I love having a clean house

Athough I cant say I really enjoy cleaning up my house that much, I think that having a clean house at he end of it gives you the best feeling! I hate clutter and I hate mess but ufortunately I just dont have the time or energy whilst I am working everyday to get in and clean up. I know that the best solution to this problem would be to not let the place get in a mess in the first place, however no matter how hard I seem to try, the place always gets really messy.

Clothes end up on the floor in my bedroom, loungeroom and bathroom, dirty washing gets thrown in the laundry and the floor gets dirty too (mainly due to feathers and bird seed being scattered around tthe house from my bird cage. So Thrsdays have basically become my weekly clean up day. So today I have cleaned my sinks and toilet, done a load of clothes washing, Vacuumed and mopped all the floors, made my bed, unpacked my bags afer babysitting last saturday which were still sitting on my kitchen table, sorted all the clothes scattered around my house and I have completely cleaned my kitchen too.

So now it feels good to be sitting back and looking around at a clean and orgaized house. Also, another great thing about having Thursday to do all my housework is that it means I don't have to do it on the weekends. Instead, on the weekends I can just enjoy myself and relax. It is still rainly so I really dont think I will be able to get my washing dry. I think I will just put it in my mums dryer when I take Amy home today after she finishes school. Poor Tess isn't hapy that I haven't taken her for a walk yet today, but if the  rain stope I may take her for a little walk this afternoon.

Once I finished my housework, Ilaid n the couch to watch some Grays anatomy and actually fell asleep for almost an hour. By the time I woke up I was hungry so had a delicious lunch and now I am just waiting for my mum to come and visit me in her lunch break. Then it will basically be time for me to take Amy home. I hope that everyone is having a great day! :)

Egg, Mayo and Lettuce Sandwich with a creamy Blueberry yoghurt and an Apple

Awesome afternoon at the river

Today it was really hot so when my cousin Jemma finished school, I took her and another girl to the nearby swimming hole to go swimming. After being a sook and taking ages to actually get in the water, eventually I got right in and the water was beautiful. 

I felt good being in my bikinis and didnt care that I didnt look skinny. I just kept reminding myself that I am happy and healthy and that is all that matters. We all had a great time and agreed that we should do it again, really soon.

I went and had a BBQ tea with Jemma and her family tonight too which was really nice. I get along with Jemmas family all really well, even her brother so I love visiting them. Jemma is really more like a sister to me then a cousin so I kind of think of her family as mine too. 

Although I am not looking forward to going back to work tomorrow,  I am looking forward to tomorrow night as that is when my best friend Jozzy is arriving. I havent seen her for about a month so we have lots to catch up on. 

Another awesome day

As I am writing this post, I am feeling guilty as I know that many of my readers may not have as many 'good days' as I have. It really is wonderful that I am feeling so happy and positive most of the time but I also can understand that by posting aout this, it may make some of you feel down. Afterall, I know that it can be hard to hear about how fantastic other peoples lives are when you are so unhappy in your own. So if I do make you feel bad sometimes when I talk about how great life now is I apologise. Instead of letting this get you down though, try to use it as extra motivation to recover and enjoy life as I am currently doing.

So, back to my day. I didnt do anything extremely exciting however it was just an overall nice and enjoyable day. I took Tess on two nice big walks. even though the weather wasnt very nice, it was still great to get out in the fresh air and get moving. Jemma, my cousin came around to my place in her lunch break and we had pizza toasties for lunch which were really nice. After I dropped Jemma back at work, I went straight up to my families place to visit my little sister who was home alone. It has been way to long since I last saw my sister so I really enjoyed the time we spent together.

After a lot of convincing, Amy finally agreed to watch the movie 'The longest ride' with me which i have been wanting to watch for ages. It was quite a good movie however it wasn't quite as good as I was hoping it would be. I suppose that is the only problem of wanting to see a particular movie for so long, you create such high expectations for it in your mind which can lead to dissappointmentt. I am still glad I watched it though and would definetely watch it again. 

I also spent some time chatting to my older brother Damian which was really nice as I haven't spoken to him properly since he moved home to swansea. It is a really exciting time for him as he has moved home to open up his own butcher shop. It is so nice having most of my family home in swansea. Wehave always been a close family and I love being around everyone. Now it is just my little brother who lives away from Swansea but I really hope he moves home sometime soon as well. We are all very similar  and love the country so I hope that we all end up back here together in the future.

I have also been reading qquite a bit today and also last night. After not having the attention span to read for years now, I am really enjoying being able to get into a good book and read once again. The only types of books I have been able to concentrrate on enough until now were stories about anorexics. Although I enjoyed reading those stories, it is really good to be able to read something completely different too. the book I am reading is a romance set in a country town. I love these types of books, but they also make me want to find myself a country boy of my own too. 

 

I have also managed to get done lots of washing and have also cleaned my house which is great as I am working the next 7 days straight and probably wont have a chance to do much housework in this time. I would be lying if I said that I was looking forward to going back to work tomorrow morning. I am not going to let the thought of going to ork ruin the rest of my night tonight though. Atleats my work over the next seven days is broken up between both the bank and the supermarket so I should't get bored. 

My Tea tonight 

Another typical Sunday

I always feel as though I need atleast 5 or 6 more hours in each day so that I can get everything dont that I need to do. While I havent really had a chance to just rest today at all, luckily I have got quite a lot done. Both my sister and one of my brothers slept at my place last night so since I only have two beds, I slept on the couch. It didn't bother me at all though as I often sleep on the couch anyway and I always like havin my family come and stay.

Since my throat was sore and I felt like something cold, for breakfast I had a yoghurt and an apple, followed by two slices of toast with peanut butter. I took My brother and sister home shortly after breakfast and stayed for a visit with my dad which was nice. I would have liked to stay longer with my family however I had to get back to my house as I had so much to do.

I took Tess for a quick walk to the beach when I got home and did about half an hour of studying before it was lunch time. For lunch I had easy mac pasta, Cruskits with cream cheeses and a tub of peaches dced in mango nectar. After lunch I did some more studying, did a load of washing, baked lemon Sponge pudding and cleaned up my kitchen before taking Tess for another short walk tto the shop. I a;so managed to reply to the many emails that I had waiting for me in my inbox which took a couple of hours.

I didn't walk very far today with Tess because it was raining for most of the day and I am also not feeling that great because of my sore throat. By the time I got home from my walk with Tess I only had just enough time to hang my wet washing on the clothes horse inside, have a shower and feed Tess before cooking myself some Tea. I had Chicken schnitzel and mashed potato and pumpkin with gravy, carrots and brussel sprouts followed by lemon pudding with vanila icecream for dessert.

Luckily I have now finished all of the studying I had  to do before my assesmment tomorrow so I just plan to relax for the next hour or so before going to bed. I am pretty tired so feel as thoug ha good nights sleep in my own bed is exatly what I need. Afterall I dd not get to sleep until 1:00 am this morning as I was babysitting and I was up again early this morning. I hope that everyone had a great weekend and that your upcoming week is a fantastic one. :)

My morning

I cant believe that it is allready lunch time and I still haven't written a post yet today. After sleeping in to 6:30 (remember for me this is an achievement) I got up and ade myself breakfast before watching many episodes of Pretty Little Liars. I am already up to season 2 and cant turn it off it is so addictive! Eventually I realised that it really was too nice to be stuck inside all day so I got ready and took Tess for a beautiful walk.

When I got home I put all of my washing out on the clothes line that I washed this morning and started tidying my house. I can deal with my house being a litttle untidy but usually once I start cleaning, I go into a bit of a frenzyy until everything is neat and in order again. All I need to do now is vacuum my floor which I will do after I write this post and eat my lunch.

Then I am going to go and visit my cousin and her baby who are in my home town, just for a few hours today. I haven't seen them for ages so it will be so nice to catch up with them. My cousin is only two years older then me so we were really quite close growing up and I have many wonderful memories of the time we would spend together. Now she lived in Hobart though so unfortunately we dont see each other very often at all.

I am so happy for my cousin as she has worked really hard and achieved so much. She has a baby and is also engaged to her wonderful boyfriend. She never went to uni but she has still made a wonderful life for herself and a good career. She was partly what inspired me to leave uni as I could see how wonderful her life was turning out for her and she didnt have any degree. I guess she is the one who showed me that to be happy all you need to do is what you love and what brings you joy.

After I have a visit with her I am planning on going to visit my family up on our family farm where they live, 10 minutes out of town. I am hoping to catch up with my brothers and dad as it feel like I havent seen them for ages. I also want to spend some time with Amy, of course and I might go for a walk with my mum. Walking is something mum and I have always done together and I think it is good for both of us, to be able to spend some time alone with one another.

I hope everybody is having a fantastic Saturday! :)

Dont let one bad thing spoil a wonderful day

I didn't even want to go outside and walk Tess this morning because I was feeling so self conscious about the skin infection around my left eye. However eventually I realised that I was being silly to focus so much on this one little negative thing, when so there are so many positive things about the day. So what if someone saw me? What other people think of me really doesn't matter anyway, all that matters is what Ithink of myself.

Once I got out on my walk, I soon forgot about my skin infection as my walk was truly gorgeous. The whole time I was walking I just kept thinking, 'I am living in paradise.' The ocean was beautiful, there was no wind and the sun was shining down on me. I alo had my beautifful dog (and best friend) by my side. What else could I have asked for. No my skin may not be perfect now, but there are so many other things in my life that are incredible. I dont need perfect skin to be happy, I just need to be myself and appreciate all of the good in my life. 

I don't usually post pictures of myself on my blog when my skin is really bad but today I have decided to post some pictures of me. I think that it is important for me to be able to do this as it is almost like accepting the fact that I will not always look my best and that is completely ok. This does not mean I should hide away or feel ashaimed. No one is perfect and I know that the people who really matter will always love and care about me, no matter what I look like.

Another reason why I wanted to post some pictures like this is because I wanted to show you all that it is ok to be yourself and that you should never be ashaimed of how you look. Only posting really nice pictures on my blog, in a way, completely goes against everything I stand for and am trying to make myself believe. I believe that in order to recover I need to fully accept myself all the time, no matter how clear my skin is or no matter how much I weigh. 

Never forget tht everybody in this world is beautiful as long as they are themselves. <3 xx 

Me and my best friend <3

'A smile is the prettiest thing you can wear'

I really like how you can see mine and Tess's shadow in the water, standing side by side

Just a minute or so from where I live

I took this while sitting on a seat with Tess in the sun

The mountain range you can see in the background are called the hazards and they enclose the bay where I live

Finally, a day off work

I am so happy that I finally have a day off of work! I am feeling completely exhausted after working for the last 10 days straight and feel as though I really need a day of not doing very much at all. Of course I have a little house work and cleaning to catch up on and I would like to bake some Pudding as well but I don't plan to leave home today, besides when I go walking with Tess. I think most of my day will be spent on the couch watching Pretty Little Liars. I am hopng that it wont be too cold so that I can enjoy taking Tess for a nice long walk on the beach.

I am feeling really good after making the few changes I have made and surprsingly I am not missing the extra food I was eating that I am now not eating at all. I suppose this means that I am still providing my body with all the energy that it needs. If I had become extremely hungry all the time I would have suspected that my body still needed the extra food I was eatting so I would have needed to re-increase my calories again but fortunately this has not been the case. I really am starting to feel and look like my old self again which is great.

Something I have noticed since cuting my caloies back a little is that my aorexia has been shouting at me to restrict and weigh my food more again. I dont know if this is actually due to the fact that I am eating a little less now or if it is just coinsidence but whatever the cae may be, I am determined to commpletely ignore my anorexia and do the complete opposite to what it says. I am not fully recovered yet and I do not want to spend the rest of my life with this anorexic voice in my head so the only option is to keep fighting it, until it disssapears for good.

I had a reasonable night sleep las night but Iam still feeling tired so I think I will probably have a sleep at sometime throughout the day as well. Ilove having a little sleep in the middle of the day. I always get sleepy after eating lunch, especially when I am in front of a warm heater so, no doubt Iwill fall asleep then. And hopefullly then I will be able to stay awake tonight to watch Master Chef as it is finals week. Even tthough master chef is only on from 7:30 o about 9::00, I still fall asleep some nights before it finishes as I am so tired.

Tomorrow I am back to work at the bank but then I ave the whole weekend of. It will be the first weekend in a along time that I haven't had Amy for the night too. I absoluttely love Amy coming to stay but it will be nice just to have a little time to myself, to relax and unwind before another busy week of work. No doubt I will still go up and visit my family though. Hopefully my brothers will be home from Hobart so that I can catch up with them as I havent seen them for ages.

 

A cold but beautiful morning for a walk (picture post)

My day

Considering how down I was feeling last night, overall I have had a really good day. This morning I just relaxed which I felt as though I really needed. I took Tess for a walk arond waterloo point which is a walking track by the ocean. I used to walk there every single day however I havent done it for a month or more, ever since I have been walking for only short distances.

After relaxing for most of the day, I headed up to my family home to visit everyone however only Amy and mum were home. I could see that my mum was really upset so I tried to talk to her which I think went quite well. I am no longer feeling angry towards her, but instead just very sorry for her. I know that she is battling an awful illness and understand the complete desperation she is feeling.

I so wish that I could somehow help her but I really don't think I can, which really upsets me. Afterall, I really just want her to get better. Today my mum told me about a conversation she had with Luke, my younger brother last weekend and I think that some of the things he said to her were really special.

Firstly, he told my mum that she was an incrediely wonderful mum when we were really little kids, and that he just wanted her to be the same kind of mum to Amy, while she is still little. I think it is so important that Luke said this as he is so right. I had almost forgotten how wonderful mum was to us when we were young children, when really I shouldn't have.

The other thing he said to my mum truly touched my heart. He said, 'Mum anything is possible, just look at Karly. We never thought she was going to get better and look at her now.' Hearing mum repeat those word to me made me feel so happy and wonderful. After feeling self conscious at various times today, none of that mattered to me anymore. Who cares if my bum was getting bigger, my little brother could see the progress I had made and believed in me.

When mum and I went back inside to where Amy was, Amy asked mum if she could stay the night at my house. I was worried about how mum would react but she was ok with it and said that she could come and stay as long as she was back home early tomorrow morning. Amy and I waited at home with mum until Dad and Luke got home and then we left after spending a little time with them.

When we got back to my place Tess was eagerly waiting outside for us and she was happy to see I had Amy with me. Amy and I didn't get hom until quite late so we both just had soup with fresh bread for tea. Now we are both watching Night at the Museum which is a movie I quite like, but that Amy has never seen. I hope everyone is having a wonderful weekend!

Todays To-Do list

Early morning update

It is currently 5:38 am and I am snuggled in front of the fire with my blanket and blogging while I eat my Breakfast. I had a typical breakfast for me of 2 slices if toast with cashew spread and a bowl of creamy vanilla and peach oats with 1 sliced banana on top. I have woken up in a positive mood and feel as though today will be a good day.

Excuse the bed hair and the onsie ;)

My day off yesterday was really nice but I didnt do very much besides relax. It was too cold and rainy to do anything outside and I am also still trying to limit my exercise as much as possible. Since making a special effort to exercise less I can feel myself being able to cope with less exercise so much easier. I can now see that although I couldnt see it at the time, exercise was still an issue for me up until only a few weeks ago. I took Tess for two little walks throughout the day and my sister Amy joined me on the second walk as she came to my house for the afternoon after she finished school. 

Amy and I walking on the windy beach

I dont mind going back to work today as I only have to work today and then I have the weekend off again. It is my dads birthday tomorrow so I will probably spend most of the day with him and then Amy is staying tomorrow night. I have promised her a pizza and movie night so it should be fun. :)

I hope everyone has had a fantastic week. :) Do you have any exciting plans for the weekend? :)

A really good day

Today has been a really good day! For some reason I have felt extra positive all day with minimal anxiety. I didn't get as many anorexic thoughts as I would usually and any that I have had, I could get rid of relatively easily. Perhaps this is an indication that my mind is starting to repair now that I am nourishing my body with lots of food? I also had a good nights sleep last night which always helps me to think more clearly and rationally.

So I havent found eating my meals that difficult today which is a huge bonus. The only thing is that I am feeling as though my stomach is sticking out and getting bigger but at this stage I am just telling myself it is in my head. I have always had a tiny waist, even before I lost weight, I just wasnt happy with the rest of my body (in particularly my legs, bum and arms). It feels really weird to be worried about my stomach and not my bum or legs which is what I always worried about while I was developing anorexia.

My tea tonight: mild beef and vegetable curry with carrots and peas

I didn't do anything really exciting but enjoyed having some time on my own to relax. I took Tess on two walks but they were only short as it was so cold and windy. I didnt get around to baking today so instead I bought a cream filled lamington sponge role. I plan to have a piece of this with an Up And Go for morning tea each day over the next few days. I know that bought baked goods are never quite the same as homemade ones but hopefully it will still be yummy.

I went and picked Amy up after school so she didn't have to  walk and she was happy to see me which always makes me feel good. Even though she is only 12 she always knows exactely what to say to make me feel good and happy. She always gives me a hug and kiss when she sees me or when I say goodbye to her no matter who is around. I love it when she does this as it makes me feel as though she truly is proud of the fact I am her sister.

We started watching the movie My Sisters Keeper, which is one of my all time favourite movies. I have seen it many times but Amy has only ever seen bits and pieces of it, she has never actually watched it from start to finish. This movie is the only movie I have ever cried in and I still cry every time I watch it. It does not only have one part that is sad, it has sad parts all the way through it. If you haven't seen this movie yet, I highly reccommend watching it (but if I were you I would have some tissues ready). ;)


I have just had a really yummy dessert which was hot butterscotch sponge pudding with lots of vanilla icecream and I will have a hot chocolate before I go to bed. I will try to go to sleep early as I am working tomorrow and dont want to be tired. Then I have the weekend off which I am also looking forward to.I hope that you had a good day today or if your day is just starting, I hope you have an equally good day as I have had.

B

My day off and food intake

Every Thursday I have the day off which is really nice as it give me a chance to relax and get any jobs done around the house that need doing. It has been really warm today which was nice and meant that I didn't have to wear my usual 2-3 layers of clothing. While my body is better at maintaining my body temperature now than it was when I was at my worst, I do feel the cold more than most people.



I walked Tess on the beach, vacuumed and cleaned my house, watched Grays Anatomy and just enjoyed taking it easy. My mum came around to visit me in her lunch break which was quite nice and I also spent some time with my nan. I will try and get an early night tonight as I am working at the bank again tomorrow for 8 hours.

I thought I would share with you all what I have eaten today. While I have a basic meal plan I stick to, I also eat according to what I feel like. For example I wait until lunch time before deciding what I want to put in my sandwich, which fruit and dairy dessert I feel like.

*****

Breakfast: 2 slices of wholemeal toast with peanut butter and 1 bowl of berry oats prepared with milk and topped with 1 small sliced banana

Morning Tea: I jam filled lamington and two Peaches
*Just incase you dont know what a lamington is, it is a traditional Australian cake which is completely coated in chocolate icing and then rolled in dessicated coconut. They can be plain, jam or cream filled.

Lunch: 1 Belgium and sauce sandwich, 1 vanilla Lerice (tub of creamed rice) and 1 large pear

Afternoon tea: 1 large Violet crumble chocolate bar and an apple

Tea: Chicken schnitzel with BBQ sauce, chicken and cheese flavoured macaroni pasta, carrots and peas

Supper/Dessert: orange, hot chocolate and 2 custard cream biscuits

I hope that everybody else has had a fantastic day and that you all had a chance to take a little time out of your busy schedules to take a break. I know taking a break is hard when you feel like you have so much to do but burning yourself out won't solve any problems either. Also remember that it is almost the weekend which is always something to look forward to!