Are you getting enough protein

Protein is something that I know my diet has lacked for sometime now. I have not been intentionally avoiding protein however most of the foods I eat do seem to be carbohydrate based and I feel that this may be responsible for my recent lack of energy. Now that I have started Herbalife and also started working out at the gym, I have decided I really should make more of an effort to add more high protein foods to my daily intake. 

Not only do I add protein powder to my morning nutritional shake and oats but I also have started snacking on things like natural yoghurt, boiled eggs and protein bars. I am also trying to have atleast one serve of lean protein a day with either lunch or tea as I have neglected to do this for sometime now.

You may find the following article from Ausyralian Woman's Health interesting, I know I did :) 

The Paleo Diet. Protein powder. Gourmet burgers. In case you haven't noticed, our culture has become obsessed with consuming protein—which means few of us are skimping on the stuff. "These days, most of the hot fad diets are very pro-protein." says DR Dawn Jackson Blatner, R.D., author of The Flexitarian Diet.

But despite our preoccupation with protein, some of us are still slipping through the cracks—namely vegetarians or people who tend to under-eat, says Blatner. Problem is, it can be tricky to identify what's considered "not enough" since the recommended intake of protein is a broad range, rather than one hard number.

Afraid you're short-changing your system? Forget crunching numbers—just look for these signs that your body is begging for protein:

You Crave Sweets

One of the first signs you're low on protein: You start craving sweets and feel like you're never quite full, says Blatner. You'd think a protein shortage would trigger an urge for steak and eggs, right? But one of protein's most critical functions is keeping your blood sugar steady—which means if you're lacking, your glucose levels will be all over the place, encouraging you to reach for a quick fix like lollies. "If all you ate in the morning was a handful of cereal, you're going to get energy right away, then your energy is going to wane," she says. "That up-and-down is where cravings come in."

Your Brain Feels Foggy

Balanced blood sugar is essential for staying focused. So when you're protein-deprived and your glucose levels are fluctuating constantly, Blatner says you may feel a little foggy—like you can't quite get with the program at work, for example. Why? Because you don't have a steady stream of carbs to fuel your brain. Protein at meals helps time-release the carbs for steady energy rather than up and down spikes. If you're relying only on "fleeting foods," such as crackers or bread, you'll only experience short bursts of mental energy, followed by the fog. 

Your Hair is Falling Out 

Protein is the building block of all of your cells—your hair follicles included. "If your hair follicles are strong, they keep your hair on your head, despite the tugging we do all day and the wind going through your hair," says Blatner. But if you're chronically skimping on the scalp-stabilising nutrient, you may notice that your strands start thinning (although, keep in mind, this can also be a sign of other conditions, like thyroid trouble).

You Feel Weak

We all know that protein is essential for building muscle. And if you don't get enough of it, your muscles may start to shrink over time, says Blatner. As a result, you may feel weak and unable to do the exercises you once excelled at.

You Get Sick Constantly

Your biceps aren't the only thing that protein reinforces. "Protein is needed to build all the compounds in our immune systems," says Blatner. So if you seem to catch colds or infections more often than everyone else—and you're otherwise in good health—a protein deficiency may be to blame. Another sign: You constantly get hangnails. "Our skin is a huge immune organ because it protects us from the environment," says Blatner. If your skin isn't strong due to a shortage of protein, you may start to notice cracks and tears (like hang nails), potentially exposing you to pathogens and leading to infections.

Herbalife

Ever since starting my recovery I have really started to learn the importance of looking after your body. While I have done a much better job of this over the past 12 months then I had previously, I have decided that I would like to take that a step further and really start to nourish my body. I am hoping that this will improve my energy levels and get my body functioning optimally so that I can feel happier and healthier.

I have decided to start a Herbalife program which I hope will help me to feel more energetic and which I also hope will help me to fuel my body. Its by no means a weightloss program, but instead a wellness program which I may transition into a muscle building program if I decide to in the future. If you would like to find out more about Herbalife, follow this link. I have decided to start off with a protein plus starter pack as well as a herbal peach tea which is really supposed to help with your energy levels.

I have also joined a gym which I hope will allow me to grow fitter and stronger whilst taking the herbalife products and of course eating lots of good foods too. I am defintely not planning on taking the herbalife products instead of eating, I just plan to incorporate them into my diet. For example I might have a tea with my breakfast, and a shake with my lunch and add the protein powder to things I already eat ie. My morning oats or other snacks.

I have made my consultant aware of my history of anorexia and she is really excited for me as she believes Herbalife will really help me. She too was once really underweight and Herbalife has really helped her to transform her body and life. She asked me to write 20 goals and also do some before shots so that we can use them to see any progress I make. Here they are :)

1. Increase my confidence

2. Learn to eat more intuitively 

3. Cut back on sugary processed foods 

4. give my body the nutritious food it deserves

5. Get stronger

6. Gain some weight (in the form of muscle)

7. Become more energized 

8. Tone my muscles

9. Get fitter

10. Do a fun run for charity

11. Have a well balanced life 

12. Develop a healthier relationship with food

13. Stop counting calories

14. Learn to listen to my body

15. let myself rest when I need to

16. Develop a more positive body image

17. Prove to other sufferers that full recovery from anorexia is possible 

18. Increase my positivity and enthusiasm 

19. Run 10 kilometers

20. Visit the gym regularly  (atleast 3-5 times a week)

Loving life

Finally, it feels as though everything has fallen into place in my life. I am getting along better with all of my family then I have for as long as I can remember and I have heaps of great friends too, for the first time in years. When I got sick, I pushed so many important people away and it really only has been through my recovery that I have managed to mend those relationships. I have also formed many brand new friendships, that have helped to make my life seem more complete too.

Of course, I cant deny the fact that most of my current happiness is due to my incredible boyfriend. Words really can't explain just how important my boyfriend is to me. Even though we have only been seeing each other for 6 months, I really do feel as though he is my everything and I can't imagine ever not having him by my side. He is so supportive, loving and kind and I still cant believe just how lucky I am to have him in my life. Every moment we aren't together I miss him and every moment we are together I truly treasure.

I start uni in a months time which I am really looking forward to. I will be studying a bachelor of Health Science and cant wait to start studying the biology based subjects that I am so passionate about again. I have finally found a part time job too, which is a huge relief. I am getting along really well with the people I live with and I am adjusting to living in the city again well. Last time I lived in the city to attend uni I was completely miserable, but now that I am so much better I really like it and have no desire to head back home.

After being in such a bad place for so many years, I feel so thankful for how good things are now and try to remember not to ever take my happiness for granted. In saying this, I know that I have worked incredibely hard for my current hapiness, I didn't just get this happy by chance or luck. I Had to fight my illness and make myself miserable, in order to eventually find true happiness. I am proud of myself for fighting so hard for recovery and see my happiness now as a reward for all the hard work I have put into my recovery over the last 12 months.

I believe that if you want to be happy and enjoy life, then you can do it, but you will have to work for it too. Also, remember that in order to make yourself happy in the long run, you will have to make your self unhappy in the short term by confronting your eating disorder and fighting your fears. Recovery is very painful, but always try to remember just how great life will be if you keep pushing through the pain and keep fighting. So please, as long as you dont give up hope and keep fighting,  you too could be loving your life sometime soon!

Believe you can recover and you will

I think something very important to always remember is that recovery is possible for everyone, you just have to believe it is possible and believe that you can do it. Although it may not  seem like it sometimes, no one is ever to sick to recover. I realise that this may not seem all that convincing, coming from someone who battled anorexia for less then 5 years before recovering.  however there are hundreds of successful recovery stories of people who have battled for more then 20 or 30 years. So please remember that you can recover, no matter how sick you are and no matter how long you have been battling.

If you dont believe you can do it, you wont be able to find the strength to fight your anorexia, each time you need to do so throughout the recovery process. This means that you will just give into whatever your anorexia tells you and you will fail to make any recovery progress. Afterall in order to recover you need to consistently and continuously be stronger then your anorexia until it loses all the power it once had in your life!

My weekend so far

This really has been a good weekend away. We got away at abot 11 o'clock and started the drive to Launceston, quickly calling in to see my family on the way. We stopped at Campbelltown to get some fuel and we also got some lunch at Subway. Although I used to eat subway a little, even when I was sick, this was the first time I have had it with yummy filling as I always just used to get boring low calorie salads. This time I had a chicken schnitzel sub with cheese and salad and I really enjoyed it.

We arrived in Launceston just before 2 o'clock which worked out well as this meant we could check straight in to our hotel. I was nervous about driving in Launcmeston, especially since I had my cousin with me but we found the hotel really easily. After checking in we went into the mall to do some shopping. We both found some nice clothes and had a good time exploring Launceston. We got frozen yoghurt which was AMAZING. I tried the nutella, mango and berry flavours and added lots of fresh fruit on top. I wasnt quite sure how nutella frozen yoghurt would taste but it was my favourite flavour!

We came back to our hotel room where we got ready while lostening to music. Then we walked to the Seaport which is where we were booked in to have tea. After trying to decide on what to have, I finally ordered potato gnocci with and My cousin had the fish and chips. I was so pleased with the choice I made as I really enjoyed it and ate it all. We then headed to the Lee Kernaghan concert where we bought some Lee merchandise before going inside. I got a tanktop as well as a new cd as my last cd got stuck in my cd player when I had my car accident so I lost it.

The show was brilliant with some old songs we could sing along to as well as some excellent new ones. The second half of the show was dedicated to the Anzacs so all of the songs represented stories of different soldiers who have fought throughout history to make Australia the wonderful country it is today. It really was a moving experience hearing the stories of our anzacs and Lee Kernaghan did an excellent job. When the show finished, we walked back to the hotel where we stayed up and  chatted for a while before going to bed.

Right now it is 7:15 am and I am just waiting for my cousin to get up so that we can go down stairs and get breakfast. I dont know what I will have but I am thinking maybe poached eggs on toast. We dont really have any big plans for the rest of the day. We will probably just do a little more shopping before we head back home sometime this morning. I am kind of dreadinggoing back to work tomorrow and out of the next 20 days I am only  going to  have 2 days off as I have to work the next two weekends. I know I just need to keep looking forward to my cruise and thinking about the extra money I can save and I will get through it.

I hope everyone is having a fantastic weekend. Take this chance to step outside your comfort zone and do something fun. Even if this  may cause you a little anxiety, just remember that it will soon pass however the wonderful memories you make will last a lifetime. :)

Eventually, you will enjoy food again

When I was in hospital 3 years ago, I couldn't ever imagine a time when I would ever actually want to eat or a time that I would enjoy food again. When I was being force fed by the staff in hospital, I hated every bit of food I put in my mouth and saw food as the enemy. I wanted to write this post to let everyone who may be feeling this way know that food does not necessarily have to feel like the enemy forever and it is possible that you will be able to enjoy food again one day.

Of course eating in recovery can be scary at times and will most likely make you feel nervous or upset however I promise it does get easier as time goes on and as you get stronger. In fact looking back I can honestly say that I loved eating recovery amounts of food after a while and I also really enjoyed all of the types of foods that I ate in recovery. While it was hard to begin with, eventually I loved eating a chocolate bar every single day and having cake and pudding every single day too.

If it was healthy to do so, I would love to continue eating recovery amounts of food and the same types of food that I ate whilst I was gaining weight for the rest of my life. The fact of the matter is though,  that I know it is not healthy for ME to continue eating exactly the same as I did when I was trying to gain weight. While I still enjoy things like chocolate, pudding and cake sometimes, I know that it is not healthy for me to continue eating the same amount as I used to eat.

The only way you will start enjoying food again is if you overcome the fear and anxiety you may currently be experiencing, everytime you eat. Unfortunately the only way you can do this is if you push through those distressing feelings and continue to eat what you know in your heart is the best thing for your recovery. You need to stop listening to your anorexia and eventually the voice of your anorexia will be quiet enough so that you can enjoy eating again, without being screamed at by your anorexia.

It feels so good to be able to truly smile and just enjoy the taste of something delicious whilst you are eating it, especially when you may have believed in the past that enjoying food again one day would be impossible. Please stick to your recovery and you WILL enjoy food again one day, just like I eventually started to do. You just have to be patient and push through the hard times, so that you can get to the good times.

My eating disorder at the moment

I have mentioned in various posts over the last few weeks about my current recovery plans but I thought it would be a good idea just to write a master post about exactly where I am at in regards to my anorexia and my recovery. After reaching a healthy weight I decided to reduce my intake from 3200 calories to 2500. I did not do this over a single day but instead I did it quite gradually, over a week or so.

I did not only reduce my intake because I had exceeded the goal weight my doctor had set me, but also because I felt as though I really didnt need all of the food I was eating anymore. I knew that I was eating far more then my body actually needed which led to me losing my appetite and becoming completely uninterested in food which is quite unusual for me.

My body shape had returned to what it was prior to me developing anorexia and I was still relatively comfortable (as comfortable as someone with anorexia could be) with my body. Since I was still reasonabely comfortable with how I looked and I was a healthy weight, I did not want to gain too much more weight as I knew that this would only make accepting myself even more diffcult and this could lead to me relapsing.

Since reducing my intake and also increasing my exercise a little, I have mangaged to maintain my weight which is what I was aiming to do. I am confident that I made the right choice to decrease my intake as I am still feeling great. I am full of energy and have a healtthy appetite once again. I have also noticed that my sensitivity to the cold has not returned which makes mre think that I am still eating enough.

You must rememeber that everyone is different and that each individual requires different amounts of food, depending upon who they are and where they are at in their recoveries. For example even though some people consider 2500 calories to be a recovery intake, for me this is a maintenence intake. Some people may consider this to be quite a high maintenence intake however I feel as though it is exactly what my body needs in order to function efficiently.

Now that I have got my body to a relatively healthy state, I know that it is minly just my mental health that I need to keep working on. While my anorexia is still there and still causes me daily anxiety, I can honestly say that it is getting better everyday. every day is a little bit easier and I can also feel myself getting stronger.  Even though I still get anorexic thoughts, I find it much easier to ignore them now.

I find that I can think so much more rationally now and I suppose that this is because my brain is getting physcally healthier as well as mentally. And while I still get self consious sometimes, it is nowhere near as bad as it was before I developed anorexia. I am much more accepting of my body and also appreciate my body more now, for all of the wonderful things it does for me.

Once I have maintained my weight for a while, the next step for me will be to start trying to eat intuitively. This is something that I am incredibely nervous about as I am worried that I  may eat either too much or too little. Learning to listen to your body after ignoring it for so long is a huge challege but I desperately want to stop counting calories for good, so it is a challenge I am willing to face. Like all of the other challenges I have faced so far in my recovery, I am determined to do whatever it takes in order to overcome it.

I hope that everyone else is doing well in their own recoveries and making progress. Remember that recovery is painful but the only way you will make progress is if you fight through the pain and anxiety. One day it will all be worth it, I promise! <3 xx  

   

Getting restless in recovery

An unfortunate truth is that recovery from anorexia, or perhaps any eating disorder is a very long process. On average I read somewhere that it takes 7 years for a person to recover from anorexia from the time they were first diagnosed. Of course this may be shorter or longer, depending on the individual but 7 years really is a long time. I wish it didn't take years to recover from anorexia, but unfortunately this is just the way it is.

To be perfectly honest, sometimes I feel completely fed up with recovery. Fighting day after day is so tiring and montonous and I so wish it could just all be over. Sometimes, when I can feel and see myself making progress, all of my hard work seems worth it but othertimes, I can go months at a time without seeing any progress at all. When this happens I start to feel as though all my hard work is for nothing and I start to wonder whether I am ever going to make a full recovery.

I know that I really shouldn't complain, as it has only been 3 years since I was diagnosed with anorexia and so many other people struggle for so much longer. When I think about the torture I have been through over the last 3 years, it really makes me think about how strong all of the people are who have been battling for so much longer. I suppose it just goes to show that you really do need to keep choosing recovery, over and over again and not just once.

I guess it makes sense really, that recovery takes so long. After all you neeed to try and change your thought processes and beliefs which is not an easy thing to do. Imagine telling a person who whole heartedly believes in god and has done for some time that they should not believe in god anymore. That person could not just suddenly stop believing in god, their belief in god is a part of them. Even if the person tried to stop believing, deep down they would still think about god and believe. You cant just turn thoughts like these off and anorexic thoughts are exactly the same.

Or if someone told me tomorrow that I wasn't allowed to love my dad anymore, I couldn't just stop loving him. I think that changing your thought processes in regards to food exercise and weight is so much like this. When I first went to hospital after being diagnosed with anorexia, it was already too late. It only took 12 months or so for me to develop these dangerous and anorexic beliefs and thought processes but they really were a part of me. Just because the doctors told me that my anorexia was wrong and a liar did not mean I could instantly stop those thoughts from happening.

I also couldn't change what I honestly believed was true, that I was fat, ugly, unlovable and worthless. It is only now, three years later that I have truly started to believe that these things are not true. I still have a hard time thinking good things about myself but now I truly believe that being me is the most important thing and that there is nothing wrong with just being myself.

Something I do know for sure is that in order to make a full recovery, I need to keep fighting my anorexic thoughts, no matter what. The thing that you need to realise is that through giving into your anorexia, whether it be through cheating your meal plan, walking an extra kilometre or not putting butter on your bread, you are reinforcing your anorexic thoughts and unhealtthy thought processes. The only way you can recover is if you replace your unhealthy thought processes witth healthier ones and this will not happen if you are still reinforcing your old unhealthy ones.

Sometimes, the fact that recovery is taking so long really does get me down. Like today, I really just want to stop thinking about eating enough, maintaining my weight or finding my natural set point and not over exercising but the fact is, I cant. I dont want to hear my anorexic voice anymore. That voice has haunted me for three years, making me feel fat and worthless and I really just want it to go away but the frustrating thing is, I cant. As much as I would like to, I cant make that happpen instantaneously, but I can make it happen eventually by continuing to push forward and fight.

Yes I am tired and frustrated but I have come way to far to quit now. If I quit now I will be stuck thinking about those things and hearing that spiteful voice for the rest of my life and I honestly can not even bare the thoughht of that. We always need to remember that while recovery may seem hard at times, even impossible, not recovering is even harder. Atleast through recovery we are eventually rewarded with hapiness and a wonderful life, two thing we can never have whilst we remain sick.

So no matter how fed up you are feeling right now, with your illness or your recovery, remember you have to keep fighting. You really have no choice but to fight as if you do not win this battle, your anorexia will and eventually that can only mean one thing. No one deserves to live a life with anorexia or even worse, die from this illness. Dont let your aorexia win. Who knows how long it will take but you just need to remeber that you can do it. Have faith, keep believing and keep fighting and you WILL get there.

Understanding Recovery

Recovery is different for everyone

Recovery from an eating disorder involves overcoming physical, mental and emotional barriers in order to restore normal eating habits, thoughts and behaviours. It is important to acknowledge that recovery is different for everyone.

For many people, recovery from an eating disorder signifies an end to eating disorder attitudes and behaviours and the development of a healthier physical and psychological state of being. This can include returning to social activities, discovering a sense of purpose and integrating back into daily life.

There is no set time for recovery and it is not uncommon for the process to slow down, come to a halt completely or encounter relapses. The pace of each person’s recovery will depend on the Person-Centred treatments and the support they receive.

While this may seem frustrating, it can help to remember that with recovery as the ultimate goal, even the setbacks can be a valuable part of the journey. With the appropriate treatment and a high level of personal commitment, recovery from an eating disorder is achievable.

Evidence also shows that the sooner you start treatment for an eating disorder, the shorter the recovery process will be.

Tips to support a healthy recovery

Focusing on the process of recovery may be a helpful technique to employ, since the end goal of recovery can often seem stressful or unattainable. Many people who have recovered from eating disorders have identified the following themes, which have helped them manage and learn from the recovery process:

• Support – Feeling supported by those around you will help your treatment and recovery. A circle of support will also decrease the isolation often experienced by people with eating disorders
• Hope and motivation – Having a strong sense of hope coupled with the motivation to change eating disorder behaviours is the foundation of recovery
• Healthy self-esteem – Remembering that you are worthwhile will remind you that recovery is worthwhile too
• Understanding and expressing your emotions – It is normal for a person with an eating disorder to feel a range of emotions and it is helpful to acknowledge and express feelings
• Acknowledging set-backs – With the focus on recovery, even taking a step backwards can still be making progress
• Coping strategies – Developing a list of coping strategies that calm you down and help you regulate your emotions can help you during stressful or triggering situations
• Engaging in activities and interests – Revisiting the things you enjoyed before the development of your eating disorder will build self-esteem and reconnect you with the world around you. For example, if you used to enjoy drawing, taking a pencil and pad to your favourite place can be a helpful and enjoyable experience

To find help in your local area search for support organisations  or for more information on recovery contact the ED HOPE support line.

Source: http://www.nedc.com.au/recovery

A new phase of my recovery

Over the last few days, I have decided that it is now time for me to cut back my intake back a little. The reason I have decided to cut my intake back is not because Iam giving into my anorexia, but instead because I can see that I do not necessarily need to gain a lot more weight. I am still eating recovery amounts of food as I feel as though cutting back too fast would not be a sensible idea for me, so instead I think I will slowly cut my intake down until I stop gaining weight.

Firstly, I want to say that just because I have reached the stage in my recovery where it is ok for me to cut my intake back a little does not mean that it is ok for you to do the same if you are still underweight. I actually had second thoughts about letting you, as my readers know that I am starting to eat a little less as I can understand how triggering this may be. However I really felt as though I needed to tell you everything as I would not want to feel as though I wasn't being completely truthful on my blog.

There are various reasons why I decided to start eating less. Firstly, I am now a healthy weight and have actually exceeded the goal weight my doctor set for me by almost a kilogram. My bones also no longer stick out unnaturally and my figure is very similar to what it was like before I got anorexia. Another reason why I decided to cut down on my intake is because I really was starting to feel as though the amount I was eating was excessive, as it was atleast 3200 calories each day.

To be perfectly honest, I actually dont hate my body the way it currently is which is another reason why I dont want to gain too much more weight if I am already healthy. I really was worried that if I gained too much weight then I would become really unhappy with my appearance again and start wanting and trying to lose weight. So instead, I hope now to be able to maintain my weight at around the weight I currently am as I am able to accept my body at this weight.

In saying this, I still firmly believe that reaching my natural set point weight is incredibely important but I really do think that if I have not yet reached my natural set point weight then I am really close. And if I still do have a kilogram or two more to gain, then I will gain it eventually anyway when I start eating intuitively in the future if not before. So my recovery plan for the next few months is to stabilise my weight and maintain it ofr a few months. Once I am feeling strong enough, I then want to start making the transition to intuitive eating from following my meal plan.

I have really enjoyed not having to limit my exercise but still ensure that I am always exercising for the right reasons and stop myself from exercising whenever it is not necessary or I dont feel like it. For example if Nan ever walks Tess for me, I always make sure I rest instead of taking Tess for a walk so that I can face any fears I have about not exercing as much.

I know that just because I am weight restored does not mean that I am recovered from anorexia, in fact I KNOW that I am still suffering from my eating disorder and still need to continue working on my mental recovery. Every day I manage to fight my anorexic thoughts and feelings I feel my mind getting stronger and feel myself geting closer to being recovered. So to make sure I make a full recovery, I know that I just need to keep fighting the way that I currently am and to continue challenging myself.

I really do feel as though I am doing what is right for me and my recovery and suggest that everyone else coninues to do the same as well. Afterall, your recovery is an incredibely individual thing that you need to base around your own needs. So if you are still underweight or still have more weight to gain before you reach your goal weight, keep fighting and you WILL get there. Please, If anyone has any questions about what I have decided to do, feel free to leave a comment below. :)

 

Committing to Recovery

I spent years of my life coming up with lots of reasons why I couldn't or shouldn't recover. I knew that I didn't want to be sick anymore, but I wasn't ready to try and get well either. I felt like recovering was simply too hard so I spent my time trying to blame other people or things for my anorexia. When I failed to make any true progress in my recovery, I would blame the problems I was having with my mum or something  else that was going on in my life but I can see now that I was wrong to do this.

It was only once I realised that I was the thing stopping myself from recovering and that I was the one who had to change in order for me to recover that I actually committed to my recovery and started to make some progress. Sometimes life is hard and unfair but you really need to fight anyway no matter what. Fighting your anorexia is about so much more then just fighting your thoughts, it is about fighting for your life.

Unfortunately no one can recover for you. No one else can take the pain that recovery involves for you. You are the one who needs to fight and push thhrough the pain. Even though it was not your fault that you developed anorexia, it is your responsibility to take hold of your life and recover from it. So as hard as it may be, try to stop blaming the people around you for not being able to get better and stop waiting for things to get better on their own, because that wont happen.

In order to recover you need to fully committ to your recovery and not let anyone or anything stand in your way. Be strong and keep fighting, you just need to believe in yourselves the way that I believe in you all <3

Another day closer to being recovered

After another positive and enjyable day today, I really do feel as though I am getting closer and closer to being recovered. I weighed myself this morning, just to make sure that I have not lost weight and I havent. It really is exciting for me to have a non-underweight bmi and once more to actually be relatively happy with my body at this new weight. I never thought I would say this and I do have occasional moments hen I feel self conscious about my new body but I actually think I like my body more now then I did when I was thinner.

Since I am now a healthy weight, I have decided to cut back my daily intake sliightly to 3000 calories as I calculated my current intake and it is actually over 3200 calories which does feel a litttle excessive to me now, considering I am now a healthy weight. I still think that 3000 calories is a good recovery intake for me unill I actually feel as though I am completely recovered. I am still not certain that I have reached my natral set point weight but I should still reach that while eating 3000 calories if I haven't already.

I worked at the supermarket today and had a reasonably good day, although t was quite long working fom 8:30 until 5:45 and then I had to go straight to yoga. I really enjoyed yoga again and Ithink I will try and get myself  a yoga mat so that I can do some yoga at home as well. I find yoga is a fantastic activity for me to do as it is helping me to build strength up again after losing a lot of my muscle during my anorexia and the mindfulness really helps me also.

I also got an invite to my cousins 21st birthday and as soon as I got it I was extremely excited. Although this does not seem like anything special, for me it is as I have not wanted to go to anything like this for years. In fact, any parties I have been invited to in the past I have not gone to or absolutely dreaded. Now that I am getting better I really do want to get out and socialise more so I really am looking forward to what will hopefully be a great night. I feel like I have already missed out on many years of just having fun so I really want to start enjoying myself now!

I hope that everyone else is getting closer to recovering also. Remember if you are not actively fighting your anorexia, you wont make progress. Nothing changes if nothing changes and as long as you believe you can, you will! <3

No more Wednesday weigh-ins

This is the first Wenesday morning in a long time that I havent bothered to weigh myself and it feels fantastic. I know that I am not going to spend the day worrying about how much weight I have gained or wondering why I have failed to gain weight for this week. Instead, I can just spend the day feling happy and healthy. I think I have reached the stage in my recovery where I no longer need to worry so much about gaining a set amount of weight each week.

I know that I have not yet reached my set natural set point weight yet but if I continue to eat my recovery amounts, I know that this will eventually happen. I know that my bmi is no longer dangerously low and this relieves some of the pressure to gain weight at a specific rate. Now I feel as tthough it is just ok to let my body sort everything out itself. Afterall, bodies are extremely complex things and I really am starting to trust my body to look after me. I know that my body is much smarter then I am and can look after itsef without me taking charge, as long as I provide it with the energy it needs.

Look at babies and small children. They do not need to consciously look after their bodies, their bodies just do everything for them. I know that in order to recover I need to let go of the control I have taken over my body and I believe that this is the first sttep in doing that. So I do not plan to closely track my weight anymore. I will let my gp weigh me if I go and see her and I may weigh myself spontaneously occasionally, to make sure that I haven't lost weight but other then that I just want to let my body sort its self out.

I am feeling really positive about this change and want to thank Laura for reminding me that it is not always necessary to focus so much on numbers and to have strict recovery plans while fighting your eating disorder. I know that I am eating enough in order to recover and since I am feeling so strong and healthy, I dont really care if it takes two weeks or two months for me to reach my natural set point weight. I trust that my body will get me there in its own time.

Important reminders

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Food is our medicine

I know I have talked about this on my blog before but I think that it is an incredibely important message to get out there as realilsing it really is esseential to recovery, so I am going to talk about it again. In the years I spent losing weight and also mantaining my weight, people tried to tell me that food was my medicine and that through eating, would come recovery but I didn't believe them. I could not see how eating food would change the way I felt towards my weight and food and I was convinced that I would never be able too eat proper recovery amounts.

I just couldn't see how gaining weight would make any difference to what was going on inside my head and gaining weght just seemed far to difficult.  The best decision I ever made was when I committed fully to my recovery and decided to give eating real recovery amounts a go. Since then I have been able to develop a whole new attitude towards recovery.

Through giving my body the energy it needs through food, my mind has started to repair which means that I can think a lot more clearly and can fight my anorexia much more successfully. Now I have the ability to think for rationally and clearly and I know that this is only because my brain is repairing.

I know how scary the prospect of increasing your intake to a proper recoevry amount may seem, but unfortunateely the only way you can overcome this fear is by doing it. Try not to think about the weight gain or any of the other things that eating more may bring. Just think about the fact that food is your medicine and that you WILL NOT be able to successfully recover unless you increases your intake to proper recovery amounts.

Please trust me when I say that the weight gain really does get easier as it continues as your mind is also getting better from the extra food and you can therefore handle it more than you would have otherwise. Some people regain their weight while eating lower amounts (i.e. 2000 calories) and I honestly think that the weight gan would be a lot harder for them, as their minds are not repairing at the same time so their anorexic thoughts are still as strong as ever.

Through repairing your mind with food, you are able to better accept your body and learn to accept it the way it is supposed to be. Ihave gained 10 kg throughout my recovery so far and I can honestly say that I like my body just as much now as I did when I was 10kg lighter. I think that this is because as my mind repairs (due to eating the extra food) my body dismorphia has also improved so I am starting to see my body more accutrately.

Also whenever I do feel self conscious about my body, the non anorexic part of my mind is strong enough to tell me that there is nothing wrong wrong with my body and that they are only anorexic thoughts I was having. Eating recovery amounts does not only let your mind repair but the rest of your body too.

Your heart and other organs are all damaged whilst you are starving yourself and the only way they can repair themselves is if they have the energy neccessary to do so. The body truly is a wonderful thing if you think about it. The way that it is able to undo a lot of the damage we have done to it is truly remarkable so I think the least we can do is provide our bodies with the energy they need in order to do this.

The Food Intake Guidelines

Here are the guidelines for when 2500 calories applies as a minimum daily intake for recovery:

1. You are a 25+ year old female between 5’0” and 5’8” (152.4 to 173 cm) and,
2. The regular menstrual cycle has stopped and/or,
3. You have other symptoms of starvation: feeling the cold, fatigued, foggy headed, hair loss, brittle nails, dull skin and/or,
4. Even if you were only underweight/dieted for a very short space of time (a few months) these guidelines apply. And remember “underweight” is relative to your body’s optimal weight and is not a clinical measurement.

Here are the guidelines for when 3000 calories applies as a minimum daily intake for recovery:

1. You are an under 25 year old female between 5’0” and 5’8” (152.4 to 173 cm) or an over 25 year old male between 5’4” and 6’0” (162.5 and 183 cm) and,
2. The regular menstrual cycle has stopped and/or,
3. You have other symptoms of starvation: feeling the cold, fatigued, foggy headed, hair loss, brittle nails, dull skin and/or,
4. Even if you were only underweight/dieted for a very short space of time (a few months) these guidelines apply. And remember “underweight” is relative to your body’s optimal weight and is not a clinical measurement.

Here are the guidelines for when 3500 calories applies as a minimum daily intake for recovery:

1. You are an under 25 year old male between 5’4” and 6’0” (162.5 and 183 cm) or female with young children or an equivalent and unavoidable level of activity.
2. The regular menstrual cycle has stopped and/or,
3. You have other symptoms of starvation: feeling the cold, fatigued, foggy headed, hair loss, brittle nails, dull skin and/or,
4. Even if you were only underweight/dieted for a very short space of time (a few months) these guidelines apply. And remember “underweight” is relative to your body’s optimal weight and is not a clinical measurement.

If you are taller than the guidelines listed above, then add 200 calories to the guidelines that match your age and sex. If you are shorter than the guidelines listed above, then you may eat 200 calories less than what is suggested for your age and sex, however these are all minimum guidelines and everyone is expected to eat well above them for a good portion of the recovery process in any case. Please see this this blog post for more details: Extreme Hunger I: What Is It?

*REMEMBER THESE ARE MINIMUM GUIDELINES, YOU MAY NEED TO EAT MORE IF YOU STILL FAIL TO GAIN WEIGHT EATING THESE AMOUNTS!

 

Gaining water weight

It is incredibely important that people who are in the early stages of recovery realise that any rapid weight gain is primarily due to water weight (edema) and is not true weight gain. Edema is an anorexics worst nightmare, especially early on in recovery as for an anorexic at thi time weight gain is the scariest thing in the world. So many anorexics become terrified by the rapid 'weight gain' and therefore either start restricting again or fail to increase ther intake to a proper recovery amount. 

Please try your hardest to push through the anxiety and fear associated with water retention and continue on your recovery journeys as otherwise you will be creating many future problems for yourself. Even if you manage to regain weight on a lower calorie intake, your metabolism will not repair and neither will the rest of your body. You may think that you are some kind of exception and that you do not need to eat as much but you honestly do, in order to make a successful recovery. 

I know how scary it can seem when your body swells and you gain weight at an incredbely fast rate but you just need to keep reminding yourself that it is not real body weight. And that the edema will pass and your weight gain will eventually slow down. In order to make a full recovery, weight gain really is necessary but atleast after the edema subsides, this weight gain will happen at a more barable weight. 

I found the following information on the your eatopia site and thought it may be helpful to those struggling with rapid weight gain due to edema at the moment.

'Water retention. Massive water retention. Water retention that hurts. Water retention that aches. Water retention that makes you look pregnant. Water retention that looks like it might be real weight. Water retention that adds 16 lbs. or more on the scale after only 2-3 days of eating recovery guideline amounts of food. Water retention that scares you. Water retention that sends you scurrying back into full-blown relapse.'

Why Does Edema Happen in Recovery?

When you twist your ankle badly it swells up and it hurts. These are symptoms of healing. The swelling is water retention and the pain is the reaction of the tissues to that swelling that signals you to stay off the ankle and rest.

The water retention in recovery is fluid being retained in areas where a whole mess of damage is being cleaned up and removed by all those fabulous cells dedicated to the task. The fluid actually speeds up the process because things travel faster in and out that way.

Think of it as your own personal City of Venice and all the damaged, overworked, cells that have been on shift for months (because restriction means no back-up cells are available to takeover) are now hopping on the gondola and heading out for retirement (finally).

And the sore is the body's way of trying to keep you immobile—it’s a bit harder for the gondolas to do their job if you either flush all the water away with diuretics or you decide to ignore the pain and slosh everything all over the place instead.

Sore is the signal to rest.

That swelling is a badge of healing honor.

You do not want to try to make the water retention go away because with it will go the healing process as well.

Tips To Manage Edema

The first thing to accept is that the body needs you to rest. You have to chill. Relax.

Ideally spend most of your time sitting with your feet up, lounging or lying down.

Eat a lot. Snack constantly. The more energy you provide, the faster those gondolas move nutrients into the area for repairs and damaged cells away from the area as well.

Put nothing on that doesn’t have elastic and lycra. Stretchy and floaty clothes are your best friends.

Don’t use diuretics. Ever. If the swelling is very painful and you still have things you have to do, then (with a doctor’s o.k.) consider compression socks, hose and garments to ease the pain while still allowing the healing to continue.

Nap and sleep as much as you possibly can.

Donate your clothes. Never try on clothes that once fit you. There are several really good reasons for that. First of all, if they fit then you are not recovering. Secondly, if they don’t fit you will get upset despite the fact that it is a clear indicator you are recovering. Thirdly, only weighing yourself or measuring your dimensions is worse than trying on old clothes when it comes to handing a relapse on a silver platter to the eating disorder.

Remember how I mentioned that you to get rid of the scales and the tape measure? Well, it’s worth repeating. Do not weigh yourself or measure yourself. If you are being supported through recovery with a treatment team, then make it very clear you want blind weigh-ins—that means that you do not face the scales and only your treatment team is aware of exact progress.

Use this time to journal. Investigate all the aspects of yourself that have gone by the wayside, or perhaps never even had a chance to flourish.

Have regular massage therapy sessions as they are especially useful for easing some of the edema-related pain while not interfering with the healing progression. Furthermore, massage therapy is clinically proven to help those with restrictive eating disorders have less anxiety about body image, weight gain and food intake and less desire to practice restrictive behaviors when the anxiety strikes as well.

If you do experience mini-relapses throughout recovery, and almost everyone does, then be prepared for a few rebound days of water retention—obviously restriction causes damage and the body has to fix it. But you will return to where you were in your recovery process within a few days of getting back onto your recommended food intake guidelines*.

The edema will end. The water, bloating and swelling will all dissipate. Of course it won’t mark the end of the recovery process, but it does mark the end of Phase One.  

*Minimum Recommended Intake Guidelines for Recovery:

a) Females under the age of 25: 3000 calories and sedentary.

b) Females 5’0”-5’8” over the age of 25: 2500 calories and sedentary.

c) Males under the age of 25: 3500 calories and sedentary.

d) Males over the age of 25: 3000 calories and sedentary.

e) Females over 5’8” over age 25: 2700 calories; under age 25: 3200 calories.

f) Females over age 25 and under 5’0” as well as post-menopausal women can lower the minimum intake to 2300, but more is always better.

Realising that skinny doesnt equal happiness

Thinking back, I can see that my breakthrough moment was the moment I realised that being skinny did not make me happy. While my anorexia was developing, I was convinced that all I needed to do to make myself happy was to lose weight and be skinny. The more awful I felt, the more I would listen to my anorexia. My anorexia promised me that I would feel so much better if I listened to it and did exactly what is told me to do, so that is wat I did.

Before I got sick, I was very unhappy with many different aspects of my life and I felt as though I had no control over any of these things. I didn't feel like I could fix these things that were wrong with my life but I didn't want to keep feeling the way I was either. So I tried to find a way to make myself feel better, which is where my anorexia began. As I lost weight but still did not feel any better, I just kept thinking that I neeed to lose more and more weight, in order to find the hapiness I was so desperately wanting to feel.

After being severely underweight for 18 months or so, I realised that losing weight had not solved any of my problems, in fact it had made most of them worse. I finally decided to committ to my recovery because my anorexia was no longer what I wanted. Before that moment (although I would never had admitted to it) I didn't truly want to recover as I believed that gaining weight would make me even unhappier then I already was feeling. It was not until I realised that this was not the case that Ifelt as though I actually wanted to get better.

Since committing to my recovery, my anorexia still tries to convince me to restrict and lose weight but fortunately I know better then to do this. I know that losing weight will not solve any of my problems, it will only cause me and the people I love a lot of pain, so what is the point? My best chance at hapiness to is to amk a ffull recovey from Anorexia, too get competely healthy and to learn to love my body the way it is naturally supposed to be.

I cant expect to always be happy, even after I recover because no one is compltely happy all the time. I am confident however that I will never make the same mistake again and try and make myself feel better through controlling my food and weight because I know that this will not work. Unfortunately I learnt this lesson the hard way but the important thing is that I have learnt it. Once I get rid of my anorexia once and for all (and I know I will), I will never fall back into Anorexias trap as I now know that listening to my anorexia will never make anything better.

  

Seeing my reflection

As I have mentioned before, I do not have a full length mirror in my house so I dont see my entire reflection very often which i have found really helpful in my recovery. This has meant that although I am obviously getting bigger, I havent really had many chances to notice my weight gain. Although I can obviously look at certain parts of my body (i.e. my legs, stomach or arms) individually and notice differences in them, I dont really see my whole body at any one time.

Sometimes however I do see my entire reflection and when I do see it, I am usually quite shocked by how much bigger I look. Yesterday I was walking up the street in a pair of jeans and I caught a glimpse of my reflection in some shop windows. Compared to how my relection once looked wearing jeans in those very same windows, I looked completely different. Me legs seriously looked twise as big as they once did and I started feeling incredibely upset and anxious about this.

I sarted feeling a bit down about the fact that I no longer look super skinny, like I once did but eventually I started to see that this was not a bad thing. I may not look noticeably thin anymore but I do look healthy! So what if people dont look at me anymore and instantly think about how skinny I am, I should be happy about this, not upset. Although we may not always realise it whilst we are underweight and sick, being underweight is not attractive. While recoovering we need to try and see our weight gain as something possitive, that makes us look a lot better as this is the truth.

I know that people would now see me and notice how much weight I have gained and this does make me feel uncomfortable, as Weight gain is something I have seen as negative for so long now. But the people would not be thinking, 'Karly has gained a lot of weight, which looks bad.' They would be thinking 'Karly has gained a lot of weight and she is finally looking better/healthier'. in recovery we really need to start trying to see weight gain as a good thing and something we can be happy/ proud about, instead of somehing to be asaimed of upset about.