have something to do. Does anyone have a suggestion about which television series I should collect and watch next? What is your favourite series to watch?